The Butterflies I Feel

by Lunatic Tod

The butterflies I feel

Rainbow Dash was awoken since very early… actually she didn't slept, there was something strange with her… with her stomach. It had been like that from a while back, but she decided that it wasn't important so she just ignored it. But today she couldn't sleep. It didn't hurt,it just felt weird. Like she had butterflies in it. Since she decided not to go to the doctor she went to her friends.

----------

Ponyville usually was a very busy place but it was very early so there were only a few ponies cleaning or walking by. But Rainbow knew of someone who was up and about since very early.

She walked to the library and knocked. It didn't took long for Twilight to open the door. “Rainbow! What a surprise, what brings you here?” she asked but she already knew the answer.

“Well… my stomach hurts, and since you know a lot I thought I should come here for an answer” she said as she walked in.

“How does it hurts?” Twilight asked while she searched for some books.

“Well it doesn't actually hurts, I feel like if I have butterflies in it” She said.

Twilight knew exactly what was happening to her… but she wouldn't tell her, she,Rarity, Pinkie, and Applejack had an agreement: whenever Rainbow came by complaining about her stomach hurting the would make up something so, with no other option she went to Fluttershy, which all of them knew Rainbow was in love with. So she brought with her a book and medicine. “Butterflies, butterflies, butterflies… ” she said as she searched for it in the book, but she knew it wasn't there so she just did as she found it. “Here, it says that with one dose of this medicine you'll be good” she brought a spoon with her magic and served the medicine and gave it to Rainbow who drank the medicine without complains.

“Do you feel better?” Twilight asked

“I think so, thanks Twilight” she thanked her and left. She was planning to start with her duties but the “pain” returned.

“Agh” she complained and started walking to Sweet Apple Acres.

----------

“Butterflies, huh?” Applejack said and brought an apple. “Nothing a good apple can't fix” she gave the apple to Rainbow and left to her duties.

Rainbow ate the apple but she felt the same, she thanked Applejack and left to Sugar Cube Corner.

----------

“Maybe you are just hungry, how about chocolate cake for breakfast?” Pinkie said and gave her a cake that Rainbow happily ate, but she still felt the butterflies. She thanked Pinkie and left to Carousel Boutique.

----------

“I know what your problem is, darling” Rarity said very sure of herself “you obviously saw somepony that was wearing something terrible and you feel this way, it happens to me everytime, and I happen to know the cure” she told Rainbow to follow her “dresses!” Rarity exclaimed and showed her a lot of dresses.

After having to put some on Rainbow thanked Rarity and affirmed she felt way better so that she could leave. She was running out of options, in fact she was heading towards the edge Ponyville where her last friend lived.

----------

She arrived to Fluttershy's cottage and when she was about to knock she felt the butterflies intensify and her heart speed up. She knocked the door and the shy pegasus opened the door. “Hi, Rainbow, come in, please” she said moving aside letting Rainbow inside.

“Hi, Fluttershy” she said and sat at the couch being followed by the Fluttershy short after. Rainbow wanted to ask her for the “pain” she had but she couldn't, she just couldn't find the courage to ask, or even to talk.

“So… how has the weather been?” Fluttershy asked, trying to break the ice.

“Good, good” Rainbow answered not helping the situation “How are the animals?” she asked.

“Great, they are great” Fluttershy answered. And none of them answered.

When did talking with fluttershy became this hard? We have always been good friends and we always have something to talk about. Why do I feel the butterflies intensify whenever I'm around her. Rainbow thought.

'Cause you are in love with her! A voice inside her talked.

It all made sense now. She was in love with Fluttershy and she hadn't realized!

----------

Outside the cottage the rest of their friends were watching the awkward scene that was happening inside.

“That's it! I'm going inside” Rarity exclaimed very determined.

“Hush!” all of them said.

“ it looks like something is finally going to happen” Twilight said indicating them to look through the window.

----------

“Fluttershy…” Rainbow turned to look Fluttershy, and Fluttershy turned to her. They met with each other's gaze. Rainbow was lost in her eyes, she had never noticed, but Fluttershy had beautiful eyes.

Rainbow leaned towards Fluttershy, she did it slowly, after all she didn't knew if her friend felt the same way. After what seemed an eternity she finally met Fluttershy's lips and planted a soft kiss on them. At the beginning Fluttershy didn't reacted. She was there at her cottage sitting in her couch being kissed by her secret crush and she did nothing.

Rainbow getting impatient of not getting a response bit Fluttershy's inferior lip and she got a very pleasant reaction: Fluttershy corresponded the kiss, and it lasted several seconds.

When they separated they kept looking into their eyes. It was just like if everything around them disappeared and it was just the two of them.

“Fluttershy… I” Rainbow tried to speak but was cut off by another, soft and warm, kiss. And like that Rainbow realized that words weren't necessary in a time like this.

She just found the cause of her stomach hurting, the cure, and even more. She found out that her friend corresponded her love and that from now on she would never let her go.

Author's Note:

So this is my first fic and hopefully not the last one. Hope you liked it and if you see a way to improve this or to help me improve my write leave it at the comments

Comments

[goaway]

Couple of spelling and grammar issues, and also really suffers from the "too much, too soon" problem. The individual scenes need to be expanded a bit, and a bit more seeding of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's relationship would've helped. It's fun, though, and enjoyable enough as a way to pass a few minutes.

[TheOriginalThundersky]

Happy Random Follow Day!! (Yay!!) Feel free to return it (Or not...)

[Kaffeina]

4267494 I read too fast. This took me a bit less than a minute.

[asylum1388]

This is way too short, way too fast and way too telley.

[epreeses1]

There were moments when you get the wrong tense, and I don't know if english is your first language or not, but you don't say "Rainbow Dash was awoken since very early", that is past tense being thrusted into present tense. If you'd read your stuff you would catch these.
This is way to short for the plot you are going for, you need to slow things down and get the emotion of the situation. How would our ponies really react to this situation, how might Rainbow really react if she found herself in love? She's got to go through the "It's a friend, and, I'm not a fillyfooler" before thinking "I want to get into bed with her" It's only logical.
Other than that it was okay, but if you get a firm grasp around grammar than it will become great.

[goaway]

4267695

I did read some bits more than once because I was thrown by the mixed-up tenses.

[Lunatic Tod]

Thanks to all of you that commented. English is not my first language, so I am doing this as a way to learn. I will try to check the things you mentioned and try to improve in the next story I write

[Lily Gingertail]

As for a first fic it is rather good.
The only thing i have to complain about is phasing and length, i recommend getting a proofreader or an editor they will help you get better.
~Tobben

[Grey_Mane]

Things were happening pretty quickly in this story. And did you seriously have the rest of Rainbow's friends spy on her. That is not a very "friendly" thing to do. It is not respectful. And too many of these romance stories have kissing as the first way of saying "I love you", instead of saying it. I highly doubt that someone would just instantly be okay with that. That would make me feel extremely uncomfortable and less interested in a relationship.

[briantherat]

This story wasn't bad, and it was certainly cute, but it was RUSHED!

It had the pacing of a children's book, where everything happens quickly to keep the attention of a child's limited attention span. If every interaction with each of the ponies could have been dragged out at least a few more paragraphs, and if the interaction with Fluttershy could have been dragged out a bit too, it would have been quite good.

Overall, an awesome first attempt!

[dw]

Good story, but it was a bit rushed. Nothing wrong with it besides that.

[The-Sad-Umbreon]

Is it bad that after reading this i am just feeling like I'm hugging a ball of fluff