- Member Since 19th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen April 15th
Bass Canon
Greetings, fellow bronies! My alias for writing is Bass Canon, and she is my own creation. I tend to go from the family friendly slice-of-life stories to very fetishy adult stories.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Dream Searcher · 13k words · 56 9 · 5.2k views
- DirtyMind · 8.3k words · 26 8 · 673 views
- THEJamiboi · 5.4k words · 52 17 · 2.8k views
- Angelgrace · 33k words · 69 5 · 2.3k views
- LuckyLooper · 15k words · 52 19 · 3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.122 seconds
Total duration
1,003 users online
1,428,941 hits today, 2,167,270 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
oh no, the dreaded
WALL OF TEXT
Okay, you've got to make an indent before every paragraph. or else it creates the infamous "wall of text" which will put of a lot off readers, as it will lead them to believe that this story has terrible grammar, characters, plot, the whole nine yards. Basically it creates a bad first impression.
Other than that this is looking pretty good.
Everything was going hunkydory and then HALF-DEMON OC POWERS ACTIVATE! Seriously?
4483771 Well there had to be a very good reason for Bass to be able to resist her captor so that the notion od Dream being able to take on Twilight or the other princesses made sense. OC backstory is never really that crucial, but if you are worried that this makes her some demigod, don't be. This Fic suppoused to lighthearthed and fun.
4483995
I assure you, logic was left at the door. I'd read it even if there's a red/black Alicorn oc. Can't say no to hypnosis.
4484102 Commited to your desire.
4483771 Well, you gave advice on the other fic that I did. Any advice you could give here?
4484798
When the plot is "evil fetish ponies take over everything" there's not very high standards to meet, plus I can't give as good advice since I've never written anything remotely similar, nor read as much.
I'd say the problem isn't power related, but that we meet two OCs, and then it felt like the story went on a tangent on why one OC was secretly demon possessed and is suddenly also a fetish demon or something. If this was entirely to match Twilight in power level, I would say don't bother; you can never describe something she isn't capable of beating, and there's no reason a regular mortal can't beat her either. Beating her shouldn't be about who is more powerful, it should be about leverage and surprise. The protagonists shouldn't begin able to take her from the start, she should be something they work up to by enslaving minions to help subdue her and subtly weakening her or empowering themselves before springing some trap.
If you really insist on the demon thing, introduce it better. Just dumping it on us midway sucks. Try telling us at the very start she is possessed, because the opening scene is where the reader is most willing to accept crazy premises.
The whole "kid" style of speech was obnoxious in general, but that may just be me. I can't read it without imagining those hideous "pshh, nothing personal, kid" Sonic DeviantArt images.
4485241 Ah, so the demon OC is your main problem, huh? Very well, she isn't my OC, Dream is, but I shall talk about it with my co-writer. I do hope we can make it better for you and other readers in the future, though.
Latex and corruption? Oh, fuck yes, I'm following this one. I love it, and not just for the fetish content either.
One thing, though. Indentation needs to be a thing, or at least line spacing between paragraphs. It'll make this much more readable.
*throws hands in the air*
Why do I bother, sometimes? Every new story I check on these days is just going to disappoint me.
Can i ask if there is any sequal and or another chapter planned for this story?
And how is it going with the progression of Mistress Butterfly?
5862778 We have RP after this, but with the luke-warm reception towards OC's, the fic in question got shoved to the back.
This fic isn't dead, is it? I read this again just now, and I was reminded how much I enjoyed it.