Turn Down For What!
"C'mon Twi, you never go out! You can't just hide in the castle every weekend."
Twilight huffed. "Not only can I, but it is entirely within my power to do so."
Spike rolled his eyes. It seemed as though he went through this every weekend.
"It won't be once you read this," Spike countered, producing an official letter from Princess Celestia.
"My dearest pupil,
I've been informed of a new night establishment opening in Ponyville, and it is imperative that the citizenry of the three time winner of Equestria's 'most destroyed town/village' award know that the crown approves of new and exciting ways for them to unwind. As such, I expect you to take a night on the town and have a bit of fun!
Your eternal,
Princess Celestia.
P.S.
I know that you may be hesitant to fulfill my request, so I must insist that you turn down for what."
Twilight squinted at the last line. What in Luna's moon does—
"Oh yeah, I also already talked to Pinkie and Rainbow earlier, and they're on their way to take you to that new club downtown," Spike said.
The color drained from Twilight's face. There was no arguing with, or reasoning with either of them. "You... you what?"
"C'mon, Twilight, it's not the end of the world!" Spike insisted. "Turn down for what, you know?"
She narrowed her eyes, head tilting to the side an inch. "What?"
"Exactly!" Spike smiled. "Now you're getting it!" Before Twilight was able to question the odd new phrase Spike seemed to have picked up, rapid-fire knocks echoed through her library.
Pinkie, she thought as her assistant answered the door. Sure enough, two familiar mares stood at her door, ready to hit the town for a fun Friday night.
"Hiya Twilight!" Pinkie said, bouncing into the castle as Rainbow hovered in beside her. "Ready for some fun?"
She sighed. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy spending time with her friends, but the clubs and bars had never really been her scene.
"As I'll ever be..."
"C'mon Twi, you'll never bag yourself a stud with that attitude!" Rainbow teased from above her.
"Bag myself a what—"
"Silly Dashie! She meant you'll never get a stallion to plow you if you're a sour puss all night!" Pinkie clarified.
"Plow me?" Twilight repeated, her reservations about heading out with two of her most unruly friends steadily growing.
"It was a joke," Rainbow admitted, settling onto her hooves. "Nopony's gonna plow you unless you want them to. Now come out with us and just relax. I promise you'll have fun."
Twilight looked into Rainbow's eyes, searching for a gleam of laughter, anything to indicate this was all just some joke to put her in an uncomfortable situation.
Nothing.
"Come on, Twilight!" Pinkie said as she hopped around the three of them. "Turn down for what!"
Twice in ten minutes? she thought. She turned to Pinkie and replied, "What?"
"That's the ticket!" she cheered. "It's almost high moon, let's go before it gets too crowded!"
With that, they were out the door and down the street, Twilight and Rainbow flying low while Pinkie hopped along below them.
"I'm tellin' ya Twi, this place is supposed to be the hottest spot in town. You're gonna love it," Rainbow insisted.
Twilight was certainly weary of what Dash considered a 'good time'. In all her years of knowing her, it had only taken three black outs for her to realize their interests in weekend activities varied widely.
"Yeah, this place is supposed to be Ponyville party central!" Pinkie added happily.
Twilight considered their words for a moment.
"Okay, I'll give it a chance."
"That's all we're asking," Dash replied. "Turn down for what!"
"What?" Twilight asked.
"Exactly!"
"No, I mean I want to know what the heck that—"
"We're here!" Pinkie shouted, zooming to the line waiting to get inside. It seemed like all of town was waiting to get in.
"Look at this line!" Dash whined. "We're gonna be out here for hours!" She looked to the bouncer and rubbed a hoof on her chin. "Unless..."
One insincere flirting session later...
"Ha, I knew I could do it!" Dash said as they strode into the club. The lights of almost every color pulsed around them as ponies strutted their stuff on the dance floor, or sat around at the bar.
Twilight shouted to her over the music. "How did you get him to let us in, again?"
"Easy, all I had to do was lay on the charm!" She smiled.
"And give him twenty bits!" Pinkie added before bouncing into the crowded dance floor.
Rainbow read the nervousness on her friends face. "Look Twi, just relax and you'll have a good time! Tell ya what, let me get us something to drink."
She thought about it, and decided on something that would influence the rest of her night. "Well, I've already come this far... okay."
They made their way to the bar and flagged down the bartender. "Two mind erasers!"
"What?" Twilight asked, the music obscuring her hearing.
The drinks came and Rainbow slid a glass to Twilight.
"What's in this?"
"Just drink it!" Rainbow insisted, holding her glass in a wing. "Turn down for what!"
"What the hell does that even—"
"Exactly!" Dash shouted, downing her drink and extending her other wing to tip Twilight's glass to her lips. The small amount of liquid burned her throat as it settled in the pit of her stomach.
"Oh Celestia, Rainbow that's awful!" she managed to say before nearly retching.
"Yeah, it's pretty good, right?" Dash answered over the deafening bass.
"Rainbow, I think the music is causing us to miscommunicate—"
Before Twilight could finish, a familiar red stallion tapped Dash on the shoulder. She turned around and smiled.
"Pardon me, miss Rainbow, but would ya care ta dance?"
She made him wait a moment before answering. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood, cowpoke!" she teased, bidding Twilight goodbye momentarily. Before Mac followed her, Twilight tugged at his mane.
"Mac, you're the last pony I'd expect to see at a place like this! How can you stand the music being this loud?"
The red stallion smiled and turning his head to one side. A small, foam earplug peeked out from inside his ears.
Why didn't I think of that? she wondered as she found herself alone at the bar. She surveyed the crowd and wondered why she let herself get dragged to places like this. Alone at the bar seemed to always be the place she found herself during nights out. Until a hoof on her shoulder nearly startled her out of her coat. She turned to see a ruggedly handsome, square jawed stallion in a fitted pinstriped jacket lean in closer.
"Excuse me, your Highness, is this seat taken?"
'No," Twilight shouted, a bit louder than she would have liked. Thankfully the music softened her nervous shout. "And please, don't call me your highness!"
"Of course your... my apologies, I mean, Twilight."
Oh my goodness, he's dreamy and he's actually talking to you in a casual capacity! Okay, all your romance novels have trained you for this exact scenario. Just play it cool and...
"May I offer you a drink?"
"Certainly!"
He smiled, and turned to the bartender. "Two gorilla farts, please."
"Do I even want to know what's in that?"
"Names can be deceiving, my dear. I once had one on a trip abroad, and have been hooked on them ever since. Trust me, I'm sure you'll love it. Turn down for what, after all."
"What?"
"Exactly!"
"No, I mean, do you know what it is that means—"
The bartender interrupted her and delivered two bright green cups of liquid to each of them.
"Down the hatch!" he insisted. Not wanting to be a stick-in-the-mud, she took her drink as well, although this one was much easier to drink that whatever firewater Rainbow had ordered.
A few minutes into her conversation, she began to feel the effects of her drinks. She was smiling a lot more, and laughing quite a bit longer and more often. Before long, the music no longer seemed as loud as it was. But, she was determined to get to the bottom of that mysterious phrase that kept getting repeated to her seemingly all night.
"Okay... but... so, what does *hick* turn what for down mean?" she slurred.
"Perhaps we could go outside, and I could better explain what it—" A blue hoof came crashing across her new friends right cheek.
"That's enough out of you! That's a princess you're talking' to!" Dash shouted, Mac standing quietly behind her with Pinkie slumped across his withers.
"Rainbow, what the heck! He was being nice to me!" Twilight protested. "He said he worked for the crown!"
Dash laughed. "The crown? Ha! This clown works at the donut shop! He comes here in his fancy suit and tries to pick up mares who don't know any better all the time at the Horn and Wings."
Twilight looked at the still dazed stallion, then back to Dash.
"How do you know that?"
Rainbow's cheeks flushed red. "Don't worry about it, let's just get out of here."
Twilight put her hooves on the ground and realized the alcohol had worked much quicker than she anticipated. She managed to make her way out of the club with her friends and onto the grass outside, plopping down on her haunches.
"So, listen, Twi, Mac and I are gonna take Pinkie home, and then go to his... I mean... we're gonna go for some ice cream. Are you good to make your way back to your place?"
Twilight forced herself to her hooves, walking around Big Mac to the side Pinkie was facing. "Yeah, I jus' wanna make sure Pinkie's okay." Twilight grabbed her face in her magic and lifted it up, placing a hoof gently against her cheek. "Pinkie! Pinkie are you okay?" she shouted, using her club volume.
Pinkie focused her eyes briefly. "Don't hoard cat food... Star wars typhoon. We can joke all night, but no no kung foo. No more cartoons, no more kung foo. No no kung foo."
Dash and Mac smiled at each other. "Yeah, I think she's good."
Twilight charged a teleportation spell, and let it dissipate. "Wait, you guys, I forgot to ask. What does 'turn down for what' mean?"
Rainbow and Mac exchanged looks.
"I dunno."
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What?
4969761 Exactly.
lawl
Say hello to the premiere villain of season five, an evil meme that burrows into the heads of ponies despite meaning absolutely nothing! In a matter of hours, Ponyville turns into a den of catch-phrase spouting, swag-wearing post-ironic hipsters!
By the gods, I've just typed out an idea even worse than Equestria Girls. IT'S ALREADY GOT ME! SAVE YOURSELVES AND BURN YOUR COMPUTERS BEFORE YOU GET INFECTED TOO!
For real, I don't know the meaning behind TD4W (Ha, I didn't use the W word!).
4969948 yeeeaah this guy got it!
4969993 Which word?
"Turn down for what!!' ~ Princess Celestia
A phrase created by the princess so to force natural selection. Those stupid enough to follow increase their mortality by 29%. Thus weeding out the lower of the gene pool and increasing the chances of the better genes passing on to offspring.
Smart move there Dash. Twilight's a bit of a lightweight so you will want to start off small before easing her into the hard stuff like Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters...
Wut?
4969948
4969892
I think you seriously need to turn down for what...
Aww yeah
Well alrighty then!
4969761
Had to look that up on Urban Dictionary. It means don't be scurred. Man up.
This is like if MLP was an Adult Swim cartoon.
Cringed a couple times, but it read so smooth, I couldn't resist finishing it.
Crank dat solider
I can't help but think when Twi heard "plow," she mentally saw http://www.harvestofhistory.org/assets/object-images/main/plow2.jpg
my god I had to look them up, gorilla farts, mind erasers must try all varieties of both
4970725 You cheeky bastard.
4970755 I'm pretty sure there's a drink called an Orgasmic Scream.
I think I bust a lung.
Holy hell.
4970835
yup found it. is this what you drink right after "sex on the beach" ?
4970890 what's in it?
So...
...words and sentences happened here.
4970229
You mean you've never slid a class to someone before?
I'd start with a European Foreign Language first. Smaller classes are easier for practicing.
But Rainbow... I don't turn up in the first place!
4970835 It's Screaming Orgasm. Unless someone made a new variation since the last time I checked...
And to answer Twilight's question: "Turn down for what" roughly translates to "Why be sober" or "Let's party!"
Turned up: To get crunk.
Turn down for what?: Why shouldn't I get crunk?
Thank you Todd in the Shadows for explaining that to me. And for doing an awesome piano cover of that song.
Also, something is weird about the comments here, I don't know if it's just me, but everything looks weird.
4971949 And the new word I get to look up today is: "Crunk!"
It apparently means (depending on context): either "drunk and on crack," "Drunk and on coke," or "drunk and crazy." So a general rough translation would be: "Drunk and disorderly." As in having fun at a wild party or night on the town.
4971949
No, it's not just you, it seems to be happening all over the site. It looks like some kind of misguided attempt to implement a "nested" comment system, where replies are placed under the original post and indented to the right... except that it's not actually following the conversation threads; it seems to be just clumping posts together at random.
What kids these days come up with, and especially WHERE do they come up with, I'll never know.
Fun thing is that I'm not even that old myself, yet thanks to this I feel way too old already
Nice little fic there though, got a chuckle or two or more out of me.
4970904
put in Orgasmic Scream drink and you will come up with a lot of ways to mix it.
I know that feeling twi ... I know that feeling ...
4972016 Funny, haven't seen that till just now. Well, it's not just one person seeing it, anyway.
4970292 No. Don't bring that hideous thing here. That is the music of idiots and people who have won the Darwin Awards.
4974008
Yeah, I've noticed that too -- it's not doing it on every story's comments section, just some of them. I wonder if Knighty accidentally uploaded some beta-test code into the main site somewhere.
4974052 It seems that it only happens on posts made by one certain user who figured out how to do it.
4974039
Learn how to take a joke, man
4971074
No. Not publicly in a bar at least. My family forbade sliding classes on misguided, legalistic religious grounds. Significant Other offered (in moderation of course) to help with some lighter regional English dialects. I am just unsure on how well I can actually handle the spoons, and the last thing I want to do is end up getting treatment in a clinic for sliding a class without spoons.
4975127 hmm. I am not going to lie, I thought you were being serious. Well played good sir, now I am a fool for believing you actually liked lil wayne. I applaud you, and since I was fooled once, I have brought shame onto myself. But I shall not be fooled twice.
4970085
Actually with the ingestion of alcohol mentioned in the fic and other activities alluded to are correct would would most likely lead to a population boom, and not necessarily the brightest ponies would be the ones propagating.
Found a few mistakes in here bud:
There shouldn't be an apostrophe on within.
Do I even want to know...
You might be missing the word the before crown in the top line.
4975914
Alright, I'm glad you can take a joke
After reading the story, I was pleased.
After reading the comments, I was confused. This is an actual phrase that beings outside of the poines in this story actually use?! I am so out of touch.
4977621 quickmeme.com/img/a9/a9207b883c6e69face34f4ea1b72d9d760896bd9e87db497e44a34c177dae175.jpg
4969832
it's a song by that guy that's always yelling things.
and actually it means something along the lines of im not turning down my (music party whathave you)
also late fic is late :O
entertaining though ^_^
Oh god. I never even watched the music video for this until now. Can't stop laughing
[youtube=HMUDVMiITOU]
4980002 That is without a doubt the greatest music video I've ever seen.
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All of you need to watch the video in sneaky's post. it's the song inspiring the fic, and before you say anything, yes, i know many of you despise that type of music. but guys, the music video is just so damn funny. My sides are now in decaying low earth orbit.
4980317 Are you sure that's the best video ever?
"Turn Down For What" applies to every Breaking Bnejamin song ever.
4980317
You are absolutely correct. I haven't been that entertained since Psi.
4980317
Live-replying:
Thankfully, my phone has enough signal to load this streaming. I work in a deep concrete bunker. Okay... convulsing on a roof... what the heck groin of admantium... I wish I could do that through a phone... and then I can see everything, I can see it all... property damage FTW... my renter's insurance is going up just because I'm watching this... what is happening to that large woman? Oh Celestia no - nooo... now it's just turning into a slow-response Harlem Shake... didn't that cop have his face melted? Just put your face right in there, officer, yeah... That's me sleeping through a party, no wait, it's everyone - everyone except Mr. Happy there.
Final Result:
Why?
Why? Turn down for what. That's why.