Odd, but kind of cute.

Beautifully done. Very impressive!

I think you broke my brain...

third

and DAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well this is a unique take on scoots.

third

and DAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think my heart stopped for a minute there.  In any case, this story was great! I'm a sucker for a Scootaloo fic and yours is a great example of one. The portrayals of both the princesses and Scoots was spot on. The dialogue flowed seamlessly between events and characters. That, combined with your fantastic descriptions, made this a joy to read. It says incomplete, so I'm hoping to see more in the future.  

"The little orange filly trembled against her for a moment, before looking up into the lunar diarch's minds. "

ITYM "eyes," not "minds."

Still: gotta give you five halos:

This was an adorable story.

I liked it.

There isn't a word limit big enough for the amount of 'aww' I need to put here.

I was like, 'Huh... might finally get to know who scoots mom is...'

Reads on...

Gets mind fucked

you sir, have received a thumb and track from me

keep it coming

That was The Best Way to End something. Ever, Of all Time

MOAR!

...nope. I just fished through the English dictionary, and I STILL can't find any words to describe this. I even went through the shows I liked that MADE UP terms on the off chance one would work, but no. Just... take the star and thumb-up, it'll have to do.

Not bad.  A little fast at times.

Also, might want to check up on the forms of 'thou' and how it works as a pronoun.  (I keep forgetting where i find my info at, to be honest.)  Basically, 'thoust' isn't quite the word you were looking for.  And 'thou's' should've been 'thy'.  

Still, an interesting concept.

So many D'aww.

All of mine. All of them. Fave'd.

Not sure if want...

As much as I like the dialogue and characterizations, there's just part of me that sees "Celestia is Scootaloo's mother" and goes

>>393650393650

That's odd; part of me sees "Celestia is Scootaloo's mother" and goes

>>393677393677

Wait?

Everyline?

So... like happyface?

Well.... this certainly explains a lot, like why we never see Scoots' family, and yet her not being an orphan. You were pretty spot on the characterization on Scootaloo, Celestia, and Luna. I do look forward to seeing more for this story, and wondering how Scootaloo will keep her mother a secret from her friends and Miss Cheerilee, and Twilight.

Celestia's Paladin

HOLY CRAP! Even looking at the intro suprised me!

lol wut.

Very good

Image: http://www.bradsburgers.com/images/chuck%20norris%20approves.gif

I approve of this story and so does Chuck Norris

I couldn't understand anything that is going on in this fic.

Well, certainly an original premise in regards to Scootaloo's parents. The banter between Scootaloo and Celestia was likely the best part, as some of the other sections felt a bit rushed by comparison.

I approve.

Celestia as Scootaloo's mom? Sure, why the hell not?

If you're gonna continue this, consider this tracked.

I like the concept but the execution was pretty weak. Way too much exposition and everything presented to the reader up front instead of letting the reader come to the realizations themselves.

Also Luna's impression that her neice was somehow meant to take her place was extremely illogical. Thinking such about Twilight for instance makes sense but not Scootaloo.

You could have named that "The Chicken and the Sun"

i get Celestia having Blueblood as a fake Nefpew, but, Scootaloo as her Daughter? gee, i wonder what Rainbow Dash or Twilight will think if they found that out.

in fact, what will the other crusaders think?

I like this story cant wait for the next

Okay, cool as I said on SB.

>>393736393736 well then, I guess this story is officially epic

>>393807393807

You good sir are a funny guy

sssooooooooooooooo cute faved and thumbed oh its as cute as this

Image: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3lsOSe-U17k/T3gf4t55CXI/AAAAAAAAkr0/YQgu_1jPBvo/s1600/157289+-+animated+cursor+derpy_hooves.gif

insta faved. I wanna see where this goes.

"Hey Scootaloo, how come we never get to Crusade over at your place? And why do we never see your mom between the hours of 6 am to 6 pm? And why is your aunt speaking so funny?"  

Actually, now that I think about it, I kinda want to see a chapter where Luna has to babysit the Cutie Mark Crusaders while disguised.

>>394169394169

Image: http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120309194330/mlp/images/thumb/a/a7/Nightmare_Moon_laughs.png/640px-Nightmare_Moon_laughs.png

NMM: Wouldn't you like to know?

i shall read this later but not to later

*brain breaks*

>>394099394099

Look what day it is.* Today is the day that respectable and non-respectable members of internet society run to the nearest store and buy a trollface mask and a copy of Trolling for Dummies. Today is the day you can't go to a site with more than 1,000 regular users or less than 20 without seeing pranks, some half-assed, some lame, and some downright annoying (YouTube's automatic rickrolls, for example).

*In GMT, it's currenly 7:12 PM, April 1st, 2012.

-------

On to my serious comment:

Hmm... this reminds me a of a random fic I saw a month or two ago titled "Why Scootaloo Can't Fly." It featured Scootalicorn and Celly being Scoot's mom. And I believe that, in the comments, I said that Scootalicorn was an idea that needs to be continued.

Thusly, this fanfic shall be tracked and thumbed (up), then I shall read it and I shall love it. Because the description's got me hooked.

Edit: Suction cups on the ceiling? Hahahaha.... that's glorious.

>>394393394393

Nothing else needs to be said.

This is a very adorable story, I love it and thank you for sharing it.

Cute! And a completely unexpected explanation to where Scoot's parents are...

>>394464394464

But it begs the question.

Who is the father?

hmmm incomplete...... what could be a continuation of this story?  dare i ask.

"Sir-'Not-Appearing-in-This-Fic'"

>>393736393736 Well... If HE approves! Clearly the Best. Story. Evar!!!!

LOLed at the Stalkerloo bit at the end there! LOLOLOL!

Clearly, she IS the daughter of Celestia! Trained by the best!

>>394502394502

So others could write about the meeting?

(Not me of course, I'm nowhere near good enough.)

Why? It doesn't contribute anything to the fic, and it'd actually take away from the overall story given the most likely ways to take it.  He doesn't matter, it's not something that is worth paying attention to.  She got drunk after going on a stress induced bar crawl, found out a month later she got pregnant. The end.

>>394555394555

I know that, it's just you never know what pairs people could come up with out of it.

That and would Scoot's be wondering who her dad is?

>>394555394555

They're just curious.  It shows how much they like your story they want to know every detail.

Image: http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111008154727/mlpfanart/images/7/7d/FANMADE_Pony_Gaga_image_macro.jpg

track'd, my good sir

I love it! I hope to see more.

Good but it won't go as headcanon. I prefer RD to be Celestia's daughter if at all.

The DAWWWW has been doubled.

I rate this story TEN pinkie smiles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Richardson, your opinion about current position of SB-originated fics in top list?

>>394502394502

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkpf93gWCK1qjxtmio1_500.jpg

So many comments!

>>393623393623

Umm, no. Thou's should have been thine.

And like everyone else. DAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Image: http://www.nzhistory.net.nz/files/images/y-turret.jpg

Tracking...

This whole concept had me entranced from the blurb alone. Then I read it, and I crave more of this delicious depravity that is Celestia's illegitimate child. It's AMAZING. MOAR IS REQUIRED.

There is not enough "DAWWW" in the world to describe this.

On a related note, does anyone have any education in heart surgery? Mine seems to have exploded.

really beautiful story you've written here so far. Definitely following.

hmmm. Rather.... dark (for lack of a better word) for a everyone fic. The two don't usually go together that well, unlike here. Good job, a definite track.

PS: suction cups and scootaloo is best pony.

cant wait to see the next chapter

so cool

Wow!  Well conceived and very well written. Lots of interesting interpretation of canon. Great job!

Nice story, I say thumb up and track.

Guesswork, it's an SB-inspired fic.

The same guys who came up with 'My Little Avengers', 'The Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds' and a great many others.  Many of those I at least partially sparked the initial idea for.

And who's authors directly have influenced this fic.  We have... interesting ideas on canon.

awesome chapter. i was like "ooh scoots fic" I hope to see more :D faved.

... It works. I don't know why, but it really does work. And it's adorable to boot.

I honestly had to double-check to see if this was meant as a one-shot or not. Now that I see that it isn't, I look forward to seeing where you go with this, especially with the other Crusaders' reactions to Scoot's eccentric aunt.

Image: http://the-tech-guy.net/wp-content/uploads/im-watching-you-meme.gif

I will be reading this when I get the chance. This sounds like gold.

>>393612393612

My archaic speech resource. Dunno if that's the one you were looking for, but it is pretty thorough.

Different, but interesting!

I love this! So much emotion!

I read it again, understood it more and now my heart hurts from the pure adorableness of it.

OH......  GOD......... HHHHHHHHNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG    

with my dying breath....... *cough cough*  I give you my internets...... all 3 of them............

So that is who Scootaloo's mother is!

Wonderful concept, I can't wait to see what you do with it.

And you are using Stalkerloo! *squee*

Image: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/327/0/a/stalkerloo_by_raikoh14-d4h2jt1.jpg

be back need to buy a new brain again

So...*Reads until it is hinted off that the mare is Celestia* so......she is Scootaloo's mother? Wouldn't that make Rainbow and Scootaloo princesses?

i have now read it and holy shit take my thumbs up and my star

So much cute!

SO CUTE!!!! Well, this takes care of my cutness for the day, time to write about all the other depressing shit I usually write about.

As a note, I fixed what should be the last of the formatting errors. If anyone who wishes to take the time wants to correct ye olde butchered early modern english and send it to me, that'd be nice...  I mean, if you would kindly...

Yeeeiiiip! *Flutter-hides in the bottom of the Canterlot Dungeons at the fan outpouring*

Celestia as scoot's mother? Fuck yes!

>>394491394491  Berry Punch.

>>396021396021

Awesome, though Richard you still missed one:

darkness that had

swallowed her up, until..."

I'm going to mark this for Watch later, the description alone seems promising, it sounds like a late 80's or early 90's sitcom.

>>396415396415

Can't quite find it.

>>396381396381

AAAGGGHHH!!! WHY DOES YOUR EXPLANATION MAKES SENSE!?!!!?!?!?!?!!???!!!

Seriously, though. It was a good one-shot fic, I suppose. Not sure I like the idea of the story, but I like the characterizations of characters, so.... Also, pace seems fast, but I guess because it's a one-shot.

.... Wait? Why are people tracking this? (Looks over to story's main page) Oh, it's incomplete. Guess I will track it for now.

The pace is fast because. *sigh* I am a shitty writer.   

No, really, I suck and this was made of crack.  Crack that will crack the heavens with it's cracky goodness.  Or maybe I'll turn it serious. Yeah, that'll be good... *is now certifiable due to having 2000+ views in less than 12 hours.*

That's it! Make it canon!

Also, this whole story was created from accident because of an example I made for creating plot ideas based off of a system for creating past/future/contemporary foals of Celestia.  

I only picked Scoot as an example, only for hilarity to ensue, and now it won't stop.

>>396492396492

Try using big text with sans-sarif font. Here's the complete sentence:

She did everything she could to snap the younger out of the corrupting darkness that had

swallowed her up, until..."

there's an break between 'had' and 'swallowed'.

nice plot and story concept but poorly exected. You just kind of threw the reader in which would be ok except you didnt offer any better explaination down the road as to what exactly is going on. Sometimes with a story even though you think the reader wants suspense, which you can still have, you also need to hand somethings to them on a silver platter. It went too fast and didnt even give the reader enough information to figure out and conclude some things on their own. Good idea though,although personally i prefer the idea that scootaloo is an orphan and RD basically raises her.

*Watches as Richardson is buried in a avalanch of praise and moar.*