Dear Sunburst
Seashell
XIV
Dear Sunburst,
Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU so much for what you did for Princess Twilight and Captain Dash!
They're a lot happier now than they were before. Princess Twilight laughs all the time. Captain Dash smiles at her when she does. They never used to do that. They're so happy now that they told the whole world they love each other - they told their old friends from the town they lived in before, and the newspaper reporters, and the other princesses, and everything. And a few ponies said they didn't like it at first, but guess what? You were right, it's not a big deal. It turns out a princess can be a fillyfooler and it's okay!
When I asked them what changed to make this happen, they told me that you helped them see things the way they really are. Captain Dash said you gave her a kick in the flank that she couldn't give herself because when she saw the flowers you left and read your note, she realized that if it was so easy for somepony else to see, it was time to just give up and stop pretending not to feel like she does. She gave Princess Twilight those roses that night and told her everything about how much she liked her, and Princess Twilight felt the same way. Then they kissed. I'm not too sure what's so great about kissing, but it seems to make them very very happy. I guess it's a grown-up thing.
Captain Dash said she'd been waiting so many years for that kiss, and she thought it would never happen, but now they can because of you. I think you're the best guard ever. You really did just what Princess Twilight needed to save her from being sad and lonely when nopony else could.
She said she felt like she'd been dying slowly for a long time, but now she feels alive again. I think you saved her life in a kind of way.
Do you think you'll ever come back and be a guard at the palace again? I hope you will someday. If you ask the princess I bet she can get them to give you the orders for it.
You should, because it would be awesome to see you again. That's what Captain Dash would say - awesome. I sometimes think she likes that word almost as much as she likes Princess Twilight.
I have to go to class soon, but I'll write you another letter later. I hope you write back. Bye!
Your friend,
Azure Sky
PS., I am NOT staying up too late reading!
The End
Afterword:
Well, it's done, and I couldn't be more pleased with how the process of writing this story went.
After the multiple-months long tortuous ordeals that Scent of Roses and Born in Equestria proved to be, writing this story flew by at what was an incredible pace to me - most chapters were substantially written in about a day, then took a few days more for revision and cleanup to be in shape for publishing.
It's amazing how much you can get done when you actually feel good about yourself instead of being depressed and drained all the time. Ever since I finished Born in Equestria, in particular, my mood has picked up a lot. That story really needed to be finished being written before I could have ever been ready to write this story, or continue making progress with the story of my own life for that matter.
But it's all done, and the good results I've found in my efforts here are an important validation of my success in starting a new chapter, so this story is pretty significant to me. It's also significant in that it's the first romance I've ever written (even if maybe from an oddly indirect perspective), so that's been interesting too. Exploring Sunburst's personality and her character is pretty fun.
To tell the truth, it's been a great source of inflection, there's a lot of myself in her.
In particular, the Seawall is directly inspired by a real place that I've been: San Clemente Island. While I was in the Navy I had the opportunity to visit San Clemente Island for three days. It was sort of an odd and surreal thing, being there, because it was, even in the middle of an otherwise completely awful experience in the surrounding time, three of the best days of my life. I loved it. I was alone, almost completely, for those three days. I was pretty much on my own to explore, and I did just that. I walked. I walked for hours every day. I walked along the roads, then I left the roads and picked my way through the thorny low growing bushes and cactus patches until I found my way to dunes of fine white sand, which is the closest thing that island has to a beach of sorts. Once I reached the shore, which is mostly jagged rocks, I walked along that for a while, watching all the sea life, which has always fascinated me. In the sand I did find a couple of good sized seashells, which I still have.
And yes, there was a wall there. It wasn't literally a seawall, but it was something close enough. It was a lonely concrete and rebar barrier in the middle of nowhere, used for (as far as I can tell) tactical exercises and training, probably by special forces candidates. There was no one around for miles while I was there, though.
You can actually see it yourself via satellite photo. Take a look at this link:
The wall on San Clemente Island
Yep. That thin black looking line running at about a 30 degree angle from lower left toward upper right? That, in real life, is where the Seawall came from.
In fact, the very first journal entry that starts this story was written as a stand-alone short piece, basically me recording some of my feelings about being on San Clemente but through the lens of the experiences of a pony original character instead. Only much later, nearly two years now, did I realize that through Sunburst's eyes and her experiences with this kind of thing would make for an interestingly unique perspective from which to tell the TwiDash story that I wanted to do now that I was finally done with Born in Equestria.
Thus, Seashell rapidly evolved from that fusion, an asocial military pony seeking her place alone in the world intertwined with two ponies whose positions make them alone even while they can't stop themselves from loving each other and trying not to admit it.
I guess all I can say is, I hope it worked. I hope you have enjoyed this. I know I had fun writing it, at least, so that's something worthwhile.
Thanks for reading! :)
Oh, and...
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Awwww... they lived happily ever after.
This is a great fic, original (I haven't read another similar), thanks for write it.
4367338 You're welcome! It was a very enjoyable writing project that went by at a nice quick pace, so I think I probably enjoyed writing it as much as you did reading it. Glad you liked it.
I must say, now that I've finally gotten around to reading it, this was quite possibly the best thing I've read in a while. It was beautifully written, and had a pretty unique perspective that really added to the story. Sunburst was a very interesting, likable character, and I just loved the way you related her personality to the way Twilight and Rainbow were feeling. A marvelous story. I am glad to have read it.
Wow.
I don't care much for intra-mane6 ships, but even with that subtracted this was beautifully written. Very interesting and sympathetic protagonist; I hope you find something more to do with her.
Yes. Yes. Five yeses. Yes.
I'm so happy to have had a friend recommend this to me. The writing here was beautiful from the voice of Sunburst to the imagery of the roses and the Seawall to the romance of Twilight and Rainbow. It captivated me from the first chapter to the very end. The romance was honest and beautiful. And, as a TwiDash fan, I'm going to say that my favourite part about this entire fic was Sunburst herself. It's rare to see a well-written OC, and even rarer still to find one so relatble as Sunburst was. I found myself clicking the next chapter button just so I could read more of her voice.
It's been a while since I've been so excited about a fic (let alone a TwiDash fic). Thank you for writing this, it was... well, for lack of a better word (and forgive the repetition), beautiful.
After reading this, I have to wonder just why I've put this fic off for so long; it's been in my read later since the first chapter was published. I guess, like those roses, Timaeus's insistance was the kick in the flank I needed to finally sit down and give this story the read it deserves.
I'm generally not one for reading letter/journal-based work—be it fanfiction or published works—but I have to say that I enjoyed every moment of this story. From Sunburst's characterization, to her issues and problems, she is a teriffic OC; one I hope any OC writer takes notes on.
As far as Twilight and Dash's situation goes, bravo. Just bravo. I could go on and on, but I'm writing this comment on my phone and I don't really have the luxury of rereading what I've written.
Keep writing, though; I'll be watching.
4533002 Glad we could help.
4533002
4533007
Someone finally got it, or was less ashamed to admit it.
And yes I have a despicable sens of humor.
4533443 Are you kidding me? We're a couple of the most oblivious ponies ever to this thing, as well as being very shameful, and yet it was the only real way to react! Kinda proud of how we linked it to the hay burgers.
Right, I forgot to leave a comment on this story when I finished reading it.
When I first tried the only thing I could come up with was: "Beautiful"
You have a terrific character narrating a very thought out set of happenings.
After some extra thought I'm going to revise that earlier statement by adding "Stunningly" in front of it. Leaving it:
"Stunningly Beautiful"
4476287 Thanks for your comments, and sorry it's taken me so long to respond.
I think the delayed reading effect is something that a lot of people have had with this story, since the first part, I admit, opens in a direction that seems unclear at first until later when the story starts to all come together and it meshes in. That can easily put people off, so it was kind of a risky way to start. It's revealing that, out of all seven of the dislikes this thing has so far, they were all from very early on when there were only a few chapters and how this would tie together wasn't established yet. Once there was more material, though, suddenly readers who persevered evidently felt rewarded for sticking with it and started liking it instead (much to my relief
).
I'm glad you enjoyed the story and enjoyed Sunburst as an OC, and yes, there will be more work featuring her. She's very fun and interesting to write.
4475762 Sorry to be so late in responding, but thank you so much for your feedback.
Playing with the imagery of the roses was one of the most interesting parts of writing this. It both drew on elements established from some of my previous stories and created new ones. There were a lot of possibilities I wanted to explore in just how to use the various roses of this story as a clarifying metaphor through which to show how Twilight and Rainbow Dash feel about themselves and each other, so I had to narrow it down to just the best few I could think of and not misuse it too badly. I think looking back at it now it turned out just to be about what I hoped it would, though, so success!
I'm glad you found Sunburst an enjoyable OC, too. She was very interesting to write. I think the real trick to her was that, most of the time I was writing her, I was in some way just writing myself. You can't get much more relatable than that.
4533777 Thanks for your feedback. It means a lot to me to hear that you enjoyed my writing.
4533129 Thanks for all your feedback. I'm glad you liked the story. One of my highest priorities in working on this was writing Sunburst to be as real and as easy to relate to as possible. That's always what I've thought makes a really compelling character.
4563456
The imagery of the roses worked splendidly well, as did the dialogue between Sunburst and the rose salespony (forgive me, it's been a couple weeks since I read this and I forget her name). I'll admit I haven't read your other works yet, but for the purposes of this story I felt that I didn't necessarily need to. The way you implemented the roses and what the different kinds of roses meant for Twilight and Rainbow was used in a way that I could understand what Rainbow was going through without exactly knowing what happened. It added a small element of mystery for myself and others who have not read your previous works, and I'm glad you didn't explain what happened.
Actually the imagery that you used in general throughout the story was wonderful.
I kind of guessed as much, but you still managed to write Sunburst this way without making her a self-insert OC. She was relatable, enjoyable to read, and I could see her existing in the world of Friendship is Magic. I'd read another story starring her without a moment's hesitation.
...Okay, I'll stop gushing now
This was incredibly sad, but gorgeously written. I absolutely loved it.
Have a like, a fav, a feature recommendation, and this ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
Excellent blending of symbolism and atmosphere. When dealing with symbolism, it is easy to wander into pretension or beating the reader over the head with it. However, with this carefully constructed atmosphere, I found when we got to the scene with Rainbow and Twi chained to the roses, it was more or less rephrasing and making explicit the undercurrents that were there in the tone all along. It belonged before we ever knew it was there.
Sunburst's reaction to all of this was also welcome. The due consideration and hooves-off approach she took when deciding how to approach the situation played well to the chained atmosphere. It also kept the lovers' interests in focus instead of leaving it up to Sunburst to be the hero, break into the throneroom banner flying, and demand her OTP kiss right now because it's so perfect. Bringing up the issue quietly and leaving it to the lovers to decide on the own was refreshingly tasteful.
And of course, shiny proofread words make me happy. Well done.
4755465 Thank you so much for the like, fave, feature recommendation, and ribbon!
I'm truly thrilled to have this story accepted into Twilight's Library, and I'm glad you enjoyed it and honored that you feel it's good enough to deserve a recommendation to be featured.
Thank you also for your thoughts and feedback. As a writer that's a very valuable thing to receive and I appreciate it. Symbolism is the literary device I like working with the most, and it's good to know that I did something right with it here.
4757484
You are very welcome
Okay, as promised, it's feedback time!
SirTruffles has said several of the things I would have done, but still:
I really enjoyed this story. I'm not a huge reader of romances, but this was more than good enough to hold my interest. I thought the worldbuilding was truly wonderful, and I especially liked the restraint you showed in not telling us everything. We never found out for sure what happened in the war; we never found out whether there was anything beyond the sea horizon; we never discovered where Azure Skies came from.
In particular, we never quite found out what happened to the rest of the Mane Six. There's a very strong implication that they were lost during the war, but that's all it is. I'm not usually a huge fan of large-scale wars in ponyfic, but having this one still casting long shadows worked well. (This came into the foreground during Rolling Thunder's harrowing tale.)
This was especially effective given the restrained way you told the central story of Twilight and Rainbow. (This is the bit SirTruffles has pretty much already said.) The dream sequence was definitely among the better such sequences I've read, and the chains and roses just seemed to fit perfectly.
I also liked the ending, where it suddenly became crystal clear exactly why this piece is structured as it is. Plus, the way that final chapter was rounded off was absolutely adorable.
I was mildly unsure about the realism of having Sunburst be unaware of large chunks of Twilight's background -- even if Twi had stopped talking about it after being traumatised by losing four friends to the war (and apparently not making any new ones, Azure possibly excepted) wouldn't great Equestrian heroes like the Mane Six remain world-famous pretty much for the rest of time?
The story could maybe have done with one more proof-read to catch misprints like "lavendars" (ch. 5) and a little incorrect capitalisation (eg speech tags) in chs. 10-11. "Celestia's sun" is a bit of an overused phrase these days, too.
But the pros far outweigh the niggles. I think this is an excellent story, full of imagination and extremely atmospheric. Definitely the sort of tale I'm glad to see getting featured by TL!
So, I have an apology to make. This story sat in my read later for months, despite being highly recommended to me by the two people on this site who's opinions I trust more than anyone elses. Also, I mean it was highly recommended by them. Like, "Vert, you need to read that now. What is wrong with you? Are you an idiot?"
I wholly intended to read it, I just... hadn't had the time. >_> Maybe? I dunno. Either way, I eventually did read it, and HOLY. CRAP.
I loved the fic, very, very much. However, I didn't say anything at the time, and I have a reason why. It's a very stupid reason, but it's a reason nonetheless. <_< Forgive me.
The reason: I was reading on a tablet at midnight, and I had intended to just read a chapter or two a night, every night, before I fell asleep. Well sir, your fic enraptured me SO THOROUGHLY that I read it all in that first night. I couldn't stop. Shit, I'll be honest, I even tried to stop. I had work the next morning, dude! What the hell is wrong with you, giving me a story that forced me to stay up too late? Some people... But no, I couldn't put it down, and by the time I finished it was nearing 3 AM.
I had wanted to favorite it and give you a comment telling you how much I loved it, but it was 3 AM, and I was tired as shit. I just didn't have the heart to write a comment which truly expressed how highly I thought of this story. So, I told myself I'd write the comment later and favorite it at the same time.
Obviously, that didn't happen. >_> I fav'd it when I was cleaning through my bookshelves after the Fimfic update because I honestly forgot that I hadn't done that yet. Then you reminded me, so...
Here I am!
Without further ado, my actual opinions of your story. if you couldn't tell already, that is
- - -
This fic is absolutely incredible. Your OC is so well written and feels perfectly structured, exactly what I'd expect from the main character of an original fiction. I felt like I could perfectly understand her and everything that made her tick. She was real, she was flawed, she was... just perfect, really. And I don't mean that literally, because no person is ever perfect. What I mean is, she's exactly what I want from an OC. RELATABLE.
The story was written through the journals which, I think, was a good idea seeing as this story was through the minds eye of an OC. It didn't need to be a third person story like you'd usually expect from an adventure fic, or a romance story, because... that's not what this was. Sure, there was romance, but it was so much more than that.
This story was all about your character, Sunburst, and what the romance of Twilight and Rainbow Dash did to her. It wasn't about Twilight and Rainbow Dash really. You had so much more room for error though because of it, and I will admit, that's part of why it took me so long to read this story. I don't normally read stories with OC main characters because... so many authors don't know how to do it right. But you? Oh my god, you have it down pat.
There are not many authors I'd say this to on this website, but you sir would have my express interest even outside of Fimfiction. And by that I mean... if you ever wrote an original fiction, it would be my honor to read it. I just can't get over what you did with Sunburst and how much I loved her as a character.
And... that's it. I just think so highly of your story. It is among my top favorite TwiDash of all time, and I will be adding it to my profile in my list of top TwiDash fics ever written. Also, in the interest of seeing where you go with your writing, you have my follow.
Good luck, Wdeleon. Keep writing!
5286090
Huh. Well, I shall wait and see. But you did answer one question: Sunburst has been writing a lot of entries and we're only seeing the interesting ones. So are you saying that these entries not feeling like a journal at all is intentional on both your parts?
5286129
It pretty much has to be an AU, though. Rolling Thunder just admitted to what is, in no uncertain terms, a war crime. An atrocity of barbaric activity that, in a world like Equestria ruled by a princess like Celestia, would demand dire consequences... and yet the perpetrators have clearly suffered no official punishment and are even hired to stand guard over the princesses. This would not happen in the show's Equestria, no matter how gritty you claim it to be. A world centered around peace and harmony and the magic of friendship would be horrified at the actions Thunder has described and demand justice. Celestia doesn't have to be everywhere to court martial soldiers in her army for committing genocide.
5286231
"So are you saying that these entries not feeling like a journal at all is intentional on both your parts?"
Yes. It was sort of a gamble / experiment with writing style to do it this way because it requires some suspension and faith on the part of readers, but I think most who've stayed to the end have found it justified once the purpose behind all this is resolved with clarity.
"Rolling Thunder just admitted to what is, in no uncertain terms, a war crime."
To us, yes, but that would just be superimposing our standards on another culture in which assuming them to be the same doesn't necessarily have to follow. The definition of what constitutes crime in the context of a particular society is a function of how the law works in that society. We don't really know Equestrian law and we don't know what their standards of warfare are - it's never been comprehensively covered in full.
Although I know this will make some people uncomfortable, and that's a risk I have to accept, I find it much more interesting and more real to write from a perspective of moral relativism dealing with these things. It's not a simple cut and dry thing. I tend to approach characters from the view that ultimately we're not in a position to judge them, only to listen to their story and try to understand them.
5286346
That's... an interesting take. A bit hard to swallow. Although there's a ton of circumstantial in-show evidence to indicate that Celestia would never condone killing in this fashion, it can also be argued that there's circumstantial evidence she could be fairly hardcore in certain areas. I don't buy your 'we have no room to judge' view; it sounds too much like an excuse to make any crime, no matter how heinous, justifiable. It also suggests that all sense of common morality doesn't apply (when it has been demonstrated time and time again in-show that ponies do share common, human views of morality.)
It's like saying lying is bad, disloyalty is wrong, starting fights is dumb, seeking revenge is a sin... but murdering hundreds of griffons including innocent children in cold blood – which is guaranteed to cause animosity and lead to further conflict and isn't exactly appropriate to any of the Tenets of Harmony on which the nation is known to be founded upon – is perfectly suitable and not really worth mention.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that your way of looking at this is necessarily bad. It just feels... misguided. It really does seem to me that this story falls squarely in the area of an AU.
Also, bear in mind that nothing about any of this is stopping me from enjoying the story, and I have every intention of finishing it.
5286481
It's not that "any crime is justifiable". It's that "crime" is in reality a subjective classification with which to label actions, some of things we think are crimes may not be crimes at all to other cultures in different circumstances. That's why we're not in a position to judge them. We're not on the same page, we don't have their perspective.
"It also suggests that all sense of common morality doesn't apply"
It doesn't. Assuming a "common morality" would be a perspective of moral absolutism, which really isn't how this story was written. I'm neither condemning nor sympathizing with what was done, only trying to capture an understanding of what these soldiers did and what they went through.
How to utilize moral perspective is an interesting issue to deal with as a writer, because it does tend to raise questions and sometimes challenge readers. It's tricky because not all of them will like how you handle it or agree with your approach when there's a conflict between our commonly held views and those that are different.
Fortunately, though, that's a pretty brief part of this story and as it continues I think it gets away from this and back towards more common ground. Glad you're enjoying it so far overall.
5287438
But the concept of criminal actions is centered around a people's common view of morality. Morality and law are inescapably linked.
You say that we have no room to judge a culture that we don't understand, a people whose society and governance and laws aren't clear to us. That's legit. How the story is written is not what I'm arguing about, I'm arguing about how the society within the story you've written is behaving in direct contradiction of itself.
You claim this story isn't an alternate universe, that all the characters are from the show. MLP:FiM shows us in practically every episode what the moral views of pony society are, which are more or less our own. The laws and views of criminality and punishment are based upon morality, so it makes no sense for the pony society in the show to not have the same general – or likely more liberal and gentle – views towards combat and war based upon the indications were are given canonically. So unless something happened in the last 18 years to completely reverse pony society from followers of harmony to a brutal warrior society, the fact that Thunder and his colleagues got away with slaughtering entire villages without any consequences makes no sense.
In summation, I'm not talking about how you wrote the story and whether you judge them, I'm talking about the civilization in the world you're writing for and why the characters in said society aren't judging them. Not delving into the story yourself to assign right and wrong is fine, but you need to do so while keeping in mind that the people/ponies in the world you've created won't be so detached.
Granted, the vast majority of readers won't delve into the details of pony society like I have here, and thus most readers won't even notice all this. But for the sake of a complete world, I always try to bear in mind the society I've created (or, in FimFiction's case, borrowed) and how it would behave given what is known. In this case, I don't believe pony society would let this fly, regardless of my own views on morality and crime. It simply doesn't fit with the information we've been given.
Pretty sure this is a first for me on FIMfiction; a story about someone watching rather than taking part. For being such an original take, I automatically give kudos.
But more than the intended relationship between RD and Twilight, I find myself intrigued by this world you've conjured. I will be reading some of your other stories in time, of this you can be certain.
5297183
Thanks. This is probably the most unique of the stories I've written so far, I think - I wasn't sure completely where it would go when I started, but I like how it turned out. If you're interested in reading more, the currently in-progress "Ghost Lights" would be the most direct continuation.
"Born in Equestria" and its two sequels have sort of indirect and 'unofficial' previous continuity to Seashell (certain things are hinted at but not it's critical to get the references). Born in Equestria is not a happy story, though, to be honest. It draws on a lot of difficult personal experiences and issues I was dealing with at the time it was written.
5298639
Man, look, I know a thing or two about 'sad' stories. I've already added "Born in Equestria" to my RiL. It's got over 130 stories in line ahead of it though (with one topping 500k), so it'll be a while before I get there.
I'm very glad I read this. Thank you for writing it.
5373082 What he said.
I should be sleeping. Instead I'm reading this. :D
5373082
5373112
You're very welcome. I really enjoyed writing it.
Sorry if I'm keeping you up, Jetstream. Go to bed, get the rest you need. It's good for your health. The story will still be here in the morning. :P
I really love this. It has such a sense of atmosphere, personality, and place.
I was worried for a bit, towards the end, because I didn't want this to be resolved happily by Sunburst "making" Rainbow and Twilight get together, (that sort of thing never goes well in real life) and I was very pleased at how it actually turned out! This is one of the best shipping stories I've read.
5527114 Thank you. I'm really glad you liked the story and I appreciate your comments.
And yes, the surest way to ruin the story would have been to treat Twilight and Rainbow Dash like toy figurines with Sunburst (acting as my proxy as the author) pushing their muzzles together and saying, "NOW KISSSSS!"
Congrats on making EQD! Long overdue, if you ask me. this story (and its sequel) have been criminally underviewed around here. :)
Bravo!
5593120 Thanks! It's exciting, for sure.
Thank you for this great reading experience.
Have a fav and thumbs up!
5594946 You're welcome, glad you liked it!
5603519 Thanks for your comments.
The white stone is for somepony in particular, and it's a minor reference another story I wrote before this one (Scent of Roses). The link, if any, between Azure, Rarity, and Twilight is something that I'll be exploring in Ghost Lights, which is the sequel to Seashell and is currently in progress.
As for Spike, he was a character I just didn't really need for anything while I was writing, so he's not in this episode.
Let me see... I predict everything bad that happened is due to an epic pony war with the griffons...
*reads a bit*
Eeeyup...
Seriously, at least a war with the changelings wouldn't require a ton of expositionary background to explain why the hell they're at war.
5612429
All I can say is, you obviously didn't read this story, and you're missing out. What you claim to be the source of drama, a pony/griffin war, I honestly don't recall being in this story at all, and if it is it's certainly nothing more than minor backstory. No, Seashell is about living with oneself, being truthful about what you really desire, and not squandering the chance to reach for it before it's too late. And despite the basic concept being something I don't really care for (there's nothing wrong with it, it's just not my thing) this story really drew me in. Whether you like what it portrays or not, there's no denying it's very vividly written, quite touching, and features a lesson many of us could take to heart.
5607663
I wondered if the stone had been relocated...
5613146 Thanks for your praise. All of those things you mentioned were themes I wanted this story to speak to, so I'm glad to see that I've succeeded.
It's fine if Alondro doesn't like some parts of the story. No story can be liked by every reader.I knew that mentioning war was going to be sort of a gamble and probably a hot-button thing that a few readers would either get distracted or turned off by. I think most readers, though, understood what the story is really about (which is all those things you said), so I'm not bothered.
5612429 The war was something mentioned because it was a defining and influential part of the past for some of the characters, but this story was never intended to get heavily into dealing with it, for two reasons: one, I did that in other stories previously (such as Born in Equestria, which was agonizing to write and I didn't want to go through that all over again), and two, this story going off on too long a tangent and getting bogged down with it would have made it something very different from what I wanted it to be.
I hope that's not too disappointing. It's just not something I wanted to get into this time.
5613390 I don't like griffon wars because there's simply no basis for them.
Every single instance of griffons in the show has demonstrated long-standing peaceful relations between their species.
A war between them needs a significant and sensible trigger.
No one questions a changeling war, because we already know they've engaged in undeclared war already (the invasion) and are a highly aggressive species.
Suffice to say, I like my plot elements supported. The best of short stories manage to account for all important details in some fashion.
5614751
No, they've demonstrated that there's a griffon community (of indeterminate size and nature) that appears to be tolerated in Equestria.
There are Russian and Chinese and any other number of foreign immigrant communities here in the U.S., but it doesn't necessarily mean that our governments like each other or that there aren't significant cultural differences that can easily cause conflicts.
Griffons are predatory and horses are prey animals (and indeed in some traditional mythologies griffons are described as favoring horse flesh above other prey). That's a plausible enough factor to carry the possibility of a conflict of interests leading to hostility, if you insist on being supplied with something.
We have no idea what kind of species griffons tend to be. The best we've seen is that a tiny handful of individuals happen to be able to coexist with ponies, which is by no means a comprehensive generalized description of the whole.
Delving too deeply into this and being drawn off on a tangent wasn't an important detail for the story I wanted this to be, though. Just what's there is almost too much discussion of the war as it is.
As I said, no story can please everyone all the time. The best I can say is that I feel like it succeeded at what it was meant to be and the results show that most people enjoyed and found value in that. If you didn't, I understand and that's fine, but I also think by the kinds of things you're focused on inquiring on that maybe you were really looking for a different story.
5615243 No, we've seen no evidence at all that the griffons are aggressive toward ponies.
The absence of evidence of aggression is not suggestive of aggression.
By that argument, one could arbitrarily conjure up wars with minotaurs, donkeys... and zebras... over coal or something...
A battle with a group of rogue dragons is believable immediately, due to the attitude toward ponies of some dragons in "Dragon Quest", as is one with changelings, assuming they made much better use of their abilities. Honestly, changelings are the most dangerous race. They have the ability to mind control victims as well as take their forms. They could believably win if they worked cleverly enough and ponies had no way to screen for them. "Star Trek: Deep Space 9" made a well-conceived notion of how dangerous a race of accomplished shape-shifters can be.
Also of note, we must ask what the griffons have that even allowed them to successfully wage war at all. What do they have that can counter unicorn and alicorn shield magic? Shining's nearly depleted shield held off thousands of changelings ramming into it several times. And there are 3 alicorns to account for now. Tactically, the griffons are outmatched severely.
And that doesn't even bring up Discord, who is now properly reformed and I highly doubt would allow a nasty, dull war over some trite bit of offense or griffon greed or whatever got their feather and fur ruffled.
But he's not even needed. The griffons do not have magic that we've seen other than basic cloud-walking.
I rarely accept griffon wars when some long-standing feud is brought up and set in the canon Equestria (simply because I don't imagine the immortal Celestia allowing such a feud to go on longer than a single generation. Immortality tends to come with significant advantages when dealing with disputes, namely outliving all but equally immortal foes.) and I certainly cannot accept a war with no basis at all.
The predator-prey argument doesn't hold water, since we're not talking about OUR world. In our world, griffons don't exist and ponies don't talk and build cities. Plus, the few griffons we've seen haven't eaten any meat. People are ASSUMING they're predators who would like to eat pony flesh based on a human mythology that doesn't apply. That same mythology describes the Minotaur as the result of a human woman being driven to do the deed with a bull and created a monster which ate people... last I checked Iron Will was on his way to a grocery store. Therefore, applying human mythos directly to Equestria without evidence to support it is NOT a sensible thing to do. Cerberus guards Tartarus, because that has been shown. But that which has not been demonstrated cannot automatically be concluded by rational analysis.
To put it simply, when you have antagonists ready-made for a war that isn't going to be explained in any detail, it makes more sense to use them than a race with no evidence of an axe to grind. It's simply a good writing habit to avoid situations that leave too many unanswered questions in a short story.
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I may be wrong, but the impression I'm getting is "how dare you write fanfiction making different assumptions than I." Sheesh.
Whatever anyone else says, you're free to do as you please. To me it's pretty clear that you aren't writing MLP fanfics to be completely canonically accurate to fill in time until season 5 airs: you're writing it because you have stories you want to tell, feelings you want to express, and lessons you want to impart, and you're using the MLP universe as a template to build upon and present those things in a way others can relate to. And it works.
I could say that I don't care for the brutalities of war in the context of MLP. Because it's true; I enjoy the show precisely because it provides a fun escape from depressing aspects of humanity. I could say that I don't enjoy shipping. That is also true; too often shipping involves removing the childlike innocence from the world I adore for it. But despite any of my discomfort your stories are powerful and gripping; every one I've read, I'm glad I did. And regardless of my preferences your stories are your stories. No one else is entitled to tell you what to write or how. So don't stop. :)
5616437 All I can tell you is what I said before: I think you're looking for a different story.
I'm really not going to get into an argument about things that are just pure speculation on both our parts, because 1. it's pointless and 2. a lot of tangential exposition to rationalize my headcanon in this story to other people was not (and would probably have distracted from) the real reason it was written.
I accept that there's aspects of it you didn't like, and I understand why and that's fine. I don't really know what else to say.
5616846 Thanks! And oh, don't worry, I'm not gonna stop writing what I write.