~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Based Between Seasons 3 and 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Changeling is banned from his hive, after he tried to assassinate his own queen. Without food, shelter or any other kind of things to keep him alive, our "hero" desperately travels to a magical land called Equestria. What will happen to him? Will the Goddesses accept him as a part of their society? Will the poor and young Changeling get his life back on tracks? Find it out, as his story will advance to heights, he never thought to see through his lifetime.
Chapters (2)
A tactic i use to write is write down the wrough draft then look over it revise and edit it till its something you can be proud of
An interesting start, I don't think I've read about a Changeling trying to assassinate Chrysalis before.
Thanks. If the Prologue felt a bit rushed, I'll be sure to make later chapters much more readable.
Your grammar's pretty good. A few extra commas, perhaps, but it's better than the complete lack that I usually see.
4640682 your username is very true, and i think this will turn out great!
I highly recommend an editor, story itself seems to be good and not too mainstream. Let's see how things will turn out, either way I wish you luck.
WC
What is WC?
Well that was some pacing... I do want to see where you go with this though.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
i'm interested but I'll wait before giving this a fav or like
MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRE
please
Dear writer, you should get an editor. Everything else seems fine so far.
Best of luck to you.
4643173 Japanese for Restroom
FINALLY! SOMEONE DECIDED TO MAKE ONE!!! I could've made my own, it's just that huh...
BUT YOU SIR MADE THE FIRST STORY THAT TOOK MY INTEREST AFTER A LONG TIME!
4643173 4647785 It's actually an abreviation for Water Closet. aka, the bathroom. I believe it's European in origin.
Thanks for the feedback guys
. I'm making the next chapter already, and I'm gonna post it in a few days.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4427-NbdVr.jpg
Whoa that escalated quickly!
But why!
I don't want fluttershy to be mad at him forever!
Concept is good, execution not so much. When the guards point out a plot hole, something has gone wrong. While it is highly unlikely it would have been Twilight to magically discover him, it is even more unlikely she would leave a de-facto enemy of the state unbound in her bed with no one to guard it, no matter how helpless it seems.
Other than that, good start so far!
The events here were... Strange... The amc were not adding anything to the scene or plot, and both their introduction and Fluttershy's were weird.
Anyways, got a. Mark on this, let's was where we go the.
Keep going! ;)
Wow that was so rushed. First some very cliche start to shipping later satanic fluttershy after this fluttershy shouting without stare what is even more OOC than satanic one and suddenly she said gtfo to him? Waaaat...
I hope you make it more plausible because right now every character act strange.
I know you make it semi serious but seriously 4th wall breaking with ps3 comment was just bad. Puns like that for HTC are cool and stay with them better.
Not saying anything about lack of capitalizing names etc
Anyway I hope you gonna make something out of this.
Wow that was so rushed. First some very cliche start to shipping later satanic fluttershy after this fluttershy shouting without stare what is even more OOC than satanic one and suddenly she said gtfo to him? Waaaat...
I hope you make it more plausible because right now every character act strange.
I know you make it semi serious but seriously 4th wall breaking with ps3 comment was just bad. Puns like that for HTC are cool and stay with them better.
Not saying anything about lack of capitalizing names etc
Anyway I hope you gonna make something out of this.
Good idea and writing style, but unless you have a reason why fluttershy is so mean... She should be the one to accept him, being the element of kindness and all.
Don't get me wrong I like the story but... Fluttershy not being kind when twi, spike, and
owllishishthe owl are... Just no.but hey, don't be mad just cause i spoke my mind. no hard feelings. k?
Sorry for a long "break" from writing stuff for my story. I've been REALLY busy, and mostly I haven't gotten time to write here for personal reasons
. Anyway, thanks for the feedback everypony, I will change the encounter with Fluttershy, please check it out and tell me what you think about it 
.
talking to yourself used to be a sign of insanity, glad that's been disproven, or else I'd be in the mental ward bout now.
The dialogue is pretty bad. It just doesn't flow right. Almost robotic.