If you think you know me, then you are truly mistaken.
Back where I'm from, I was forced to go with my classmates to a museum filled with costumes and clothes. It wasn't quite my cup of tea until I met a woman who told me that she could tailor something for me for a small fee. So, I asked for a scarf that resembled the burning flame of a phoenix. After receiving it though, things began to go south (Mostly because of my emotions back then). My life was already a living hell and ending up in another world was the last thing I would've expected.
But as I would find out, my life experiences and the things I've learned in the course of my long life have forged me into the being that I am. The tortured phoenix with a burning heart and spirit.
I am Ember Valkyr. The flame that will be the last thing you'll see.
Displaced story following the perspective of one of my own characters this time. One that I came up with. Thanks Fiction Fanatic and ElementBrigade (along with many other people) for your inspiration.
Credits to everything shown. Artwork made by me. It's a partial League of Legends crossover because of one of the characters, but that's it. League of Legends belongs to Riot Games
Featured: 8/7/2020 (Thank you guys so much!)
Featured again: 9/29/2022
Love the story can't wait to see what happens next in the story.
5954639 Glad you like it
Thanks. Fav
5956167 Ur welcome
I like the idea of this story a lot, also I loved the Cyrophoenix idea.
5956757 thanks. I'm glad you like it
A few hiccups here and there concerning grammar and spelling. A little bit more than the norm for you, have you been writing and spell checking while being tired? Might want to take another look or two on these chapters.
5958626 Been trying what I can. Any help would be appreciated
Cute beginning, I feel for the character.
Pacing could use some work though, but let's go to the next chapter.
An interesting tale, I feel compelled to draw Ember.
Just a few things, respectfully...
Imperiled? As in 'put in danger?' Or Impaled? As in stabbed through?
Also pacing.
I think flashbacks over a duration would have worked better for backstory.
Also finding it hard to peg her demeanor, is she sage? Remorseful? Resentful? She had an outburst at Discord but a second later it sorta fizzles out.
Still, like it, will continue on
5963463 Ember's like a flame. At some points, it burns with rage while other times, it simmers down. her emotions are varied over the many different things she's been through. Also, be my guest for drawing her and have fun!
5958837 Mister Frost, I have an anomaly I would like to bring to light; Time Spacing.
It reads as if when Ember was taken by ponies 1000 years ago Golden Apple was there with her at the camp of the slave drivers. If that is true..
Then how old is Granny Smith?
5968052 ever heard the saying time flies? That's what it is for Ember. She's still the same age, but Granny met Ember when she was a filly years after breaking free.
5968746 well, yes, but saying that 1000 years were covered by 2 generations? And that she's still alive afterward?
5969054 Look at the new chapter. It should clear things up
MY EMBER SENSE IS TINGLING!
5969140
5969084
Well done, I do have to say that. You covered up the anomalies very well, in fact I could say one of the best that I've seen so far. This chapter is very full of information, so I would recommend some exposition in the future. Try using this as a base and then seeing where you can fit a whole new paragraph in that details something you didn't think of before, you'll be surprised where that gets your overall word count to after a while. Still, all things aside, great chapter.
-CB
5981619 Thanks man. I appreciate the support. It normally takes a bit to weave together certain details, but you seem to be somepony that can help me... Tell me... Are you interested in helping me out with the next chapter?
Hmmm, the time line dont realy match with the original one. Wassent the Apples was the first family to settle Ponyville ?, and for the entire village to only bee around 50-60 years sound a little short (only 1 max 2 generations of settlers). The cave,,,, im split its a ok way of explaning but it feals cheap.
But its ur fic and the timeline dont have to add up to the original story, hell the apples dont even need to have the same backstory thx to the AU tag =).
The rest is interesting so il ignore it.
5982229 I'm just going with what I had thought out. Helps me think a little more and try something new.
SPIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also thanks
5993119 ur welcome
I think you mean refused and saw... Also, what about Peewee and his family? Plus I think there are other phoenixes, too, but they're very scarce..
Hellsing Abridged...
Very nice chapter and thank you for updating.
You know, there are more elemental powers than just the ones shown in Naruto...
Fix the time spacing. It sounds silly saying that only 2 generations passed in 1000 years
5995285 Fixed
5995703 Two generations.... for one family though
5995329 I know, but it's just a basic example. More will be discussed further
So, will Caesar be the lightning Mancer?
6005120 possibly.
Pixel artist, eh? Looks pretty cool!
6006234 Thanks man
MLPs seasons are really weird. All evidence points towards the fact that between season one and season four, there has only been a single year, yet autumn came after winter... And isn't the summer sun celebration meant to be in the middle of summer? Something is going on... Hasbro, you have an answer?
6009177 Not quite sure. But for reasons. Here's the breakdown on what's going on during this point in the story.
-Two days after Tanks for the Memories
-During Appeloosa's Most Wanted
-One week before the Gala in Make new friends, but keep Discord
Thanks how I have it
6009234 Yeah, based on Tanks for the memories apparently snowfall isn't everywhere at once? Rainbow dash said it was Ponyville''s turn to get snow, so maybe the seasons exist simultaneously in different parts of Equestria? Would explain a lot, would also explain why there wasn't any snow in Appleoosa's Most Wanted... Maybe? Whatever, Winter is coming.
And that means trouble for a certain young individual, right Frost?
6009267 Yeah. But also, since Appleloosa is in the Desert, snow would melt
6009344 I guess, but it's not really a desert, is it? more like a blend between a crag and a desert if you ask me. But your point still stands. Even if there was a forest where there was raining and there should have been cool enough to make it snow...
6009385 I think of Appleloosa as like Arizona
6009394 Huh. Basically the same thing as when you google "crag/desert". So I would say it's accurate.
6009434
Dude. That.
*cough cough*
You unintentionally referenced a book.
6015941 whoops. I just thought of the opposite of phyrron and that happened.
Ah, so the two chapters were exactly identical... Alright, saves me some time...
6040107 Chapter 8 starts on the Morning of hearts warming so yeah
Then they find out he's actually called Jullius ceasar. Hehehe. That would be awkward/funny.
6101042 Not quite sure if that's the intention, but yeah
herhimHow did we miss that?
rest
I'm ashamed I wrote that line and didn't spot such a mistake.