• Member Since 16th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 5th, 2020

TheEmpressEclipse


I like Ponies, Star Trek, Anime and Fried Chicken. That's all you need to know.....

T

It was supposed to be a formal visit. The Princesses would come, say somethings, and leave. But during Celestia's speech, somepony turned Luna into a target. Before the Princesses could even blink the guards had tackled a pony in the crowds, and a stallion lay dying at Luna's hooves, whispering his last words into his young daughters ear. Then His last breath escaped him, leaving his daughter to cry over his broken body, leaving her alone in a cruel world. And Luna feels responsible.

What happens next? Only time will tell. But I can tell you, that both their lives, will be affected greatly.

[This is not part of the Familyverse.]
{I got rid of the Tragedy tag, because there was only one tragedy and I suck at making sad things. I might put the Tragedy tag back up if I fit in another terribly incident, which I'm not saying I will, but I might.}

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 20 )

I think your formatting was shot in the last tier of your fic ; after the dialogue, your story end up as a solid wall of text.

I actually enjoy long stories and this is very far from a large chapter but packing up all the text into a single block of text make it... fairly difficult and unenjoyable to read.

You should probably fix that.

A good story but fix the wall of text please.

4636448
4636448
Thanks for the good feedback on my story, and sorry about the walls of text, I'm not very good when it comes to breaking paragraphs into smaller, more reasonably sized paragraphs. Criticism is very helpful, so thank you for that. And thanks for reading.:twilightsmile:

I'm going to drop a fave to keep tabs on this. It's really good, even despite the paragraph sizes.

Wouldnt she still be in her own house, with her butler (almost like Batman). Surely Filthy had some sort of will. And someone to take over the business and care for DT should something happen.

4692676
I actually didn't think of that, but it would make sense. But if I did it that way, I'd have to have a house fire or something like that to put Diamond in the orphanage. Either way, thank you for commenting and reading what I have so far.:twilightsmile:

~TheEmpressEclipse~

Comment posted by daily deleted Oct 9th, 2014

kinda quick phasin in the scenarios but besides that, i like it

5281756
Thanks! It's always nice to see that people care about my story. Sorry about the quickness of it all, but, I am an amateur writer. Thanks for reading what I have so far!
~TheEmpressEclipse~

5285290 i am a starting writer myself, anyhow, of you need help or anything, giive me a holler

You're making me want best Princess to adopt worst filly... WHY U DO DIS?!?!:flutterrage:

Ahem moarahem checking checking 123ah perfect MOAR!

5420333

Because I'm a terrible person! Muhahahahaha!


5664365

I'm trying, please be patient just a little while more.

TheEmpressEclipse

well, I felt uncomfortable at first about Diamond Tiara being my sister, but after reading this I realise she is human (err pony) she is flawed like all of us
also

"Yes, yes, very nice to make your acquaintance." He looked to his Aunts. "I still don't understand why you adopted some random pony from Ponyville, but if you don't mind, I have other places to be." He said as he walked off.
"Well.........He's a ray of sunshine, isn't he." Diamond said sarcastically. She hadn't planned on making everypony laug

sis you were lucky He literaly tried Murdering me When Mum came from the hospital. (true story)

well congrats you got me to give a "that's sweet" smile and it was for DT and, I only know one other story which did that. It was called Shattered or cracked diamond I think. love the story very heart feely kind of story that I like diving into everyone now and then.

"As a matter of fact, we DO!" Sweetie Belle declared. .

Well of Course Sweetie would know what a Dictionary is...

okay so firstly... This general plot reminds me of a Rather interesting what-if comic, In which J.J.J adopted Peter Parker after Uncle Ben and Aunt May got killed watching the rocket that Jamison's kid was on, as it exploded...

Also why does Miss Free Notes remind me of that one lady from The Christmas Tree...
(I bet Free-Notes is totally using the Bags of money for her poker games)

"Wow, I'm impressed!" He looked at her with confusion. "I thought you couldn't look any stupider! But, guess I was wrong!" And with that said, she raised her own snout into the air, and paraded away. Prince Blueblood and her, would not get along, ever.

*Hoofbumps Sis*

Login or register to comment