x2.fjcdn.com/comments/Ed+Edd+n+Eddy+meme+_b957f0bd709e895b1ce18513dfbb4102.jpg

4620123
This is exactly what I thought. This whole story, while surprisingly well-written, feels like a self-insert and heavy wish fulfillment.

4622656 that picture

Dang just meets someone and they fall for each other damn I say conspericy.

This hurts to read. You don't understand what details are important and what aren't. You skip powerful emotional scenes but still put in irrelevant information. The best examples I can give are the music he plays and the way it is written. The phrasing this guy uses sounds more like an American teenager, not a man who's lived in Equestria for over 1000 years. The part you skip is the scene between him and Cadance discussing their respective pasts. Because you skip that important scene for a quick summary, you make it so that their "connection" feels so unnatural. I feel no empathy or sympathy for these characters because you're skipping the scenes that would create that.

Loving it XD

"Sinny" and "Shiny" are pretty similar. It seems as if Cadance is trying to replace Shining Armor instead of finding a new romance

Great chapter :) I like this better than the original. Cant wait for the next one

Hmm. Five bucks say that Cadence will shot at Sin in the morning for sleeping with her daughter,

aww i love this story you know what for the next chapter (this is a suggestion) i hope sin will go to twilight and confront her why she didnt let candence and her daughter in and make her brother come out and fight sin that would be awesome! please make more!

them feels. but when do you plan on updating?

5248321

Tomorrow, when I have a couple hours to myself.

5248605 Yay!

you said tomorrow when you have a couple hours to your self right? WELL ITS BEEN 3 FUCKING DAYS

5264875

Well I have spent a couple hours on it. Two hours on a new chapter that comes before the kiss between him and Cadence.

Besides, I'm on my honeymoon, I cannot ignore that.

5264875

And anyway, I'm already at 4000 words.

wow i didnt know that you were on a h-hh-hh HONNEY MOON???? are you a girl??
anyway awesome story

5265745

I'm a guy.

Okay, I'm getting confused: is there Rose & Pip, or just Rose? I feel like you were editing Pip out and didn't completely finish.

5411408 been wondering the same thing

oh dear... please never use double negatives. It makes brain hurt from over calculating.

This was beyond cute, but also scary because "[Error]"{neither filly does not know me.}"[Error]"

The 'daaaaaawwww...' Just got real.

Jesus... If Twilight did that, lets just say there would be a nice skylight in her castle

He has such a small rump, like a little colt. Cadance said mentally. ...I want to touch it.

6187839

Nothing like that, just a new perspective of certain mares having a thing for small rumps.

Basically, the human booty is powerful.

Nice chapter ending

replacing his shampoo with yellow hair dye.

Super Saiyan 3 Sin Firestorm anyone?

Must have more chapters but so far much better than the first story

6209382

Thank you

6209982 no problem

6209986

As for the next chapter; if not tomorrow, I will have it finished next week.

6210069 take as much time as you need

This is my first time reading this story, and the only thing I have to say is how amazing this story is. Keep it up!

I remember the first story. Awesome
Then theres this one. Why not keep both and have on first person and the other
third person

6218530 what is the frist story

6240599 Same as this but he wrote it differently. Plus it was good

I liked the first one more but I'll keep reading maybey this new version will win out

I remember there being a longer version of this one, but i can't find it... anyone who can help me?

5959710
No

>> bjoknae
Same user name and its on Fanfiction

All I have to say is...

Deeply inhale's

WHAT ONE KING?

"But she is without the truth," Luna hissed. "She lives elsewhere, wondering Equestria while you and I hide her existence like cowards."

Shouldn't it be he

He has such a small rump, like a little colt. Cadance said mentally. ...I want to touch it.

..... Nope, I need an adult

He has such a small rump, like a little colt. Cadance said mentally. ...I want to touch it.