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Gliding Wing is on death row for committing treason during wartime. As he waits for his life of disappointment and failure to end, he remembers how his life fell apart and how he got here.
Submission for Equestria Daily's Outside Insight Summer Fanfic Contest
Approved by Twilight's Library: September 28, 2014
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very touching. I loved the story, it reminds me of how people in reality went throug things like this with the whole rebels war and tax increase, and how people do due daily. Every fifteen seconds, and so. This story was very well thought, and very well written.
~Flow
Well, I guess there are two issues I have with this story, aside from the need for a little more proof-reading.
1. Though you have tagged it AU, it still has the issue of not really being a pony fanfic at all. You could literally replace the difference races with most anything and it would change almost nothing.
2. There is distinctly a 'beat' missing in the story to shake up the pace a bit. While I have no issue at all with a melancholy tone to match the nature of the subject matter, the lack of variance is a little more off-putting. Essentially, missing out on the actions that would mark the start of the story's 'act III' hurt it quite a lot.
Despite those things, however, I would still mark it as passable to round two, and that makes it the third out of sixteen I have read so far.
I suggest tracking down a pre-reader before stage 2 (since others have asked CouchCrusader if technical edits were okay and he apparently said yes).
Good story. Thank you.
-M
4865277
Thank you for your honesty.
I will try to rectify some of the technical aspects, however I don't want to stretch the boundaries of this rule during the competition. As a result, I have decided to not make addition scenes to round out the mood or "build" the third act.
Despite that, the issues you do bring up are valid and I hope to consider them in revisions after the judging is over.
4865523 Feel free to hit me up after the competition if you want a more in-depth opinion.
Okay, this story really needs to go more in-depth. Maybe not necessarily with these characters, but I am thirsting to know what happened in this.
I was not aware it was legal to write about the personal, everyday consequences of a pony gryphon war without insisting one side would totally smash the other or including any fight scenes whatsoever. Quite refreshing. Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
What is with this structure? Where in the world did the artist learn how to write paragraphs? Not only is the plot unoriginal and boring, but it's painful to read and I couldn't read more than a few pages without being disgusted at the poor quality of work