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  • E A Moose's Report

    A foreigner from a distant land makes an important discovery: anymoose can do magic!
    4,224 words · 727 views  ·  23  ·  0

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  • 33w, 5d
    Fan music 2: the fanmusic-ing

    6 comments · 154 views
  • 33w, 6d
    Fan music!

    2 comments · 117 views
  • 37w, 9h
    BOOK!

    40 comments · 570 views
  • 45w, 15h
    Don't touch that dial

    First of all, I'd like to apologize for taking so long on the next chapter. It's been a busy few weeks. Finals just came and went, I'm looking for a new car, a new place to live, etc. But things are settling down a little bit, and the plan is to write like a madman over Christmas break. Stay tuned!

    But wait! There's more!

    A fellow by the name of Keratin has gone and done the darndest thing: he wrote a review of "The Stranger and Her Friend"!

    "But Moose!" you say. "Your fic has already been reviewed. Like, nearly one thousand times before. They're called comments."

    Astute observation, hypothetical voice, but this is no mere comment. This is a full-blown, in-depth, let's-take-it-apart-and-see-what-makes-it-tick commentary. It's thorough and methodical and a lot of thought obviously went into its writing. It's all there in gory detail: themes, flaws, things you may have missed. Spare a minute or two and go read it, even if you've read TSaHF already. Especially if you've read TSaHF already. It is not simply for vanity's sake I am promoting this, I assure you -- I just think his effort should be appreciated by more than just myself.

    Well, what are you waiting for? GO GO GO

    5 comments · 168 views
  • 47w, 2d
    Version update

    4 comments · 153 views
  • ...
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Princess Celestia is a living legend, but much of her life is shrouded in mystery. Records have long since been lost to the decay of time, and the tale of her triumph over Discord has become a fable. The Princess's memory of the event has long since faded... or has it?

Her faithful student lending an eager ear, Celestia recounts the true story of a war-torn Equestria, the struggle against Discord, and the early years of her own life.

Before she was the Princess of the Sun, she was merely a stranger.

(Featured on Equestria Daily!)

First Published
13th Apr 2012
Last Modified
16th Nov 2013

Imagine that I am a vehicle. A nice, Dodge Ram 2500 turbo deisel, made in 2005. As a truck, I am dependable, sturdy, and powerful, capable of performing difficult feats of strength and stamina. However, I only remain this way with constant care and supervision. This is your job! Comments are the fuel that keeps me from running out of gas. Critique is the maintenance and repair that keeps me running smoothly, while fixings some broken parts. Patient criticism is the insurance money that I receive when spinning wildly out of control and crashing into a coffee shop, punching right through the wall and completely wrecking the place, and the owner comes out and starts yelling at me and I defend myself but I really know it's completely my fault because I was too lazy and cheap to go replace my five year old snow tires and where was I going with this again?

Anyways, if you can be troubled to leave a comment, a thought, or even critique, it would be much appreciated. In the meantime, I'll keep on truckin'! (See what I did there?)

Please enjoy "The Stranger and Her Friend"!

You sure this is your first story?  I really liked it, I look forward to reading the rest of the story!  


>>445722

Shhhhhh... nobody knows that.

Edit: Fix'd. It doesn't make a big difference to the story, but thanks for pointing that out.

>>446005

Hey, thanks!

#4 · 131w, 3d ago · · · II: Crazed Vision ·

Dear Lord... this is beautiful, sad, horrifying and miraculous all in a single package. I APPROVE. And I shall keep watching.

Congrats on the Equestria Daily feature! On another note, I like the idea behind your story, Celestia's past is a ripe apple orchard of potential goodyness and I think you've done an excellent job so far of bucking the golden delicious right out of it! :twilightsmile:

Well, I'm unbelievably pissed. I just started writing a story of this EXACT scenario two hours ago. :applecry:

Magnificent.

#8 · 129w, 7h ago · 1 · · III: The Maiden's Battalion ·

Dark and beautiful, and instantly tracked. I never thought Celestia's past would be a happy one; Utopia comes at a terrible cost. Eagerly awaiting your next update.

#9 · 129w, 6h ago · 1 · · III: The Maiden's Battalion ·

I always love a good Celestia Origin story, but this one has to be one of the best I've read so far. I can't wait for another one! :raritywink:

Okay, read the four chapters you have so far.

So far I prefer CrappyUnicorn's Discord comic origin story. I guess because I'm worried your story is going to be too fleshed out. That's a weird complaint for a story, I know. Celestia's origin is a very fun source of speculation for many (or at least for me). I think not knowing about it makes her a more interesting character.

As nice Lucky Break is, he's an OC and I'm not gripped by him just yet. It -does- seem necessary to have OCs in order to have a story that takes place over a thousand years into the past though.

I was also worried for a while that Celestia was the first alicorn and created as some kind of desperate abomination to defeat Discord. Then you drop that alicorns -do/did- exist. As long as they did exist I'm satisfied; Celestia can be magically-born if that's what happened. I guess we're going to find out about Luna at some point now too. After all: Princess Celestia says she and her sister defeated Discord.

I think my points of interest would be the time between the discovery of the elements to the eventual banishment of Luna. You cover those, you'll have my interest. But the real issue is going to be the road leading up to that. Can you make everything you've mentioned so far meaningful to the story or is too much going to be just added?

NOW, enough of my rambling:

-I'm going to probably be reading the next few chapters. Don't let us down!

-The story in a story format is familiar and inviting. For me, it frames the story as something more accessible. I was getting confused however, when you're describing her dreams or the way she feels. I guess it's not -actually- a story in a story (like The Princess Bride), but more like we're jumping between what happened and Princess Celestia recounting the story to Twilight. That's fine, I just went in expecting it to feel like Celestia telling the story to Twilight. The brief interruptions were cute though.

Whoops, I rambled again. Sorry.

Since you said you need proofreaders:

Chapter 2, "This was not what she looked like. This was nother(sic). She was different. She did not know why, and she did not know how, but she was different."

From this I also accidentally found that you've used the word 'another' 12 times in chapter 4. Several times I think you could just completely leave the word out. It doesn't feel overused yet but keep an eye on it.

>>542518

>As nice Lucky Break is, he's an OC and I'm not gripped by him just yet. It -does- seem necessary to have OCs in order to have a story that takes place over a thousand years into the past though.

Oh, you will be gripped by him. You will! :pinkiecrazy:

>Can you make everything you've mentioned so far meaningful to the story or is too much going to be just added?

Good question. This is something of a history lesson. That being said, history lessons can be boring. It's my hope to balance out a decent amount of exposition and good ol' fashion storytelling. Chapter four was probably the worst example of that. Like, ever.

>I was getting confused however, when you're describing her dreams or the way she feels. I guess it's not -actually- a story in a story (like The Princess Bride), but more like we're jumping between what happened and Princess Celestia recounting the story to Twilight. That's fine, I just went in expecting it to feel like Celestia telling the story to Twilight. The brief interruptions were cute though.

I sort of wrote it to sound more like a flashback, rather than an actual, word-of-mouth story. That way, you can describe feelings and dreams and things that matter to the reader, but wouldn't necessarily matter to Twilight. Also, even though Celestia is the main character and style is third-person limited, you can get brief glimpses into the feelings of another character. Does that make sense? I hope it's not too jarring.

>Since you said you need proofreaders:

Fix'd! Thanks for that. :pinkiehappy:

is the title a reference to that song?

>>543710

Oh ho ho! Wouldn't you like to know!

(Actually, I only think I know what you're talking about.)

first and great story

>>544415

what do you think I'm talking about?

#16 · 128w, 4d ago · · · IV: Castle in the Mist ·

An excellent addition to an already brilliant story, I'm waiting with baited breath for the next update

I totally thought you were going to pull a "Never Found the Body" with Daylight. That would have been :facehoof:-worthy.

This happy disappointment will not stop me from continuing to attempt to predict how it plays out while trying to just enjoy a good read. :moustache:

#18 · 128w, 4d ago · · · IV: Castle in the Mist ·

Clover's still around? She must have been young during unification and the events of Hearth's Warming....

#19 · 128w, 3d ago · · · IV: Castle in the Mist ·

Basket weaver.

Am I seeing references that are not there, mayhap?

:twilightsheepish:

#20 · 128w, 3d ago · · · IV: Castle in the Mist ·

>>556923

I've got a timeline scribbled out on paper, actually. Assuming Clover was around 25 years old when the unification happened (pretty young to be an adviser to a princess, I know) then she would be a venerable 75 years old at the time of this story. I'm also going with the assumption that ponies have similar lifespans to humans.

>>557251

You and me both. I wrote that silly little dialogue, and only afterwards was I like, "...huh. Moonstuck." Perhaps it was subliminal messaging. :derpytongue2:

That... is what you're seeing, right?

#21 · 128w, 3d ago · · · IV: Castle in the Mist ·

Well in stories and legends. wizards and witchs and sorcereses do tend to live a very long time, unless they get killed or something magickal makes them go BOOM.

#22 · 128w, 1d ago · · · IV: Castle in the Mist ·

Clover the Clever! Fantastic.

Also, "Midnight Shimmer", huh? I see what you did there.

Hahaha, basket weaving. Of all things she could think of. Celestia The Legendary Basket Weaver.

Then again I can't see a pegasus named Apple Crumble being a knight/guard so there we go.

A few simple fixes needed:

The two could hear a commotion one of the towers, presumably the one that loosed the arrow.

on one?

“It appeared and stared attacking one of the Royal Magi, who happened to be there, purchasing a basket from me.

I think you should go ahead and retroactively add a small mention of Apple Crumble being a pegasus when he's introduced. It's good for future readers. I think first impressions are hard to change. Just casually call him a pegasus or mention his wings or something next time we meet him for those who missed your memo I guess. I didn't picture him as a pegasus the entire time until I remembered your post.

#23 · 128w, 12h ago · · · IV: Castle in the Mist ·

>>571667

>I think you should go ahead and retroactively add a small mention of Apple Crumble being a pegasus when he's introduced. It's good for future readers. I think first impressions are hard to change. Just casually call him a pegasus or mention his wings or something next time we meet him for those who missed your memo I guess. I didn't picture him as a pegasus the entire time until I remembered your post.

Yeah... you're right. I've gone ahead and done that.

too long, i know this could be great writing but you shouldnt make a fan art so long

#25 · 127w, 6d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>445107 its cool, but its too big! i know you like to write and make a good story, but as a fanart it should be shorter, the grammar is good and so is the story. thats all :twilightsmile:

#26 · 127w, 6d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

This story is now a favourite of mine.

#27 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>580613

I'm glad you like it! I'm afraid it got severely overshadowed in EqD's most recent story updates, what with Anthropology and Background Pony and the like. It feels nice to get at least a little attention, though. :pinkiesmile:

#28 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

Lucky, you're a jerk. :trixieshiftleft:

And man, talk about Mewtwo-esque angst.

#29 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

Oh Lucky....

#30 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

I'm certainly going to follow this story as it develops.

I'm assuming that Clover is expecting Celestia to use the power of friendship to forge the elements of harmony...  Makes sence, since supposedly Clover is the first Unicorn to discover that power.

#31 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>581276

You are 1000000% right

#32 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>581276

The angst is reaching mewtwo-level proportions! Take cover!!

(...Actually, I’m not sure what you mean by that. :derpyderp2:)

#33 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>582463

You know, Mewtwo was created instead of born and raised, and he was created with the purpose of merely being a weapon, or at the least a tool. I'm getting similar vibes here, although the implications of Celestia's creation are far less malicious. Still a rough deal though. We all know it turns out just fine in the end, but this kind of story can only get darker.

#34 · 127w, 5d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>581085

Ouch, a 2100 upvote story and a 1300 one.

You're doing good though, keep it up!

#35 · 127w, 4d ago · 1 · · II: Crazed Vision ·

Y'know, he seems less of a mean bastard in this chapter than he does later on.  

#36 · 127w, 4d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>586042

Yeah, I know. He's supposed to be fondly recalling memories to provide some context and backstory for the reader, while remaining indifferent and bastard-y to stay in character. He comes off as a little too friendly as a result.

*A week ago, time to write chapter five*

Me: WELL WHY DON'T WE FIX THAT?! :pinkiecrazy:

#37 · 127w, 4d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

Amazing story!

#38 · 127w, 4d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

Wow. This is a wonderful story!

I really want to know that final command....

#39 · 127w, 4d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>580078 You realize this is one of the shorter stories on this site?

Also, great job on the story, I eagerly await the next chapter.

#40 · 127w, 3d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>588604 shortest? look i read plenty of stuff over here and its  true i found longer than this but 30000 words for a fanart? not even my little dashie! whatever, someone better makes a dramatic reading out of this

#41 · 127w, 2d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>594980

>30,000 words

>Not even halfway done

=D

But Feesh is right. There are stories, good ones, that are way longer than mine currently is. I aspire to the same kind of greatness, but I also realize that length can be a turn-off for some people. Thanks for reading, though!

#42 · 127w, 2d ago · · · V: No-Leaf Clover ·

>>594980 I didn't say shortest, but its is shorter than a lot. For example, the majority of stories I'm currently tracking are well over 100 000, some even breaching 200 000.

Another excellent chapter, although it did seem a bit like filler as it was all leading up to a previously shown point.

Regardless, I love the writing style you have, tons of detail, but it rarely gets boring, keep up the good work. :pinkiehappy:

The trauma train has no brakes!

This is a great way to start it off!  Detailed and at a comfortable depth that can be adjusted for added emotion while simple enough for quick and easy understanding.  I personally find this in itself appealing because it should make the story entertaining while still having it be just that, a story.  Again, good job.

#46 · 126w, 1d ago · · · II: Crazed Vision ·

Why am I getting the feeling that Lucky Break knows more about Celestia than he's letting on?

Must read on!

#47 · 126w, 1d ago · 1 · · II: Crazed Vision ·

I didn't want to call it earlier but now I'm certain, she used to be his wife or possibly his sister but Celestia's soul was summoned and placed inside her.  

That whom she once was, she is no longer for her life must be given transcendence for another.  

sorry but I'm feeling oddly poetic right now and the verse just came to mind.  I kinda like it though.

Story is also holding up well overall.  A very nice fantasy read for the moment but I sense things will get emotionally deeper later on with a chance of philosophical morals.

Google translate puts it slightly different but I did know it was Latin (Almost thought Italian but I seemed a bit too archaic for that)

Victoria intra bellum, Armonia postea = Victory in the war, later in harmony

It says that "victory in battle, and harmony after" is actually best translated to "Uincere bello, pacem cum"  (or if you use a few alternate translations and lose the "and") "Victoria in bellum, harmonia post".  Then again, I've heard rumors about Google translates inaccuracies

On a different yet equally scholarly note, was "Joan of Arc" your inspiration for Daylight?  They have a bit in common although Joan was only wounded in battle then later captured and executed as a witch while Daylight was simply killed in battle.  They were both female warriors who's religious fanaticism inspired their armies to great victories though and both had a thing about crazy plans and leading their soldiers into battle from the front.  Both were considered great heroes and had a hand in turning the tide of war until they died (both before their own wars were finished but Joan had decisively turned the tide while Daylight seemed to still be in the process of it).  

As for the rest of the story, good freaking job!  I liked all the little hints and leads you give out while occasionally discrediting one to make me guess if my intellectual leaps are right.  I've got like three new theories on who Celestia used to be before becoming Celestia... well... that is if Celestia really did use to be somepony else!  Oh, and now you got me pondering what would broken horse shoe mean as a talent!

It did feel like filler doesn't it?...  still, very nice story and it does serve some purpose by showing everyone's reaction to her.  It built her character and really made that last line hit home harder than the first time.  I'm going to go ahead and thumb up/fav so don't take to long to get that next chapter done! :twilightsmile:

I'll note that it doesn't feel like filler to me.Though I was a bit confused and didn't realize at first that this wasn't a direct continuation of the previous chapter.

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