I am a Catholic Christian with Aspergers and I'm a big fan of the show. I also like Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and CS Lewis.
She had decided it didn't matter. She had a cutie mark she never wanted, so she decided to become what was expected of her.
But she never expected it to lead to this. Not to death. She never wanted this karma.
Was there still hope? Could she change?
Page generated in 0.074 seconds
Total duration
665 users online
844,424 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
It's okay so far. A few errors here and there, but good.
I was trying to match the Brooklyn dialect with Babs' dialog. Did it look like Brooklyn talk? And what errors did you see?
There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes and things that seemed odd.
You use the word y'all throughout the story wrongly.
I thought Pinkie was the only one who said that.
I think that Babs would've written that normally. You really don't have an accent when you're writing.
A small typo with the quotation marks.
I though Sketch was a colt? Might want to clear that up.
Well there's all the errors I found. And about your question about the Brooklyn talk? I have no clue
I'll fix those errors prior to typing up Chapter 2. I'm drafting chapter 2 on Sunday.
This is a good idea. A very good one. But it's spoiled by the pacing. Everything about it feels rushed, as if you had the things you wanted to say and jumped between them with out trying to build any kind of bridge.
It needs more build up, more reactions, more more. You could have introduced the fact that he was suffering from depression as early ad the initial letter, and it would have felt less forced than the sudden reveal. Or a longer confrontation scene, and reactions by other ponies to the frankly evil thing that was done.
That said, I will be watching out for this.
I want to see where this goes
Probably singing a musical in Tartarus.
You know I'd like to see the damage this also does to DT as well. I know it's Silver Spoon focused but I think it would be a good idea for her to see the damage her breaking away from DT causes as well. Now whether it's good or not I'll leave that up to you rocklobster.
I have similar thoughts as stainless steel fox
I like Silver Spoon redemption fics, and this seems like a good one so far.
Sketch, huh? I hope DT doesn't show up, otherwise she'll have sunk to a whole new low.
...I had to say it.
I agree with Stainless Steel Fox, the pacing is pretty rushed. Try to slow it down a bit.
Phew, glad Sketch will pull through. Hope SS changes her mind soon though.
You need more details in your descriptions, not just blunt sentences. Remember: show, don't tell.
This was... okay. But each chapter was too short, the pacing is incredibly rushed, the problem's solved a little too quickly, and the descriptions are too blunt and non-detailed. Not a bad fic, but not a great one either.
... this fic had potential, but it was a bit rushed and the ending is lackluster. A few short words and years of resentment are gone does not seem realistic to me, even for cute cartoon ponies. I would have liked to see a few chapters of Silver Spoon trying to make up for her past actions.
... I won't be waiting with bated breath for your 'novel', that is for sure...
this..this... this thing was way too short and rushed
so i just couldn't 
I'm confused. Is Sketch a boy or a girl?
4830469 Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with you. Just one dream with Luna and some guilt might change things over time, but not all at once. I would have preferred to see Silver's inner struggle as she contemplates her relationship with Diamond compared to her desire to just be a nice pony, and when Silver chooses the latter, Diamond either seeks revenge or follows her example.
I dunno. This ending really just didn't work for me.
Not a bad story. Other than the whole praying to Luna part (I am a Christian myself and therefore disapprove of any deity but God), I approve of the general message.
It seems a little bit rushed.