When Rainbow Dash rockets off to find Spitfire, planning to surf the jet stream to cross half the length of Equestria in just hours, she has no idea she will need to work with an "old friend" to do so.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 30th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
scifipony
Published Science Fiction Author and MLP G4 fanfiction writer. Like my work? Buy me a cuppa joe or visit my patreon!
scifipony
Joined 30th Jan, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Manaphy · 7.2k words · 43 2 · 1.7k views
- TundraStanza · 1.6k words · 29 3 · 987 views
Featured In10
Rainbow Dash7,252 stories ·4,141 members
One-Shots18,903 stories ·2,369 members
- Rainbow Dash Fan Club1,581 stories ·715 members
- Adventure Fics of ALL Types4,324 stories ·1,130 members
Lightning Dust Is Best Pony497 stories ·547 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,217 stories ·5,457 members
- First Person Stories110 stories ·23 members
Rainbow Dash is Best Pony3,007 stories ·1,063 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.084 seconds
Total duration
899 users online
1,268,263 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Extra period.
There should probably be a comma after ‘blue’ and a hyphen between ‘sun’ and ‘drenched’.
This reads a bit oddly. Perhaps if that ‘of’ was a ‘with’ instead?
Another odd read. My first impulse is to say it should be ‘was talking’, but I guess it could work as-is in certain dialects.
Another extra period.
Missing a capital.
Two things: First, ‘few’ should be ‘flew’. Second, notice that the word ‘notice’ is used three times in this short paragraph. It can be grating for the same word to appear too often or too close together. This is where synonyms come in handy.
This is another funky read, specifically the combination of ‘and’ and ‘in’. One of them would seem to work better, rather than both.
Do you mean Papyrus?
Zecora's appearance was rather unexpected, but I guess I'll roll with it. It seems more like a role for a nameless background character, really.
It is generally agreed that her name is spelled Cadance, even though the musical term is spelled as you put it.
I have two nitpicks with this sentence: First, why was Celestia around while Rainbow Dash was hanging with Scootaloo? It seems a bit odd.
ThirdSecond, I would think Twilight would have told Celestia about that long before she could have found out on her own. The world is a character; its situations are in-character when they keep to the norm of the world (Celestia only visits for important matters; Twilight keeps Celestia informed.), and out of character when they deviate from it without explanation.Pre-posting edit: It seems you have a previous story that may address this. I'll take a look.
Although living in Canterlot Castle for a while might well make her familiar with such things, it still strikes me as a bit odd that Cadance would know what hour the event is when she isn't attending, or even nearby.
In all, I like how you addressed the problem of getting Spitfire back so fast, and I like the idea of Lightning Dust's career turn. But Zecora out of nowhere, when it could have been any old pony, felt a bit weird; as did bringing in Cadance when she doesn't seem to add anything. Using important characters for minor roles can be a little awkward. You could say they're overqualified.
6473133
Thanks for the critique. Will fix it after I finish my long plane ride. Good points in oversights and story choices!
6473133
Well, well, well. Thank you for that critique. It was both insightful and inciting. As a novelist by avocation, I'm new to this speed-writing and speed-proofing thing. I'd certainly like to bottle you up and have you available on occasion! (I'm certain my agent would want me to, in any case.)
I enjoyed this. It's fun to imagine what happened off-screen in episodes. Showing that Lightning grew is good too. The one problem I have is lack of conflict. I was never really scared for the characters, and they all get along and work together a bit too well. I was expecting some sort of conflict between Rainbow and Lightning. The bit with Zecora at the end might have been superfluous too.
Other than that, I enjoyed reading a first person Rainbow Dash story. We rarely get to see her perspective this closely in fanfiction. As someone who really enjoys writing her, I had fun with the little introspective bits you put in.