Use Your Imagination
Rain thudded against the roof. A damp gust of wind seeped from underneath the window, which caused Apple Bloom to bind her blankets closer around her. A few tissues fell from the movement. Apple Bloom gave a sigh and picked them up. Her nose felt like cement from the snot blockade; she shoved a cleaner tissue to her muzzle and huffed.
Apple Bloom tossed the wads of snot drenched tissues into her waste basket and missed. With a groan of frustration, she slid out of bed; her blankets dragged behind her, and she cleaned up her mess. Apple Bloom then gazed out of her window and rubbed her eyes. It just wasn’t fair. This weather was perfect for the CMC to try and get their cutie mark in water collecting. It was a stretch for sure, and Apple Bloom would be lying if she didn’t say that part of the reason was just to allow them an excuse to play in the rain, but with her stupid cold that was generously given to her by Big Mac, that dream of trying out water collecting was ruined.
“Stupid rain,” Apple Bloom grumbled. She stared harder at the rain, trying to see if she could will this wild rain to go away.
A knock at her door pulled the filly away. Apple Bloom clambered into bed just as the door swung open, which revealed Applejack and two filled which caused her eyes to grow twice in size.
“Sweetie Belle? Scootaloo?” Apple Bloom croaked.
“Hi Apple Bloom.” Sweetie Belle said before stepping inside.
“How’ve you been hanging on?” Scootaloo asked as she took a seat on top of Apple Bloom’s toy box.
“Though ya might’ve wanted some company,” Applejack said, “Ah’ll be back later y’all. But if ya’ll need anything, just give me ah holler.”
Once Applejack was gone, the three friends looked around the room.
“So, what do y’all want ta d-ACHOO!” A gigantic sneeze overtook Apple Bloom, which caused her to flip out of bed just as the stormy wind plucked a stick from a tree.
“Are you okay?” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo asked.
“Yup, ah’m okay.” Apple Bloom said before she picked herself up, “So, what do y’all want to play?”
Just then, the wild wind whacked the stick at the window, making them jump. Scootaloo rushed to the window and opened it, sending in a vigorous gale and a flood that begun to cloak everything in water.
“Close the window, Scootaloo!” Sweetie Belle shouted over the wind’s howl.
Scootaloo grabbed the stick and then closed the door, and with it, their voices. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom shot daggers at Scootaloo who had a sheepish grin.
“Is yer head full of bricks? What was that fer?” Apple Bloom said as she tried to get rid of her damp coat with her blanket.
“This stick looked cool. Plus, we can probably use it for something.” Scootaloo said while she presented the stick to her friends. The water turned it into a dark brown, and the wind smoothed it.
“What should it be then?” Sweetie Belle questioned.
“We could play heroes.” Apple Bloom said.
“Okay, I call dibs on this as my weapon.” Scootaloo said.
“Apple Bloom should get it since she’s sick.” Sweetie Belle replied.
Scootaloo grumbled but gave the stick to Apple Bloom who graciously took it.
With a smile, Sweetie Belle trotted over to the toy box and levitated several multicolored wooden cubes before stacking them up to represent towers. Sweetie Belle then wrapped her magic around a few pony action figures and scattered them around the block towers.
“Okay, so who wants to be the villain, and who wants a hero?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“What do you mean by a hero, there are three of us.” Scootaloo said.
Sweetie puffed out her chest, “I call first dibs on a hero.”
“Ah’ll be ah hero then.” Apple Bloom said before coughing into her blanket.
“But I’m always the villain!” Scootaloo whined.
“You’re just really good at it.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Fine,” Scootaloo grumbled, yet a small smile threatened to break out on her face.
“Okay, there’s some costumes hanging in ta closet.” Apple Bloom said.
Scootaloo threw the closet door open and rummaged through the pile of clothing while Sweetie Belle levitated a simple white tunic over her head and, using a few scraps of paper and scissors, cut out a pair of floppy wings. She then, with the help of Apple Bloom holding them in place, taped the makeshift wings on her sides. With a quick jump to make sure they would stick, Apple Bloom grabbed her case of markers and the two drew a sun on Sweetie’s flank.
“Ya look like ta spittin’ image of Princess Celestia.” Apple Bloom grinned.
Sweetie Belle peered at her reflection in the water cloaked window, her eyes sparkled at her reflection.
“Hey, somepony help!” Scootaloo shouted, breaking Sweetie Belle’s trance as she looked at her friend whose front half was inside a familiar wolf costume.
“Where the hay did that come from?” Apple Bloom questioned as she and Sweetie Belle tried to pull their friend through the grayish costume.
When Scootaloo was finally able to get the costume on correctly she ran a hoof through her messy mane, “Dad’s allergic to cotton, so I thought it’d be okay to store it at your place.” She chuckled nervously before flipping the hood on top of her head, “I thought I told you about it.”
“Ya didn’t.” Apple Bloom said.
Sweetie Belle clasped her hooves together, “No time to dawdle on the past, are we going to play or what?”
Scootaloo grinned, puffed out her chest, and stomped towards the city of block towers where plastic ponies obliviously waited. However, before Scootaloo could knock over a tower, something ran smack into her side, knocking off Scootaloo’s balance and causing her to crash onto the apple wood floor. Shaking her head, Scootaloo looked to see Apple Bloom taking a few steps away, a smile dazzling her face.
“What was that for!?” Scootaloo shouted as she stood back up.
“Ah’m just stopping the villain from destroying Ponyville.” Apple Bloom replied before pumping up a hoof in the air, “Scootaloo, be prepared ta face Princess Celestia and Blanket Mare!”
“Her name’s a work in progress.” Sweetie Belle piped up while levitating a tissue to Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo scowled at her friends, blew a tuff of her hair out of her eye, and slinked around the back of the city. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle noticed what she was doing and split off in two directions.
“With Ponyville under our protection, we will stop you.” Sweetie Belle sang.
Time seemed to slow down for the three fillies as silence overtook them. Only the pitter patter of the rain and Apple Bloom’s sniffling broke the silence.
Scootaloo took a deep breath and inched forward, her friends doing the same. Sweetie Belle lit up her horn and Apple Bloom dug her hoof into the floor. Scootaloo took another breath and as the wind sliced through the waterfall of raindrops, Scootaloo shattered the tension in one fell swoop.
“Stop her!” Apple Bloom shouted.
Scootaloo’s muscles rippled throughout her body as she leaped into the air and, using her wings like a hummingbird, glided into the block towers. She felt her tail being tugged by Sweetie’s magic and Apple Bloom wacked the stick on Scootaloo’s side, but it was too late.
Crash!
Scootaloo looked up and found that she was covered in wooden cubes and, when she stood up, found several plastic ponies that were crushed underneath her weight. With a grin, Scootaloo pumped her hoof into the air.
“Victory!” She hollered.
“Dagnabbit!” Apple Bloom said as she slammed the stick onto the ground.
“As Princess Celestia, I admit defeat wolf creature.” Sweetie Belle said.
Scootaloo stood up on her back legs with a vile grin, “Yes, everypony will bow down whenever they hear the name…Dark Wolf!”
“Dark Wolf?” Apple Bloom snickered.
“It’s better than Blanket Mare.” Scootaloo said.
“It’s a work in progress.” Apple Bloom shot back.
Sweetie Belle smiled at her friends’ antics while using her magic to levitate the blocks and figurines back in place. She then turned to gaze out of the window, a small smile appeared on her face as she saw that the rain beginning to turn into a drizzle.
“Looks like the rain is-“Sweetie Belle chuckled when she saw that Apple Bloom was smothering Scootaloo with her blanket.
“Stop!”
“Never!”
Luckily, the door swung open. Everypony looked up and saw Applejack trot inside with a plate of chocolate chip cookies balanced on her hoof.
“Thought y’all might be hungry.” She said.
“Thanks sis.” Apple Bloom took the plate from Applejack with a smile.
Applejack looked around. She frowned at the water stains in the room. Applejack raised an eyebrow at her sister, “Apple Bloom,”
“We’ll clean it up, thanks for the cookies bye.” Apple Bloom shoved her sister out of her room and closed the door.
“We?” Scootaloo questioned.
“You were the one who opened the window in the first place.” Sweetie Belle said.
Scootaloo gazed down at the stick and gently picked it up, “Yeah, but it was totally worth it.”
Apple Bloom set the plate down. Her friends took their place around the plate and dove in. The velvety chocolate melted in their mouth.
The sun was now ushering the clouds away. However, the three fillies couldn’t care less. Their stomachs were entirely stuffed full of cookies.
Apple Bloom felt sleep overtake her. She pulled her blanket tightly around her and closed her eyes. Next it was Sweetie Belle. She curled up against Apple Bloom’s side and fell asleep. Lastly, Scootaloo staggered to Apple Bloom’s free side, stretched her wings, and fell into slumber. The sunlight bathed them in a warm glow.
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This was cute, and absolutely well written. Keep it up! Maybe... Sequel?
is it just me or is that first part ispired by the powerpuff girls?
4492636
You are correct!
4491052
Maybe, I'll see what I can do.
Well that was a really cute story.
Aww, nice homage to the PPGs. I loved that episode and this fic!
4631405
Thank you!I grew up on the PPG, so I had a fun time making this story.
4631416 I can tell, great job!
This was a really cute and simple story. There isn't too much to say about it because of the simplicity, however i will try.
Grammar was very good. I honestly didn't see any errors. There was one spot that confused me:
I don't really get the periods. I have no idea if that references to something or you just put it that way. But, other than that, it was great for grammar
The story itself was cute and I did get a chuckle out of the scene with Winona playing as Scootaloo, but other than that I didn't see much comedy so its not completely necessary for the comedy tag (my opinion tho)
Even though this is supposed to be short and sweet, I cant help but think you could add a little more to it. Not like anything extra to add on with what has happened already, but more on what they did. Ex: Scootaloo terrorizing the town more, Scootaloo trying to put up a fight before Winona actually gets her, or the others join in to try to stop her. Its merely a suggestion. Story is still great how it is.
5 out of 10 for Comedy
10 out of 10 for Slice of Life
10 out of 10 for grammar
9 out of 10 for overall story.
A like for this good story and a moustache.
4660266
thank you.
The part that confused you was a ponyfied version of this.
4661463
..... OH Snap! This story is a spinoff of Powerpuff Girls(I liked that show dont judge me) slightly!
(just reread it.) Now i have to say this story has been upped on the cool meter! I knew it sounded slightly familiar.
4662650
I really loved the Powerpuff Girls and use to watch them when I was little. So to show my love, I made this story.
4662666
great job then
You use the word "board" instead of "bored" in your short description, "earth pony" is two words and not one, the abbreviation for "madam" is "ma'am" and not "mam", when "princess" is used as a title in front of a name it should be capitalized, and you have the apostrophe in the wrong place in "y'all" (it's a contraction for "you all").
4758216
Thank you for pointing those flaws out. I fixed them.
Nice short little story here. Though the cover art made me think it was going to be sad before I read the tags.
4863266 Yeah, couldn't quiet find a fitting picture.
Okay, I'm going to start off by saying that this was absolutely adorable. I was smiling and chuckling at this the whole time. I feel that the crossover tag is unnecessary, though. At best, you are referencing the material, and the tag really isn't needed. Anyway...
You have really good punctuation, until you reach dialogue.
You need a period after complained. And the she after the exclamation point needs to be capitalized.
You want to try to avoid doing this as often as possible. Don't be afraid to keep using their names, it doesn't hurt anything.
You need a period after houses, and then you can delete she answered happily. You don't have to have a variant of "said" after every piece of dialogue. Actions can work just as well. For example:
This can be:
Doing this will make the story flow more nicely, and also look more clean. You also cut out a bit of telling by doing this.
Another example:
Period after stool, and then cut "Sweetie said." You just told us that she is smiling and sitting on the stool, so it is redundant to also tell us that she is speaking. The actions tell us without you telling us.
This was just flat out stupid cute. I loved it. *Apple Bloom and Scootaloo stopped arguing*
This made me laugh, but again, you should use her name instead of the Pegasus.
Anyway, you get the point by now. You're a good storyteller and a decent writer. You just need to get your dialogue punctuation under control and use the character's names more often. Also, try using actions to show who is speaking instead of telling the reader so often. Talk to you again soon!
5314110 Thank you!
5316165
I see you fixed the errors already. Just two things.
You need a period after shouted, and change the second Scootaloo to "she"
You still have a couple punctuation errors, but nowhere near as many as before. Example:
You should have a comma after back, not a period. Unless you want to remove the replied, but that would be tricky in this sentence.
Cute...cute...cute...too cute....CUTE CUTE!!! AUUUGGHHH!!!
6777018 Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
A few errors but honestly this was very well in character. Amazing job.
8510939
Thank you! I should be able to get to one of your stories tomorrow
8513255
Thank you, I hope you enjoy whatever story catches your eyes.