A grown Scootaloo lies on her couch. The droning of a radio is the only sound to be heard in the run down flat.
Rainbow Dash is dead.
Chapters (1)
SirTruffles
Joined 3rd May, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- NarwhalUnicorn · 1.3k words · 64 1 · 1.5k views
- SmilingKittens · 1.3k words · 34 9 · 1.8k views
- WritingSpirit · 4.8k words · 36 1 · 927 views
- CharlesD · 1k words · 78 13 · 1.3k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.102 seconds
Total duration
1,051 users online
1,461,078 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Didn't understand whatsoever. Sadly had to dislike.
4144031
4143972
Sorry to hear that. I might have gotten a little carried away with the point of view. I should probably have made it clearer that her sketchy hard cider was tainted, hence the hallucination-laced narration in the second half. I'll have to play around with the wording.
Either way, thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
10/10 good and very sad story mate!
4144315
Glad you liked it
Wow. Pretty heart wrenching. I think you wrote the drunken haze really well.
Not bad. Think you went a little overboard with the trippiness though; I got more than a little confused, and the effect was lost on me somewhat.
4146547
Yea, I probably did go a bit overboard. What can I say? Trippiness is fun to write
I'll have to untangle it one of these days...
4146139
Glad to hear you liked it. Thank you for your comment!
You were writing a trip scene, but it sounded like it was actually happening, as if she was cutting herself on wood or something. I'll drop a like/fav (never have one without the other) but if you could just so slightly elaborate on it that would be great. :D
4147337
I'm pretty sure you're talking about the bit at the door. The intended sequence of events was:
> Scoots opens door
> Sun sensitivity headache
> She collapses against the wooden doorframe, which I described the texture of
> She sees the ripped punchcard timeslip on the pile of newspapers, and realizes she lost her job.
I didn't actually intend to convey any self-inflicted harm there. If I remember correctly, at the time of writing I was thinking more along the lines of some vague analogy of the punchcard being her soul, each punch (wound) meant she was selling herself, and then the blood was... well, I think it was mostly red ink sometimes looks like blood, so why not?
However, I was mostly writing an experience without too much thought beyond "Dude, that's so trippy and kinda feels right! Write it!" It's been fun hearing everything that readers have come up with.
Thanks for commenting!
4147413 Okay, that actually considerably clears it up without ruining the effect of the story. I appreciate it.
I find myself skipping entire sentences on accident, like my mind is on skim mode no matter how into the book/story/fic/etc. I am. I need clarifications sometimes.
4147454
Happy to help
This was pretty interesting, even though at times it was hard to understand what was going on. I'm pretty sure that's what you were going for though, so it works out. I feel conflicted, part of me wants this to be clearer but the other thinks it's better to leave it vague.
Either way, good story.
4613828
Vagueness is a balancing act. On one hand, if it's too vague, then no one can understand it, and that's no fun. But if it's just vague enough, it invites the readers to fill in the blanks for themselves, which can have very interesting results. When a bunch of people get to put the pieces together independently, you end up finding interpretations you never thought possible. It is very rewarding to have someone read a story and come away with a completely different experience than you did.
I'm glad you found some enjoyment here. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
At first glance, this looks like a typical jerkoff session of someone who knows too many big words and thinks that stringing them together in a nonsensical manner makes them deep. However, looking more closely, this appears to be the kind of story that those authors are unsuccessfully trying to imitate--it's very coherent, but the coherency is not immediately obvious because you don't treat the reader like an idiot with the attention span of a fecaloma. You don't assume that we need to have the facts pounded into our heads, immediately, in strings, in linear order from beginning to end, unbroken. We instead get a more cerebral type of writing where ideas are depicted as a bit jumbled and subject to emotional interference, as they would be in the mind of someone who is alive and capable of feeling.
I personally don't like this particular style. It's the polar opposite of my own, which is bloated with precise, legalistic description and tends to be very traditional most of the time, and the type of writing I enjoy. However, it's original, and it tells the story it means to tell, and it's very well-done, so I can't say I don't have an objective appreciation for it; it just doesn't do anything for me personally. Definitely a very well-written story, regardless of how I view it.
4717163
Glad you got a little out of it. If you like less dismal, more clean cut, stuff, I'd suggest I'm Not a Firefly or Kumberbuzzles. Those are the fun ones.
In any case, thank you for the mini-review
Seriously, I've always thought this EXACT same thing whenever I've seen that stuff.
Maybe it's just that I have a fondness for these types of stories, but I didn't really have a problem getting what was happening. I thought the phrasing was perfect, and I liked that it grabbed you from the beginning and didn't let go until the end.
5257459
Couch stuffing is scary stuff
Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and commenting!
5258981
You're quite welcome.
THAT FUCKING SHORT SUMMARY.
THAT IS WHAT SHORT SUMMARIES SHOULD BE LIKE.
Dear God, just that one short summary caught me way off guard, piqued my interest, and left me horrified.
I just needed to note that before reading the story itself, before I forget. I'll edit this comment with my actual impressions of the story, but for what it's worth, your summary was absolutely beautiful.
EDIT:
Alright, finished reading. I think I liked the summary more than the story itself - which isn't to say that the story is bad. It's great. It made me so sad, watching Scoots in her sorry state. Her soul-crushing lack of direction with her idol dead. The depths that she's plunged herself into.
It's just that I wasn't affected emotionally quite as much as when I read that short summary. Take that as you will.
5531700
Perhaps the summery was too good, I'll have to make a note of that
In any case, thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Well, this was an unexpectedly nice find.