Rainbow Dash sees Big Mac with the Ponytones and hears his singing only to fall in love with his voice. The problem? Its not even his!
also this is HEAVILY based on AND IN the episode Filli Vanilli so if ya havnt seen it you most likely will not know what the hay is going on.
also also (2 also's for this one) this is my first story EVER! i dont know if i plan to write much else because honestly this one snuck up on me and im not much of a writer so *shrug* if inspiration strikes it'll happen but all things considered why would you want it to. this is probably going to be a train wreck, ENJOY!
Chapters (1)
Dayum this was written fast!
3950756 O.O oh, nah it took me ALL days just to get what i have, and thats not much =3
actually im kinda surpirsed i have had a reader already haha 
I think you just need to proof read your writings and not use large lines as dividers. It also seemed like you were trying to pack too much information in a too little story. Maybe try to space out the timeline a little bit to avoid large walls of text explaining what happens day by day, don't need to worry about having too high of a word count.
Other than that, this was actually pretty good for a first go!
Good job on your first fic!
3950867 hey thanks!
honestly i think my biggest problem is i as a person am not very descriptive and that's where i actually run into trouble a LOT of the time (speaking in terms of writing in general, not just stories) and thanks so much, you are to kind 
3950920 I run into that problem a lot too. But all I can say is take peoples ideas and criticism into consideration to try and hone your skills.
I haven't written much recently. I'm trying to come up with ideas for the 3rd chapter to my fic. If you read it and have any ideas, I'd be happy to hear them! And I've wanted to do a FlutterDash fic for a while now. I've been listening to this song to get inspired:
It just fits so, so well.
FlutterDash is my fav ship <3
3951264 I see we share the same view on this
All you did there was to re write that chapter and to add that RD fell in love with Shy....
I have no problem with fanfics based in chapters but this is the first time i read something so completely... god how can i say this... lets just say that next time instead of only writing a resume of a episode plus a "oh and there was someone in love" you should focus the story in the situation that you wanted to talk about in your story.
3966724 yea.... i know
TBH thats kinda why i was surprised so many people liked this its... even in my opinion mediocre at best... im not going to hide behind the whole "its my first" things because honestly i didnt have much of an idea beyond what i actually wrote sadly... i felt like posting in the flutterdash group and letting someone who know what they are doing do the story but i said "you know what, no i actually wanna take a crack at this" *shrug* 
i guess you could say its more of a further development in my head on the headcannon that is flutterdash
as ive told someone else in the comments who suggested i be more descriptive thats another thing i have problems with...
but yea i totally get it
all things aside im glad you read *shrug* hehe 
3951254 very nice song
love it!
You know, I could say there are some bits that need improved, but when a story makes you feel something - especially warm fuzzies in your cold, cynical heart - then I don't feel it worth pointing out a few grammatical quibbles. I thought you wrote everyone rather well, and I'm always gonna be a sucker for Rainbow Dash/Fluttershy stories.
4062815 even though it took me forever to get this done (took a good 5-6 hours for me...
) i know its not great. it was kinda... spur the moment and i had a choice to let someone else do it or do it myself and i had wanted to publish SOMETHING so i did 
in terms of grammar... I'm an idiot... i am the type of person that even though I've been through college (and was even phi theta kappa) just recently learned how tell the differences between your and you're... 
something I'm not proud of and makes me feel so dang stupid 
also I'm glad i was able to summon some emotion from my story, i felt like it was... really bad . I'm glad you like it, even if just a little =D
4072457 The Roman Emperor Claudius once said, "What a man says is more important than how long it takes him to say it." (He had a ferocious stutter.) In this case, the contents of the story are more important than the typography. I'm not saying that proper grammar isn't important, but if it's clear what's happening, then errors can be forgiven; you'll get better with practice, anyway.
For whatever it may be worth, my approach is to write something in short sentences/paragraphs, then leave it for a day or so and come back to it with a fresh set of eyes. You'll be amazed at what you can come up with once you have a solid foundation in place.
4072737 very nice with the quote =3 haha yea sadly im not much of a writer like... I'm not sure how to put it. as I've told a couple of other people i have trouble putting ideas into coherent and well though out sentences (and that is provided its one of the rare times i actually GET an idea. most of the time my mind is pretty much shut off
) and when it is on its sadly clouded with thoughts of like... what could happen or what HAS already happen (hence why i prefer my mind be "off" 
*shrug*) i feel i lack imagination in most cases (unless it has to do with the people around me then i can peg just about anyone's personality, what they are really like, ect...) sorry off topic 
anyway...
but yea i totally get that (its like when i sit down and get to a tough part in a game, just take a step back take a breath and come back. works every time!)
4077101 The first story is always the most difficult; like with grammar, finding the right words and phrases does get better with time. And there's always thesaurus.com to help when you're struggling. If you've got an idea, you should write it down as soon as (on a napkin, even, if you have to). It's something you can refer back to, think about, and expand.
The best way to cure a lack of imagination is to, well, imagine; look at some pictures, read some other stories, play games, do something that gets you fired-up. Be analytical about stuff. If you're playing through a game, for instance, you could try and "fill-in" the gaps in the narrative. One of my fave things to do is to build a back-story for my character; why is he/she in this situation, etc. Can be fun.
I'm rambling now ...
4077891 yea i have such a bad time with that haha I could get an idea at work but have nothing to write on then im so tired by the end of the shift nothing is left in my mind...
I'll be 100% honest this is actually my second story I've written, its just the first I've ever posted (still havnt completed the other one, mainly because it was 3k words of fluff, the story was pretty much non-existent, and i have no more ideas =(
i hate to say it but... I've read just about everything on this site that has to do with the couples i ship. for a good year (like... september 2012 to about the mid to late 2013) i did nothing but read! i also have tons of pictures... and yea it can be fun i just... not sure how to say
awe you're not rambling, you are just trying to help
and i thank you very much =3
4085888 I know that feeling. I'm so brain-drained at the end of most days, I can't properly focus on writing anything down; again, it's just about training yourself to get *something* on paper (or the screen/whatever), no matter how small it may seem at the time. Some people I know keep notepads or tape-recorders (or MP3 recorders more commonly these days) so they can instantly record anything that occurs to them.
I'd like to see your first story at some point. Maybe I can suggest something? I'm always looking to help, if and when I can.
4087163 that does sound like a good idea... sadly i don't have a recorder either =/ meh oh well hehe
my first story is um... i don't know, i don't feel it would be received well considering the couple...
plus its so bad im not sure if its even salvageable 
thanks so much for that also, im not sure how it can be helped but i shall keep it in mind 
4096241 I don't want to push you or anything (I know how it feels when you think you've written something awful), but a fresh pair of eyes can be useful. If you wanna send it privately, I don't mind. I've been writing and editing for years, so I don't consider anything unsalvageable.
4096367 awe, you aren't don't worry haha you are perfectly fine
and of course 
like i said though i feel... tentative about it (i don;t know if you've seen on my page my 4 OTP's but 2 of them are kinda... i don't know who to describe, i just know people might be put off by them considering... 
) though i am starting to have ideas for another flutterdash fic (if i ever get around to it 
oi)
4096510 I'm assuming Apple Bloom/Babs Seed is one of the pairings you think people might have a problem with? Dunno what other one you think is "bad", though. Everyone has something they like that's weird, though.
I wouldn't mind seeing another Rainbow/Flutter story, however.
4097693 well... flitter and cloudchaser... thats the fic =3 *shrug* anyway yea i know... I'm really weird
yea so far the flutterdash is just an idea though it spawned from a picture idea which i am drawing right now so... YEA that's what I've been doing in my spare time, drawing (is kinda funny i started out with flutterdash shipping yet the only "pairing" picture i have drawn is an octiscratch picture
)
4101669 Nothing wrong with a little weird.
Oh, you draw as well? I'd love to see some time (if you're up for sharing, that is).
To be honest "rushed" is all I can think of. The idea for this has some merit but this just feels too choppy. I get what's going on here but there is a definite lack of details here and too much "telling" instead of "showing" If you care about your work, give it plenty time of writing and (it might help out) to plan it out a bit.
4103585 try SUPER weird... i dont know why i like 'em so much, maybe its the whole "forbidden love" aspect that gets me *shrug*
but yea! http://josh6520.deviantart.com/art/scratchy-and-tavi-430073771 had to draw this after reading university days, that fic is SOOOO good! i also have some other drawings I've done in my gallery (not many, and even fewer pony drawings but meh =3 ) I've got one thats REALLY detailed that I've been working on for the last year now, my mothers day present, and the flutterdash picture im working on that COULD become more than just a picture at some point if i am feeling up to it so there will be more added hopefully!
4103615 Well, life would be pretty boring if we all thought the same way. It doesn't do anything for me, but you shouldn't give up on something you enjoy.
Looking forward to it; I hope you do more with the Dash/Shy picture, and maybe turn it into a story.
4104453 hehe
yea im HOPING i can do something with it, i hope inspiration strikes hard enough that i can do a story. i have the basic idea in my head but... *shrug* =3
4114690 Having a basic idea is the best place to start; like I said before, if you can just keep finding things to add - even if it's just the odd word or phrase - it'll eventually build up into something you can make a story out of.
4117814 im hoping... though it wont kill me if i don't do anything with it (i don't think anyway) *shrug*
on a random note i've had no sleep tonight because i marathoned all of sword art online to get ready for SAO2 this summer
haha i needs sleep... 
haehe
4127720 You can sleep when you're dead. I haven't pulled an all-nighter for anything in a long time. That's what happens when you get old, though.
4147487 HAHA!
that's great (and so true!) meh, I'm 22 but being a gamer, all nighters happen more often than id like to admit *shrug* 
4156195 I'm twenty-eight and the last all-nighter I pulled was probably five or six years ago (maybe more). They're just not as much fun as they used to be, especially when your girlfriend whinges at you for it.
4156294 good lord I've been busy...
gotta say, yet again you have made me go outta my way to look up a word haha! XD (not saying that in a mean "stop it" kinda way, i find it funny) meh, only one who gets on to me for bad sleeping habits would actually be myself 
id be at work cursing myself for lack of sleep, yet i never learn... 
4172719 Well, as I said before, it's not intentional. I'm very picky when it comes to words, and I want to make sure what I'm saying matches how I feel. I don't post anything - including stories - unless I can actually feel everything clicking into place in my mind.
4173387 haha, kinda figured it wasnt intentional, kinda like learning about new words
4176155 Me, too. I can't stop learning new stuff. It's kinda irritating.