A stallion wakes to the Main Six ponies standing around him. He doesn't know them, and the only memories he has are blurs of sound and light. The Main Six take it upon themselves to help him regain his memories while making some of their own. During it all, there is an ongoing war between a race of wolves called the Lupine, and the Griffons. This war threatens to spill over into the heart of Equestria as Princess Celestia works to bring both sides to a peaceful solution. As the war and his memories gain strength, he may find that sometimes you are better off starting over.
Rated T just in case...you never know what I might write. Cover Image is up!
Just a disclaimer...I have a bit of an idea where this is going, but it is one of my fan fictions and as such it usually is written on the fly, and without a great deal of planning. This is because what feels right to me one day may feel completely wrong the next.
I am an experienced fan fiction writer in other fandoms, but this is my first foray into My Little Pony fan fiction. As such, please be harsh...I like constructive criticism, so if you have an opinion on my writing please post a comment!
Interesting, I'll track this and see where it goes.
Ok. His name is "dot dot dot."
Hype, don't be an ass.
443803 It's called "suspense". Also, he fainted because he didn't remember it and he had an overload, as well as being at reduced mental capacity due to the injury.
443831
I know. My other personality's just being an ass.
I am offended! Here I am, trying to lighten up the mood-
Then learn a little something called "Tact". Or common sense. Or tell better jokes.
...Touche.
"[bQuick Author's Note:" - bQuick
"We sh-should help me." - I don't get this sentence
"She was a Pegasus with a soft yellow coat and a pink mane and tail." - Why do people like to put a capital P on pegasus? It's just another word
"The tan mare with the cowboy hat tells me in amusement." - Dat tense change a.deviantart.net/avatars/t/w/twilightdatassplz.jpg
"She was a Pegasus" - Again with the capital P!
"We’re going to get you some help okay?" - I think that this would sound better with a comma before "okay"
443831 a.deviantart.net/avatars/f/a/facehoofplz.jpg
443889
Well....okay haha. Time to address all you noticed.
1. I screwed up the bold tags...don't know how, but I did...fixed it
2. Word kept changing words on me last night...must have missed this one...fixed
3. Pegasus...I see Pegasus, Earth pony, and Unicorn as "races" of ponies, and as such they each deserve capitalization...at least in my mind.
4. I screwed up. All I can say about that one. I even missed it going back through when I finished. Fixed.
5. See three.
6. I see what you mean, and I should have put the comma there. I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't. Fixed.
All in all, your post was extremely helpful, and I thank you.
443969
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/rainbow_dash_salute.png
"Rainbow Dash you should really pay more attention when you’re flying." - I think there should be a comma between "Dash" and "you"
"That’s a good idea Fluttershy." - Perhaps a comma before "Fluttershy" ?
444097
1. Yes...I really need to go over this a fourth and fifth time before submitting, or have a beta-reader Fixed
2. Eh...I think that would almost be an over-usage of a comma. Mainly because when playing through it in my head I don't feel a stop is needed. Taken under consideration.
Also check your pm's :D
Tracking.
This story is looking good so far. Wonder what he remembers.
Awesome chapter. Keep up the work and make the story the best it can be.
hmmmm......
HE IS AN IMPOSTER AND/OR WOLF PONY! CALLED IT
491272
Thanks! And I'll do my best...might take a bit longer to get the next chapter up than usual though due to testing here
492373
It could be one...or the other...or both...or neither :D How's that for no help at all? haha
493597
that helped
and also
i shall now love your story to death!
493644
Yes! Love and Tolerate the #*@! out of it!
494514
NO!
i will NOT love and tolerate it!
I WILL FUCKING LOVE AND TOLERATE IT TIMES SEVENTY BILLION!
TAKE THESE!
YOU WILL NEED THEM
I'm loving this fic.
I immediately identified those last lines as latin. Brings out a bit of mistery.
You shall not escape my tracking!!!
494799
Haha I shall take thee hearts and they shall be used well :D
499367
haha good eye! And yep...the latin was an idea I had since the beginning...it's also a bit of a shout out to a friend of mine
Your tracking skills must be honed to follow me :D
Also just to add to all of you...Y'all are amazing haha This fan community is closer than any I've ever been a part of
Waya and Fluttershy
Sitting on a tree........yeah, I don't know the rest of it
522490
haha...don't be so sure with your conclusions...
also...A Waya and a tree are sitting on a tree?
522519
silly author! fluttershy isnt a tree!
you DO know she isnt a tree....right?
im not a tree....though i kind of want to be
yall know fluttershy aint no tree right?
522519It's called Treeception
522659>>523880
Okay...haha both comments are full of win
Just in case you haven't noticed this:
is my favorite emoticon haha
“She’s a sweet one, but she’s very shy. She was probably already scared of you before that happened, if only because you’re a stranger. But if there is one thing about her, it’s that she takes care of ponies and animals that need her. Like you.”
You should pay closer attention to what you write. Twilight just called your OC an animal... that's a pretty mean comment. Most intelligent creatures think of themselves as civilized, or at least with some set of norms and traditions. Animals are just wild beasts.
588817
Re-read that sentence please... :D
It says ponies and animals.
But let's say for the sake of your argument that it only said animals...you never know whether or not I wrote it like that on purpose... food for thought.
Thank you for pointing out what you thought to be an error though. I really do appreciate it
Holy Horseshoes!! Luna's a ninja!!
omnes grando in nocte dea
all hail the night goddess
Yay for new chapter (sorry for late comment.
A few mistakes though, nothing serious:
In the part that they're reaching Canterlot You missing an "a" in the sentence "It was quite sight too see"
by her nickname its written Twily, instead of Twiley.
In the second time Shinning Armour calls
Still a better job than me, though.
614780
haha no problem with commenting late...It's not as if you're required to, but I do so enjoy your comments
As for the errors...thank you and they shall be fixed...seeing as my writing is done late at night(only real free time I have) I tend to miss my mistakes every once in a while. Typically I catch them in the process of typing them...then I end up backspacing a lot instead of clicking on the mistake and fixing it. As always you are helpful and insightful
And finally Thank you for the compliment!
dun dun dun...........................................................................fucking politics
667895
Politics in Equestria...now 20% cooler than politics on Earth
668959i wonder what is the fox news for equestria
I hate the news on politics here, but this, this is crazy awsome
669883
Fox News...haha They are interesting to put it nicely.
Now you've got me thinking about this haha
670438
I agree about political news, but I like to stay current on it nonetheless
And Thank You!
670652by interesting you mean full of shit?
670969
um...well...yes. They are bad...
Poor Waya
691141
Yeah...He's getting to the point of punching bag almost...well, I guess he learned not to mess with Blood Warrior
Ahh, an OC shipping with an OC. It's far too uncommon
823632
Originally it wasn't going to go that way....still may not, but I had an idea...and that idea sprouted many branches. So many possibilities :D
Glad to know you like it haha
824867 i did it in the story i'm working on now
824876
Really? Which story? I'd like to check that out, because like you said, it is pretty rare to ship two OCs.
825146 This one
825157
Okay now it is on my read later list, because I have stuff to get done for college....
825185 let me know what you think
Confusing, but intriguing... I like
851045]
That's good haha It was meant to be both
The next chapter will clear a bit up...or it might just hand wave it aside :D
Why do I think of Celestia while reading that last bit? Anyway good chapter, if a little short but you already said you had your reasons! Awesome faces for you! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Fluttershy_lolface.png
851139
for Awesome faces!
I told y'all it was food for thought haha