Interesting concept with plenty of potential for silliness. You have my attention

Hope this gets in featured. Epic prologue.

>>13478301347830

its featured your wish came true

Interesting story

"We doth most enjoy thine visits Twilight Sparkle!" This should actually be "do," not "doth"

"What shalt we do with her? Banish the criminal back to the moon?" This should be "shall," not "shalt"

In general the plural of early modern English verbs are identical to modern English, it's just the second person and third person singular that are different. Second person singular is generally -st, while third person singular is generally -th. "To be," "to have," and "to shall" (?) are, naturally, irregular:

I do, I shall, I have, I am

Thou dost, thou shalt, thou hast, thou art

He/she/it doth, he shall, he hath, he is

We do, we shall, we have, we are

Ye do, ye shall, ye have, ye are

They do, they shall, they have, they are

("Ye" can be replaced by "you." In early modern English, "ye/you" is plural, "thou" is singular).

I'm pretty sure you used "thine" correctly, though, which is more than can be said for my first bumbling attempts at early modern English,

Now, that's not fair for twilight. what did she do?

Interesting, I shall watch intensly

WHY DOES EVERYPONY HAVE TO MOVE IN WITH TWILIGHT? Sounds horrible.

Huh, featured at 260 views, 30 likes, and 7 comments. It wasn't even the bottom featured story.

Impressive. A little timing in your favor but to get so much in 3 hours is quite impressive.

I shall read this later.

>Filly Nightmare Moon living with Twilight

Deja vu...

>Pen Brush

>Pen Stroke

EDIT: DERP

Just pointing out the parallels. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, though.

EDIT: Didn't read the rest of the description, sorry. It's still a little uncanny, though.

>>13481181348118

For who? Twilight or the one who moves in?

>>13481971348197 The one who moves in, no way would I want to live with her, but for some reason, it doesn't sound so bad. Atleast she's nice... mostly.

This seems to be extremely common place of whenever Nightmare is turned into a filly.  Some crazy pony is wanting eternal night without actually thinking through the consequences of it happening.  I don't know about others, but freezing/starving to death is not the way I want to go.

I like it, keep going ^^

And truth to be told, i don't see to many parallels towards Past Sins so far.

> Nightmare Woon

Nope. I'll judge this book by its cover. Favourited SO HARD! I'll read it later.

I love the Past Sins reference... well the reference to the author writing it.

A good start, indeed. I especially loved this part in the first chapter.

Hey, Twilight let's go perform experiments on a child.

YAY!

...at least that's what I imagined it was like when I read it.

Now Die!

This sounds SO MUCH like Past Sins

>>13479411347941 Oh, fancy seeing you here.

>>13481181348118

That's a good question. Why not Fluttershy or Applejack?

Honestly up until the point you mentioned Past Sins the similarity didn't occur to me. I was reminded more of dark woona from moonstuck.

all the references to Past Sins... I, for one, like this story better.

beavers named Chuck? moon pies? Twist getting hit in the face? this story has everything! including... a surprisingly dark and foreboding ending to this chapter. you have my approval.

Ref to Past Sins?

But this one is hilarious and interesting!

GJ sir!

Fav and love!

In response to his

intrusion the cake expanded, grew

tentacles, produced three eyes of

caramel, and wrapped it's dripping

buttery tendrils around his throat.

I've seen enough hentai...

>>13485521348552

Huh. I never thought of it that way.

Image: http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/oh-my.jpeg

Oh dear, incoming adorablness! Set phasers to aww!

cause twilight knows dem ponies (and shes secretly very lonely inside, spike is just not enough anymore)

Image: http://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png

A few typos and awkward phrasing at points.

Very amusing though.

Nice story!

If Cake Is a Lie can hurt Celestia, MoonPie Is a Lie can also hurt Luna and Nightmare Woon..

Nice concept! GJ!

Pinkie Pie, Mortal Combat

Penstroke's got nothing on this.

>>13486041348604

Honestly I think his story is better. Ol' Penny be a faaaaaaar better writer than me.

I just liked the concept and put my own spin on it. And of course had to include an eldritch abomination. Nothing is complete without an eldritch abomination.

Oh yeah, I definitely want more of this.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

>>13486111348611 So i see. But Nyx i have mixed opinions in character development. Humor mixes well in your fic though something i look forward to.

Done reading, that was quite the laugh.

While there are some similarities it's definitely not Past Sins.

Anyway my only nitpick is that at certain points in the story things happen too quickly. It just felt like the story had holes.

Anyway other than that it was a good story and I happily await the next chapter.

Chaotic, messy, and jumps from point to point.

Sleepy, so I write poorly.

CUTSIE WOOTSIE!!!

>>13486611348661

Agreed, I do think that things could be passed slower though it feels like its going way too fast. That was part of what made Past Sins wonderful, it had good passing if you'll pardon the comparison, this would be wonderful if it went just a little slower.

Regardless:

Image: http://i547.photobucket.com/albums/hh476/SiaFel/Avatars/coolstory.gif

I like how you address the issue head on about similar sounding stories. I highly enjoyed Past Sins and can't wait to see where this goes.  I laughed at the Pen Stroke cameos.  

This is gonna to be so adoribly cute and funny I going die from it...isnt it? it cant be helped i guess

"Ah have to brush mah teeth twice a day or th' tooth fairy will come an' beat me." Applebloom replied.

Soooo many mental images, all of them hilarious.

>>13487161348716

Image: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash4/276912_479541542065504_2105559558_q.jpg

Sorry, had to it. But in seriousness. Yes the story does have these problems, I'm going to try to make the next chapter less chaotic and flow better. I'll come back and fix the first chapter some other day.

>>13487961348796

Depends. Do you find rude, somewhat snarky fillies who would gladly bring about the end of the world at the drop of a hat cute?

Image: http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/150/i/2012/079/d/9/nightmare_woon__by_greeny_nyte-d4tfe1p.png

>>13490001349000 Arnt all kids like that? anyway yes...yes I do

>>13481181348118

Because Twilight is pony Jesus

"Cutie mark crusaders beaver tossers! Yay!"

I have GOT to stop reading in class...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh man this is AWESOME! I can't wait to see more, Favorited in a heartbeat, and upvoted too. that picture you used for cover art is the epitome of D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

>>13490841349084

Yes. Yes she is.

Image: http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s101/darkone10/54257__safe_twilight-sparkle_jesus_jesus-christ.png