What would you do if you left home for a week, and no one remembered you when you returned? An alternate take on the MLP FiM comic: The Return of Queen Chrysalis.
Cover image credited to dA user: MisterCrowbar
Chapters (33)
- Member Since 18th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 19th, 2017
Brolkier
Military Brony. Saving lives one pony at a time.
Brolkier
Joined 18th Jan, 2014 ·
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Awesome dude !!
It seem to be legit
At what time in the show does this story take place?
4581912 It takes place between the 2nd and 3rd seasons. It's also an alternate take on the MLP FIM comic: The Return of Queen Chrysalis, which is set at the same time between the seasons.
POOR DERPY :hug: NIce job on this chapter :
4647761 Thanks
I'll be sure she gets a muffin before this is all over.
4648283
I am gad to hear that Derpy so always have a muffin when she want one
ok i head people call Princess Celestia call her Sunbutt I haven't heard people call Luna Moonbutt. That really made my day
4722015 Glad you got a laugh.
I think I actually heard Moonbutt before I heard Sunbutt.
Twilight could try some catch phrases with Celestia and Luna and see how they react, maybe like that she could get their attention
"Elements of Harmony" "Mare in the Moon" "Nightmare Moon"
4937042 She's only had run-ins with Luna so far, but I'm sure she'll meet up with Celestia again at some point.
To be honest, it still seems surprising that she hasn't tried having Spike send a letter. Hmm?
4938080 Because Chrysalis could intercept them maybe, or maybe the link is wrong, who knows.
Even if she is running, she could shot the key words to see if she remember something, after all, it seems the memory change from around 7 years, because of that, there must be maybe some inconsistence, something they don't think.
Also it make me question... What happened about Cadence? She is still a Alicorn also, the princess of love and is dating with Twilight Brother, if they forgot Twilight but remember Cadence, could be a step to the right way, and also Twilight parents could remember her and help.
4938762 I had originally intended to include the Crystal Empire and said ponies in the story, but scrapped the idea after deciding on the ending. This story is an alternate take on the first arc of the comics, so branching to the Crystal Empire seemed hard to fit in with what I'm writing. Also, this story takes place before Twilight's even been to the Crystal Empire, so it wouldn't make much sense to include them anyway.
Also, fun fact to consider:
What would be the issue with Chrysalis trying to manipulate ponies in the Crystal Empire as well? Do you think there might have been something preventing her from reaching there, given her species?
4938975
It's the first comic, but it was bassed AFTER Canterlot Invasion, Twilight already knew Chrysalis... From when? From the wedding of Cadence and Shining Armor, even if there is no Crystal Empire (Because in theory appeared [maybe] a little after the wedding) Cadence and Shining must be somewhere in the castle of canterlot.
So even if the Crystal Empire do not exist in this time, Cadence and Shining still exist...
4938994 I was hinting at the fact that insects don't handle the cold very well.
[For the sake of this story]
Chrysalis' forces wouldn't have been able to make it all the way up to the Crystal Empire, as their insect like bodies would not have been able to handle the cold.
We'll also assume that the Crystal Empire has been around long enough for Princess Cadence and Shining Armor to make their way up there, but not long enough for Sombra to come back, and thereby get Princess Celestia's attention.
Sorry if I just ruined the story for anyone hoping to see Princess Cadence/Shining Armor/Crystal Ponies/Crystal Empire at all, but it's just the direction that I want to take this story in.
If it makes anyone feel better though, the story is only around the half-way point, so there's still plenty more to look forward to!
then, changing a little the discussion...
Luna still remember the time as Nightmare Moon... Right? Twilight could use that? I mean, even with the memory changed, there are a couple of things they could not fit, like how changed from Nightmare Moon to Luna, and how could it be seven years ago, when in that time she was in the moon.
Is the first Spitfire here a typo and should be Soarin, and Spitfire is confirmed as a stone cold bitch, or is this indicating that "Spitfire" is a changeling?
5026665
Replying to myself!
Seems she's just a bitch.
5026759 Thank you for catching that typo, it was supposed to be Soarin.
I wouldn't say that Spitfire is a stone-cold bitch. She's just trying to do what she thinks is right.
Besides, in every episode so far where Spitfire has been a big part of the plot, she's always come off really rash at first.
5028545
... Yeah. This is pretty consistent with what Spitfire has been shown as in the show, since in both the episodes she's in she's had a pretty basic failure as an ordinary friend, but in a way that she could still be considered a leader in some way. She apparently has to constantly be reminded other ponies matter, or she'll just decide to throw them under the bus for her convenience.
Seriously RD is not that stupid xd she is dumb but not like that
5304955 A little context would help me with knowing what part you're referring to, but let's just go with blind loyalty for now. She just wants to rescue her friends, and besides, most of the time she rushes headfirst into problems anyway.
5305240
how she is planing to get different changeling to help ? It was just ...what?
The Soarin thing is either gonna be super cathartic when he finds out, or it's gonna be super tragic.
Uhh.... How did Twilight arrive at Chrysalis no longer being able to control herself or her subjects? And why assume that the changelings are eager to attack everyone if not restrained? I don't see a logical connections there.
I'd have thought she'd be happy to find allies against Chrysalis. All I'm hearing is, "I didn't invent this plan, therefore it's teh sux."
6728826
I look at it as like bees. When the queen bee is out of the picture the drones/workers go rampant trying to prep for a new queen. The changelings would start turning Canterlot into the same thing they turned that fluffy critter town into from the original comic.
You also have to keep in mind that this is set between seasons 2 & 3. The Flim Flam brothers and Trixie weren't really trustworthy at this point, and aside from all the confusion of what's going on Twilight is more concerned with the safety of Equestria as usual. It's not that she doesn't approve of a plan to stop Chrysalis; she's just pointing out all the holes in logic like she normally would.
Just as bad? Really? I still think it sounded like a plan worth trying, and I'm not sure why Twilight was so desperate to stop them.
Good story, except the final chapters seemed a little made in hurry. But it was good.
6738749
I'll admit the end felt kinda rushed on my part as well, but also have to keep in mind that there was a year hiatus gap and many of the original ideas were forgotten. That and honestly like the show; quick resolutions seem to be the norm. Not saying I intended that on purpose, but I've also been trying to reach a more recent deadline with the story.
Either way; thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
6738296
At the end of the day the difference is between stopping an enemy via show ways (i.e. reform through magic, turn to stone, banish, Sombra wipe-out, rainbow power, and ...time travel?) and realistically (i.e. maim, mutilate, and/or kill). Like I said with the queen bee thing; the other bees freak out like that when the queen bee actually DIES. This may be an alternate-alternate reality, but no protagonist in MLP:FiM is determined to use killing as a way to resolve a situation.
Were it almost any other medium/franchise then I might agree with you, but in the case of "Mine Games" that's just how I decided it would go. Hope you enjoyed.
*GASP!* You have a homophone error...
6780701
Wow, thank you.
Corrected!
I finally managed to read through all of it.
Overall I thought it was a pretty good story. Not amazing, but certainly worth the time to read. I really liked the concept, and thought it was a pretty good rendition of tha characters. Even if they didn't act as they usually did, this was generally justified.
The biggest problem I had with it was the lack of description in general. It was something of a subtle problem, but after a while it hit me that most paragraphs were only one or two lines long. Not a problem in itself necessarily, but it resulted in very bare-bones portrayals of actions or scenes, and at times the story read as very flat. This may have also been the reason why I had trouble following sometimes, being unclear on details like who was speaking or which characters were in the room versus which were just being referred to.
There were also some issues with repetition. There were a number of places where the same information is given to the reader several times as different characters discuss it. It's understandable why it was done, but it gets tiresome to read basically the same thing over and over again, especially when each character talks about it like a new revelation. (Which it is to the character, but that fact doesn't make it any more interesting to the reader.)
If you wanted to improve your writing in the future, in my opinion those are the things to focus on.
So, overall I didn't find it to be an amazing story, but it was certainly worth the read.
6885411
Thank you for the honest review and I'm glad you took the time to read it all.