I like Ponies, Star Trek, Anime and Fried Chicken. That's all you need to know.....
Sequel to Awakening
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Celestia has foolishly challenged Luna to a science duel, and Luna's got an idea of what to make, she just needs a couple more things to make it work. Celestia would be wise to remember that Luna is the smartest sister (smartest period) in the Royal Family.
[Part of the Familyverse, a universe me and my brother, Constellation,created.]
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I don't want to downvote your first chapter, but this is a little difficult to read. I've seen worse, but you could do so much better too.
You're not using "Your" and "You're" consistently, and there are a few run-on sentences. Also "to know to sense" appears in this chapter. Use one or the other, not both at the same time.
On the brighter side, you're doing okay with settings. A lot of authors focus on the characters so much that their stories end up more like a play than a novel, but you've got a good balance here.
Just polish up the mechanical stuff, and this'll be a much better story.
Thank you for commenting, sorry about the screw ups but I was getting tired of typing. Thanks for the helpful criticism, and have a nice day.
~TheEmpressEclipse~
Celestia insane
.
4404100
She's actually just stupid and over-protective of Luna. Thanks for reading what I have so far.
~TheEmpressEclipse~
Really good!
Also, "Changeling pieces"