• Member Since 13th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Tuesday

SaiyanUltima


There really is not much to say, except I am here for the same reason I write on Fanfiction. I want to entertain you with my writing, not just detail it but make you feel that you are in the story.

Comments ( 717 )
JFK

Cool moar

Comment posted by Chaos the Omnipotent deleted Jun 29th, 2014

No. Just no.

You need to learn how to use commas, when to split sentences, how to show emotion in your writing, and how not to make an overpowered character before I can take this at all seriously. There are groups for stories that need editors, and this story should go there.

I won't downvote, but neither shall you have an upvote. The concept is good, but the execution is very, very bad.

LOVE IT! PLEASE GIVE US MOAR!!!

Alright I'm mildly interested, looking forward to the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

To tell you the truth, I agree with NewKidOnTheBlock. I don't really sence anything that draws me into the story. I like the concept, but you really need to find some editors. Don't give up and try to keep improving.

Mane Six allowed to live"

That's out of place here

The entire description was laughable. Sin "Silent Wind" Firestorm? Lover of both princesses? Surely you have met his superpowered evil bloodbrother Donut Steel, too?

great description..... however.... the actual story needs a lot of editing. you have something pretty good here just need to polish it a bit more or get a good editor

4620123
This is exactly what I thought. This whole story, while surprisingly well-written, feels like a self-insert and heavy wish fulfillment.

Comment posted by SaiyanUltima deleted Jul 9th, 2015

Good work, keep it up.

Cute, also I do wonder when those two are going to show up to him, because I want to see him giving those two a scolding of a life time from all the pain he has to deal with for his entire life.

Celestia will be the first to show up in chapter nine, but the plot of them getting him back will be up to you and the other readers.

Should it happen though; well let's just say Sin is going to get the ultimate revenge for what they did, and by 'ultimate revenge' I mean the mean entire world will know.

yeah at them but not kill them, let forgiveness take path for this hero and make blood bath with the evil four or but them in jail. thats so low even for them. so make peace with them not more hatred plz and heat season come and make it ditty :pinkiehappy:

4633801

They're not going to be killed, I won't make it that dark, but there will be a revenge that makes their reputation go down the toilet.

Since I am here now, I must warn you, basically everyone, that this will have moments of creepypasta and grimdark situations much later in the story.

Nothing that will affect the princesses or the mane six though.

They didn't look like ponies at all, they were very human but still had a horn or wings, cutie marks on their thighs, and colorful fur on their skin.

So are they humanizef, or anthro? Your description doesn't really explain.

They look like humans basically, but still have fur, cutie marks, wings, or a horn.

I'll find the picture I saw to give you an example.

4658363

A little odd for a review, but thank you still.

4657956
Ah. So no pony face, of hooved feet. Well good thing it wasn't permanent. That sounds like the weird type of humanized.

4658734

Definitely no hooves at all, but they do have hands and feet.

Note to self: work on details of anthro.

4659004
Like i said, good thing it wasn't permanent.

4659009

It was never to be permanent, but the last time it will show up is when Sin has his date with Cadance.

4659243
Well then, I can just pretend she will be more anthro then human.

Comment posted by Jollygoodfellow deleted Oct 20th, 2014

i really hope Sin, Luna, and Celestia are in the same room in an up coming chapter that would be awesome, all that emotion boiling over.

4675778

Funny, seeing as how you never wrote a story.

But opinions are opinions that come from those who write, and those who wish to insult because they have no talent.

Make all the insults you want; the favorites and follows prove enough. Until you write something worth my time, your comments are meaningless.

And if anyone has a problem with this, then tough, because I am not going write out some action pack crap that goes straight to a short background.

The story is going to be written out well, and to my standards.

I'm not here to be an enemy, but those who badmouth my story,when they haven't written one of their own, will get my own comment about them.

Dislike me if you want, I don't care, I'm not here to coddle your needs when you read something you don't like.

If you don't like my story, then don't read it; no skin off my bones.

4675879
There will be more, my friend, and Shining Armor will be bashed in the next chapter.

Just a heads up.

4675962 finally I hope he bleeds. BLEEDS!!! And hopefully get kick in the balls.

Oh boy Im afraid and excited on what's going to happen next.

4675787 I want that to happen
4675962 and that too

I've just gotta say, I'm enjoying this story.:twilightsmile: A little dramatic,:raritydespair: but that's what makes this good.:heart: I already read ahead, but I can't help myself but reread it again on this site. And holy crap, I loved what will come up next.:yay::pinkiehappy: And oh my goodness, I can't even feel sorry for the Sparkle siblings.:twilightangry2: They just can't learn.:facehoof:

4676965

It only gets better, my friend, but the next chapter will be of Shining Armor going too far.

I know you all like action every few chapters, but I want to background the story a little before Sin starts his struggles of getting stronger.

I will admit that Cadance will become stronger than Celestia and Luna, but her ascension will be a little argument in the clop chapter.

Ah pure revenge. And I guess even though the two met again, Celestia is STILL a idiotic mare. I mean after sin tells the condition, she still say 'okay come back with me and have sex.' Celestia you fail with relationships.

Can I get a HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!! AUSTIN3:16 says you just got your ass whipped shining

They might need to buy another bed when they get through.:rainbowkiss:

not bad, you could have dragged out shinning beating a bit more, but it was very good either way. Keep up the good work my friend.:twilightsmile:

that was awesome i loved the chapter. :twilightsmile:

4680830

I could have, but I want to save the good stuff for when Sin's first rival comes in. I want to make the beatings look mediocre to when he gets serious.

Yay. Shining got crush like the skim bag he is I only wish he could suffer more like having his balls ripped out and fed to him...wow I can not believe I typed that just wow this story made feel this much on word to fav! And sorry to any 1 how was discussed by my comment

HAHA FUCK YOU SHINING!:rainbowlaugh:

4680778 I agree entierly, but after twilight's nosiness and interference i would of had her stripped of her title and alicorn status

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