Chapter 1
"You did what now?" Applejack asked. Rainbow Dash had just told them what had happened in Spitfire's office, and now all five of her friends were staring at her in disbelief.
"Being a wonderbolt was your dream" Rarity said from behind her, her expression as shocked as that of the others.
"Not anymore." Rainbow Dash answered, trying her best to look convincing. In truth she knew that Rarity was right, but she also stood by her decision.
"I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. I know how much this meant to you." Twilight said. She pulled the Pegasus into a hug, in which the rest of her friends immediately joined in.
As she found herself in the midst of her friends, Rainbow smiled. She knew that she could count on her friends. She was about to say so, when suddenly a voice from behind her rang out.
"Rainbow Dash! How dare you storm out of my office without giving me a chance to response."
Rainbow immediately recognized the voice. It belonged to Spitfire the captain of the wonderbolts and her instructor in the camp, as well as one of the reasons why Rainbow had decided to leave.
Angrily she turned around, her frown only deepening when she saw Lightning Dust, the other reason for her decision, flying besides her.
"What do you want?" She asked venomly.
"Like I said, I still owe you an answer." Sputfire said as she trotted up to her. Once she had reached her she stopped, the Pegasus besides her copying her.
From her place Rainbow eyed the two suspiciously. She didn't really want to talk, but something in Spitfires voice made her pause.
After thinking about it for a while she said: "So?"
She had expected Spitfire to simply start talking, but instead Spitfire took a moment to pull of her glasses and to place them into her breast pocket. Only when it was safely secured, she looked back up and Rainbow right into the eyes.
"I'm disappointed in you." She simply said.
The second the words left her mouth, Rainbows jaw dropped. Anger boiled up in her and she was about to give the other mare a piece of her mind, when their eyes met.
"I wasn't finished yet recruit." Spitfire said with so much authority behind her words, that Rainbow couldn't help but to obey.
"Well than." Spitfire continued once the rainbow maned pegasus had cooled down. "Do you know why I put you together as a team?"
"Because you thought we would be an unstoppable team?” Rainbow answered, remembering the words her instructor had used before.
“Exactly.” Spitfire nodded. “But,” she continued making Rainbow's ears perk up “also because i thought that both of you had the potential to become great leaders. This was a test to see if you're suited to take responsibility, and you both failed.” She said pointing at Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust.
Beside her, the eyes of the turquoise mare widened as Spitfire pointed at her. So far she had thought she was only there because Dash had been her partner, but now she realized that something else was going on.
“Me too?” She asked surprised. “But you always told me that I was doing a great job.” She said pointing an accusing hoof at spitfire.
For her part, Spitfire only smiled sadly at that and shook her head. “And you did. Yet there was always a flaw that you carried with you, one that i hoped you would notice sooner or later, but you didn't."
Before lightning Dust had time to response to this, Spitfire interrupted her by raising a hoof, before rubbing the bridge of her nose.
"Tell me girls," she said ",what makes a great captain?”
"A captain needs to be swift" lightning Dust retorted without hesitation.
"And agile." Rainbow Dash added.
"And courage." Lightning Dust continued.
"And smart" Rainbow finished.
Spitfire nodded at that. “You are right with that, but you are missing one point. The most most important one.”
When both of them only stared blankly at her she sighed. “A great team. A captains primarily function is to lead his or her squad. He or she needs to support the squad and help them overcome their shortcomings and problems."
“But you,” she said, pointing at Lightning Dust “,only ever saw your fellow teammates as burdens. As obstacles you had to overcome and that you had to be better than them. You never showed any signed of empathy or restraint. You put yourself and others into harms way for no good reason, and you didn’t even care whether or not your fellow ponies could stand up to the challenges they faced or not.
"A leader must be able to blindly trust his or her team, as must the team be able to trust into their captain. Tell me Lightning? How many ponies will trust you, after how you treated them?”
The mind of the turquoise pegasus reeled as she tried to came up with an answer, but in the end she could do nothing but hanging her head in shame.
“Thought so” Spitfire muttered. Then she turned towards Rainbow.
“And you rainbow dash, when I paired you with lightning, I wanted to see how you would handle those situations as a leader. And what did you do?” she asked, Rainbow backing away from her stare. “Instead of talking to your teammate and trying to help her become a better pony, you went straight to me and complained. And, when that didn’t help, you just ran away. Do you think this is a behavior suited for a leader?”
“No ma'am” Rainbow replied meekly and let her head hang as well.
“Damn right it isn’t. When I put you two together, I hoped that you would help each other. That together you could become the ponies I knew you could be. But it seems I was mistaken.”
Once she had finished, all both mares could do was holding their heads in shame.
“Now then, Lightning Dust." Spitfire continued after a minute, drawing the attention of the two mares back to her. "For your actions you’ll be excluded from training and you’ll join the civil forces in keeping the school running.” When she saw the crushed expression on Lightning Dust’s face she added. “And maybe, when they think you are worthy, you might be able to return.”
Not waiting for the mare's reply, Spitfire then turned her attention towards an hopeful looking rainbow. “Sorry, Rainbow Dash. You already resigned from the academy, nothing I can do there.”
At once Rainbow's expression fell again and she tried not to cry, which she barely managed.
Across from her Spitfire waited for a few second, then she continued.
“But if you prove yourself worthy, I might know one or two tricks that could allow you to re-enlist next year. That is, if you still want to join the Wonderbolts?”
"Bu-, but how?" Rainbow stammered.
"Under normal circumstances, it wouldn't be possible, yet when a recruit is deemed to valuable to be lost, there can be held a test in which the recruit can prove to a group consisting of the captain and a group of independent judges that s/he is worthy of rejoining the group.
"You, you aren't quiet there yet, recruit, but with enough training you might have a chance. What do you think?"
“YES” Rainbow screamed, leaving Spitfire nearly deaf. Once she realized what she had done however, she quickly retreated a few flaps and gave her an impish smile.
“He he, sorry” she muttered, before turning back to her friends who had watched everything transpire in silence.
“What are you standing here for?” She asked the confused ponies below her. “We need to get back home so i can start training.”
A round of groans and snorts followed her statement, but no matter whom she looked at, all of her friends had the same smile on their faces she wore as well.
Before she joined them however she turned around a last time. Without saying a word she nodded at Spitfire, before she quickly saluted the mare. Then she turned around and followed her friends back home.
As she left, a a single yellow mare, standing on top of the academy grounds, watched her leave while quietly shaking her head.
“Newbies” she said with a smile on her lips.
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When you interrupt the dialogue with "he said informally" or whatever, you don't put the second comma inside the quotation marks. You put it after the last word before the second set of quotes.
On the positive side this would have been a far better ending to the episode.
4948085 hmm, thanks for the info. that's one of the problems when you write in a different language, you need to relearn the whole grammar stuff and everything. I try to do better next time.
Have a nice day^^
4948186 I didn't intend offense, i was just offering constructive criticism. I hope you were not offended, especially because I loved this story.
4948201 Not at all, not all. don't worry
geez guys, do i really sound that unfriendly when i write?
4948305 No, I was just on edge from my significant other coughing 4 feet away the whole evening. Sudden noises are kinda trigger for a disorder of mine
I tend to dread offending people when I'm high strung.
4948407 always nice to hear
. and thank you for reading^^
Excellent work, gets you thinking about other ways they could have done that episode. This is powerful.
A bit better than canon (that ending always annoyed me as it seemed that Spitfire didn't even talk to Lightning Dust first before ripping off her badge).
However, the grammar in this story DESPERATELY needs work.
I had to make a dislike on this. The problem wasn't Rainbow Dash being irresponsible. She was actually more responsible than ever in the episode taking all of Spitfire's abuse. Spitfire didn't chaperon her students and allowed things to get to a point where 5 civilians almost died. Spitfire was awful in that episode and should have been punished.
I know that she was just being a drill sergeant but in the marines they'll yell at you for disobeying them but Spitfire cheered Lightning Dust on for it.
6396631 sorry, but i don't really understand what you're trying to say. care to elaborate a little?
6398662 Just that Spitfire allowed Lightning Dust to cheat and break the rules.
6398757 except that lightning dust never really cheated. sure she did things a little extreme, but it was always within the limits of what the academy allowed. yes, her behavior was somewhat troublesome, but unlike canon spitfire who simply didn't notice, my spitfire simply choose not to interfere too much because she wanted to see how dash would handle things. she was fully aware that lightning wasn't doing great, but you see there's an old saying for that: "a watched child never learns". if she had intervened earlier, she wouldn't just have ruined an important learning opportunity for rainbow dash, but she would also have robbed herself of an opportunity to evaluate rainbows ability's, and really she didn't have to interfere up to this point since lightning didn't do anything really dangerous just yet. the only things she did was being too over competitive during two flying practices, which really is nothing too alarming. not saying it wasn't bad, just that it was still within the limits of being tolerable. it wasn't until a group of civilians decided to appear unannounced at an active military practice ground, one for an entire different species who should all be able to fly and in some way able to fend for themselves no less, that things got out of hand, and seriously you can't really blame spitfire for not being fully prepared for that.
but in the end that's just my opinion. if that's what what you want to take from the story then so be it^^
6400598 If Spitfire didn't notice that Lightning Dust left her partner like Spitfire told her not to then Spitfire needs her eyes checked. And taking out the other players IS cheating.
This would have definitely made a better ending. Have a like.
However, because of all the errors, I can't fav this.
Spitfire proved herself to be completely incompetent. Instead of correcting Lightnings behaviour early she encouraged her again and again. And now she has the nerve to call her out. Wonderbolt Academy would be a better place if she resigned as captain.
6398757
6401325
Just that Lightning Dust never cheated, never broke a rule and surely never tried to "take somepony out".
8812759
You must never have seen the episode.
8812876
Of course I saw it. What are you talking about?
8813082
You don't think Lightning Dust cheated.
8813303
She did not.
8813312
She blasted her competitors into the clouds.
8813315
She just flew through them (together with Rainbow). Not cheating.
8813337
She could've killed them.
8813347
Pegasus can FLY. They were never in danger.
8813348
They crashed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8813353
They crashed on a CLOUD. It is as hard as a pillow.
8813356
Assault and battery.
8813357
Not really. Unnecessary Roughness at worst and even this is more than debatable.
8813369
"Unnecessary roughness" that could've cost lives. OPEN YOUR EYES DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8813540
I repeat myself:
They are PEGASI. They can FLY. The landed on a soft CLOUD. They were NEVER in danger.
Rainbow Dash DID try to rein in Lightning Dust AND called her out on almost getting her friends killed, and Spitfire says that she just complained to her about it? I'm sorry, but I call bull here. Dash did the responsible thing and she KNEW what it takes to be a great leader besides agility and such. It just feels like you purposefully made her ignorant to make Spitfire in the right, when in reality, that was never the case in the episode.