- Member Since 13th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 10th, 2020
ScousePone
You will always be a loser and that's okay.
ScousePone
Joined 13th Dec, 2012 ·
Offline
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Ill read it later XD
Oh god that COVER ART AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4960751 Had to crop a bit of what I originally wanted to show.
I'm depressed
It's a Friday Night
profit???
.....I Love It!
4960894 I agree with ya there.
It's midnight, I'm reading this, I get bored and scroll down. I stop at “Wowie, Poundie! I didn’t know you were this long!” No thank you
Pinkie Pie is best cougar pony.
4961007
it's 3:30am and I just finished the story. I look at the comments and see "theswagmanatee" no thanks.
Otherwise good story! Nicely done. I liked pinkie's thoughts through all of this. And Pound's, all those questions. Logical (mostly), but still funny.
4961460 maybe you just jelly of my swag
Great and enjoyable clop!
Now do a threesome with Pumpkin Pie. :3
4962077
4960894
4961460
4962041 Thank you for all your comments! I also do have plans for a sequel, but I want to do some other projects first.
Not rushing. Looks like you got some interesting stuff. :3
4962303 Thanks! I really liked this idea and got a few more to go along with it.
NOTE: you have "Slipping out of her panties" twice, you might want to fix that Scouse. Good story overall.
4962404 Ah, probably got lost in the editing process when I changed the sentence. Thank you for pointing that out.
4962426 Always a pleasure to help. (double entendres aside)
4961460
4961476
#rek
4962244 that will be interesting
Ah, this was a refreshingly sweet read. Aways love the Pinkie Pound pairing because nothing's better than an older, more experienced woman shwoing her younger half the way to sexual nirvana. Fantastically done by the way. I like the way you made sure to flesh out the age differences and how you had Pinkie assuage Pound of all his insecurities right before getting to the good stuff. Great work writer. Hope to see more from ya.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist
4962603 #blergh
Do you have a link to the full picture for the cover art?
4962693 *tips fedora 9001 times*
let me sing you the song of my people
m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady, m'lady
4962733 m,lady, allow me to lick... you dick
Instead of "On A Friday" change it to "On a Friday". You would get more views, and avoid more dislikes if you did this. Good luck!
Pinkie/Pumpkin next please.
For some odd reason when she said the line
I thought of that ski instructor from south park they made a meme out of ...
i.ytimg.com/vi/ynxPshq8ERo/maxresdefault.jpg
And then i laughed a bit harder then i should have ...
4962989 dude me too i looked everywhere for a pinkie pie version of the meme,...only found rainbow dash
Excuses, excuses.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120616003315/random-ness/images/9/9f/Darth_vader_no.gif
4962783 Well, that's not the only thing that could help...
Scouse, I love ya, so I'm gonna be honest with ya. This is okay. Certainly more passable then a lot of what makes it into the Feature Box. I still feel it can stand for improvement. Your language is a bit stiff and a tad clinical, and a bit more senses usage could flower things up a bit. You really focus on sight and sound a lot, which is what you usually see in porn, but with clopfics we can go further with that. Next time, try for more use of the other senses. More touch, more scent, more taste, even.
And don't be afraid to flower up your prose a bit. It seems flat and lifeless sometimes, like you're just putting down the bare minimum to keep the story going. Hook us in with imagery and prose, not with setting and premise.
Also, that cover image really creeps me out. Get a new one.
Like I said, this is mostly just me trying to be honest and critical. I've read worse today, I've seen worse make the feature box, and I'm familiar with your work enough to know that you're willing to learn. I'm rooting for ya, bud. You're not a lost cause like so many clop authors and I know we can make you something great if we don't inflate you with praise instead of honest critique. That shit leads to shit like Vinyl_Wubs. You're already better than him, and you can stand to be even better with a bit of effort and a bit of learning.
Possible sequel???
Pinkie Pounds a Cake?
*SMACK!*
First things first: This story was hawt, you deserve a cookie good author. Sure, here and there a bit more detail wouldn't hurt but you did good.
For the rest, just wanted to mention 2 typos I spotted:
Pretty sure that should be "can't".
Ehrm...hands cup breasts, not the other way around.
4964903 It's anthro, so the characters have to be of age.
4963445 I knew you'd get the reference
4962659 Thank you!
4962989 That's the reference!
4963006 More like rules, rules.
4963278 Showing and not telling is something I've certainly been working to improve upon. It's a hard to stop being so passive since you're taught to write passively all throughout school. It's not something that will change overnight; it'll take time, but I'll keep improving. I can go back and read stuff like An Apple Family Lesson or even Stallions, Mares, and Undergarments and see how I've improved and that was just over a year ago.
As far as the clinical language goes, I think using words like "boobs" and "tits" makes it sound really immature to me and I don't really like it (ironically though, I'm fine with using cock, probably because I really like how the word sounds).
Also, I know it was a compliment and I thank you for it, but please do not publicly put me in front of other writers. Every writer is learning and, hopefully, working to get better. The last thing I want is for a writer to stumble upon one of my stories, see a negative comment about themselves, and lose the motivation to write.
4965091 I'd have to be musically illiterate not to
4963421 Possibly
4965090 Such a terrible rule. It's not even real CP...
4960772
Why can't you just not use porn as a cover pic? Any anthro Pinkie would have worked...
i somehow like that, i don´t know why, i just like it.
4966163 Because this picture gave me the idea.
4967293 People enjoy disliking comments just for the fun.
4967472 No, we shall settle this with a dance-off. Princess Cadance is about to become Princess Can't Dance.