Me, Myself and O'Malley

by Bluecatcinema

Me, Myself and Caboose

Caboose's prone body was quickly rushed to the hospital (soon followed by the guard whom back he had broke when he fell).

The poor pony ended up put in a full-body cast while his brothers (save for Grimoire) occupied the beds beside him, with lesser injuries.

Daring refused to leave the hospital until she could see Caboose. As soon as she was allowed to, she rushed in.

"Caboose..." She whispered. "Are you okay?"

"As okay as I can be, given the circumstances." Caboose smiled. "In fact, I'm better than okay. He's gone, Daring."

"Who?" Daring asked.

"O'Malley." Caboose answered.

Caboose's brothers, having feigned sleep to give the two some privacy, turned to look at them, stunned by Caboose's admission.

"Really?" Daring gasped. "But... how can you be sure?"

"I don't know really… but as far as I could remember, even when I was in control, I could always feel O'Malley scuttling around in the back of my head, pacing around like a lion stalking his prey..." Caboose explained. "But now… I feel nothing. I don't know if it was the fall, or me finally standing up to him, or letting out all my anger, but he's gone. We won't have to worry about him anymore..."

"Way to go, Caboose!" Murray smiled. "I always knew you could take that jerk!"

"No more O'Malley." Lars smiled. "I've never felt so happy. Though that may just be the morphine kicking in..."

"I'm just so glad to have you back, Caboose." Daring smiled.

Daring kissed Caboose passionately. Caboose's heart monitor began beating erratically, and the other brothers only groaned.

"Oh come on, Caboose!" Vinny groaned. "It's bad enough we all became vegetables to save your flank, but must you try to get lucky with her right in front of us?!"

The others loudly voiced their agreements.

Caboose slightly pushed Daring away with his snout, since he couldn't move his limbs.

"My bros are right, Daring... I guess I have to give you an I.O.U. for later." He declared.

"Okay..." Daring kissed him on the nose. "Till then..."

Daring left, giving Caboose a seductive wink.

"I really am the luckiest pony in history..." Caboose smiled.

"We get it, Caboose, you have a hot flank marefriend." Slot groaned.

"Yeah, and while you get the mare, we're all laid up for the next couple of weeks." Murray added.

"Speaking of which, what do we do now?" Sonny asked.

"Well, I guess we just have to wait..." Salt slurred, his voice altered die to a broken snout.

The seven ponies did as such... but after five seconds, Vinny growled.

"This sucks." He announced.

"Oh come on, guys, cheer up!" Caboose smiled. "You know what they say..."

Immediately, the brothers gaped in horror.

"No, no, no..." Murray trembled.

"Not that... anything but that!" Slot gasped.

"Somepony pull my cord, please!" Vinny begged.

"You're not on life support, dummy!" Lars pointed out.

"Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad, other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle!" Caboose started to lightly sing. "And this'll help things turn out for the best: And..."

Caboose started lightly rocking back and forth.

"Always look on the bright side of life." He whistled. "Always look on the light side of life. "

The brothers were panicking, as he sang the next verse.

"Murray! Fake a heart attack, please!" Vinny yelled.

"Why do I got to do it?!" Murray asked.

"It's more believable for an old guy like you!" Vinny answered.

"Old? I'm only about ten years older than you!" Murray snorted.

"To be honest, Vinny, with your weight, you can easily fake a heart attack." Lars pointed out.

"When you're feeling in the dumps, don't be silly chumps, just perch your lips and whistle, that's the key. And always look on the bright side of life... " Caboose whistled again.

"I'm not fat! I'm big boned!" Vinny defended indignantly.

"No, you're not." Salt declared. "We made that up to make you feel good about yourself."

"You're lying!" Vinny snarled.

"Actually, we're not. You see..." Murray started.

Caboose continued singing as Murray explained.

"For life is quite absurd, and death's the final word, you must always face the curtain with a bow, forget about your sin, give the audience a grin... "

"You crum-bum!" Vinny seethed. "You lied to me!"

"We only wanted to preserve your feelings." Murray offered.

"No, preserving feelings was not bringing up the whole thing with Peaches Cream. You were just being a jerk!" Vinny spat.

"You know what, let's just humor Caboose with this stupid song." Lars offered. "It beats arguing about Vinny being fat even though he is."

"Oh lay off!" Vinny huffed.

"You'll see it's all a show, people laughing as you go... " Caboose sang.

"Oh boy, here comes the chorus..." Salt groaned.

"Oh, where's cousin Dexter with his sleep medicine when you need him?" Sonny wept.

"I hate this..." Slot winced.

Suddenly, the seven began singing and whistling together.

"Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the right side of life... Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the right side of life... "

Suddenly, the lights went out.

"Let's just cut to the next scene and forget this ever happened." Slot suggested.

As Caboose continued his recovery (which went by quickly for him), he had plenty of time to think about the fallout from O'Malley's actions. He feared that O'Malley might have ruined his reputation, costing his place in Canterlot, but the visiting Grimoire promised to take care of it.

"Come now, Caboose, this may not be Bitaly, but I can still pull strings here and there..." Grimoire offered.

Grimoire went all the way to Celestia herself.

"Your majesty, I want to make a deal." He announced. "I am willing to give anything to smooth over the problems caused by O'Malley, and for you to pardon Caboose of all his wrongdoings."

"Well, I don't think-" Celestia started.

"Please, your highness." Grimoire pleaded. "I want to make things right, for Caboose's sake…please don't make me beg."

Celestia mulled it over.

"Well, I suppose I could grant Caboose a pardon... if you were willing to pay for the medical bills of the guards O'Malley injured, and for a new bell for the clock tower." She said finally.

"Really?" Grimiore raised his brow. "That's all? There's no strings attached or anything?"

"No. This is the deal, take it or leave it." Celestia nodded.

Quite amazed, Grimm only smirked. "Then it's a deal then."

The princess and the mafia boss shook hooves, and Grimoire departed, pleased with his negotiating skills. Suddenly, Shine walked in, joining his wife.

"So, cherryblossom, how long do you wish to wait before telling Grimm that you already pardoned Caboose?" Shine asked.

"Oh, once Canterlot gets a new bell and the guards have made a full recovery." Celestia smiled. "I am a forgiving mare, dear, but a free bell is a free bell."

"Ah… Nicely played." Shine smirked.

Caboose finally healed enough to get out of the cast. All his friends and family were there to greet him as he left the hospital.

"Good to have you back, Caboose." Blueblood smiled.

"Thanks, Blue." Caboose beamed.

"Unca 'Boose! Unca 'Boose!" Pureblood and Vito cheered.

"Hey, how's my favourite great-nephews?" Caboose hugged them. "I missed you little guys."

"We all missed you." Dusty declared. "Welcome back, Caboose."

As Caboose returned to the castle, he made a beeline for the barracks. However, it did not stop him from giving his friendly greetings to other ponies along the way. They all were shocked by Caboose's 'sudden shift' of personalities from a couple of weeks ago, but they did not question it.

Within seconds, Caboose arrived at the barracks. There, he found Iron Hooves.

"Hey..." He said hesitantly.

"Hi." Iron Hooves said impassively.

"Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what O'Malley did." Caboose declared. "If it makes you feel any better, you won't be hearing from him again."

"Is that a fact?" Iron mused.

"Yes… but if you want to fire me, I understand." Caboose sighed. "It was fun while it lasted..."

"I'm not gonna fire you." Iron smiled.

"You're not?" Caboose asked.

"Nope." Iron nodded. "What happened wasn't your fault. Many ponies who comes back from war suffers PTSD in their own ways… yours just happen to had created a second violent personality."

"PTSD?" Caboose repeated.

"You know, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? You have it from serving your country in Saddle Arabia?" Iron explained.

In that moment, Caboose immediately remembered the huge backstory he had for coming here.

"Oh… right… PTSD…" Caboose nervously chuckled.

Iron did not notice his nervousness, "Besides, Lieutenant… I actually like having you around."

"Wow… really?" The brown pony smiled, "I don't know what to say…"

"Then let me say it. Apology accepted." Iron nodded.

"Thank you, Iron." Caboose smiled.

"No problem." Iron chuckled. "However, I expect you here tomorrow at nine a.m. sharp, as always, and that you address me as captain."

"You got it, captain!" Caboose nodded, as he gave a salute.

As Caboose's life returned to normal, he found himself thinking he still had something important to do. He gathered his family and Daring together.

"Guys, I've decided to hold a funeral for O'Malley." He announced.

Immediately, everypony gasped.

"You what?!" Slot cringed. "Why?!"

"Yeah. That dirtbag put us in a hospital and he tried to steal your life!" Murray snapped.

"And he put us in a FREAKING hospital!" Vinny repeated.

"Yeah, Caboose, what's your deal?" Grimm questioned.

"Look, I know O'Malley and I didn't always get along... but that didn't change the fact that he was a part of me…" Caboose declared. "I feel like I should... commemorate his passing, y'know?"

"Not really." Grimoire shrugged. "But if it's what you want, then we'll support your decision."

"Me too." Daring nodded. "I hate to admit it, but O'Malley did actually help sometimes. We should at least honor that part of his memory."

The funeral was a small affair. A small cardboard coffin was placed in the grand hall of the castle (Celestia having allowed them the time), and Caboose, his brothers, Daring and Dusty were all in attendance. Next to the coffin was a picture of Caboose, except with angry brows and a frowny face scribbled on it.

Caboose stepped forward to give the eulogy.

"Do you even know how to give a eulogy, Caboose?" Vinny asked.

"Sure I do. I've seen our great uncle Morgan Freestallion give them all the time." Caboose smiled, as he cleared his throat.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, today, to witness, the joining together of O'Malley and Death, in eternalness, smuh- speak now, or forever rest in peace! With liberty… and justice… for all. The end!" He rambled.

The brothers glanced at him.

"Gosh, even without O'Malley, you still are screwy." Vinny sighed.

"And proud of it." Caboose chuckled. "Now, on to the burial."

They took the box over to the clock tower, which had been restored completely (courtesy of the Napoleon's bountiful fortune), burying it in the grass outside, and placing a post that read:

'O'Malley'

'…Somepony You Didn't Want To Know'

"Rest in peace, O'Malley." Caboose said solemnly, "I know we had our differences… and you hated my guts… but you were there for me when… she broke my heart. And while I may have not like the things you made me do… it kinda cheered me up. May you have your own body in the afterlife."

Then they all gave a moment of silence… although the brothers were quite perturbed by this awkward funeral.

"Yikes… Caboose seems to like this guy, even after all that he did." Murray whispered through his teeth.

"Well, I guess it comes from having a second personality." Lars whispered.

"At least we can say that we attended a funeral with no body…" Slot shrugged, before getting eyes from his brothers, "That had no body to begin with, that is."

"Quiet, you!" Grimm hissed to all of them, as the brothers immediately shut up.

Caboose let out a heavy sigh. "Good-bye, O'Malley…"

The next evening, Caboose and Daring were out on another date, at the restaurant they were when O'Malley threw his tantrum and began the whole series of events.

"It's good to have a nice, quiet date, without having to worry about O'Malley." Daring smiled.

"Yeah, it is." Caboose nodded. "Date number 147…oddly enough, this was exactly how long it took my cousin twice removed Gru to do this…"

"To do what?" Daring asked.

"This." Caboose got down on one knee, "Before we met, I had no luck with mares. Especially Peaches... I never imagined somepony as beautiful and amazing as you could love me. I'm so grateful to you for sticking by me, giving me your love... even if I act like a total screwball doofus sometimes. Loving you has been the greatest adventure of my life, and I don't ever want it to end. I guess what I'm trying to say here is… Daring Do, will you marry me?"

"Caboose..." Daring whispered, as her eyes grew watery. She was never one to cry, as years of adventuring had harden her resolve, but to hear those words come from his mouth, her resolve failed her. "Yes…"

"Yes?" Caboose repeated.

"Yes! Of course, I will!" Daring smiled.

In an instant, Caboose immediately shouted aloud.

"SHE SAID YES! YEE-HAW!" Caboose cheered, dancing a little jig, not caring that all the other ponies were staring. His horn was flashing brightly. "She's gonna marry me! In your face, Peaches Cream!"

In another instant, Caboose swooped up and embraced Daring, giving a deep, long kiss.

Then for some odd reasons, fireworks began to go off in the distance.

Daring parted from the kiss as she noticed the display, "Fireworks, Caboose?"

"I know it's cliché, but I had to make do with what I had left since the last date was a bust." Caboose shrugged.

Daring only smiled, "It's perfect, Caboose." The two kissed once more.

A short distance away, Murray and Vinny set off more fireworks. They had agreed to lie in wait for the signal (Caboose's horn flashes) and set off the fireworks in celebration..

"Not bad, huh?" Murray smiled. "Imported from Chineigh?"

"Yep." Vinny nodded. "Only the best for our bro."

Caboose's path to love may had taken quite a screwy and rather disturbing detour, but in the end, he had finally made it to his destination…but that did not mean that there wasn't plenty more ground to cover… but with his greatest foe gone, Caboose could just kick back and enjoy the ride.

'So, that's about it for now. The story is at an end. Now, I'm sure you wonderin': 'Geez, Caboose, I thought you were going to die in this story.' My answer to that: Come on, people, I was in Growing Pains! If I was dead, then I wouldn't had appeared at all in that story…unless you have an Ouija board on you or something.'

'But I'm sure I'm certain to die someday…probably by some household accident, which accounts for 65% of unnatural deaths. But for now, I think I will just continue on with my life.'

'As for mine and Daring's wedding? Well, that's another story…'

The End.

Author's Note:

"Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" belongs to Eric Idle and Virgin Records.

Comments

[SageBrony07]

Nice ending to this story. Best of luck with the next one 2 possible story ideas were hinted. I can't wait to read them.

[danick]

You know i realized something, did daring do reveal your true identity after the golden phoenix adventure? It would have been interesting to have quoted this. Nice story, now make the chrysalis and sleight hystory plz

[Koala2001]

omg the ponyfied version of Morgan freeman is their uncle?!? And gru is their cousin! This is just great

[Sarged]

Ok before I read any further into the story other then the summary...
NO...NO GOD PLEASE NO... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
FOR THE SANITY OF EQUESTRIA PLEASE DON'T SEND CABOOSE THERE!

[LunaJack]

Loved it!