• Member Since 8th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 25th, 2023

BloodBunny67


Just trying to become a better writer. Plus, PONIES! :twilightsmile:

T

While tormenting a fellow classmate, Diamond Tiara gets asked an unexpected question...





***Second story in the 'Ask' one-shot series. These are stand alone stories and can be read in any order. For the others, follow these links:

Ask Snowflake
Ask Big Macintosh



***Props to CaptainAwesome67 for the awesome cover art!***
***Continuing thanks to JeffCvt for his great work proofreading this series***

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 73 )

OH, COME ON!!!!

I liked this story... very sad...

Are you going to continue this? I'd really like to see how this all plays out...

sounds intresting so I will add to watch later:rainbowwild:

4228958
Good to hear! let me know what you think, I'm always hungry for feedback! :pinkiehappy:

4228879
I'm afraid not my friend! :twilightsmile: The stories in the Ask series story tell of a critical moment in the subjects life and the events leading up to it, leaving the rest up to the reader. I'm flattered that you enjoyed it enough to want the story to continue though!

If you are interested in it, i suggest reading Ask Snowflake, which is linked in the description as it follows a similar style.

4228734
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed. Here, have a Derpy! :derpytongue2:

4228711
lol I understand you comment sir. If this story left you wanting more, you should check out the first one linked in the description, I can definitely say that it .... will probably do the same thing.:trixieshiftright:

Thanks for the read!

4229013 OH MY GAWD I LOVE DERPY!!!!

I would really like this style to continue. It's a very interesting style of telling a story and I'm eager to see what other ponies you have waiting for us.

// Sphex

This is very similar to my own headcanon about Diamond, so I like. The way you executed it was perfect as well.

4229524

While I appreciate that you took the time to read and comment on my piece, I feel that you may have misunderstood its intent. Its meant to be an expository piece exploring a characters inner struggle from their own perspective.
The oft repeated "Show, don't tell" mantra prevalent on this site doesn't actually apply to this story as it is meant to be expository. (Only a few moments pass over the course of the entire story)

I appreciate your attempts to assist me though :twilightsmile:

4229144
Great minds think alike! Thanks for the comment!

4229078
Thrilled you enjoyed! It already looks like this one is getting a fairly positive reception, so I may just have to keep these coming! Thanks for the read and the kind words!

Why is a form of an attack. Good or bad, justifying actions is not a simple thing. This makes 'why' an insidious strike only the most foolish or wisest can ignore effectively. Simply, I saw this as Dinky punching Diamond in the gut.

I laughed.

Maybe I'm a fool, but if this Diamond Tiara changed her mask before - what is stopping her now? Nothing.

4229608

I just don't see what that accomplishes when you could have told a much better story with not that much more effort and not have to frame it with this clunky setup.

But okay, it's your style and that's fine. And if you're intelligent enough to comprehend the idea of intentional expository writing instead of just shitting out the laziest thing you possibly can like most of the people on FIMFic do, then I'm probably just too autistic to appreciate this properly.

It's an interesting idea you have here, but it felt rushed and undeveloped because it was all exposition and no activity. Although, I suppose it technically works--it's an okay framework.

YOU CANT JUST DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT MAN!!!

4229013 Okay, I've created my own end to the story:

So DT is about to speak, but then the world explodes because Discord ate too many frijoles. Everypony dies. THE END. :yay:

4229688

First off, thank you for taking the time to have a well informed discussion with me over the comments. Feedback and talking about creative direction is half the reason I post on this site (the other being I love candy coloured ponies! :pinkiehappy:)

I can certainly understand why you find the framing clunky. Modern writing has mostly kept exposition to a minimum in favor of a moving plot. As such, nearly pure exposition pieces like the ones in my Ask series can feel strange to read due to pacing and word choice among other reasons.

To give some context for this style, I can tell you that I am heavily influenced by H.P. Lovecraft and other pulp writers of the 1920-1930's when creating the Ask stories, as well as my Eleven and Counting story in which half the events are told in correspondence between Twilight and Princess Celestia.

I highly suggest reading some Lovecraft. It can take a few of his shorts to get a feel for the flow of his work, but he was truly gifted and is one of the most important writes of weird fiction. :twilightsmile:

4229758
......... Head Cannon Accepted. :trollestia::moustache::eeyup:

4229756
Lol, well then, unless your a masochist I wouldn't read my other story in the Ask series :raritywink:
Thanks for the read!

4229637
Exactly. Whether it was intentional or not, that simple question didn't just take the wind out of DT's sails, it made her boat spring a few leaks.

As far as changing the Mask she chooses to wear, that is where I hand the reigns over to the reader.

thanks for the read and comment! :pinkiesmile:

WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE HAT BIG OF A CLIFF-HANGAR!?!?!? :flutterrage:

4229791

Did you just compare yourself to HP Lovecraft? :unsuresweetie:

I suppose you're under the impression that I'm a typical animufag--I'm not. I often prefer modern literature to older styles. Specifically, I often prefer modernist influences in my lit more than anything, though that's kind of a broad statement so I'd be hesitant to stand by it if pressed. But I try not to limit myself to one style or time period, in any case. You are what you eat, after all. If you eat nothing but manga comic books, you'll shit out Spike harem porn erry day of the week. :rainbowlaugh:

I agree that the appropriate amount of detail depends heavily on the atmosphere you're trying to build. Too much or too little can distract from the story or limit what the reader can envision. But I just feel... hm. Actually, it's less the exposition, I guess (although that does make it worse at times) and more that it has a very bland personality to it. It's probably my modernist influences at work, but I just think that using one neutral narrative voice for everything detracts from the storytelling. Combined with the particular tense you're using, it makes for some awkward, cliched moments that I feel could have been less so if they had been written differently.

Because we're both adults, I assume you can take that critique and either make use of it or refuse and refute it maturely. It's rare to find someone on this site who can discuss anything technical about their writing without dissolving into screaming fits like a five year old, so this is a most joyous occasion indeed for someone such as myself.

4229944

:trixieshiftright: Influenced by and comparing to are very separate in my mind, sorry if there was any confusion. The man is basically a legend after all.

Also I believe there is already far more SpikyClop Romps on this site than is necessary lol :moustache:

I have absolutely no problem with your critiques. (in fact comments of this type are why I do this, hoping to become a better writer) And i can definitely see where your coming from.

If I may though, I will propose, and I very well may be mistaken, that you find the personality to be bland because it is written entirely from DT's perspective. In this story I characterized her as a very intelligent and pragmatic person. From your comments, I can see that you are obviously intelligent and pragmatic yourself, and as such would be reading one step ahead of others who didn't share these traits. Is it possible that this is the reason you found the word choices and narrative personality to be bland and predictable? (honest question, as I considered this problem when deciding to write an expository story from a sole narrative point.)

I agree with you 100% about enjoying the chance for a good dialogue on writing craft. I dont want to impose but I would love the chance to go over some of my other stories if you would be interested. PM me if you would like to exchange thoughts, I would be more than happy to take a look at your work as well if you like.

This is sad... I liked your writing style! 5 Stars!

You...


Get one galaxy of stars for this story. Magnificent!

""Why?" is a silly question."
-Richard Dawkins

The foolish will to everything they can to avoid the "why?" question, and I think this story illustrates that very well.

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It stopped at the good part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eh. I like the story, it's well done, Doesn't tell or show more than it needs to and gets out right on schedule. My only gripe is that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon can't be that smart or sympathetic, nor can their reasons for being utter @$$ hats be explained away in such a ludicrous way.

We know at the very least that Silver Spoon isn't as awful as Diamond Tiara as she is usually the first to come around when the bullying aspect of an episode goes away. (most notably in family appreciation day.) Also, Silver's response of "but we already called them blank flanks" in ummm... I forget the ep, but it's the one where Diamond Tiara decides picking on a pony with a disability is totally cool.

Which it isn't.

Apart from that and the cliffhanger, this story is pretty good. And yes, the cliffhanger is a problem. People thought Inception was cool because they never truly answered the question as to whether it was a dream or not because the answer was it didn't matter. The character decided dream or not, he was going to live his life. This is clearly a case where the decision does matter and therefore should be explained.

Either way, I enjoyed this so I will be giving it a thumbs up regardless.

I demand that you continue this :pinkiehappy: Quite an interesting challenge Diamond has been presented with. Maybe she could whisper in Dinky's ear that she'll explain later when there aren't so many ponies listening, and then yell at her to get lost? Then talk things over with Silver Spoon, whether they should attempt to befriend Dinky, or not risk it. And then go for it.

Lots of interesting places to go from there.

This cannot be complete.

Why did you stop writing more? :raritycry: I need more! Make a sequel! :raritydespair:

Damn you cliffhangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer...

Really great story, its nice to see some good character exploration for DT and SS

So, you want to know what I think? I think this is a perfectly written story... Everything you wanted to express has been expressed without a flaw. You did a wonderful job... A wonderful, yet incomplete job. So, let me ask you one question: as a writer, do you feel right letting the story end here?

4231578 it's not a cliffhanger... apparently, that's the end.
Yep, it was very disappointing.

Diamond Tiara opened her mouth to speak...

:pinkiegasp: Oh, my God, this story is amazing! The emotion, the tension, the back stories, everything's absolutely flawless! I gotta know, what's she gonna say to Dinky?!

(story ends)

[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=-DgFWOvgL90]

uh luneth spark hates it when stories end like this it makes luneth spark angry

Yeh
Good job, man

I can feel so much tension in this fic and that ending just made it grow.:twilightangry2:

It's a good fic. Judging from what I read in the first "Ask" I'd say the tension has been doubled. I liked how the end both offers the readers a chance to think of how it plays out as well as bringing the tension meter up.:twilightsmile:

I think I'll think up some ending I'd like after letting off some steam.:pinkiecrazy:

Well, this is certainly interesting. Diamond Tiara's reasons for being a bully are actually as good as reasons for being a bully can get. I would never have expected that.

Amazing story!!!!

Can you do a continuation of this? It is probably my FAVORITE DT backstory ever!! Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please SEQUAL!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp:

It just stopped!!! Noooo!!!! I wanted to see what she was gonna do!

Other then that it is an amazing piece of work... I just wish some would read my story and leave feedback... Thats mainly why I never kept going with it because no one seamed to care enough to give me info...

Anyway, This is a wonderful work of art... I love how its played out, How they are good fillys only trying to protect one another. And then thrown into a internal conflect of epic propertions!

I loved it!

4233287
Thanks for the read and the kind words!
I don't have a ton of free time lately but I wouldn't mind taking a look at your story. I cant promise you when ill get to it, but ill put my thoughts down in the comments for you :twilightsmile:

4232838
Thrilled you enjoyed it! I'm afraid I dont have any immediate plans to continue DT's story here, but I do have several other ideas for more stories in this Ask series that I'm interested in working on. Keep an eye out!

4231687
Thank you very much, your words flatter me sir. As far as the ending, I do feel content with how it is left. I feel if i were to answer the question, it would lessen the impact of the moral grey area the character is attempting to work through. thanks for the read!


Thanks everyone for the read and comments!!! I'm thrilled to have put out a piece that so many people are enjoying!

Cheers! :twilightsmile:

This is an interesting fic. I quite enjoyed it. I do think it could be made better by letting us hear the answer given. This is just my opinion, so please don't take it personally, but to have so much tension built up and not to be able to hear the answer feels somewhat like a cop out to me. It just feels a bit unfinished, like a road that ends abruptly.

I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing, as it lets people use their imagination a bit, even though I'd rather have seen the questions answered. I did enjoy both fics though, as they give insight on how each character thinks and what their life was like.

HOW THE HELL DO WRITERS DO THIS?

YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE, AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT! GOD DAMMIT, IT'S CONFUSING!

Also, dat cliffhanger tho.

4233501 :twilightsmile: Thank you... You are very kind...

And yes. Giving an answer would lessen the story in a why... I mean. Its intersting just thinking about 'what' she would do after...

I've had sevreal diffrent outcomes from just the cut off ending. And that to me is a good thing... It allows you to fill in the blanks and make your own outcome for yourself. Its quite intreging...

Nice writing but I kinda wanted to hear the answer. Like just a sentence would do... :derpytongue2:

Diamond Tiara opened her mouth to speak.....

What! Noooooo! I need an answer. I wanna here her response. :fluttercry::fluttershyouch::fluttershbad::raritydespair::raritycry::applecry::fluttershysad::twilightangry2:

Diamond Tiara opened her mouth to speak...

Cue the credits.

It was a great story!;)

4233501 Oh well, it does leave how she would handle it up to our guesses..... Sadly, I think DT would not tell Dinky the story. Well at least, not yet..

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