Rarity had sworn that she would never speak of Trenderhoof again. But when he returns to Ponyville, Rarity sees the only reason why Trenderhoof is here...
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 7th Apr, 2014
- offline last seen May 11th, 2015
DashieReviews
I can review your stories and write ones on your request of category
DashieReviews
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I liked it, when's the second part coming out?
4202744 It depends what reviews I get from this. If it doesn't go very well
. I have some other stories instead. 
OMG I'm loving this!! you have to make a part to you have too!!! or I'm going to have a tantrum like rarity whyyyy?! whyyyyeeee?! lol kk but you should make a part to *puts hoof on his/her shoulder* I'm counting on you.
Hmm..
Didn't rarity get over her crush in the episode?
If not, good idea for a story, but it's still rough around the edges. I would recommend getting an editor.
Also, the 'Fluttershy' tag doesn't need to be here, as she doesn't really have a large part in this. It seems to be a AJ/Rarity/Trenderhoof story, so I would get rid of the FS tag unless she comes up later with a bigger role.
You labeled this complete, but it's obvious there's more to the story than this, so you should probably fix that.
That is all
4204303 I've already started working on it, it should be out today.
yay, ok
Trenderhoof was a travel writer, not a fashion designer.
4206568 Can you close to being done?
4206568 And fluttershy should be a tag because she was in it
4254016 The second part is out
4257137 SAY WHA Alright i'm totally reading it
The story is nice enough, but really rough and badly paced. There are several grammar errors and typos. The changes in font size is jarring, as are the pictures - after all, we do know what Trenderhoof looks like. (Though the dresses are very nice-looking.) I get that you're using larger font to emphasize Rarity's distress, but it draws attention away from the story. We understand that she's upset just fine as is.
What most gets me is that a lot of scenes are underdeveloped and summarized instead of acted out, such as when she sends Fluttershy away. Also, there's absolutely no reaction when Trenderhoof walks in; nothing from him, just a simple line from Rarity, it's like he's hardly there. You could stand to flesh this out so much more.
Also, as mentioned, Trenderhoof is not doing fashion. Even if he were, just asking another designer to lend him her dresses so he can use them for his own fashion line is shamelessly criminal. I mean, Suri at least tried to pretend her copies were her own design. If I may make a suggestion, it'd make more sense if he was writing an article on fashion trends and needed the dresses modeled for that (with the not-so-subtle intention of getting to see Applejack in fancy outfits).
All in all, it's not a bad story concept, you just need to brush it up a little. Hope this helps, and good luck.
4311900 I'd have to agree. The premise is a nice one, but the font sizes and embedded pictures make it hard even to look at, and then it's very hard to tell if it's a good story or not.