This story will contain two main characters, Twilight and Rainbow Dash. It was years ago before the public announcement of the Rainbow Factory. One alicorn known as Light Wing was going home from the flight test.By the time he was already home it was night ,and he was ready to go to sleep. There was something bothering him though. One of his friends that he had liked never passed. He wondered if she was going to be okay. The night was silent, till there was a knock on the door.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The spelling and grammar kinda deters readers, but the concept is good.
Just a useful tip. They're called alicorns, if they have both a horn and wings. Celestia
is one. Just trying to help!
Like Golden Delicious said, the grammar needs work as well as the transitions between characters' dialogue, nevertheless it is a good story.
Um did you ever notice that it is one long text? First we're in Light Wings house, then we're heading to libraries. Maybe you should make some spaces there. Also, don't you think Light Wing sounds a little.. heartless? I mean, his love dies and he doesn't care allot, not much later he get's a date with Twilight!
Other than that, i like the idea. I really do!
But if you have some time, please check for the grammar.
Oh and it's Celestia, not Calestia.
426489 I think the author meant that Light Wing is just pegasus+unicorn, not Uber-powerful, like Celestia/Luna.
426619 If Light Wing is an alicorn, but needs to be under-powered, just make sure he doesn't know magic that well. I do think Light Wing is the self-ponified version of the author too. We haven't even read up on what his cutie mark is. So far, we only have the fact that he has a white coat and a grey mane. Slow down your typing, and descriptive influences will come to you. I do like how this is relative to the Rainbow Factory. I am writing one too!
Hopefully, we can read the completed version soon!
ok 2 things dont they take the test as fillys(i think that means kids
) and then he asks twilight out who is way older than him which is kinda screwed up if you ask me and also ive seen no real point in makeing him a underpowerd alicorn or a alicorn at all the only thing hes done so far is use his horn to make some light and twilight wouldve helped him anyways and also twilight jsut made friends recently so i doubt she would be ready to even think about dateing but thats my food for thought NOW ATTACK FOR WASTING MY FOOD
yay!
