This story is a sequel to Tooth and Nail
Twilight Sparkle meets Richard Lyon, a human, and the two work closely to implement a bilateral inter-universal trade agreement between Equestria and Earth. Romance ensues, chopsticks are used, and there's a visit to the dentist. Incidentally, throughout all of this mushy business, Spike is neither abused, ignored, beat up nor made fun of.
Oh, and yes, it is a love story, despite the fact that I've repeatedly said I would never write a ship-fic. So sue me.
P.S. – This story was written for and submitted as an entry to "The Most Dangerous Game" writing contest sponsored by Obsolescence. Besides, what could be more dangerous than Twilight in love?
Chapters (3)
Well, looks like another story from that contest I will be adding to my read later list.
Okay, so I read this yesterday and did feel quite 'Meh' about it. I Couldn't even be bothered to scroll back to the top of the page to fav it. There's almost no conflict, no juicy bits in this. Even Twilight's fear that Richard wouldn't love her after she switched back was elevated almost instantly.
It took a whole day for me to realize that the main part of this story aren't Twilight's memories but a third-person-narrator version of the story she tells the class of foals. We were promised
but got a story for foals told by the 'public face'.
Maybe the story would have worked better in first person perspective? Or maybe Twilight could have remembered the whole story on the way from school to Richard's grave?
Thanks for commenting,
4615279.
My intent with this story was to try something new for me: a truly slice-of-life story focused purely on the emotional evolution of Twilight in developing her first romantic relationship.
The lack of an external conflict to jeopardize the relationship was a conscious choice (maybe the wrong one!), as was the switch of 'narrator perceptive' back and forth from Twilight to Richard, as I wanted to bring the reader into their thinking and how both of them came to fall in love with the other.
However this story (prompted by a contest) is very much a departure from the plot heavy stories I usually write, and an experiment into romantic comedy as well. There is a lot of room for improvement, so your feedback is much appreciated!
Awe man, the FEELS!
I teared up at the end.
Great story man.
Glad you liked it!
Writing a sequel for a contest entry was kind of ballsy. I do feel you did a good job filling us in on the background. However, this is paced really, really quickly, and it lacks a lot of emotional impact for it. Did writing this for the contest make you drop a lot of words or something? I mean, was this sequel planned before the contest?
4656254
I did have a sequel planned, but not primarily focused on being a love story. That aspect came up because of the contest, and I entered the contest to challenge my writing (do romantic comedy) and get feedback.
The events here were originally meant only to be the first chapter of a longer piece. If the story gets enough attention, or I get sufficient comments on what (and how) I can improve the story, then I may do a much expanded re-write, and possibly a continuation.
But I do wish I had more time before the deadline to flesh it out a bit more. In particular I think the relationship between Spike and Richard has a lot of scope for both comedy and with some feels along the way. I also had a lot planned in regards to how Celestia and Twilight would cope with an influx of human technology and Equestrians with human tourists, and vice-versa (think what Harry Potter fans would do to get their mits on REAL magic!)