The Mailbox: Reloaded

by bats

Week Eight

July 10th

Dash coughed as what seemed like fire filled her lungs. Her eyes squinted trying to look through the smoky room .

“You know, Dad, those come in food form, right? It’s the chemical stuff that you need, not the smoking part.”

Blaze grinned at his daughter. “But, Rainy, I’m getting... blazed.” He broke into a fit of uncontrollable laughter before coughing in pain.

Dash shook her head. “If you weren’t a dying old stallion, you’d get curb-stomped, mark my words.” Despite herself, she couldn’t help but grin a little.

Her father merely retorted with warm laughter.

Life in Luna Pier had settled in relatively well in the week since Dash made her return to her father. In fact, more than settled, life overall seemed to have been restored entirely. Perhaps it was just the reconciled emotions, or even just the presence of another pony, but the emotional baggage Dash had once had with her father’s imminent passing had departed her. All that was left to do was care for him on the last leg of his life, and help him enjoy it to its fullest.

She definitely had Pinkie Pie to thank for that new outlook. In she came, balancing a plate loaded with multicolored cupcakes. She blinked and took a couple of quick sniffs. “Wow, it seriously smells just like Vinyl’s apartment after one of her crazy parties.” Setting the plate down near Blaze, she grinned at Dash. “Hope Dashie doesn’t get too hiiiiigh.”

Dash snorted. “What am I, twelve?”

Blaze nearly choked on his cupcake. “Twelve, Rainy? Really?”

Dash shrugged. “Yeah, really.”

Blaze shook his head. “Oh, you kids starting younger and younger, I swear,” he muttered under his tired breath before taking another satisfied bite. “Although,” he spoke through chewing. “I guess I’m not one to judge.” He swallowed before giving a smirk. “But, of course, I have a medical excuse.”

“We’ve been over this, Dad. There’s zero reason for you to be causing a fire hazard in your own living room.” Dash picked up one of the cupcakes and took a lengthy whiff before chowing down. “Pinkie, I can’t tell you how much I miss these friggin’ cupcakes.”

“I knew I should’ve sent some in the mail,” came a muffled voice. Apparently Pinkie had decided to wear a gas mask while in the smoky room.

Blaze cocked an eyebrow. “...Kid, where’d you get the–”

“Dad,” Dash interjected as she hurriedly shook her head. “Not worth asking.”

Blaze simply shrugged as he reclined back into his easy chair. His eyes were becoming noticeably bloodshot. “Now, Rainy, what I wanna know is how does a kid like you, uh... you know, suddenly care about, like, fire exits and stuff.”

“Fire hazards?” Dash asked.

“Yeah, yeah, that, that. Mind’s a... mind’s starting to drift in my dear old age.” He started to inexplicably snicker.

“Uh-huh. Old age,” Dash retorted in monotone. “Well, when you’re sleeping at some griffon house party, and have to get out and run for your life because some idiot set the whole apartment ablaze because of one lit cigarette, you’re a little more careful about stuff like smoking indoors.”

“Y’know what your problem was, right?” Pinkie asked, mask now off so Dash could see her smug face in all its glory. “It was a griffon party, not a Pinkie party.”

“Well, nothing beats a Pinkie party, obviously,” Dash said as she returned the grin. “...Well, okay, probably a Cheese Sandwich party, but still.”

Blaze’s eyes shot wide open. “...You crazy kids have parties devoted to grilled cheese? ...Man, I’m hungry for one, now.” He started giggling again.

Pinkie laughed along with him. “No, silly. Cheese Sandwich is a pony, not grilled!” She waltzed over to Dash and slowly inserted a cupcake into her mouth. “And I thought we agreed to never ever ever compare our parties again ‘cause they’re both, like, equally super amazing fun.”

Dash swallowed the cupcake in one bite. Once she gulped the pastry, she looked to Pinkie with a smirk and replied, “Yeah... but only his were epic.”

The party pony narrowed her eyes, leaning forward so her muzzle connected with Dash’s. “You reeeeeeally wanna go there?”

Her smirk turned to a grin. “Dunno, maybe I wanna push your buttons.”

“The only button you can push is my belly, and I ain’t giggling wildly over here,” Pinkie said. After a pause she decided to bat Dash’s ear playfully.

“Okay then,” Dash said as she placed her hoof on Pinkie’s belly button, shoving her to the other end of the couch with a bounce. “Are we laughing, now?”

Pinkie’s tail flicked up, covering her preciously vulnerable tummy. “Please don’t tickle me, Dashie, I can’t take it!” Her eyes wandered to the stallion in the room. “Not in front of your high as a kite stuck in your house daddy, anyways.”

Blaze looked at both mares in utter confusion. “...There something, I’m missing, here? Rainy, what’s your deal with this girl?”

Dash shrugged. “She’s my friend, Dad, what of it?”

“Uh... nothing’s, like, of it.” His eyes shot wide open again. “But what if, like, what was for it, or even to it.”

“Either you’re smoking too much, or you are the biggest lightweight I know,” Dash proclaimed. “My own father.”

“Oh, feh,” he responded with a hoof wave. “Gag me with a spoon.” He looked to Pinkie and asked, “Do the kids still say that? Used to be said a lot in my day... woof. Starting to sound like an old fogey. Speaking of which, they say that one, either?”

“Not really anymore, Mr. Blaze,” Pinkie replied, shaking her head.

“Great Scott,” he breathed a sigh. “This is heavy.” Blaze grinned and looked to Pinkie and Dash again, but was met with blank stares, causing him to frump. “Oh come on, Rainy, I showed you that one like a hundred times!”

“Not gonna lie, Dad, I probably slept through all of those riveting movie nights,” Dash responded dryly.

“And again with your fancy new words,” Blaze sighed.

“Y’know, I’m starting to think Dashie has a sleeping problem. I mean, she naps all the time!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Although it is cute seeing her try to make a li’l nest in a cloud.”

Dash recoiled in mild horror. “You... watch me when I sleep?”

“From what Pinkie tells me, Rainy, you sleep in broad daylight.” Blaze inhaled another puff from his joint. “I guess you might say that, in the sunlight, you get...”

“Don’t. You. Dare.” Dash began crumpling up a nearby newspaper as she grit her teeth to the limit.

Blaze snickered. “Baked!” He laughed and laughed as a wad of newspaper hit him square between the eyes.

Pinkie giggled loudly, clutching her stomach. “Oh wow, Dashie, you never told me your dad was such a great comedian!”

Dash pointed to her friend with a humorless expression. “You will not encourage him.”

“I dunno…” Pinkie moved towards Dash, sporting a wide grin. She went close to her ear and whispered, “I’m sure we could bake up some trouble.”

Dash growled.

“And,” Blaze interjected after another hit. “If we get famous, Rainy might go green with envy.”

“We’ll weed out the competition, for sure,” Pinkie added, barely suppressing her laughter.

The teeth began grinding.

“Our act will perform at only the best joints.”

“We’ll reach new highs like never before!”

The eye began twitching.

“We’re ganja make it to the top, Pinkie.”

“Being a bit blunt there, aren’t ya, Mr. Blaze?”

“Well, that’s only because I believe in us so much, kid. Our act is completely dope, and–”

“SHUT UP! THE BOTH OF YOU!” Dash jumped on top of the coffee table, posed like a bull ready to charge. Her wings were flared and stretched to their very limit, side to side. Between her heavy breaths, she gritted through her teeth: “Puns. Aren’t. Funny.”

“Okaaaaay,” Pinkie chuckled, forced and awkward. “I think maybe the fumes are messing with ponies’ heads just a teeny bit.”

“Yeah, Rainy,” Blaze chuckled as he took another hit of his dwindling joint. “I think you might be going on a trip.”

Dash merely feel to the floor in defeat as her father and friend continued giggling.

Comments

[Starlight Shadow]

I love Blaze.

[Emtu]

Man, it's chapters like this one that make me wish there were a way to upvote chapters individually.

[Anko]

“SHUT UP! THE BOTH OF YOU!” Dash jumped on top of the coffee table, posed like a bull ready to charge. Her wings were flared and stretched to their very limit, side to side. Between her heavy breaths, she gritted through her teeth: “Puns. Aren’t. Funny.”

Afraid I'm going to have to disagree Dashie. I almost fell outta my seat laughing.

[Crimson Dawn]

I love this chapter, Blaze, and how the three characters interact.

[Tiran]

puns aren't that funny, but the over the top reactions some people have usually are.

[MariusIoannesP]

Dash merely feel to the floor in defeat as her father and friend continued giggling.

I think you mean "fell to the floor" whoever it is that wrote this.

“Yeah... but only his were epic.”

Cheese Sandwich is so epic he once threw eight parties eight days in a row. It was quite Tacky and riddled with Word Crimes, First World Problems, and Sport Songs, but in the end he was quite Handy with the Foil. That's his Lame Claim to Fame. It's part of his Mission Statement. That's what I call Mandatory Fun.
...

“Great Scott,” he breathed a sigh. “This is heavy.” Blaze grinned and looked to Pinkie and Dash again, but was met with blank stares, causing him to frump. “Oh come on, Rainy, I showed you that one like a hundred times!”

They have Back to the Future in Equestria.

Medical marijuana use in an MLP fanfic. That's new.

Well this was a decided change of pace. There are some things the epistolary format just doesn't do justice to. However, are we still going to get more letters? Are be going to see what the other ponies are up to? These are just two of the many questions that need to be answered next time this story comes around lest this just become "The Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie get shipped while dealing with Rainbow's dad dying from cancer Show." Anyway, I'm still loving it. It's quite possibly better than the last Mailbox Compilation. Keep up the good work.

[Crimson Dawn]

I hope this story is still updatig. I was getting into the PinkieDash.

[Steel Resolve]

4796728 Sadly enough, looks like it's not. I too was enjoying that. But four out of six authors are doing more important things (Bookplayer had a baby) so it petered out. We had a similar problem last year, Rarity and Fluttershy's writers were away for long stretches, Rarity was replaced by yours truly.

Ah well, it was a good attempt. But like most remakes, aspirations alone don't make for a better finished product.