• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Zaid ValRoa


"Fanfic [has] been on the decline since the Aeneid." --Anonymous poster 18/03/15

E

Cheerilee assigns her class to make a presentation of a personal hero, a pony who they admire.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders debate as to who each will choose.


Made for /mlp/'s daily 30-min writing prompt. Again, it took over half an hour, but I'm getting close!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

For some reason, I feel that this could be something that the real Cutie Mark Crusaders do. :rainbowwild:
You portrayed the characters well too.
Good job! :raritywink:

4717560 Thank you!
Both for reading my story and the fave.

Daww the feels, great little story. :twilightsmile:

Thanks. Scoots story is a lot like me, it makes you appreciate the important people in your life, so thank you

I really liked that. :twilightsmile:

I liked this. A lot.

4729906
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4717815
I'm glad all of you liked my story, thanks for your kind words.

I to really appreciate my parents, they gave me a wonderful child hood and even now help me out. I know I can go to them with any problem and get advice and often they help me through things by being there to comfort me when life hits below the belt. I'm glad Scootaloo appreciates her parents so much.:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:/:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:/:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

It kinda works, but the feels hit at the end is a bit blunt and I think it misses the mark.

:scootangel:
Seriously, what else needs to be said when we have access to an icon like that?

Anyway, thanks for writing! :twilightsmile:

I had kind of a rough teenagehood with my parents, still do, we tend to discuss, due to my my rebbelion, with that said, I value them above all else.

I truly understand the way that someo...somepony might feel, if they don't get enough attention. And it was realistic, I think Scoots still enjoys her parents, even if they don't spend nearly enough time with her.

Bonus points for avoiding the cliched "Scoots is an orphan" plot.

Really liked this one too.

This story was really sweet. Seeing Scootaloo actually stop to really think about what's important in her life, and hearing her talk about it really made this story for me. Reminds me of the one character from the first season of DoReiMi, needless to say it was pretty sweet.

"“Is it just me or their teasing has been getting lamer?” asked Scootaloo."

It's amazing how much these girls grow with each encounter with Diamond Tiara. May not be her intent, but growth none the less. Any other story would had her go over the edge from playful to teasing, to cruel hazing of AB and Scoots not having parents.
Thankfully, this story went more show route to try and deliver what we'd be more likely to see in a future episode. She still had her moment with them with Silver Spoon.

Oh, and points for that lovely transition with Apple Bloom. And the nice bubblehead response by Sweetie that came right after that quote.

There's much to say about this story. But that would just spoil what is a most enjoyable CMC story. Filly 5 story if ever I saw one. A story that uses the CMC and their foils, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, yet used to create a very complete feel to this story. Good use of these five fillies.

Hope to see more stories from you. We can always use more good Filly 5 stories. Not a fan of reading cmc stories that twist their personalities to be violent and cruel, or tiarabuse. Stories like this that really deliver a more show-like approach are a rarity. Though we still get plenty of random silliness, this story keeps a nice pacing and the characters really feel themselves throughout the story.

As others have said, glad to see you avoid some of the fan troupes that so many seem to have for Scoots.

I'll stop babbling now, but good going. :twilightsmile:

4734799 I know what you mean. Such is the life of Slice of Life shorts. But I also don't see what much else could of been added beyond actually writing out their presentations and being praised by their teacher and seeing the parents get all teary eyed.

It would of been nice, but, much I still find this to be no where near as brick-walled as Flight to the Finish. Where you actually could of gotten a lot more feels and satisfaction having seen them get there just in time as DT and SS finished their performance, almost not making their mark or having to plead to be let on because of REASONS and then show off the perfect routine.

But even then, it's just hard to have a good end point for these types of stories. Arguably you could of had a sort of fade to black after the hug, show the very end of the class as she gets home and leaves her presentation on the kitchen fridge maybe so her parents can see how much she appreciates and admires them? This is likely the ending I would of added, but I think it'd end the same way personally. The main message was more of discovering who they truly admired.

Again though, I don't believe he was aiming to make you sad. It's a sad truth that some poor children go through some form or worst of not being able to have parents there to really pay attention to them, but that's a story for a SAD or Tragic tale to tell. Slice of Life = SL is more everyday life and the lessons we take in each day, if any.

That said, I did have an itch where I wanted to see see instead of being told the last bits. That would be my only small complaint, if I had to give any.

:applecry: So many feels, I love it :heart:

4734799 It was written in a frenzy after reading the prompt. I'm not trying to excuse my self, I just want to say that I acknowledge that there is room for improvement.

4748430 And thanks for reading.

4751763 Amen to that. And I'm glad that you've enjoyed my writings.

4766787 Oh, don't stop babbling, I love long opinion comments.

4766852 At some point while I wrote this I was thinking about actually showing them doing their presentation and being applauded, with a Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looking bummed.
I ultimately chose to leave the story as it was, since the story I wanted to tell ended once Scootaloo decided to do the presentation on her parents.

4767880 :heart:

I prefer stories where she doesn't have any parents, really...seeing as how it's the closest to canon that we know of so far.

Surprises abound in this story.

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