• Published 29th Aug 2014
  • 5,792 Views, 105 Comments

The Inquisition Sends its Regards - dominatusimperator



What would happen if the Imperium discovered the Ponies?

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Report Two: Vivisection

+++UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS OF ARCHIVES IS PUNISHABLE BY TERMINATION+++
+++THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: FOOLISH ARE THOSE WHO FEAR NOTHING BUT CLAIM TO KNOW EVERYTHING+++
+++BEGIN ARCHIVE+++

+++Overwatch: Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos
Performer: Magos Biologis C-52-Alpha

Notes regarding all Equus based organisms: All organisms in this genus are noted to have markings upon their posterior sections, to the side. It is currently unknown what they represent.All subjects are of different colouration. Assumption is that colouration is random and deviates.

Subject: "Unicorn"-Equus Unicornis
Notes: The subject was first immobilized to encourage the ceasation of struggling. However, pain receptors were allowed to remain active to view nerve based responses to pain based stigma. First, the subject's chest was opened to examine primary organs. Massive bleeding occurred and was stopped with coagulants. Musculature is well knitted and surprisingly similar to standard animal based organic constructs. Systems are remarkably similar to the common Terran Equine. Lungs are large, and well protected by the rib cage. The heart is located between the lungs, and is therefore of excellent protection. Fluctuations were noted due in large part to massive amounts of pain. It should be noted that due to the heart's placement, individuals should not aim for this location unless with bolt rounds, head shots are suggested. Cranium was then opened for examination of head structures. Herbivore teeth, blunt, crushing. Well developed brain, large. Frontal lobe connected directly to bony structure used to channel warp energy, the horn. Touching the horn causes massive amounts of pain, striking it leads to unconsciousness. Removal leads to lethality via sensory overload (pain based). Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma, surgical removal of horn.

Subject: "Pegasus"-Equus Ales
Notes: Subject immobilized, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Internal structure identical to Subject: Equus Unicornis. However, two major deviations to internal structure are as such. Nervous system extends to wings, which have been confirmed to be extremely sensitive, and potentially erogenous. Bones are hollow to facilitate flight. Wings were removed, but do not lead to lethality. Remains burned
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma.

Subject: Earth Pony-Equus Terra
Notes: Subject immobilized, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Internal structure identical to prior equine subjects. Bones in fore- and hind-quarters of greater calcium density and strengths. Muscles abnormally well developed. Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma.

Subject: Alicorn-Equus Magnum
Notes: Subject terminated due to altercation with Adeptus Astartes. Subject is referred to as being a monarch of the equine Xenos. Winged and horned. Major trauma makes advanced analyses improbable. Head annihilated, multiple gashes, and wing removed with chain weapon. However, subject is known to be larger than standard equines, with a better developed musculature, longer horn in comparison to Subject: Equus Unicornis, and larger wings than Subject: Equus Ales. Musculature and bone structure of stronger disposition than Subject: Equus Terra. Wings proposed to be erogenous. Astartes combat reports state that multiple bolter rounds to the cranium were required to terminate the Xenos, and that three casualties were sustained fighting it. Xenos was of massive psychic capabilities. Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial annihilation, possible surgical removal of horn.

Subject: Griffons-Maiorem Gripen
Notes: Subject immobilized, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Combination of Lion and Eagle. Fusion method currently unknown, possible mutation. Bones hollow to facilitate flight, easily broken. Wings sensitive, possibly erogenous. Removal created great pain to subject as well as strenuous pleading. Tongue removed at Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis's request. Frontal claws capable of shredding steel. Rear paws can be used to facilitate bipedal transportation. Distinct avian cranial structure, delicate, easily shattered with blunt trauma. However, suggested engagement method is at range. Carnivorous diet, but lack of teeth. Well developed brain, though surprisingly small, due to avian skull. Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma, heart shot.

Subject: Minotaur-Hominis Vera Ludibria
Notes: Subject unattainable due to overzealous Adeptus Astartes response to appearance. Basic structure is a man with a bull's head. Cranial trauma did not stop subjects, according to reports, but large detonations and vaporization, as well as flame based weaponry proved to be effective.
Suggested termination method: Vaporization, detonation, immolation.

Subject: Changeling-Fallax Vavatonem
Notes: Subject immobilized through physical restraint due to to resistance to chemical methods, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Subject's carapace was uneasy to breach, necessitating the usage of a saw. Subject perished during opening. Subject possessed both wings and horn, and was a gestalt organism tied into the rest of the swarm. Due to large size, it is believed that it was the leader, which went by the name "Chrysalis". Subject attempted to feed off of emotions, and was surprised by the lack thereof. Small, but well developed brain, tied into horn, potentially used to communicate with swarm. Destruction of swarm led to insanity and gibbering. Internal organs standard, with lungs and heart, but with marked lack of stomach.
Suggested termination method: Chain weapons

End Report+++

+++CLOSE ARCHIVE+++

Comments ( 86 )

Yep, that's pretty much how it would go.

All praise the God Emperor!

4924704
The only race that would be interesting are the Tau. The Eldar are nearly as bad as Humanity, especially if that was one of their old Craftworlds. That said, the Tau would be pretty interesting, since they'd try to bring the ponies into their fold.

Also, points for being accurate, writer.

4924713 Thank you. I would like to note that it isn't called a craftworld, but rather a "maiden world", referring to the fact that it is pure and "unraped".

We will be watching.

4924768 The numbers are updated and far more realistic.

Uhuh, that's the way you do it.

For the Emporer.

Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.

garfan #10 · Aug 30th, 2014 · · 31 ·

Warhammer is utterly and completely disgusting

Exactly what it says on the tin.

4924965
He wouldn't. However, he's not exactly around to tell anyone otherwise, now is he?

...
Why did I read this?

4925243 Emperor disbanded religions because they did no good. Now they are worshiping him against his wishes.

4925650 Because you are a servant of the Emperor?

4925814 No. I am not. And this... a bunch of Gary Stus la-de-dahing in and genociding a relatively friendly species for bigoted reasons? Just... no.

It's my own damn fault, really. I knew (partially) what the Imperium of Man was like from what I've read online (I have no personal experience with Warhammer beyond information in the Wiki and TV tropes), but this... no. If I wanted to read about disgusting, heartless, soulless bigots with gigantic overcompensitory weapons killing people in the name of a religion they've bastardized to justify their own hatred, then I'd turn on the fucking news.

I'm not mad at you. From a purely technical standpoint, it's a fine story, if depressing. I'm mad at myself for having this reaction to a work of fiction. And I'm mad that the Imperium of Man doesn't seem too far off from real life...

I'm no longer going to touch anything that has a Warhammer mark on it, or at least focuses on Imperium of Man characters. I'll just get too angry and disgusted by it. Fuck the Imperium and fuck its impotent Emperor.

Tokai #19 · Aug 30th, 2014 · · 1 ·

4925891

I'm no longer going to touch anything that has a Warhammer mark on it, or at least focuses on Imperium of Man characters.

Good. We didn't want your Heresy around here anyway.

4926001 And I don't want your blasphemy around me.

4925891 I appreciate your honesty.

Well, no doubt that this would be the response from the Inquisition. As much as I prefer to avoid these particular 40K/MLP crossovers it was well written and true to canon. Because the Inquisition in particular are bastards.

4925891 HERESY IN THE FUCKING EXTREME

4925891 YES! JOIN US!

DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR!

FUCKING NOTHING FROM EQUESTRIA WILL SURVIVE A BOLT ROUND TO THE HEAD, NOR CAN THEY INFLICT CASULTIES ON THE FUCKING SPACE MARINES.

4925891 You do realize the Emperor never wanted to be worshipped? Unfortunately, after the Horus Heresy people decided to be dumbfucks and worship him, and due to extreme censorship (I think), people believed that He ALWAYS wanted them to worship him. Also, can someone confirm if the Emporer was slightly merciful to Aliens?

4924795 So I see that Celestia/Luna took out three Astartes, and another one perished somewhere else along the line, but not a single Imperial Guardsman? They were mentioned as being there.

Ad this is why you don't mix MLP with 40K, it ends up bad, disturbing, tasteless and retarded.

4925891 And this is why I have my own space marines (from the time I played the game) that in the back story are known to liberally kill inquisitors and other associated with the inquisition. Thy are known to have records on every part of the imperial command structure and armed forces, all of the filth collected over the millennial, when the emperor will return he will go ballistic.

So lets tally the punishment here:
Head inquisitor for the operation to be executed,
Every member of the Deathwatch present during the operation to be executed,
All of the crews of the ships in orbit during the operation to be executed,
Every member of the Mechanicum present during the operation to be executed,
The parent chapters of the Deathwatch marines forced to perform a decimation,
The crew of the scout ship that discovered the planet to be executed,
Rapport on the operation and the judgment added to the permanent record of the Inquisition (already holding 70000+ rapports of gross misconduct and violation of the Imperial Creed) to be presented to the emperor upon his return,
All of the executed are considered heretics and traitors to the Imperium of man.
My his will be done.

Someone forgot about Discord, and dragons, and stuff... still pretty accurate.

Poor Ponies... if only they had been found by a Radical Inquisitor, or maybe one of the less predictable factions... this is why the Imperium will never defeat Chaos... they constantly kill that which could be a resource in their great war.

See, this is what every 40K fanfiction really should be about. The Imperium of Man kills xenos, regardless of good or evil. They wouldn't work with ponies

4927259 Execute a man doing his duty, and you have blasphemed the Emperor.

4927819 The Inquisition is already full of heretics and demon worshipers, look at the Grey Knights, demon worshiping heretics from the warp.

4927865 Grey Knights are the daemonhunting militant wing of the Ordo Malleus. They are not heretics.

This is the single most realistic 40k fic on this site. It needed to be done at least once, no matter how abrupt or boring it was from a story standpoint.

Thank you Author.

AVE IMPERATOR!!!

4927867 Yes thy are :trollestia:
I am not a big fan of the Inquisition, thy are useless compared to the space marines. I bet you my unfinished space marines army that thy would kill the Emperor for being to Liberal.

Needs more chaos. I'd actually like to see what would happen if it was chaos… except for the Khorne version. We'd all know what would happen then.
Personally, I'd hope that the Grey Knight would get involved, back when they where at their OP prime. You know, like when this guy was around! :trollestia:
img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1368/97/1368972959284.jpg

-Lightning \[T]/

4927880
4927880 The Imperium meets thousands of alien races every year! They don't have time to exterminate them when they are constantly losing ground to other factions!

4927376
4927376 The Imperium kills and sacrifices trillions of its own people to delay the inevitable

4927880 Thank you for your support.

I would think that the Minotaur would be slightly less HERETICAL! to the GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND! compared to the other species. After all, the empire has A higher tolerance of Abhumans compared to true Xenos, and the Minotaur look remarkably similar to Beastmen. Although, at the very least, they would probably be used as cannon fodder to atone for their sins of being born as mutants.

4928749 But there is no direct relationship to humanity there, so they aren't actually abhumans.

That's the Imperium for you.

Although technically they should be honoured, since I doubt the Ordo Xenos goes out and does xenocide of a entire species whenever a new one is encountered.

Wait, where's Discord in all of this?

4926958
actually, the Emperor HATED Zenos a lot, to the point he missed the heresy spreading so far as to corrupt his Primarchs and leading to the Horus Heresy. At least this is the version of the story I was made to understand.

However, this would not be the typical Human response to finding a new species of Zeno I think, I recall something about the Imperium tolerating minor zenos factions on individual planets and such all the time so long as they aren't hostile. This is just because there are too many of them to be worth the bother when you have the actively hostile races and the Great enemy all closing in. Now, as soon as the Administratum decides that a planet is required for the Imperium, it gets purged without a second thought, but that's uncommon just because of how much effort it is to purge a planet. Also, an exterminatus would basically never be called except as a last resort, as it's honestly cheaper to just cleans a planet with guardsmen and take the casualties than it is to use the valuable ammo.

4928955 I didn't make it clear. Sorry. This story actually takes place just after "The Return of Harmony", so Discord is still encased in stone.

4928983 Alright, but the loss of FOUR space marines pisses me off.

4929178
considering how I play guard and a member of my group plays Space Marines . . .
No comment :twilightsheepish:

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