- Member Since 19th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen April 15th
Bass Canon
Greetings, fellow bronies! My alias for writing is Bass Canon, and she is my own creation. I tend to go from the family friendly slice-of-life stories to very fetishy adult stories.
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Geart saert, i love the idea.
i hope twi becomes a bookworm mix with a ture raver.
Rated teen has sex in it.
go on.
1824968 My friend we will get there, in due time.
1825018 Indeed.
1824923 She is one complicated mare
Wow, this is really good. Can't wait for more
Wow. New chapter 13 seconds after I read the first one. Go on
1825328
Here is to more! I am hoping to finish one more chapter, now that I got the whole system of Twi's perdicament down, today.
You. Are. A. Genius.
I am patiently awaiting your next chapter....well, trying to be patient
Nice job with finding a reason behing Vinyl glasses btw, kudos to you good sir.
1825345
The story is really good, but it is one big wall of text. Everyone learns about this in their first story, including me. You need to space out the writting when they talk.
“I…I guess. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin, but I guess I am as calm as I can be in this sort of situation.” – Twilight said, visibly shaken by the whole ordeal.
“O.K. I guess you want to know what happened last night. First of all, I want to tell you that I am sorry.”
“What for? I don’t remember a thing.”
“Oh yes you do, it’s just that your dream is in fact your memory.”
“That can’t be true, I mean I did dream I was at your house, but my fur was white and I was …”
“Dryhumping the speakers?”
“Yes, that too… Wait, what?! That actually happened?!” – Twi said, as her face froze.
“Yes, Twilight Sparkle, that actually happened. And all the other stuff you said, you did in that “dream” actually did happen last night.”
You need to space out the lettering like this so it is more easily readable. If not the readers (As it happened to me) will find it difficult to see who is talking. Also when Bass cannon is talking (Not Twilight) you need it put it in italics so you know it is an eatheral being, like when people write about thinking. Hope this helps
1825364
Noted and edited
Oh ya, But i hope she become her old self, and her new self at night. like a persona.
1825920 To be honest, the ending still pretty much in the air. We'll see.
I'd love to meet Bass Cannon. I think me and her would get along just fine.
Just a quick question - what's Bass Cannon's cutie mark? Would it still be the same as Twilight's?
You've got a good idea going here, that much I'll say.
1828359 Still haven't decided. But I think it will be similar, at least.
*puts on glasses* Interesting
Is there going to be
?
1830384
1830389
Yay
I wondered if it was Rarity. However, does she dye her hair back to being purple, or some unknown power? I can't wait to find out!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!
2S2S000100FFFFFEFEE4D400101BC0000UN183720B000000P1407CFE91CAFE0N117F3FCC004CB2
BASS CANNON IN THE HOUSE!
Well, the dialogue is awkward at times, but aside from that...
WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH ARE THOSE DASHES FOR?
Ahem. They shouldn't be there. There's literally no reason for them to be there. That's not correct formatting, unless you speak some strange language where people don't know how writing works.
This is not right
“O.K. It doesn’t seem like I have a choice, do I?” – Twilight remarked in defeat.
This is
"O.K. It doesn't seem like I have a choice, do I?", Twilight remarked in defeat.
Or, if you decide to start using your big boy words, most people spell it 'okay'. And that's not even getting into the paradox of a defeated remark. All in all, it's good, but get an editor, for the love of Celestia.
Loving the plot so far, but please PLEASE get an editor, I'm begging you!
Hell I'll edit for you if you let me. I just want to see it fixed.
Official "the Beat" fan-song :
1834850 Hi, and first off I thank you for the constructive critique. I feel as I should point out some things though out first.
1. As for the lines, there is a actually a perfect explanation for them. English is not my native tongue, and even though I do some writing in it, and reading of some texts/novels, that doesn't change this fact. Me being Bosnian, and having it as my native tongue, makes it hard for me to see the flaws in the text structure. I do consider myself adept enough on a grammatical level, so those mistakes I take as really my own, but those of text struct not as much. You see, the format of informal speech in the Bosnian language can be written in this syntax:
"Person speaking" - The way and manner the speaker is speaking.
The form you provided works too, but it's not used that often. Even a structure as this allowed:
- A speaks - The manner in which A spoke
- B replies
- A speaks
And during the writing process, I never even considered this a mistake, since it just does not seem like one to me.
2. As for the editor part, I didn't really think about it, since I figured it would be a little too much to ask someone in the vein of : "Hey, I kind of want to write a fanfic, but I lack any credentials that my story would be interesting or well written, and I would love it if you would do this quickly and efficiently, since my potentially bad fanfic needs to come out soon!". Now that I see that some people, besides me, are actually enjoying the story, I would love to have someone help me on doing it justice, since it increases it's appeal as well.
As for the next part, I say I am about 40% finished, and I hope that both the first chapters get their revisions!
1835632 If you are truly interested in doing this, do PM me so I can send you a link to the .doc I am writing this story. I am sure we can work something out!
1836962 Yes I'm willing to edit it for you, I really enjoy this story and wish to do it justice. How would you prefer to communicate? (Because Just talking in comments back and forth isn't the most efficient form of communication.)
1828359 Next chapter has a certain cyan Pegasus admiring it up close, where I will describe it.
im only twelve but this is the most wonderfoul story I have read thank u kind sir for post
1866548 The pleasure is all mine.
ABABAB A I DIDNT KNOW IT WOULD BE THIS VULGAR AAHHHAHAHAHAHA IM NOT EVEN 13 IM 12 AND WHY IS THIS RATED TEEN CUASE IM ALMOST A TEEN
Uh... I think that part towards the end was a bit much. I'm not entirely sure if I want to keep reading this after that.
READ: That was too detailed. Dial it down a bit, please?
1866729 Well, the detail description was by design. It would be hard to convince the reader just how much of problem Bass's existence would be for Twilight. I wanted to convey the fact that Bass has no moral border. She is the embodiment of Twilight's mind that she can't control for now. It would no curse if the bearer doesn't have to learn to control it. Bass is Hyde, and Twilight needs to mature and learn to please her, without ruining her relationships and friendship. Sadly, no one makes the first jump.
Well, Twilight and Dash are perfect to being porn stars
Pinkie playing weird al? My life is complete!
*Reads part with Bass and Rainbow* you know what, i think i should read something innocent to calm down, like 50 shades of gray. 
1867231
Well, I guess that's OK then. As long as we don't have too many more chapters like this one, I'll be more than happy to keep reading.
(honestly, I only skimmed through the latter part of the chapter, and even that had me wishing that Brain Bleach were real. Hence the suggestion to dial it down at least a little, if there ends up being more chapters like this. Putting immense detail like that in scenes like, well, that, let alone in a story rated TEEN, is going to drive off readers like me.)
1869374 Don't worry. Now that both the reader and Twi knows what might happen to Dash if she doesn't win, that makes this fight for supremacy all the more meaningful.
I know possible worst case scenario: twilight changes back during the night.
What the buck are you doing here twilight, what happened to mistress?
Ummmm... She... was... kidnapped by Molestia? 
1870897 "Don't question my physical appearance!"
Le Whip!
"Sorry Mistress!"
Aaand there's the Mature rating.
Okay, I liked the concept overall, but you took Chapter 4 WAY too far (as I mentioned in my last comments). And with the Mature rating now on this story, I don't have much intent to keep reading anymore. Sorry, but if there is in fact going to be more like, uh, that, then I'm done.
TL;DR 500 points for concept, minus 400 for execution. Likely will not keep reading.
Ok i know twi will not go that fa, i really hope she can find a loop hole to this becasue everything have a loop hole........... wait a min....... there 2 personly in one body, if twi make a new body with out a soul she can put bass in it. ( ZSEWQ THE WOLF YOU BUCKING GUNIS YOU JUST FIND A LOOP HOLE IN THIS HA! )
1878967 I put the mature since chapter 4 more seemed rather on that side, not because I plan to go down that rabbit hole any further.
She is the Dash conqueror
Good work,
I figured the other Beatkin was either was Rarity or Octaiva.
Though that did get me thinking, How power full are they really mock one for speed and they can mess with sound, but to what end?
I also wounder if the really need to play initiation I mean I know this is a story about Twilight but I am just wondering if any new Beatkin are just accidents like Twilight?
I held of commenting until I saw what Bass Cannon could do.
this was an interesting story to begin with the music like cures.
I figured it would be a Jeckel vs. Hyde thing but the problem is they are both control freaks.
I for see this not ending well for either of them.
But still liked all the description in chapter 4 and how you impressed upon us Twilight's urgent need for supremacy.
But I hope it will be a fun ride to read, at lest to read.
By the way I take this story as it is. I know it is not to be part of the main cannon and I am just poking fun here when I say it but may I just say,
If the Beatkin can see changeling then why didn't Rarity see the fake Candace? Ha!
Like I said I am enjoying reading this story and I hope you continue.
Good luck in the future
1882918 Rarity did see Chrisylis, but if she said anything, Celestia would have found out and every single Sister would have been banished, including her
. I am back to writing the story after New Year's Eve, so stay tuned.
Yay for fast editing and Mediafire!
1900493 Yay indeed!
1868159
I had to read that part four times before I could focus enough to edit it. You don't even want to know.
...........Interesting............ More please?
1900514 Imagine writing it
