Fluttershy meets an animal conservationist and her personal idol by the name of Leo Lupus and goes on an adventure of a lifetime deep in the jungles of equestria. But there are sinister forces at work in the jungles ones that could be dangerous for equines and animals alike
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great so far!!
The concept and writing are good, but there are severe spelling and grammar errors everywhere. I would highly suggest finding an editor; I'd be willing to help if you like.
I would read this but it just ain't grabbing my attention... Good luck!
4851488 the idea is good but, the execution is kind of choppy. also, the transition to scenes is poorly handled, not to mention that it's missing a couple of words. Now, I can see shy idolizing this guy but,… well there's a reason why she's named flutter shy, emphasis on the shy part. she's way to forward in this story. another gripe of mine is that, this male protagonist reasoning to go PonyVille is lacking, it just basically says to the reader I want to go here and that's it. I hope this guy get a proofreader or something, because I don't want to see the story go down hill from here.
4852045 you made a few valid points. I liked the story so far, though
If you're not very enthusiastic about this fic, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
4857686 ha, that's true but, I think the writer has an obligation to us to write good stories. or in this case get his story organized a bit. it's, kind of like me when I started writing. the idea was good but the execution was horribly put together. ( like reading it hurt your eyes kind of bad) and I had teachers proofread it for me and told me was good when it wasn't. I showed it to my brother and he told me was horrible. so yeah, there's a lesson here to be learned.
4857753 true.
I think all that's needed here is an editor or something like that to make it less cramped.
And I'll admit it, when I first started writing stories, I was AWFUL.
Don't worry, I've improved.
4858092 exactly, a little criticism isn't bad and can help you to be a better writer later on. also the school system sucks balls.
4858143 I know right?!
And I agree, criticism can really help you be a better writer. Unless you're being too harsh with it. Or mean. I think that just giving a few pointers can help, instead of being mean with it
I've not seen any criticism that mean yet, though:)
4858172 Ugh, I hate those guys. Those guys just bash on other people's works with out helping them first. lease I try to be constructive when I criticize.
4858260 I know...they're so rude.
If I'm to criticize, I'll do it in a constructed way, like you said.
After all, what's the point in hurting somepony's feelings?
4858334
A lot of the "rude" criticisms on stories are caused by people tired of seeing the same old obvious mistakes, like having a self-insert, Mary Sue OC as the main character. You can only see so many edgy shitfics written by angry 13 year olds until you start being rude out of frustration.
Not saying this fic is one of those, of course. Once the formatting and grammar are fixed up I'm sure this will be a nice story.
4868972 Yeah, I agree with you. I'm the kind of person who is really sensitive to mistakes, misspellings, and grammar. Not to mention I have OCD, as a doctor told me
)
Anyway, I only read OC fics if the OC has personality, instead of being a Mary Sue.(sorry it took me so long to reply, I've been pretty busy!!