Paul Matthews is a young man of average height and average weight and fairly average disposition. He is normal, and abnormally so. That rarely seen kind of person who, even in their early years, gives off the impression that they are destined for a moderately successful career in middle management at some cold, gray corporation.
Paul Matthews is about to come very close to something that few people do.
An entry for Obselescence's Most Dangerous Game contest.
After reading, you may want to head over to this blog for some explanations and/or backstory.
Chapters (3)
Very, very well done.
Very simple framing, which didn't obscure too much of the real story and even accentuated it.
Very nicely done giving a clear idea of what it was at the end without outright stating it, though I don't know what the last square is meant to be.
And lastly, very nicely done in describing Equestria without cliches -- human goes there and just... Lives. No fuss, nothing, just learns to deal with the bright colors. Then at the end, with Discord and his defeat, and how the Elememts were how he came to terms with the overly saturated colors -- nice idea.
10/10.
4610770
Thanks very much for the kind words. Yours is just about the sort of response I was hoping for most with this story.
This is amazing, BP.
And another one is added to my read later list.
Ha — nickel. Nice.
I like what you're doing with the colors — I think I see where you're going with it, but I'll wait to see what act 3 has to say — but I'm also amused by the fact he's hearing the background music.
Hmm. Not sure how I feel about the epilogue. Though that may be affected by my goof-up, expecting a third chapter there, rather than the story being essentially over at the end of chapter 2.
In isolation, I think the implication of the epilogue is a good one, but I can't help but feel there's something still a little bit lacking in it.
I also suspect it will grow on me, as it recontextualizes the story before it.
Anyway, overall, nicely done. It's certainly a slantwise take on HiE, and the unexceptionality of his actions in pony world are a nice tension-building contrast to the strangeness of his experience of it.
4617666
Oof, sorry. Tried to make it as clear as I could from the chapter titles.
Happy to hear your response to the rest, though. Thanks for the read.
4618852
Yeah, the chapter title thing is totally my fault. I clicked on the prologue, had something else to do, came back to it hours later and read it and chapter 2 quickly, and by the time I actually clicked on chapter 3 (and skipped noticing the title there) I'd totally forgotten its structure.
That was excellent. :D I connected with your character almost immediately, and this fits my HiE headcanon somewhat. Glad it had a happy ending, because part two got depressing and how. D:
And oh my god I just noticed the double entendre in the title!
4652174 Heehee, thanks for the words, Present. And I'll have you know it's actually a triple entendre; the title's a hint to a stupidly vague subplot I buried.
4652591
Gasp! He fucked Rarity, didn't he? D:
4652751 Pfft!
4652798
It's too late, your secret is out. :( Dirty.
Very well done. It all just fits together nicely. It's a very satisfactory, very elegant story. One that doesn't leave me wanting more, not because it wasn't good, but because the story is complete. And I'm okay with that. More would be gilding the lily.
Thank you for it, and good luck in the judging.
I like that Paul Matthews wasn't completely at home since day one (a nice change of pace from the stereotypical HiE). I understand that its supposed to be a bit abstract, but the epilogue totally went over my head.
Also (in the second paragraph of your epilogue) I'm not sure if that first word should be "while" or "white."
I am confused
4670384 Main thing to take away from the epilogue is that it's an art gallery. Or did you not actually mean it went totally over your head? And thanks for spotting that issue.
Read this at 3 in the morning, during the middle of the limbo of summer that I've felt stuck in after graduating from high school and before starting college. I feel like the timing was perfect. I think I understand exactly what Paul was going through here, with that uncertainty and feeling of unbelonging. I'm more hopeful now, about what the future holds.
I liked it.
4671679 I'm happy you were able to connect so well with the character! I feel as though most all of us have been through these sorts of periods, and if this story was able to help at all with that, I'm very pleased to hear it. Thanks for your time.
Well, I wouldn't exactly call Paul normal.
He clearly suffers from mild to moderate depression and is fundamentally unmotivated.
He needs to join a cult.
A very interesting journey of self-discovery. It kind of seems similar in that respect to Bad Horse's Burning Man Brony, though I'm happy to say had a much more happy ending. Definitely a memorable use of HiE.
I liked this story.
An uninspired, perhaps depressed young man finds himself in an Equestria which is just a little bit too vibrant, a little bit too alive, a little bit too perfect, a little bit too happy. The colors hurt his eyes; the food tastes too good to be real; he just doesn't quite fit.
In the end, he does, and then, he is gone back home.
I suspect this idea would have worked better for me had I not encountered it before, but I've encountered this very idea before - the idea of hyperrealism or being in a world which is off, too "perfect". Indeed, I've seen it before as pertains to cartoons. As it was, it was... well, not that impressive to me. It wasn't bad by any means, but I didn't really get a whole lot out of it.
I liked this story. I think the tone has been consistent throughout, with that sort of reflective, musing feel to it. The introduction was a little slow to get through, but I liked the epilogue, though I'm not too sure how to interpret it. The use of sentence fragments there was very clever. The nickel and gold valuation joke was a nice uplift.
Sentence fragments. Shouldn't those periods be commas? Unless this was intentional for the narrative's sake.
4838123
Yes, intentional.
4673212
Pretty common things.
Nice story. Quiet, but in a good way. Tranquil.
Masterful with a soulful ending.
5116318 Thanks, oldster. I take it the blog directed you here. Hope you didn't spoil meanings for yourself beforehand (and if you didn't, I'd love to hear your take on what all is happening under the surface in this, if you have one).
Nice, quiet read. Have a like and a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
Provoking
I really liked this -- and I very rarely enjoy Human in Equestria stories, especially ones involving Discord. I think the writing style helped: I can see that being annoying to some readers, but I appreciated the plain, unshowy style and thought it suited the story perfectly. It's the sort of story I could imagine suddenly realising had a sub-sub-sub-subplot in about six months' time, but I'm not usually sharp enough to spot those! Even on what I could glean from it, though, it was most satisfying.
Hey, I wrote a review for this story. If you are interested, it can be found here.
Sadly, I can't say this story did too much for me. The whole thing felt a bit too jumbled, and I feel it missed quite a bit of fleshing out.
So, you replied to my comment on A Simple Exercise, and told me to look at your more recent stories... Well i did and greatly enjoyed it. Congratulations. New follower
5506697
Heh, great to hear! And happy to have you.
Paul sounds...fascinatingly mediocre from the description. Methinks this deserves a look-see.
Really like your descriptions. Simple and soft. Verbal characterization is a little off, though. Dad says 'kiddo' so much it becomes a little jarring.
5270300
^
This is one of the most unique story I've ever read.
Expect a great review from this.
6204285
Hey, danke schön. Looking forward to it.
Your story has been reviewed by the PCaRG.
Sorry it took me so long, and pardon the shortness of the review. The story was so strong all I really could say was "Go Read it, Read it now!"
I enjoyed this. Well done.
I gotta say, it's a well done story so far. I honestly don't know what to expect out of it.
Very good story. I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that each color you chose represents a very important factor?
White- goodness
Blue- Integrity
Green- Renewal
Red- determination/passion
Pink- inner peace/friendship/harmony
7063956
They were the more blaring colors Paul encountered in roughly the order he encountered them, and there's little reason for their presence in the epilogue beyond that. I'm interested to hear why you thought they represented those ideas, though—assuming there was a deeper reason past those just being things that those colors generally represent.
7065252 I'm the type of guy who gets subliminal when it comes to story telling. I like to think when there's a color, there's a reason it's that color. I found out the meaning of each with the help of Google.
Hey, check it out! I did a so-so review of your story in The Goodfic Bin! I feel it's quite bland, but you are indeed Accepted!