The New Babysitter

by Junglehero

Chapter 3: Round One

As Calvin and Hobbes left their room to greet their new babysitter, Calvin's parents were giving Pinkie Pie the usual rundown. This time, however, they seemed to be rushing through it, as the prospect of finally having a quiet night out for once was just too irresistible to delay.

“And help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge.” Calvin's Mom said, wrapping up. “There is also food in there for Calvin’s dinner. We should be back by eleven.”

“Okie Dokie!” Pinkie replied with her usual wide grin.

“Oh, and I almost forgot!” Calvin’s Dad exclaimed. He quickly dug into his wallet and handed Pinkie a large sum of cash. “Here’s your advance on tonight’s visit. We’ll pay you the rest when we get back.” Pinkie looked down at the cluster of bills in her hand with a confused look.

“But I didn't ask for any advan…”

“Thankyousomuchbye!” The parents spat out simultaneously as they blasted out the door. They went by Pinkie so fast that they caused her to start spinning out of control like some sorta neon colored dreidel. Meanwhile the couple went out the door, climbed into their car and drove off into the night.

Pinkie was eventually able to stop herself from spinning, though not without accidentally knocking down some of the surrounding furniture, of course. As she got less and less dizzy, she slowly began to notice the spiky haired blond child staring back at her from the bottom of the nearby staircase, the child looking very confused.

“”Ooo!” Pinkie squeaked. Ignoring Calvin’s look, she immediately bounced over to where he was standing and kneeled down so they could see each other eye to eye. (How she was still about to jump correctly after just being spun around like she was about to play “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” is anybody’s guess)

“Hi there! You must be Calvin.”

“Uh, yeah. That’s me.” Calvin said, as he cautiously extended his arm for a handshake. This proved to be a mistake however, as when Pinkie grabbed his hand she began shaking it so rapidly his entire body was being flung up and down. Not helping was the fact that while Pinkie was doing this, she also started to go into a rant about whatever subject entered her brain.

“Well it’s really nice to meet you Calvin I’m Pinkie Pie your new babysitter I don’t know what other babysitters you’ve had but you should know I’m going to be your best one! We’ll play games, eat snacks and just have a lot of fun! Do you like having fun? Oh of course you do everyone does! For fun I throw parties spend time with my very very bestest friends and make cupcakes OH! Do you like cupcakes? I love cupcakes! They are so sweet and delicious and…”

“Coooouuuullldddd yyyyooooouuu ppppllleeaaaseee stooooopp nnooooww?!” Calvin begged in between Pinkie’s run on sentences

"OH! Sorry!" Pinkie smiled sheepishly as she let Calvin go, and after vibrating for a few seconds he began to regain his footing.

"Well it is nice to meet you. I bet we’re going to be the very best of friends. Hey!" the pink haired party planner exclaimed, suddenly forgetting that she just swung Calvin around like an ameuter knight flailing his sword. (Or like a fish flopping around in a fisherman's hand, whatever metaphor works for you.) Pointing towards the stuffed animal Pinkie asked "Who's your little friend?"

"That's Hobbes, my man eating tiger. I won't get too close if I were you."

"Aw, why not?" Pinkie asked, pouting. "He looks so snuggly."

"That's just on the surface, but in reality he's a cold, calculating killer. He mercilessly stalks his helpless prey, usually myself, and attacks with cunning accuracy. He'll rip your organs out in a second! He's a monster!"

"Well, he's the cutest threat to my life I've ever seen!" Pinkie said as he picked up Hobbes and started to playfully squeeze him.

"HEY!!!! You cut that out!" Calvin yelled as he swiped Hobbes out of her hands.

"Oh, come on Calvin!" Pinkie replied. "I'm just having a little fun."

"I suppose I can respect that." He looked over to Hobbes. "And you wipe that grin off your face."

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both of the humans looked up startled.

"Wow! What was that?" Pinkie asked.

"It was probably Hobbes growling to warn you about hugging him again."

"Actually, I think it was your tummy."

Calvin looked down at his stomach and realized this was true. He hadn't eaten since lunch and he was pretty hungry.

"Lets get you something to eat, kiddo." Pinkie said as she began to walk towards the kitchen with Calvin and Hobbes in hot pursuit.

Pinkie remembered Calvin's Moms instructions and went directly to the fridge to take out Calvin's ready made dinner. What she found however was a plate of green sludge covered with plastic wrap. She looked at it and cringed.

"Ugh. Is this what you eat for dinner?"

"Sadly yes." Calvin said. "That is none other than my mother's signature dish, veggie glob."

Pinkie lifted up some of the plastic wrap and inhaled, doing so caused her face to become as green as the food was. (The smell reminded her of the farm she grew up on, never a good sign.)

“Ewww!!! This stuff is disgusting!!! Who would want to eat this?”

“I know right? That’s what I tell Mom and Dad all the time. FINALLY someone who understands!”

Pinkie smiled then looked back into the fridge.

“Sadly, I don’t really see anything else to make for your dinner…”

A shiver went up Calvins spine, but he calmed when he realized what he had to do.

“Then it's a good thing I already ate dinner.” Calvin proclaimed, lying through his teeth.

Pinkie looked confused. “Then why did your Mom leave this plate of food for you?” She looked down at the plate. If you can call it food. Pinkie thought.

“It more resembles a plate of nuclear waste, but thats off topic. The thing is, My Dad was the one who fed me earlier, so he probably forgot to tell Mom he already fed me.”

“Oh, OK. But then why was your tummy growling earlier?”

“Well, I ate dinner a while ago. I guess I got hungry again. Maybe I should have, oh I don’t know, some dessert, maybe?"

“Great idea, Calvin!”

Calvin internally made a sigh of relief. “Awesome! I’m gonna go get some cookies!” Calvin began to run towards the cookie jar when Pinkie stepped right in front of him.

“Hey, don’t do that!”

“Aw! Why not?” Calvin asked.

Pinkie giggled. “Because I already brought a very special treat for you, silly!” Pinkie patted his head then walked over to to her handbag that she left on the nearby table a minute ago. She took out of it took a large box, which was six times the size of the bag.

“Wait, WHAT!?” Calvin thought to himself. “How can someone have a box that big fit into a bag that small?! Is it some sort of magic trick? Did she and Mary Poppins go to the same babysitting school?”

“I’ve never met Mary Poppins, but I’ve always wanted to!” Pinkie responded.

Calvin was taken aback. “Huh? Wait? What?! HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING!?!?!?!?!?”

“I read your thought bubble silly.” After saying this, she paused then giggled. “Oh wait, we aren’t in a comic strip right now. Sorry, these crossovers always make me a bit confused.”

Calvin went from puzzled to disturbed in 0.8 seconds, but that disappeared just as quickly once Pinkie revealed the contents of the box in her hand.

“CUPCAKES!!!” Calvin yelled in delight. It was truly a sight to behold; over a dozen culinary masterpieces all lined up in neat little rows. Each delicacy was just the right size, not small enough to eat in one bite but large enough that you can justify eating several. The actual cake part was extremely moist and the frosting was so creamy. The pastries were of every color in of the rainbow, there was even a rainbow one in there. It all looked so delicious that Calvin's mouth started running like Niagara Falls and was forming the Indian Ocean at his feet.

Pinkie set the open box at the table and Calvin rushed to it, grabbed a light blue cupcake with rainbow frosting took a huge bite out of it. But when he did, a red gooey substance started coming out of it.

“Um, Pinkie.” Calvin asked. “What’s this stuff?”

“Oh, that’s my new invention, the Jelly Filled cupcake.”

“Jelly Filled cupcake...” Calvin repeated. “Genius!”

Soon enough, Calvin was eating one after another, shoving several into his mouth at once to get as much flavor as possible, all while Pinkie looked on, happy someone was appreciating her baking. But while Calvin was munching, he looked over at Hobbes, who looked a bit left out.

“Pinkie, can Hobbes have a cupcake too?”

“Um, sure. Why not?” She put her hand into the box and pulled out a red cupcake that had pieces of salmon sticking out. “I always put one unusual one in there just for times like this.” He put it right in front of Hobbes who looked very excited. After that Pinkie looked at her phone to check the time but that reminded her of something.

“Oh NO!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Your Parents forgot to tell me your bedtime!”

Calvin chimed in before Pinkie could react any further. “Well I can tell you that. I go to bed at midnight every day.” He was hoping to get a later bedtime then he usually does, as (obviously) he wasn't allowed stay up till then.

“You’re really allowed to stay up that late?” Pinkie said with a raised eyebrow.

Calvin, not wanting to push his luck, backpedaled, but just a little. “Oh wait, that’s only during the summer. Heh heh. Now my bedtimes 9:00.” (This was still later then his real bedtime, which was 7 o’clock)

Pinkie lost her suspicious look immediately. “Okie Dookie Artichokie!!!”

“Phoof!” Calvin thought. “She bought it. She’ll probably buy whatever I say! I could get away with so much! Heh, heh, heh heh!!! Wait…” “Um Pinkie,” He asked. “You aren’t reading my ‘thought bubble‘ again, are you?”

“Nah, I only do that for comedic effect. Why?”

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing!”

After that, Pinkie brought out some board games from her handbag (which still didn’t make any sense) and the three of them played for some time. They were having a lot of fun, and all the while Calvin was thinking “This might be the first babysitter I actually get along with. This is great!” Pinkie was also began to enjoy Calvin’s company, and she began to wonder why his parents and Principal Celestia were filled with such contempt for him. The game eventually ended with Calvin winning, and even though Hobbes said he and Pinkie let him win, he didn't believe it.

“Lets play again!” Calvin proclaimed.

“Great Idea!” Pinkie said. But suddenly, a song started playing out of nowhere.

“Cause I love to make you smile, smile smile!” sang the music. Pinkie blushed, brought her phone out of her pocket and checked the caller.

“Ooo, I have to take this.” Pinkie said. “You two just have fun by yourself for a while, OK?”

“Sure.” Calvin said. Then, when he and Hobbes left the kitchen to let Pinkie talk in peace he asked his feline friend. “Hey, want to watch TV while we wait? I hear ‘Zombie Chainsaw Homecoming Killers’ is on tonight.”

“You’re not allowed to watch that.” Hobbes pointed out. “I doubt any kid would. Isn’t that the movie so gory it single handed invented the NC-17 rating?”

“Yep! Its allowed to be shown on TV since shows have gotten gorier as time went on, but its still legendarily gruesome.”

“Aren’t you afraid Pinkie will catch you?”

“Are you kidding me?! She’s so gullible that she’ll believe anything I say. I’ll just come up with some lie and we’ll be home free.”

Calvin sat down in his chair, turned on the screen, and flipped it to the correct station. After a few minutes of watching the program however, Pinkie came out of the kitchen.

“I’M BACK!” She declared. “So what do you wanna do now?” She walking into the room just in time to see a zombies head explode in a shower of blood.

“WHOAH! WHOAH! WHOOOAAAHHH!!!” She yelled. She suddenly dove over Calvins chair, grabbed the remote, did a backflip and landed right in front of the TV where she turned it off.

“Hey!!”

“Calvin! What are you doing!? You shouldn’t be watching something like this.”

“Well, actually,” Calvin began to tell another lie. “”I watch stuff like this all the time. My parents let me, sometimes we even watch it together for movie nights.”

Pinkie blinked and, for the first time that night, frowned. “Calvin, just how stupid do you think I am?”

“Is this a rhetorical question?”

Pinkie growled. “Calvin, no parent in their right mind would let their kid watch something like this! It would give you horrible nightmares for weeks! Are you lying to me?”

“No, no, not at all. Heh heh heh.” Calvin was caught off guard by Pinkies sudden assertiveness and started rambling.

“I find that hard to believe.” Pinkie shrugged, “I guess the only way to make sure is to call your parents and ask them.” She brought her phone out of her pocket and put some of her fingers on its screen.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Calvin said.

“Why not?” Pinkie asked.

“Um, uh…” Calvin babbled, extremely nervous.

As she started typing in the number Calvin increasingly began to sweat. His clothes began drenched in saltwater as Pinkie held the phone up to her ear. But before Calvin's parents could pick up however, Calvin cracked under Pinkie’s torture.

“OK YOU WIN!! I'VE LIED TO YOU ABOUT EVERYTHING, MY BEDTIME, MY DINNER AND EVEN THIS! PLEASE DON’T GET ME IN TROUBLE!!!”

Hobbes facepalmed.

Pinkie gasped very loudly. “Calvin, after all the fun we had and all the stuff I did you for you been lying to me this whole time!? Really!?!” Pinkie began to really feel betrayed and looked heartbroken. “I thought we were friends.” Calvin felt a little bit guilty, but his guilt dissolved into fear as, without warning, Pinkie went from sad to furious.

““If that’s the way its going to be, fine! You want me to be mean, FINE!!! Go to your room!!”

“But…”

“NOW!!!!!!!!” Pinkie yelled at the top of her lungs. Calvin and Hobbes dashed out the living room and up the stairs. When they got to the safety of Calvin’s bedroom, Hobbes finally showed his annoyance.

“We could have watched anything! We could have watched a cartoon, we could have watched a sitcom, we could’ve even watched the nightly news for all I cared, but NOOOOO, we have to sit down and attempt to watch the goriest thing on the air!”

“Oh shut up, Hobbes.” Calvin said. He then walked over to the closet and brought out a cardboard box.

“Hey, isn’t that where we put the stuff we were going to prank Pinkie with?”

“Eeyup,” Calvin replied.

“You aren’t going to prank her are you? I thought you didn’t want to get in trouble?”

“We’re going to get in trouble anyway, when Pinkie tells Mom and Dad what we already did tonight.”

“We?”

“Yes, we. Because you’re going to help me. Since Pinkie hates us now, we have to show her that she isn't in charge, or she’ll end up just like Rosalyn.”

“You know, if you hadn't have lied to her, none of this would have happened.”

“Hey! This isn't my fault!,” But the look that appeared on Calvin's face, even if it was just for a second, said otherwise. “Besides, there isn't anything we can do about that now. Lets just go do this.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

---

For the next few hours, Pinkie stayed in the living room, sometimes flipping through channels, sometimes playing on her phone, all the while still miffed that Calvin lied to her like that.

“I mean come on!!!” She thought to herself. “After everything tonight he still went behind my back!! Who knew one kid could be so bad.”

“Pinkie?”

Pinkie turned around in her chair to see Calvin staring back at her from a dark Kitchen.

“Calvin” She said, annoyed, “I thought I told you to go to bed.” She got up and walked towards Calvin's voice, but before he could find him however, she stepped on something. This something had wheels apparently, as when she stepped on it is caused her to wobble around with one leg, trying to regain her balance. She suddenly felt someone push she, and that made she roll over towards the nearby ceiling fan. Pinkie’s big, poofy hair got caught in the propellers, and before long she was spinning around creating an even bigger pink twister then when she first walked in. Not helping was the fact that someone duct taped a leaf blower onto one of the fan propellers and put it into a position that it would blow directly into Pinkie's face while she spun. After a few minutes of flying however, the fan suddenly stopped, and the force launched Pinkie across the house into a open closet, where Calvin was waiting to slam the door shut.

“Hold it!” Calvin exclaimed. He quickly opened the door and, before Pinkie could escape, threw a water balloon right at her, leaving her soaked. He and Hobbes held the door shut and started laughing.

“CALVIN!!!” Pinkie shrieked. “Let me out RIGHT NOW!!!!”

“No way!” Calvin replied, having more fun then he probably should.

“I’m going to break down this door!!!! Three, two…”

“We’re HOME!!!” Cried Calvin's Mother, entering the front door.

“Oh, no! Run, Hobbes!” The two ran away from the doors and up the stairs. Right after they left Pinkie rammed herself against the door but since there was nothing holding it there, she crashed into some more furniture. (Her and the furniture aren't getting along very well.)

“Pinkie,” Calvin's Father asked, a little too nonchalantly “what happened?”

Pinkie took this opportunity to go into another rant.

“Oh, it was AWFUL!!!! At first everything was fine, you know? We ate cupcakes and played games and even more stuff but THEN he’s watching something whose gore rivals Mortal Kombat and I told him not to watch it then he LIED to me then he said he’s been lying to be ALL NIGHT about his bedtime and dinner so I was mad and sent him to his room but then he came out pulled a prank on he then TRAPPED ME IN A CLOSET!!!!!!” Pinkie started panting, as she was tired after all that complaining.

Calvin’s parents looked at each other, then back at Pinkie.

“That's it?” They said simultaneously.

This response underwhelmed Pinkie, to say the least. “That’s it? THAT’S IT!!!!! WHAT, ARE YOU USED] TO THIS KIND OF STUFF!??!?!?”

“Sadly, yes.” Calvin’s Dad said. He chuckled. “I’m just glad the house is still standing.” He then yawned and started walking up the stairs. “Well, I’m turning in. Goodnight you two.” Calvin's Mom then turned to Pinkie and put some more bills in her hand.

“Here’s the rest of your pay. I, um, understand if you don’t want to babysit anymore.”

Pinkie internally debated the issue. On one hand, tonight was absolutely terrible and she didn’t want to do it all over again. But there was something about Calvin’s acts of defiance that seemed like he was challenging her. Pinkie could win over any child with her fun-loving charm, and not being able to do so with Calvin made her feel threatened. She decided then and there that she will return, and she will defeat Calvin.

“Oh, I’ll be back.” Pinkie said, finally answering Calvin's Moms question after five minutes of internal monologue. Pinkie then yelled up the staircase “YOU HEAR ME CALVIN!!!! I’LL BE BACK!!!!” She then stomped out of the house and slammed the door behind her.

“Wow,” Calvin's Mom said. “That went A LOT better than I thought it would.”

---

“Hey Hobbes, you ever get the feeling that you just unleashed something really powerful, and now you can’t stop it?”

“I feel that way anytime you get one of your ‘bright ideas.’”

Comments

[Junglehero]

5008430

Moar

Ask, and it shall be given.

5008304 I feel bad for your homework...

[Crimson Dawn]

"“I know,” For a second Calvin looked guilty again, but that was then replaced by determination, “But there isn’t anything we can do about that now. We gotta do this. Lets go.”"

Oddly I think think this does not fit Calvin. It is close but I think Calvin should be trying to say/think that he is right while at the same time knowing he is wrong but trying his best not to show it. I can think of several instances you can see that in the comic (for example when Hobbes wishes tor a tuna sandwich and he gets it while Calvin does not with Hobbes saying "My wish came true).

I really like this though. Calvin v Pinkie is an interesting idea and could lead to a lot of fun. More interestingly is that we can take this in a very different direction than Rosalyn (which you could have emulated using somebody like Twilight or Dash). For instance Pinkie with her jokes about breaking the 4th wall and general goofiness could potentially interact with Hobbes directly (the hard part with this if you want to stick true to the comics you need to keep it ambiguous about whether Hobbes is imaginary or real while interacting with Pinkie and bonus points if Hobbes starts to wonder the same thing with Pinkie). Nobody else could potentially do this without ruining the normal dynamic (though once again keeping Hobbe's ambiguity will be a challenge).

[Warrior of Stone]

YES
YES
YES
YE#$*#(*&!#)@_()
ERROR ERROR ERROR MALFUNCTION IN MAIN CORE REACTOR
REBOOTING
10%
33%
99.99% OF GERMS
100%
REBOOT COMPLETE
RESTARTING LAST PROCESS/COMAND
YES YES YES
I REGRET NOTHING

[Namelesskk]

Never give up Calvin. Never show weakness.

For if you do...

[DenyTheWitch]

Hilarious story

But can you make sure that dialogue from different people are at least on different lines

[Husqvarnic]

5009193
I will make note of that, and attend to it in the future.

[MTDragonslayer7]

“No, no, not at all. Heh heh heh.” Calvin was caught off guard by PInkies sudden assertiveness and started rambling.

Two capital letters there

[Tavern Tales]

Please bring in stupendous man.

[Spirit Guide]

Great stuff. Love C&H. Just one little thing:

They went by Pinkie so fast that they caused her to start spinning out of control like some sorta neon colored Hanukkah daedal.

It's 'dreidel' actually. But other than that, /)

[Chaos da FaceWhacker]

***starts laughing like a mad woman*** No matter how much I love Calvin and Hobbes,CALVIN WILL NOT SURVIVE THE RAGE OF THE RAGING PINKS.SHE WILL GET EVEN AND DRIVE YOU INSANE WITH HER FOURTH WALL BREAKS.

[ironwar]

Me when I'm reading this and placing my shelf in her place