- Member Since 16th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen Mar 5th, 2015
FalloutFilly
I'm very sorry at the incredible lack of updates, I have some personal stuff going on and getting my PC back to normal, so updates will be extremely scarce. I deeply apologize for this.
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I can't whether I should d'aaw or say this is hot.
4555267 That's what I was going for, but it's up to you to decide.
4555282 fuck you and you're ability to know what I'm looking for!
4555325 Just think, this is the first clop I've ever written.
4555341 I commend you even more. Time for some subtle advertising.
4555347 No, I let my stories speak for themselves. But if you want check out some of my other stories. They have more of a romance setting, but they're good in their own aspect. They do have Alicorn OCs however. Or my first published story, TwiliShy, if you like human female-female relationships that's a good one.
4555353 subtle advertising (for me) is adding to groups. It pulls people in, makes it so more people will be interested. I like to share good things with those searching for it.
I actually only have one critique. The ending probably should've been drawn out. More detail. Just a small thing I noticed.
4555398 *Cadence's voice* No no no, this is just the beginning.
4555408 oh, that's good.
4555433 Yes, if you remember it said in the A/N it would be a longer clop, updated occasionally. BTW I will do the *Cadence's voice* thing quite often, I just love her voice.
4555448 ... Eeyup.
4555454 I just wanted to tell you so you didn't go like 'what the Hell is wrong with him, is he bi-polar or something?'
PS I like to have fun with the character emotion tags. Also if you have any requests say something, I'll be happy to try.
4555462 yeah, I have a bunch of personas following my comment around.
Stop mentioning us to random people.
4555469 Is that bad?
4555474 some people here do it. I didn't see any harm in doing it myself as long as I know when not to do it (like around those damn trolls).
4555485 Oh, i see. Well, hmm.
IDK.
It's Dawwws and Hot.... It's Dawt!
4555916 Have not heard that one before. But good description.
Hey bud, here are some good pointers to fix up your description, because it is just WAAAAAY too long!
We already know all of this from the episode. Delete all of this.
Being in heat isn't something you can touch. You saying rushing on their heat is like saying that I'm rubbing my flu; it just cannot happen.
...Did you even watch the episode? The flower is not alive, but the Tatzelwurm that was beneath the flower is.
So you're telling me, if you're horny and someone dragged you down a shaft against your will, you'd be okay with that? Hell no. If someone drags you away against your will, they're not gonna want to help you; they want to do you harm. Also, once again, it's not a flower that's doing it to them, but the Tatzelwurm.
If Discord saw his so-called friends be dragged away against their will, you'd think he'd just stand there and do nothing? Lol okay. Again, it's not a flower.
This is completely unnecessary. Delete all of this.
-----------------------
Instead, just use something along these lines:
While in heat, both Twilight and Cadence get captured by the Tatzelwurm, and much to their surprise, instead of being devoured, they experience pleasures that no mare has ever felt before.
-----
Obviously, edit that to fit your story, but you literally don't need anything more than that. You literally just told me your entire story in the description, so why would I want to read your story? I already know what's going on, so there's no point.
Also, add this story to as many groups as possible if you want to get more views, followers, favorites, all that good stuff. People love a good tentacle fic.
So yeah, I hoped this helped! Send me a PM or reply to my comment if you want more tips; I'd be happy to help!
Also, I read a little bit of the actual clop. For your first clopfic, it's definitely not bad. All you have to do is find a bunch of good, well-written clopfics and study all of the details. Keep it up!
4556008 For the episode description I did that because I know some people may not have seen it, and those who did may have forgotten.
As for the wind on their heat I meant that as the wind was rushing on their marehoods, making the sensation worse.
Like my first comment I did see the episode a while ago so some of it slipped my mind, but I made somewhat of an edit, I figured the 'flower' would be more sensitive and caring to their problem as opposed to a Tatzelwurm.
And if I was horny and/or in heat enough, I would do something just to get rid of it, like Cadence said "I might even have you or Discord get me off just to get rid of this."
As for Discord leaving I should mention he thinks they're just acting so they don't have to get the petal, plus he's the master of chaos, he don't give a fuck, except about Fluttershy. Also the vines gave them a desensitizing magic, giving them a sense of security and safety, so it wasn't completely against their will.
For the end part, yeah it was unnecessary, but I wanted people to know how the story came to be, but I guess if people wanted to know they could ask.
Overall, I will work on making it shorter, but I want to keep the original idea of the flower and delete unneeded stuff like the end part.
As for the clop portion, I'm going to fangirl a little here, but you were actually the reason I decided to do a tentacle clop-fic, specifically the story 'Into The Darkness'. You are so awesome!
.
If we could do a collab sometime I'd be happier than Cadence and Twilight. Like I said I will cut down the size notably, but keep the ideas.
I don't understand how they can stay so calm around those monsters.
I mean, ponies feast on innocent plants all the time!
4558536 The vines had a certain magic, not dark magic, but not equine magic either, it's more of a sensual magic. It controls the hormones in and animal, or human if you wish, you can make them calm, aroused, angry, tired, anything you could think of, but the vines wanted to help with Twilight and Cadence's 'problem', so it used the calming sensation.
Dawt.
This is actually a very good story, despite being a clopfic. I'm interested where this will go in the near future.
4563643 Honestly, I am as well, I make it up as I go, just remember I don't update regularly, so check back often.
This story had me laughing the whole time. I don't know why. It's just... the vines' way of communicating is so... unique. I've read about three other vine-sexing-ponies stories and you're the first to make the vine communicate like it has feelings.
I can't wait for more!
4564978 I got the idea from The Abyss, his story, Into The Darkness, it has 'friendly' tentacles to, but I made mine even more friendly.
4567130 Cool. I might check out his story y'know? Sounds cool.