You've done it. You've achieved your dream. You're now in the magical land of Equestria. You don't know how, you don't know why, but you don't care. You're happy now. And that's all that matters.
Except, everything is wrong. The trees of the Everfree stand petrified and old. The vibrant sky of blue hangs grey with decay. The land lays jagged and cracked, with stone pillars of earth towering beyond the heavens. Monsters both ghastly and unfamiliar roam unchecked. And no matter how much you search, not a single living pony remains.
What happened to this land to turn it into such a hollowed shell?
A story with a minimalistic plot, leaving most to the reader to put the pieces of details and lore together.
Inspired by Dark Souls.
Chapters (2)
I really need to get back and start finishing up my Evangelion crossover story again.
Who's even going to read this?
4326951
I am bitch!
4326951 ill give it a shot when it has a second chapter. untill then ill hold it in my vault of read later.
This is kinda interesting. Do please continue.
4326951
I'll read this when I get around to it, in school right now.
It actually looks really cool.
This reminds me of a video game tutorial. Not sure if that was intentional, but it's pretty neat. And I can't help but like anything that mocks popular brony culture, so you get my vote.
Of course, don't let our awful opinions decide if you continue, only type more if you want to! Now then, Ethesto away!
*Floats off into the distance to pollinate hapless flowers*
This seems to be an interesting start, combined with an inside joke of those convention-cosplay fics.
If we are going to see the things that are in the description, then I suggest using this music as the theme of a scene (or whole chapter):
-Zeph
Gonna try to find music for each chapter that complements the flow of words.
Here is the one for this chapter
You have succeeded in making me curious.
(Also, giggling at the cosplayer in Equestria references.)
ermahgerhd.
derk serls.
4326951
Not me
4328907
That was deep...esque.
Of course, in my version of things, immediately after the story closes, some weirdo previously dressed up as Starscream bumps into him from behind, all confused about his new telescoping plug-in appendages, whining about little horses being for girls. And thus the moment is ruined.
I'm actually rather impressed by the scenery porn, Smiley. You painted some genuinely pretty pictures in Lumie's dusty old brain, at times.
I mean, in between thinking about the plague of weirdos apparently lining up behind Mr. Everyman.
It was actually kind of surreal. Serious visualization, parody setup.
Also, I'm very disappointed in Trixie. I figured if anyone would keep her youth by resorting to increasingly horrible crimes, like bathing in the blood of virgins, it would be her.
Jesus Henry Gordon Christ, as short as this was, it's definitely a sweet way to start the story off.
Consider me intrigued.
More would be nice.
MORE
But please put more detail into the surroundings and general feel of the world
, because this kinda felt vague and almost like a dream. Other than that, it was pretty good
4331715
Dream like was what I was going for, for the first chapter.
More details? You got it, sir!
That alone was enough to get me giggling for a good few minutes. I must be amused easily.
4326951
*Jabs Continue wildly*
Boss battle: level 3 rat
4373118
I was planning on having a shitty costumed human but maybe.
4373119
Literally anything could be a boss battle for le scrub hueman with an iron sword. New Challenger Approaching: Average-sized Wolf Spider
So I've retraced the steps the Mane Six took to the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. I wonder what's waiting inside....
4373119
Mindless shitty costumed human
This is fantastic!
Your world building is beyond words, and the story flows effortlessly. I'm pulled in and my immersion wasn't broken until I finished. Seriously, I sat down with some food and forgot about it until just now!
But I wanted to point out 2 things.
within and inside are the same...so you don't need both words.
Also,
just saying spherical is enough.
Awesome job with this chapter, can't wait for the next one!
4373119 You know the way you describe it, almost makes it sound like the wilderness in Runescape. Would be interesting if like something was draining the magic of this world. So in a sense, the world is dying since unlike humans all of it's life forms need that magic. Since they were born with it. So, now creatures that are powerful enough to have a little magic left. Would be the only ones wondering around... You could have scavenger creatures to demonic beings that have been weakened. But they fight each other to replenish the lost magic.
So, a level 3 rat sounds about right. For a Runescape kind of adventure. While the White castle is were the last of the life is. While being placed in stasis, hoping to survive the apocalypse of their world... Just maybe, and it will be a fun solitude/adventure.
Remember, the scariest part of an adventure. Is when it's most silent.
Edit: Oh, and you can add Terria into it as well. Like whatever is devouring the worlds magic would be near the end of the story. Were our little adventure has to fight it. Even though he doesn't want to, but the creature hates him for being an oddity. So he will either win or lose. But still end up saving this magical world in-advertently. Though it won't recover all at once... Wow I have issues.
Hm. I can see how this chapter was inspired and built on the second episode of the first season.
Interesting. I'm waiting for the first actual encounter.
Well, go on.
-Zeph
moar?
Hope you haven't abandoned Discorded Souls.