- Member Since 4th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Apr 29th, 2018
The Story Man
I'm posting some of my stories from the /fb/ general on /mlp/ and I'll be writing some other stuff from time to time.
The Story Man
Joined 4th Jul, 2014 ·
Offline
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I liked it thanks
bretty gud :DD
Was a 9/10 story that had a good, sensual sex scene. And the background story was not just "porn logic -> sex" but actually thought out and leading to something after the sex. You could probably say that it's improbable that a girl who is too afraid to quit her job would sleep with a stranger on their first meeting, but to keep it a oneshot (which this one was if I recall correctly) you have to put some pornlogic into it to get things started.
When it comes to characters I'd say that Rarity is well fitting, especially her concerns about Anon & Coco fucking in the Boutiqe.
And Coco was written really cute, you almost wan't to break a 2² amount of walls to hug her.
It feels like "...you can’t go about having sex everywhere when I’m not in," Rarity continues." offers an oppertunity for a threesome with Rarity.
10/10, raised my donger
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ
4924566 No.
Not much of a Coco fan, but I enjoyed this. I'm glad I started following you.
0/10, title misleading, dick stuck in ceiling fan.
.
Seriously though, not bad.
sooo you as in anon? shouldn't there be another character tag then? isn't there an oc or anon character tag?.....
The instant I saw the name Coco and instantly thought of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140616023024/fhif/images/d/d8/Coco.png
4925725 No, "You" as in "The Reader", to which there isn't a character-tag for 2nd-person characters.
If it was in the Third-Person or First-Person and it was Anonymous, then "Other" would suffice, but for second-person stories, it can actually be left as simply the "character of focus" as all that's tagged.
Looks like you accidentally your editing notes. ;) It was an otherwise entertaining read. Good job.
Ha, dat ending.
4926214 Arbiter! Fight for the Sangheili! Not for the Prophets!
Nice story, hot sex. Any chance this will lead into a sequel, clop or otherwise?
I could see a lot of plot potential. Rarity hiring Coco, Coco maybe having to move for the job, possibly moving in with "you", Suri trying to ruin Coco's reputation as revenge for her quitting, "you" getting to play white knight for Coco...
And as for clop plot, the temptation to break the rules specifically because it would be illicit, testing self control, the extra trouble as Coco is called on to be model for Rarity as well as assistant, throw in a few scenes of "you" or Coco having vivid fantasies only to be snapped out of them, Rarity joins for a threesome, getting footage/pictures of Suri "sealing a deal" as leverage to force her to back off Coco...
So much plot, so much clop plot...
So...any chance of a sequel?
Is this really just regular human porn rather than...?
Why am I here?
Nah doesn't matter. Good story. It's a change from pony porn.
4926669
You're smart, you know that?
Keep that epic shit up.
ah, cha, cha... Remove the Rarity tag. Yes, she's in, but she doesn't play a major role in the story.
4925906 i see...
I thought Coco warmed up to the idea of having sex with him a bit too quickly but I understand you not wanting the story to drag on. I would have liked it though, slow gentle coersion can be really sweet, if done right.
Wow, what a way to give someone your number.
4927658 These are my one shots.
Real romance stuff come from my normal stories, which are usually 3 times the length of these one. Those are all still in greentext however.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-w35S0bMwx0E/U-BB6fJDhbI/AAAAAAAAETg/v4UqXyOMTgY/s1600/cTeeqwI.png
My response: "And when you're in the shop?"
4929096
Kinda why the comment of the protagonist listing off several scenarios was included: It seems like Rarity understands that Coco & Him is something that would come to pass, and that it's just the CONDITIONS of that, that she's against.
When she says that she doesn't want to come in and see them going at it, a part of me wanted to recommend that the protagonist responds with, "Don't worry, we'll wait for you before we start, promise!" in my edits. That said, the protagonist seems to be written in a very kind manner, so I decided to keep the smartass nature to myself. Heh...
4926669 Plot? Double Entendre!
Hey dude! Great Story! I would kinda like to see a sequel perhaps? It would be awesome to explore more on coco working in the boutique and falling inlove with anon.
Thanks,
4928016 Ah, maybe you can tell me what this greentext thing Is I keep hearing about? It confuses me.
fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/s526x395/10636208_378818118934013_8583102417587033072_n.jpg?oh=abddaf2b556987ca726521fcb942a923&oe=5469E1C7&__gda__=1417144609_737685053dc1ec92e4cae5444ec0c73a
This pleases me, good sir.
Well done.
4930857 It's a type of writing you see on 4chan in which each sentence is given in it's own line, most of which start with the ">" symbol which makes them appear green.
Not on 4chan, but here's what it looks like.
4931218 Fascinating, but why use such a format?
4931314 Because it's just how you write stories on 4chan.
I'm sure some have their own reasons, I personally find it easier to write in for most stories, but everyone likely has their own reasons.
That was pretty gewd
May wanna fix this bit though:
Just so it's not repetitive. But that's eet! Keep up le gewd work!
Also, dat ending
cloud-4.steampowered.com/ugc/1099165290131378906/CFBEFC998AEC3301F06585C21583A6E59F981D71/268x268.resizedimage
Pussy. Almost felt like you broke the mood here. Could've worked with simply 'opening', especially with an implied double entendre (Coco is also opening up to protagonist at this point, in more ways than one).
So far you've done angry and casual sex but I think romance is your strong suit. Won't be surprised to read more clops from you exploring different genres.
So, overall, nice fic. I like this one -- you've put in a lot more work in the actual description of the act, which is an amazing improvement.
Edit: Also, your proofreaders need to put in a lot more effort. I am available, if you're interesting. Not for the next four weeks, but still: the offer is there.
awesome story, writing style, and the right amount of suspense
When I read that, I mentally went, "Why hello, my name is Franklin!"
My name isn't Franklin.
I need sleep.
Well, that certainly was a thing that... happened.
Well played, sir!
Your story has exactly 6000 words.
That means one 6 and three 0's.
If you replace the 0's with 6's it makes 666.
When you subtract 666 - 0 it equals 666.
There is only 1 chapter.
The illuminati has 1 eye.
The illuminati is 666.
LOOMINARTY CONFIRMED!!!1!!
4933431 huf lof 3 cunferemed!!!!1one
4925881 And now I'm picturing a Coco x Coco shipfic...
4934199 If there's one thing I've learned about the internet it's that if someone thinks of it, there's either going to be pr0n of it or someone who creates a fanfic about it. Let's just be patient and see what happens *taps fingers together patiently*.
ten oughtta ten, would read more of this.
4927260 your icon brings back memories of my childhood
4936694
You're welcome, and I just watched an episode of the show. It's a lot of fun.
Very nice read, well done.
In the back of my mind when Cocoa talked about carrying condoms for Suri, I sort of wondered if the thought of using Cocoa to fulfill this obligation ever crossed Suri's mind. That would be a little dark, probably even for her.
4933431
By your logic it makes 6666....
Conspiracy cershed
4938399 That sir, cheeky xXx_FaZe-5cop3r-#il00minartywasteman_xXx, is incorrekt.
1n /\/\ÿ T|-|eroy eye Cl34rly #stated that 666 minus 0 equals 666, and so never dId i add so, therefore it c0uld hav nev3r #jumped to 6666.
4938399 You get rid of *le zero after because it is nothing, making it only leave 3 digits, which are 666.
#smartererdenyou
4940478
My friend, you forgot to alter the first 6.
4940478
Liar
*stabs*
4940523 wat do u mean m8 I dont understand .-.
Also in computer language alt + 6 = § lel
4941508 Liar x2
*stabs*