• Published 28th Aug 2014
  • 2,980 Views, 73 Comments

A Rose's Thorn - Crystal Moose



Roseluck has a wonderful fillyfriend, a great job, and a great life. She's happy with where she's at, but there is one event in her past that still haunts her. At the urging of her fillyfriend, she sets out to make it right.

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Chapter 1

“Rose, Ah love ya, Ah really do. Ah love ya more’n near anything’—”

I dove towards Applejack, pulling her into my forearms. She had never used the ‘L’ word with me before. She was my special somepony, the mare I’m going to marry one day.

I was so afraid, what with the passing of her parents—

“—but Ah don’t think Ah can do this no more.”

What did she say?

I pulled away, and stared at her. She couldn’t be serious, could she?

“What?” I had to ask. Surely she was joking. This was just, I don’t know… something she didn’t really mean. Why would she even joke about that?

“Why?” I had to ask her.

“Ah… Ah jus’ think it was wrong. We— what we’re doin’. Ah shoulda listened t’ ma folks.”

“Why?” I demanded. I could feel my anger boiling inside me. Those tartarus damned monsters were dead and they were still ruining Applejack’s life.

I could see the hurt and turmoil in her eyes.

“Please, please Applejack. Don’t do this,” I pleaded. You’re my one true love. Don’t abandon me… not for them!

“Ah’m sorry, Rose. Ah really am. Ah… Ah think we shouldn’t see each other no more.” Her words were hollow and empty. She stared at me, watching me cry. Did she even care about me? “Ah gotta be a good girl… Ah gotta be good, ‘cause Ma an’ Pa, they’ll be watchin’ down on me—”

I didn’t mean to do it.

How could I— I’d hit Applejack.

I couldn’t look at her. The love of my life, telling me she never wants to see me again, because of her damned parents. I’ve never hated anypony before in my life, but I hope they burn in Tartarus for what they’ve done.

I did the only thing I could.

I ran.

“Come on, Rose!” Torchsong called. “If we don’t leave now, we’ll miss out on the best produce! You know Roma has no qualms about selling her bruised goods at full price.”

Roseluck rolled out of bed, groaning as she got up. She loved her fillyfriend, she really did, but her penchant for being the proverbial earlyworm got to Rose at times.

It wasn’t even seven o’clock. Barely any of the vendors would be open at this time… beyond the farmers who were used to waking with the rooster’s crow.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she grumbled, making her way to the bathroom.

The mare who greeted her in the bathroom mirror looked as terrible as she felt. Her eyes were bloodshot, her mane a mess. The bags under her eyes were exceptionally pronounced this morning.

They usually were after that dream.

Roseluck was happy with her life. She had a wonderful business with her sisters (even if the two could be a little colt-crazy at times). She had a wonderful fillyfriend, whom she loved and was loved in return. They had a house together, and two wonderful cats.

Roseluck had even spied Torchsong spending far more time at Karat’s jewelry store… so there was even the possibility of a certain question being popped soon.

But every now and then, Roseluck’s mind would drift back to Applejack.

And everything that was left unresolved.

“Come on, AJ!” I called over my shoulder. We were running through the orchards, towards her treehouse.

I felt a little foalish… that we had to hide what we had together. I mean, making out in a treehouse? How gradeschool could you get?

But AJ had told me her parents were pretty strict on this sort of thing… I hadn’t really seen it, but I would trust my fillyfriend. If she said they would not be happy about it, then I’d have to defer to her judgement.

It was such old-fashioned rubbish! I wanted to scream from the roof tops to everypony I met that I had the most wonderful fillyfriend in the world.

‘Celestia’s watching’ my wiry flank!

It was an annoying hold-over from before the tribes united. Pretty much every taboo there was on sex derived from those days. Sex was a means for procreation only. And procreation was a means for population control. Too many foals… and the tribe wouldn’t be able to support itself.

Too few… and some other tribe, like those ‘dirty cloudbeaters’ or the ‘hornheads’ would come and take what they wanted by force.

So the tribe elders made up some rubbish about ‘ancients’ watching over us, sitting in judgement of everything we did.

Then along comes an actual ancient… I think Miss Withers said Celestia was like, four hundred years old when she took the throne… and the ponies had a living, breathing ancient to sit in judgement of all ponykind.

Not many ponies still believed in that sort of nonsense… but AJ’s folks did.

Why they’d revere some stuck up princess, I don’t understand. I mean, when I was little, Mom took me to one of Celestia’s ‘Chuckle-lots’. The princess doing a juggling routine on a unicycle while the crowd laughed along nervously…

Yeah, there’s a deity worth worshipping.

Stories of the old alicorns spoke of day battling the night in life and death struggles.

Our princess? Well, if she was ever related to those Alicorns, she’d probably be fighting with whipped-cream pies.

What a joke!

… but, they were AJ’s beliefs, even if they were silly. And I love her… even the crazy parts.

We scrambled up the ramp to the treehouse… I think she’s just as eager as I am.

I collapsed on a small pile of cushions we’d brought earlier to make ourselves more comfortable. AJ, as usual, fussed about, drawing the curtains and closing the door. Not before looking around for anyone who might disturb us.

I watched her for what seemed like hours, standing at the door like a hawk.

Maybe she wasn’t as eager as I was.

Finally, she stepped away from the door and plopped down next to me on the cushions.

“I was starting to think you wanted to be with that door more than with me,” I said, poking my tongue at her.

“Ah’m sorry, sugarcube,” Applejack said, as she planted a chaste kiss on my muzzle. “Ah thought Ah heard Big Mac out there.”

I wrapped my forearms around her and pulled her in for a hug, burying my muzzle in her mane.

She drew my muzzle towards her’s, and pressed her lips to mine. She always started so gentle, so unsure of herself.

It was part of what I loved about her. She was this crazy-strong mare, and fought like she had the fires of Tartarus in her belly if you hurt one of her own… but here, with me. She was gentle. She was kind. She was uncertain and unsure of herself. Afraid of going too fast, or too slow. Afraid of hurting me!

I pressed back against her kiss, parting my lips slightly, darting my tongue forward. She took my invitation, and soon her own tongue wrestled against my own for dominance.

I love her.

This is the filly I was going to marry one day!

“I said,” Torchsong chuckled, drawing Roseluck out of her stupor, “that I’ll need to get a few things by myself today, if that’s okay?”

Roseluck was pretty certain what those things were. A visit to Karat’s, perhaps the postal office to send another letter to her parents. Probably another secret meeting with Rarity, which most certainly was not about the Ponytones, as much as Torchsong insisted it was.

Torchsong was many things… a beautiful mare, a passionate lover, a brilliant singer. Subtle, though, she was not. No matter how much she believed she was.

“Sure, honey, that’s fine!” Roseluck said, as she lifted another spoonful of oats to her mouth.

“Great! Wonderful!” Torchsong clapped her hooves together. “I’ve done up a shopping list, could you get the things here? Oooh, then we can have lunch at that new cafe that opened up last week. Rarity has been raving about it ever since.”

Roseluck scanned down the list that Torchsong hoofed over. Carrots (ugh, Carrot Top!), tomatoes, potatoes, a leek, some cherries, bread, apples, celery—

Apples!

Roseluck groaned. Of course, it’d be the day Applejack was due to attend the stand.

“Can’t I get some of these things tomorrow?” Roseluck asked.

“No, you can’t,” Torchsong replied. “Yes, I know she’ll be there, but you have to pony-up and deal with it.”

“I… I just…”

“I know, my love,” Torchsong replied, rounding the table and leaning on her marefriend. “But you can’t keep carrying this guilt forever. You have to move on.”

“I have moved on!” Roseluck yelled. “I love you, not her!”

“I know you love me, but you haven’t moved on from the hurt. You haven’t forgiven her… and you haven’t forgiven yourself, either.”

“I just… the way she looks at me—at us—when we’re in the market…” Roseluck sighed. “She made her choice! She has no right to look at me like that.”

“The two of you… you didn’t just lose a marefriend that day.” Torchsong nuzzled Roseluck. “You both lost your best friend.

“Big Mac is a good friend of mine, there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid her. So please, for me, would you try and make up with her?”

“Maybe…” Roseluck sighed. “I’ll try.”

“Come in, Roseluck, come in!” Applejack’s mother ushered the two of us in. “I swear, you two look like you’ve been roughhousing again.”

We were both a little disheveled and muddy. What had started with a playful nudge on the way back to the farmhouse had turned into a very messy play fight that had ended in a large mud puddle.

“Go and clean yourselves up. Pa will be back from the fields soon,” she said, ushering us upstairs. “Rose, will you be joining us for dinner?”

“Ohh, umm, yes… thank you, Mrs. Apple.”

I’d not eaten dinner with the Apple family before. I’d visited plenty of times in the past, but most of the time I was with Applejack was spent at the treehouse. Talking, doing our homework… or other things. We didn’t spend a lot of time at the farmhouse, so I didn’t know her parents all that well. All I knew was that they loved their food… evident as they often try to feed me more food than I’d eat in a week any time I did come by.

I guess I was lucky we spent so much time out of the house, else I’d have to work a lot harder to keep my figure. I have no idea how Applejack does it!

“Good, I will set out an extra plate. Now, go wash up, dearie.”

“Thanks Ma!” Applejack called as she trotted up the stairs. I happily followed behind her.

“Ah can’t believe yah pushed me inta that mudhole,” Applejack grumbled as she closed the bathroom door behind us.

“Hey, you pulled me into it as well, so I think we’re even.” I laughed as I scooted over next to her and looked in the mirror.

Mrs. Apple was right, we were a terrible mess.

Applejack ran the sink, filling it with warm, soapy water. I must admit, I was surprised when I first found out they had hot running water… did that make me classist?

Classist or not, at this moment, I am thankful for small blessings.

Applejack dunked a washrag into the sink, then pulled it out and started wiping away the grime on her face. I found the other washrag and followed suit.

I giggled as Applejack struggled, twisting to try and reach the mud on her withers. She was far more muscular than I was, and I think that extra mass made it harder for her to reach.

“Here, let me get that for you,” I said, moving behind her with my washrag still in hoof.

“Ah don’t need ya t’—”

“Oh hush!” I loved Applejack’s stubborn side; she always refused help, even when offered. “If we wait for you, our dinner will be cold before you’re done.”

I watched as stubbornness warred with hunger on Applejack’s face. I giggled when she finally relented.

I gently wiped the mud from her coat, focusing on her back, loin and croup. I carefully avoided her dock, as I knew that area was a little too close for where we were in our relationship at that point. Instead, I moved to her sides, and started to clean her cutie mark.

A sharp hiss of air, and I knew I’d hit a tender spot. Her tail whipped me in the face and knocked the cloth from my hoof.

“Sorry, AJ… I wasn’t…”

“Ah-Ah know, sugarcube, Ah didn’t mean—” Applejack’s face was redder than a beet, and I knew it wasn’t just from the steam.

I felt pretty bad, I hadn’t been trying to, well… push her boundaries.

“H-how about you just get the rest of it?” I asked, hiding my face in shame.

“T-that sounds good t’ me,” she replied.

We finished washing ourselves just in time.

Mrs. Apple had come and knocked on the door, telling us to stop horsing-around, as dinner was ready and everypony was waiting.

We finished brushing our manes, and Applejack tied her hair. By the time we were done, any redness from our embarrassment was gone.

I followed Applejack back downstairs, and into the Apple family dining room. Everypony was there, waiting for us to join them. Applejack’s parents, her Granny, and Big Mac.

Applejack was taking her place next to her mother, when I noticed that the only spare spot was next to her brother. I rolled my eyes as I took my own seat.

I looked at the spread before me, it looked amazing!

Seriously, how was everypony in this house so… not fat?

“Maybe our guest would like to say grace before we start?”

I looked towards Applejack’s mother.

Say grace?

Buck! I hadn’t said grace in years, not since my own Granny passed on.

“Uhh… sure.”

I’m certain I was sweating bullets, trying to remember the words.

“Thank you Celestia for this boon…

“Thank you for our harvest noon,

“That we might share and we might commune

“Under tonight’s restful moon.

What are the rest of the words? Oh buck oh buck oh buck!

“M-may your beautiful dawn come soon?”

Oh buck I hope that was right!

I could see AJ looking at me, sweating about as much as I was.

“Why, that was lovely,” Granny Smith said. “Ah haven’t heard that one since Ah was a little filly!”

“Umm, yeah, it was one my grandmother used to say before meals.” I let out a sigh of relief. One grace successfully bluffed through! I noticed AJ relaxing across the table from me as well.

“Yes, that was lovely.” Mrs. Apple smiled. “Thank you for sharing that with us.”

Conversation was quiet as everypony served up their own food. I watched in awe as the family piled their plates high with a bit of everything from the table.

On the other hoof, I scooped out a small bowl of apple and cabbage stew, and gratefully accepted the small buttered bun Granny Smith offered.

“Are yah sure that’s enough fer a growin’ filly?” Granny Smith asked me.

“Oh, yes thank you… I am fine, Mrs. Smith.”

“Aww, shucks! Jus’ call me Granny, every pony does.”

“O-okay, Granny.”

The old mare smiled at me, then turned back to her own mountain of food.

“So how’s young Jackie been doin’ at school?” Mr. Apple asked. “The two’a yah study so much Ah’m surprised yer eyes haven’t fallen out.”

“Oh, we’re both doing fine, Mr. Apple,” I replied. Truthfully, I don’t think Applejack’s grades had improved all that much with our studying. That might have been my fault, if we’d spent a little more time actually studying.

“And has any young colt caught our daughter’s eye?” Mrs. Apple chuckled.

“Moooooooooooom!” Applejack groaned, hiding her blushing face.

“Oh hush, dear. It’s perfectly normal at your age.”

I looked directly at Applejack. It was pretty funny, how pushy her mom could be. “I don’t know, Mrs. Apple. I don’t think any colt has caught her eye.” I let my smirk hold for a few seconds longer, before looking away.

“And what about you? Any nice colt’s in your life?”

Oh buck! Now the shoe was on the other hoof.

“Uh… no, there isn’t. I’m… not really into colts, Mrs. Apple,” I answered. “I’m focusing on my studies right now… I want to go to Canterlot University once I’ve graduated.”

All those statements were true… just not entirely connected to each other. I’d hoped Mrs. Apple wouldn’t press me on it.

“Oh? What’re ya thinkin’ of studyin’?”

I grabbed onto Mr. Apple’s question like it was a lifeline.

“Well, our family has been in the floral business for years… I was hoping to study Floriculture. Growing flowers is fine, but I’d like to see if we could expand our business.”

“Hoo-ey!” Mr. Apple replied. “That sounds like a good idea. Ah reckon our farm’d do a lot better if’n mah boy went’n did somethin’ like that. See, Mac, this is why we wantcha t’ stick with school!”

“Well, Big Mac could always find a nice young mare,” Mrs. Apple said. “Somepony who was studying that kind of thing. I mean, you didn’t go out and learn to bake, did you. No, you just married a mare who could!”

Mrs. Apple chuckled as she broke off a flakey piece of pastry and popped it into her mouth.

“Rose, did you know that Big Mac is recently single?”

I would have smacked my head on the table had I not minded drowning in apple-cabbage stew.

Actually, that wouldn’t be a bad idea.

“Uhh, no I didn’t know that, Mrs. Apple,” I replied. “I didn’t know he’d been dating again, not since he broke up with… well—”

I turned to Big Mac. If I was going to be embarrassed, I was taking this family down with me.

“Big Mac, which one of my sisters were you dating last? I can’t remember if you dated Lilly before Daisy… or was it the other way around?”

Big Mac didn’t respond, but I wasn’t sure if that was out of embarrassment… or his usual quietness.

Applejack and her father broke out into a goodnatured laugh at Mac’s expense, and thankfully Mrs. Apple remained quiet.

“Ah don’t think Roseluck is th’ kinda lady t’ like mah kinda company, Ma,” Big Mac said, breaking the laughter. His glance towards me was anything but friendly. Don’t know what got up his flank!

We finished our meal, and I noticed the sun was well and truly set. Mom was going to have my hide for being so late!

“Well, thank you for a wonderful meal, Mr. and Mrs. Apple, but I had better get home soon. Mom’ll get worried if I’m not back.”

“It was not a problem at all, Roseluck,” Mrs. Apple said, giving me an unexpected hug. “It’s always wonderful to have Applejack’s friends around.

“Big Mac!” she hollered up the staircase. “Come down here! Roseluck needs an escort home.”

Big Mac trudged down the stairs, giving me an annoyed look.

Hey! Don’t glare at me. I didn’t ask for an escort.

“Now,” Mrs. Apple said, whilst fixing up Big Mac’s mane. “You be a good gentlecolt, and take Roseluck home. Heavens forbid anything should happen to her if she walked home alone!”

Applejack gave me an apologetic look as Big Mac walked me outside.

“I’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow, AJ?”

“Yeah,” she said as she gave me a chaste hug. “Ah’ll see ya at school.”

“Remember Mac,” I overheard Mrs. Apple whispering to her son, “be a gentlecolt. Don’t stay out too late… Celestia’s watching.”

Is embarrassment fatal? If so, I think I am ready to die now.

I followed Big Mac all the way home, thankful that he hadn’t made a move on me. He was awful quiet—more so than usual—probably equally embarrassed by his mother, and the fact she sent him to escort home the sister of two of his exes.

Yikes!

Oh what Roseluck would do if she could command the fates.

It would be MacIntosh tending the apple stall today.

She’d also have a million bits, pay off her university debts, and maybe own a tropical island to take Torchsong to.

There was no way she could get sick of drinks served in coconuts, right?

Alas, as Roseluck was not commander of the fates, such fantasies would not become real. She would not have a million bits any time soon, her university debts would continue to haunt her for the next ten years, and there would be no young hula-maidens bringing her and Torchsong drinks served in halved coconuts.

And Applejack was, as predicted, tending the Apple family stand.

Okay, I can do this, Roseluck told herself. Hi, AJ… Hello, Applejack… How’s things, heartbrea—No no! No bitterness.

“Umm, Hi, Applejack,” Roseluck said, as she approached the stall.

“R-Roseluck?” Applejack stammered, looking around nervously. “Ah didn’t… Uhhh, Hi, what can Ah do ya for?” Applejack’s eyes widened. “Ah mean… what can Ah get ya?”

“Ummm, just a bag of red delicious, if they are still in season. Ten would do nicely.”

“Uhh, of course,” Applejack replied, ducking under the stall. “This harvest’s been a mighty goodun, so got plenty o’ fresh ones left.”

Roseluck shuffled awkwardly on her hooves. This was exceptionally awkward, and the primary reason she bought her apples from Big Mac.

“S-so,” Roseluck stammered. “H-how have things been on the farm? I haven’t heard much since… uhhh, in a while.”

“Uhh, no, Ah guess ya wouldn’t’ve,” Applejack replied, finally finding a bag to pack the apples into. “Thing’s’ve been alright… when Apple Bloom ain’t muckin’ things up with ‘er friends.”

“Ahh, yes,” Rose chuckled. “I’d heard rumors of the cutie mark… what are they?”

“Crusaders, yeah…” Applejack laughed. “An’ Ah can tell ya, all those rumours are true!”

“And how…” Roseluck paused, unsure if to ask. “How have you been?”

“Ah…” Applejack’s smile faltered a little, enough that Rose could see it. “Ah been alright. Ah got mah family, an’ th’ farm. Ah couldn’t ask fer anythin’ else.”

“That’s… good,” Roseluck replied.

“An’… Ah heard from Big Mac that you an’… uhh, Torchsong were… ya know?”

“Yeah, we are… you know.” Roseluck nodded. “It’s getting pretty serious, I think she’ll be popping the question now, any day soon.”

“Well, that’s mighty great!” Applejack replied through a strained smile. “Ah’m real happy fer ya!”

“Are you, AJ?” Roseluck asked, before she caught up with what she’d said.

Applejack lowered her stetson over her face. “Yeah, Rose. Ah am. Ah’m real happy fer ya.”

“Oh,” Roseluck replied.

Applejack finished bagging the apples, and Roseluck hoofed over the owed bits.

Roseluck started trotting away, but stopped herself. She turned back around, looking at AJ.

“I can’t… I mean, I don’t understand why… but… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how things ended, and how I left you. I just—yeah, I’m just sorry.”

Applejack smiled wearily. “S’alright, sugarcube. Ah’ve fergiven ya… long time ago.”

“Well, thank you AJ. It’s good to know…” Roseluck nodded, then smiled. “Torchsong and I… we’re going to have lunch today. Maybe you’d like to join us? As… as friends.”

“As friends…” Applejack smiled. “Sure, Ah’d like that.”

Author's Note:

Unrelated to the story, but I've had this song going over and over in my head during the writing of this story.

I know this story doesn't have the ending everyone here was likely wanting, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.

Comments ( 73 )

You’ve done it again sir. Why am I still awake?

Is this planned to be a multichapter story, or is this it?

4908939
Nope, complete. My bad! I thought I had changed that.

There was no way she could get sick of drinks served in coconuts, right

Lucky for Rose she does not know. The novelty runs out after the second one. :twilightsmile:

Oh, was a nice sequel too. :twilightsmile:

I don't buy Applejack's response for a second. This isn't resolved at all. Not by a long shot. Big Mac and Torch Song need to get them both in a room and hit them with sticks.

Yes, it's out!!:pinkiehappy:

I think a part three is in order. I suggest the tile "Ménage à Trois".

4917832
Hah, somehow I doubt that is going to happen, Tess.

Sorry, you shall have to find your Rose x Applejack x Torchsong clopfic elsewhere :raritywink:

4917879 While that particular phrase carries a sexual implication in the US, in France, the country of it's origin, all it means is a group of three people who are all romantically tied. Its just a name for a trio of lovers.

My ship has sunk harder than the titanic. Excellent job, though.

¡This story has no Interrobangs or Inverted Punctuation! :applecry:

Argh, this can't just be all there is to it!

I'm honestly curious: If Celestia introduced the Element Bearers to the mare she was dating, what would AJ's reaction be?

Yay! Not a nice, clean, and happy ending! I love it!

Sometimes, I find writing something like this is not only hard on the reader as their wishes were not fulfilled, but also the author because you'd like to see a happy-ever-after too. It's like killing off a character you really like, sometimes it's necessary, but part of you still doesn't want to pull the trigger.

well, thats a start to make things up.

And I still want to kill her parents again

I suppose next will be Big Mac's part of the story.

Damn, it's not that it doesn't feel like a good ending. It doesn't feel like an ending. :applejackunsure:
Moar! :yay:

I have some questions:
1. Is Applejack the only lesbian from mane six in this universe?
2. Will she get over Rose?
3. Will you make a shipfic with her and some other mare as a sequel? :twilightblush: please please please

Comment posted by Derpamena deleted Aug 28th, 2014

Torch seems suspicious.... Maybe Applejack can sense if Torch is being truthful with Rose or not...

Sequel??? :pinkiecrazy:

Good, a sequel! Surely this will give me closure!









AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

4918109
Well, if you go by the stories on this site, Celestia's dating Twilight, so she's already made that introduction. :twilightoops:

This isn't an ending at all!! come on!! :flutterrage: :flutterrage: :flutterrage:

D: it was a lovely story, really, nice reading.

This was only a closure for Rose , not for me :applecry:
Damn it ... i loved it anyways

4917992 4918107>>4920221>>4919852
I'm such a heartbreaker, ain't I?

4917970
Yeah, I know that :raritywink: I was just being silly. I was thinking I could write a clop fic along the lines of Torchsong hoofing the two of them. Tentatively titled "Got the music in you."

That is a lie. A terrible lie. :rainbowlaugh:

Sorry to those who were hoping that might be true.



4918109
Lol, yeah, in this story's world, there'd probably be a fair few with problems.

I actually contemplated putting in a bit where Rose was complaining about Celestia's silence on the matter. That by 'staying neutral' in the conversation, she was taciturnly agreeing with the religious ponies. Added to that, Luna calling it something archaic like the love that dare not speak its name exacerbating the situation. But there wasn't really anywhere it fit naturally, and I knew the readers would probably shit a brick over that, as someone as "cool" as Celestia/Luna would never think that way…

I was, when writing that bit, using the real world example of the Dalai Lama in my head. The DL is seen by a lot of westerners as this really cool guy, a man of peace, yadda yadda yadda. It's kind of an eastern romanticism though, as if you've ever read his opinions on sex, and in particular, homosexuality, you'd find he is very much from a previous generation, and holds values indicative of that older generation, motivated by his own religious beliefs.

But yeah, my readers would probably track me down and try to lynch me if I dared something like that.


4918124
Oh yeah, exactly. I knew this wasn't going to be the sequel that people wanted to read, but I felt it was the sequel that logically led from the previous story.

A sunshine and rainbows ending for the two of them would have cheapened the previous story. I wanted this story to end with hope. Hope that AJ might come to terms with herself. That maybe one day, she'd find some form of happiness. Or maybe not. Maybe she'd keep doing the same thing she has been doing.

Sadly, those open ended endings are not overly popular. Lol.


4919246
To answer your questions:
1) Yes. While gay and lesbian ponies exist in this story, they are not as prevalent as other stories, where everyone is gay.
2) I think she is over Rose, as such. The looks she was giving Rose was more jealousy for her freedom… at least in my mind. As this story didn't show AJ's perspective, that was lost in translation.
3) Not likely. I think this story/universe is done with. To give AJ an explicitly happy ending I think would cheapen the first fic.

I'm certainly not averse to any of my readers taking that torch up if they want and writing their own. But for me, yeah, this story line is done, as I am exceptionally happy with it.


4919395
Torch is suspicious? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?


4920093
Hah, I am kind of guilty of adding to that zeitgeist myself.

Comment posted by SP00KY NINJA-PON3 deleted Aug 29th, 2014

4920352 Do you know what powers you are meddling with here?

this whole fucking thing pisses me right the fuck off! why the fuck is roseluck apologizing, when it was Applejack whole fucked the whole thing up!?!? Rose has every right int he world to be angry with her! AJ dumped her, at a funeral, all because she's stupid enough to believe that her parents are watching her from the beyond! this fic is so well written, but it's so wrong! and i dare any of you to reply to this message! i would love to see how you can say that Roseluck was in the wrong.

4920422 Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who went through a really tough time? I'm guessing no.

4920422
She was apologising for hitting a victim of domestic abuse. Regardless of the circumstances, she struck someone she purportedly loved.

4920436 actually i have. twice. that's why i'm so pissed at this story! when you go through a tough time, especially something like this, you don't push the people who can comfort you away! especially when you gave up so much for them, just so you and them could be happy. both times my girlfriends went through their respective rough patches in life, they tossed me and everyone else they cared about aside, and more or less retreated from the world. both times, with the help of friends and family, i managed to eventually get them stable again. and both times, they cut all ties with me, and went after someone they thought would make them happy. i take a very petty, but no less very large, amount of pleasure in the fact that they made themselves miserable because they tried to make themselves into something that they weren't.

maybe that makes me a bad person, but anyone who's been through this, or something like this, will side with me.

4920464 and where's applejacks apology? she might not pretend it never happened-in fact it's mentioned that she's constantly looking at Roseluck in a way that upsets her. whether it's a look of want, pity, or something else, i don't know-but she never ponied up and did anything to fix a serious situation that she caused. the fact that the pony who was wronged in this whole thing has to apologize first says that applejack is not a very smart, brave, or dependable pony in this story.

4920468 People will almost always push others away in their grief, it's a pretty natural reaction to want to be alone to mourn. As a lover it's your duty to be by their side during this time to help them through, not hit them and scream, not run away and never see them again.

What AJ did WAS wrong, but Roseluck's reaction was equally wrong. Even if you disagree with me on this you need to understand that even if it's entirely their fault, (pro tip: it almost never is) coming into a conversation being combative and abrasive is only going to lead to an argument, or even a fight, and create more heartbreak for both involved. Roseluck was apologizing for hurting Applejack's feelings, which a rather mature, adult, thing to do.

Edit: I've likewise been through these types of situations, from both sides.

4920572 and like i told the author, i agree with that. what i don't agree with is the fact that AJ caused the whole thing, and yet she never tried to apologize for hurting Roseluck like she did. not once. apparently all she did was give Roseluck these looks in the market that pissed her off. it is my opinion that since it was AJ who caused the whole thing, then it should have been AJ who ponied up and apologized. even if they never got back together, she still should have been the one to bury the hatchet.

and this whole thing is over what she did. don't even get me started on the why.

4920613 But that's not who AJ is. She's a stubborn, unrepentant, bitch.

4920655 and yet she's made out to be anything but that. that's why i'm mad.

4920572 4920613
Just to point out… AJ broke up with Rose. She didn't push her away, or cut her out of her life.

Rose was the one who did that.

Rose was the one who hit AJ, then ran.

So, in this instance, it is unlike your situation 4920613, as in your situation, your ex was the one who pushed you, and many others away.

In this story, it was Rose, in her hurt, who pushed AJ away.

Even after a breakup, which is well within AJ's rights, regardless of the reasons why, Rose—in her hurt—chose to run away, rather than, say stay as a friend, help the pony she supposedly loved through a traumatic time in her life.

That is a very teen reaction to a situation. In an ideal, mature, adult situation, Rose would have stuck around and tried to help, or wanted to help, regardless of whether it would end up in another relationship or not. From the sounds of your situation, you wanted to stick by your ex and help. If it was for more than a chance to get back together, then that is a very mature and adult thing to do.

Rose did not. I have tried to get across the point in this story that Rose was a teenager, and had a teenagers view on the world. Multiple times she mentioned that AJ was the mare of her dreams, and how she was the mare she was going to marry, etc. These are the views of someone very young and very naive.

And when those things didn't go her way, she ran. It was her choice to cut AJ out of her life, rather than the other way around, as many readers seem to think.

I liked this ending rather than some cliche "they get back together" one. Everything is wrapped up in a nice bow. Everyone's happy...more or less.

Though , I would like to see...an Applejack... not like in "A good girl never..." but something that shows Aj's POV of things. Some of the events after the deaths, aj's opinions, perhaps even some failed attempts at "right" relationships, and maybe even an awkward lunch scene.

Alas, that's probably just me.

Hey I have an idea. Can you give us an AU of if AJ's parents didn't die plz?:fluttershysad::fluttershysad::fluttershysad:

4920815 As little as I enjoy criticizing author's on the plot of their own story, the case here is( From an outsiders perspective. ) that Applejack broke up first due to depression.

4922865
True, but the point that was being made was that Rose was the one who decide to cut AJ out of her life.

AJ said they couldnt do this anymore. Not, you need to get out of my life.

The original criticism was that AJ needed to apologize for cutting Rose out of her life, where that wasn't what actually happened.

4922887 They both cut eachother out of their own lives, and no one dared to bring the ductape.

4922887

Except would that really happen?

AJ was now following her parent's beliefs to the core because she felt they were watching down upon her.

She might have started growing worse and actively becoming a horrific bigot like they were if she was that willing to cut her out, would someone really want that in their life? Rose even noted the looks she kept giving her.

Great second installment:twilightsmile:

It's nice to see they have made up after all these years. Of course the question is: how did AJ's parents meet their demise? I know they were antagonistic, but it would be quite a useful fact. Unless it's one of those things where the reader has to think it out themselves:twilightsheepish:.

This is the filly I was going to marry one day!

You use two different tenses here. In this case, it is a past tense in regards to a present tense. It is also in flashback, which means either filly Roseluck could be thinking, or adult Roseluck could be explaining.
If adult roseluck is explaining, the sentence has to contain at least one past tence. In this sentence, she is saying that this "filly", the idea of applejack as a filly, is currently the filly she was, but is not now, going to marry. If this is the case, this sentence expresses the idea that Roseluck is shocked, appalled, or otherwise surprised enough to place an exclamation mark on a sentence where she points out that she had once intended to marry applejack. Since I don't think Roseluck finds applejack to be a bad choice as a fillyfriend, such shock doesn't make much sense.
If filly Roseluck is thinking, this would mean that there is no past tense, which would make this sentence simply wrong. The sentence would have to say, "This is the filly I am going to marry one day!"
If adult Roseluck is simply expressing her, now dead, love for applejack, she would have to say that Applejack was the filly she was going to marry one day, since that would mean that "Applejack being the filly" and "planning to marry" could happen in the same time frame, which means that the exclamatory "!" can't be in reference to the foolishness of choosing applejack, since the end of the relationship is not mentioned.

Now, keep in mind, the meanings of all of these sentences change if applejack actually does marry Roseluck, since the reader has to guess as to why, exactly, Roseluck would be exclaiming(using a "!")


Paragraphs separate ideas. In dialog between two characters, generally paragraphs are separating the ideas of "Character 1 said" and "Character 2 said".
When you separated these two pragraphs, I thought Roseluck was talking for a minute and had to put forth some effort to figure out what you were saying. This kind of confusion needs to be avoided.
However, if you just remove the paragraph keys...

“The two of you… you didn’t just lose a marefriend that day.” Torchsong nuzzled Roseluck. “You both lost your best friend. Big Mac is a good friend of mine, there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid her. So please, for me, would you try and make up with her?”

It seems like she suddenly switches topics in the middle of talking. This is what she does, but she would likely have paused for a moment. This could be stated explicitly

“The two of you… you didn’t just lose a marefriend that day.” Torchsong nuzzled Roseluck. “You both lost your best friend... Big Mac is a good friend of mine, there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid her. So please, for me, would you try and make up with her?”
OR
“The two of you… you didn’t just lose a marefriend that day.” Torchsong nuzzled Roseluck. “You both lost your best friend." Torchsong was silent for a moment, as if unsure how to continue. "Big Mac is a good friend of mine, there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid her. So please, for me, would you try and make up with her?”

Or, if you wanted to be subtle instead of blunt, which I think you do, you could simply put some description in-between in order to imply that time passes.
Something like:

“The two of you… you didn’t just lose a marefriend that day.” Torchsong nuzzled Roseluck. “You both lost your best friend." Torchsong was warm and comforting against her. "Big Mac is a good friend of mine, there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid her. So please, for me, would you try and make up with her?”

I'm glad the two of them sorted things out, and I'm on board with the rest of the story. It's just sad that Applejack is doomed to drift in a sexual no-mans land whist being ravaged throughout by biological imperatives such as estrus.

Geez life sucks and then you die! Poor AJ! :raritycry:

If you do make a third story based on this I hope you send her to a shrink or get her a woman or something! Just don't leave best pony hanging like that! :raritydespair:

(yeah, yeah, best pony is only like, my opinion man.)

4931760
Lol, Applejack is second best pony for me, these days. Season four bumped her up four spots on my list.

I don't see this story needing any more. There are other things in this verse I might explore, for example, Carrot and Cup, and how they got together (but mostly cause I really liked Cup o'Koffee), and I might do a non-related Torchsong/Roseluck story, cause Torchsong deserves more love!

But this story is pretty much done for me. :twilightsheepish:

4931797 Ah well. Buggers can't be choosers eh? :twilightsmile: Season 4 was huge for AJ. I think I've had every pony except Pinkie Pie as my favorite at one point. When "Simple Ways" hit the horse race was freakin' over! Competition annihilated. :pinkiecrazy:

The episode itself was not very good. Kind of bad actually (all except the Applejewel thing anyway), but I walked away from it with the realization that no matter how bad or good the episode is Applejack herself achieves average to awesome levels regardless of season or writer or whoever is in charge. Even "Feeling Pinkie Keen" didn't manage to assassinate her character, and that episode is the fourth leading cause of cancer!

I could watch the show if she was the only one of the Mane Six in it. I can't say that about any other character. Okay I've fanboyed enough I'm sorry. I'm giving this story a like. Good job!

The writing is pretty good, just like the last one, but I'm still missing a proper resolution here - that ending was far too weak in my opinion.There's no character growth.
Also, shouldn't Rose be the one forgiving AJ?


4917996 It's not Spanish we're speaking (and interrobangs are dumb).

I loved everything in this. Even simple things like casual chatter at the dinner table was interesting to follow, or maybe I'd say especially since it gives some more insight to the parents and shows them as not monsters but actually good people with some bad ideas.

The ending was very open ended, but it does provide a positive change, however small it may be.
That strikes me as a good thing. It feels like a slow and careful start of something, even if it is the end of the story, it's not the end of the story.
It's a shame we will never get to see it though.

She drew me muzzle towards her’s

My* ?
Though I would also accept this being a country thing. ^.~

Applejack replied, finally a bag to pack the apples into.

Finding* ?

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