My name is Kadie, and when I was eight years old, my people, the griffins, went to war with the ponies of Equestria. My mother never wanted me to think about that, so she never talked about it. The Emperor told my father that he had to go off and fight the ponies, though, so I know that she thought about it a lot.
A few months after I turned ten, a messenger came into our town and told us that our emperor didn't want to fight anymore, so the ponies won, and we lost. Mother said that since we lived so close to our capital, we needed to go see the pony army meet our emperor.
I did not like that.
Edited wonderfully by Prak
Chapters (1)
This... looks fun
Edit1: As is my way, a short, non-spoilery review will shortly be written in my FIRST! comment.
Edit2: The story got lost for me in a closed tab and I forgot about it, so the review shall finally commence! For the record, the 7 downvotes I see now are prolly for the lack of actual review for a month after this post was made... Sorry guys.
The Conquerors is a rather compelling story, and I have to say I immensely enjoyed it. There was clearly a lot of thought behind this story, even as minimal as it was regarding certain details.
The characters were simple, but lovable. They didn't need to be these deep heroes, though, as that wasn't the purpose. They are simple people going through a rather...well, not traumatic, and not even truly "up-heaving", but a powerful show nonetheless. The mother in particular felt very real, and her behavior during the march drew on my heartstrings more than anything else in the fic. Bravo.
My only real problem with this story is the narrator(and not that much of a problem, but it's still there). She reads far too loquacious to be a young girl. I understand this might be from the point of view of a grown-up Kadie, but it's still jarring to see childish reflections in an adult tone. Overall this didn't hurt the flow, and perhaps helped make the story more readable, but this was my impression.
Love the story, and still following the heck out of you,
conantheconqueringpony
Good story! I think it's a very realistic portrayal of the immediate aftermath of war.
Well, griffies will taste democracy here.
A new story on my list...
Gah! My list has run out of room! Error detected, need more paper!
Chilling, and well done. You showed the fear of it, the species divide with Starlight, and the difference between Luna and Celestia. I also like how you don't outright say that it's in the past, but rather imply it with the child's formal tone, and the 'thyself'.
Haven't really seen stories like this. It's interesting.
Awesome story as usual. Gryphons need more love
Very promising start, but it's listed as completed? Please! More!
mother
flight
They
4305685
Democracy-->Princesses
?
That was wonderful.
And so sad.
But I loved it.
--Sollace
4305760 Fixed. Thanks.
This cannot be finished, we need more chapters! It's such a cool fic!
Not saying this was bad or anything, because it was really good
but (from what I've read) all of these ponies vs. whatever stories always end in one side getting curb-stomped right off the bat
4305951 Except it wasn't right off the bat. Read the description. The two were at war for roughly two years. One side can win decisively without it being a curb stomp right off the bat. I'm sure that the ponies suffered some pretty heavy losses, and lost battles during the war. Otherwise it wouldn't have gone on so long.
4305685 Well, they are half Eagle
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4306000 Take my Darkest hour game totally just annexed communist France in a alternate history mod but not the point 6 year stalemate before I gained any ground and they curb stomped at first
4306116 I am so going to follow you cause you look awesome with that name and picture.
I assume the Griffins are not as blameless as this child's mind seems to indicate... But I guess we'll never know as what caused the war is not the point, this is about the effect of defeat on a family.
This is good, as per usual :)
But please, if you can. Could you continue? Im sure if you tried you could blast out a few more chapters for this from your... nevermind. But PLEASE!!!
I've got this horrible scenario running through my head now, where everything seems all right and they head home... where they find one of those griffins bearing bad news waiting for them.
You monster. That's some Red Wedding nonsense right there.
4306281 This is how I got my picture and Ill wait for that follow then
I keep looking back at this story, but not reading it because I had some of my own stuff to do. But then I *sighed* and gave up, I began to read. As it turned out, this was a really! good read, you did a great job man!
8/10 in my book.
This both works and doesn't work for me. I like the vignette but I feel like I'm missing so much with what happens afterward. You ended in the right spot but I felt like there was more to this.
You nailed the atmosphere; slowly building up the sense of despair and fear...and when Celestia promised mercy, the relief. I really felt for poor Kadie: when that old griff described the Princesses wiping out the griffon army, I got chills. When said royals actually showed up, I was actually terrified for a second!
All the little details just make it better: Luna's enjoyment of battle and seeing her foes 'humbled' (and how that slipped when she saw a child that terrified of her), Starlight Breeze smiling at the "conquerors", and so on.
Great work!
Kinda reminds me of the Ishbal campaign in Fullmetal Alchemist, just without the genocide.
Now I wonder how things will be from now on between Kadie and Starlight. What Kadie and ponies like her kept 'confined' during the war? Are they considered citizens of the griffin kingdom or of Equestria?
Nice story.
4306416 I left the father's fate ambiguous for that very reason...
In my opinion the fact that you left things like why the war started or what happened in it so ambiguous was a stroke of creative genius. This story wasn't really about war, more so about the people who are affected by war. And I think leaving the politics and morality out of the question helped really zero in on the emotions felt by those defeated.
Awww
That was the best thing I've read in quite a while! this isn't, nor should it be any longer than it is. The sliver of the scope of war presented is quite lovely. Well, not in the literal sense, but a satisfying read none-the-less. the archaic language, the plausibility of the conflict all seemed very believable. I only caught one error:
and it's just a spacing flub anyway! the atmosphere was great, although perhaps a little more description of the city they traveled to might have been beneficial. Maybe something about the grandness of the emperor's palace or some such thing. but even that is honestly trivial. overall, this was wonderful.
Luna seems very smug. I wonder how close to becoming Nightmare Moon she is in this setting.
This was very well written. I'm not big on sad stories, but I love reading fics about possible history of Equestria.
4307942 Nogriffin is the same idea as nopony. She's basically saying nobody. Glad you liked it!
Christ almighty. That had to be the most depressing thing I've read on this site, other than some of Kaidan's darker works. Please forgive this foolish reader for merely reading this story under 10 minutes instead of basking in it like it should be. My stomach right now is rather squeamish, what with having a test tomorrow and I tend to avoid stories like this for I am too much of a bitch to take it full-force.
4307986 Well, the griffins decided to attack the ponies! Don't start something if ya ain't prepared ta finish it!
And never fight a war you are not prepared to lose. Only a fool is self-assured of victory. Victory is to be declared only when the war is ended.
And never forget to god-mode like a total douche. I mean, SRSLY, if yer gonna go to war with little ponies who'd just as soon throw you a party and be happy friends, yer already labeling yourself a total jackass, so you might as well just go all the way!
(But if you do, be prepared for a visit from the Deus Ex Insert...)
>>>"But what kind of survival is it?" the griffin mutters, almost unheard by me.>>>
I'd say, the kind where you don't die.
Seriously, there's pride, and then there's stupidity.
4309031 Take it from a history major: his perspective is not at all unusual. Of course he's subjectively wrong, as the mother certainly believes, but nationalism makes people do a lot of stupid, stupid things. Again, subjectively.
4307000 Rather reminds me of Germany after it surrendered. The false pride the wicked minds of the Nazis had instilled evaporated, and slowly they came to realize the extent of their folly.
Especially when they were forced to see the contents of the camps.
4309053 I'm quite aware of the sentiment. I know quite a bit of history too, and my brother got his degree in history.
The sentiment is still rather silly. Rationally, it's only worth bemoaning your defeat when your conquerors are murderous monsters and who plan to use you as slave labor.
Like the Canadians! (Alondro fought in the Great American-Canadian War... )
I for one welcome our new pony overlords.
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4309053 Oh, I also watch lots of stuff on the History Channel!
Sooooo, I know allllllllllll about how aliens made everything at every point in human history!
(Alondro watches as the bar for TV is lowered further and further... until not even James Cameron can dive deep enough to raise it... and yes I did just watch that South Park epsiode.)
4309210 I didn't say it was right. I present nothing here as right or wrong, just what it is from the perspective of an eight year old girl trying to make sense of it all. If you know history, then you know how just insane the emotions are for people in a country just after they've lost a big war.
The beginning felt to exposition-y for me and less character development, basically:
But the interactions with the ponies is when it got great, 7/10, it may have that glaring fault but the way this story presents the issue of war to a citizen is executed perfectly.
4309498 No need for Doug here.
But in the exposition, I was trying to set up the mother-daughter relationship. How they speak, how they interact with each other, how the mother treats her daughter, how they've been affected the war, and so on. There's more going on than just explaining the war, or whatever. At least, that was the intent.
Sometimes War comes at a cost! Rhahahaha!
Sweet mother-daughter love.
4309657 Wow, this certainly was a high quality short. Regardless of what our resident negative Nancy may believe I thought you portrayed the mindset of the conquered fairly well. It isn't the seppaku extreme of dispair, it is certainly what I would expect the common members of such a proud race to feel. (As a non -history major all I can think of is the Japanese surrender in WW2?) Perhaps moreso for medieval cultures? Is there any particular movie character whose speech you emulated?
I do understand this is meant to be a one-shot, though I cant be the only one that sees the potential in a story from Starlights perspective? Perhaps a story of their reunion in their later years?
Anywho, thanks once again BW, for a great story.
Also, very solid reading at the convention, great voice.
I like the feel of this story; it reminds me of a perspective chapter used in a larger book to show you a different point of view for a story already told, if that makes any kind of sense
Although I do feel it could use something there at the end, perhaps a last thought or observation made by Kadie.
Oh God!
She probably killed her father as many others and enjoyed it! And now she asked an orphan to write her if that is true! For what?! To gloat about it? Trollestia is merciless.
P.S. Im kind a see an american soldier (in place of Celestia) whо mocks at Iraq orphan... Hail the Conquerors!
This fic got me.
4305685
Why, even Equestria is a dual monarchy.
It's likely they'll be forced into a vassal state and forced to give tribute.
Though I'm teased, this feels like the beginning of a longer story arch, but it's just a one shot! Why must you torture me so!
4306000
The downside of having a gigantic army: It's harder to manage. Numbers will ultimately tell, but you lose some just from the sheer inertia of it.
I loved the characterisation of the princesses. Spot on, I think.