That was so sad!

Interesting start, looking forward to seeing where this goes.

I had my doubts after the short synopsis, but so far, this is actually pretty good. Rarity's fear is pretty legit and I'm kinda curious where you'll be taking this. A word of advice though, axe the long synposis. Seriously, don't spoil the story right away.

Only spotted one mistake:

All could feel was sadness.  - I think you missed a "he".

Very well done!

What?

<reads fic>

WHAT!?

That synopsis. So bad. Stop spoiling your whole damn fic please.

It was decent. Please continue. Please just remove the synopsis.

Whats this?

A Spilestia? I havent seen one of these since the last time EQD updated the shipping chart and it held a single connection between Celestia and Spike.

Send this to EQD to see if you can add another line between those two.

+=

This holds grand potential like the Judas Kiss does. I like this.

TRACKIN!

You cant always get what you want,                  (current progress)

You cant always get what you want,

You cant always get what you want,

But you try sometimes,

You find,

YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED!

Sad and Romance? My cup of tea... Hehehe. Seriously though, I'm tracking this. Great work, looking forward to more.

Woah! Tracking just because of the description, sounds like a hell of a story

Great start, just cut down the description little and you'll be fine

I'm usually not into sad stories. But, you have just got my addicted to yours.

Definitely tracking.

I'm expecting manly tears soon.Good so far.

this is good

no other words for it

I don't get even manly tears, but if I did, your story would inspire them. It looks very good, please continue! However, as some people have said in the earlier comments: I am leery of that synopsis beeing too spoilery.

Very sorry to all who found the synopsis too revealing. I've cut it down significantly based on your advice. Again, I definitely should have noticed sooner and I apologize. It no longer reveals any hard plot points, but please let me know if you think it still needs changes! I will be posting in this fic at least once a week for certain; I'm truly shocked at the turnout this has generated, and I aim to please.

You will not be disappointed! Thanks for all the tracking!

More please. I need to see what happens next

Liked and tracked. This chapter was sad enough as it is... keep it up!

Bravo bravo. I suggest submitting to EQD.

*sobs* Tracked

good job sir

take my thumb and my track

i want to see how deep this rabbit hole goes

>>377913377913 THAT FREAKING PROFILE PIC IS ADORABLE.

>>378105378105 Glad you like it!

Short, but I am curious as to where this goes.

Oh, how I'd love to review it. However, you didn't ask for a review, so I shall refrain from doing so. Just know that it's good right now with only a few minor errors and deserving of a featured spot in my humble opinion.

imagine if rainbow dash flew above and was eavesdropping and saw him like that

HEY YOU SHOULD PUT THAT IN THE STORY!!!!!

5/5 for you

>>LunarShadow

Thank you kindly. Yes, it was late when it finally passed submission review, and I'm still finding little tweaks myself. Still, I guess I was eager to put it up and see how it did. I will be much more careful with my editting as it goes. Feel free to review if you like; I am very open to advice.

As for this chapter, it's only short because it was more of a 'testing the waters' chapter, useful mostly as an introduction. Believe you me, there will be plenty more content where this came from.

Ooo, can't wait to read after work!

Good start. I shall await more. There is something about Spike fics, regardless of genre, that I find really intriguing.

Keep up the good work.

For everyone who suggested I submit this to EQD; I intend to, once I have a couple more chapters. I would like to at least be to chapter 3 by the time I submit this.

Yes it will be at least 3 chapters.

That said, perhaps you all can expect a new chapter by the end of the day. I'm in love with writing this fic like you wouldn't believe, so you'll forgive me if I just swing away. Hope you all wait patiently.

This probably wouldn't have happened if Spike remembered to get a moustache (fake or magic).

Great chapter by the way.

I know your feel Spike.  I know your feel.

Oh dear... I might have shed a tear of two.

You have my attention! That was simply amazing.

I believe you captured this Spike in such a way that I can not but feel extremely sad for this drake. And Rarity, in her short sightedness, causing much more harm to herself and Spike than she could  ever realize. Most people don't capture this raw emotion in such short words, also it helps that you have taken my favourite pony and made her cry like that. I soon follow...

I will be expecting many a manly tear.

Reminded me of the concept in "Like Fine Wine."

Definitely tracking. Also, twelve feet standing? Don't you think that's a little tall?

>>378990378990

When you count how long his neck must be, I'd imagine that's fairly short for a dragon, if anything. Plus, try to consider the option that ponies the size of the Mane Six are roughly four feet tall by comparison. Still, I can see where you're coming from. Too late now though.

wow, powerful story! thumbs up and tracking from me!

>>378997378997

I didn't mean it in the sense that it detracts from the story, I just feel like you might encounter difficulties and inconsistencies as your story progresses because of his height.

Besides that, thanks for the hasty reply!

>>379018379018

Hey man, no problem. And thanks for the feedback. I figured that was more what you meant, but I actually have a few scenes plotted out that point back to that exact reference of his height. I intend to keep it standard for him, but if you plan on reading the new chapters when they come out, be sure to catch me if I trip up on it.

Oh, I do love a good Spike/Rarity fic, but Celesita? Definitely not my thing. But, this is so well written I'm going to give it a shot! And poor Spikey wikey!

dude if yours story was a women i would make sweet love to it and never let it go. yeah its that awsome.

>>379089379089

You would be getting seconds, because lemme tell ya... I already did. And you're right. It was awesome.

>>379087379087

Thank for considering my fic and testing your comfort zone. Even if it's not your thing, I hope you come to enjoy it as it moves forward.

dude this story us awesome. keep up the good work man looking forward to the next chapter

Through the first part of it I had the cheesiest smile on my face, but now i'm just...

Spike!

I literally started crying.

Tracking and falling out of my chair for the next chapter.  

thank you good sir, thank you.

This was postedd on my bday! MUSTACHES FOR YOU

>>379811379811

Happy birthday, chief.

Fic for you.

Gee, I wonder why Spike would-

>finding no comfort in stallions she once loved

Oh, that's why.

It was also sad...

And you know, since there's such a sharp contrast with how Spike looks like all grown up in the show, I would like to think that his attitude and emotions determine how big he get's and how he looks like. That's the only way I can think of him just suddenly sprouting wings. And he's 12 ft tall? The ponies are only 4 ft tall. Really now?

Feels... Feels everywhere.

i liked...tracking confirmed

Must like. Must track. Must resist crying my tear ducts out.

Anyway, love the story. I will be on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chapter.

Wait spiky wikey!

Liek a boss

Razorbeam, I have to commend you on this work. You do an incredible job using figurative language and descriptive details to describe the characters' feelings. The flow of perspective from Rarity to Spike is incredibly smooth, as if effortless. I loved every bit of it, and my eyes even watered a bit for poor Spike. But while your emotional descriptions were spot-on, it may have just been me, but Spike's physical description was difficult to visualize. Granted, I have a difficult time seeing Spike as anything but a baby dragon, but in the ways of critique, that is the only detail I could come up with. I did see one grammar mistake in there where you say "it" instead of "if," but that is very minor. Otherwise, fantastic job. You certainly deserve your place in the feed!

This is really good. It may be due to reading alot of sad fics but this one seems like a logical kinda thing.

Wait, so Rarity didn't blink an eye and was more annoyed than scared when Spike terrorized Ponyville, and even walked right up to that red dragon to try to convince him to leave, and yet she's scared of Spike who's only slightly taller than her and she knows he would never hurt her? And if I read the description right, she going to drown her sorrows in ever stallion she can find. Gee, thanks. Although, from the sounds of it, her being scared is not entirely the case.

I may have shed a tear or two, thanks for that.

>>380024380024

As much as I respect your criticism, this has very little to do with specific moments in the show. There's a very good reason that I haven't tied into very many moments from the series, if any. This fic is mainly independent, and it's just that; a fic. There's really no need to get uptight in the comment's section about how little it has to do with the main story of FiM.

>>379977379977

Thank you very much for your critique! I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and your compliments are easily the best I've ever received on my writing. After re-reading it, I can see somewhat how it might be hard to visualize, especially since I split it up between a couple paragraphs. I talk about his scales and spikes before his height or wings, so there's some space between where the two can get muddled. Other than that, please let me know if you can think of anything else that might help to describe his new look better; I'd like to make sure everything is clear before I move on too far.

>>380054380054 Oh, okay.

Have a cute gif for your troubles:

Image: http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0d0mq0WiI1qdlh1io1_400.gif

>>380086380086

It is well received. I desire this cat. I think I'll abduct it.

>>380054380054 Not a problem. Initiate tracking sequence!

to tell you the truth i was too caught up in the story to realize any spelling or grammar mistakes (not that i look fo' them anyway) but this story was actually able to suck me. one way to tell that i like a story is by how long it takes me to read...... if it takes me 10mins just to read a page that means i got caught up in the story causing me too actaully pay attention.... if you can do that hen you have a really good story... your story is on my top 5 favorite stories......

Is it weird that I feel like I physically can't read this?

I just love Spike too much. And I mean "love". I don't know, he just seems so great. Like if I was Equestria I'd want him as a life-time best friend to eat with, play with, dance with, shop with, et cetera.

Can't... bear... to... even look at.... fic illustration... *ugh*

Wow friend. Your writing has improved throughout our lifetime bro. Daresay that you strive to be the next famous Brony writer ever? Who knows maybe Lauren Faust might take a liking to your work! XDKeep being awesome Raz.Storm is liking this Shiz.

>>380332380332

Thanks bro. You always got my back, and I wouldn't be writing this good right now without you and the rest of the gang behind me. Bro loves, Storm.

This is some good s---.

Promising start, good conflict, believable situation. I liek it

I love the character interaction and the dialogue in this story. I love the development of the characters. Its simply solid, and I would read it for just that alone.

I do have some complaints however.

Imagery and description. This story could use MOAR. Landscapes, setting, lights and sounds, ambiance, color and shade. Put me in the situation, and I'll enjoy it that much more. Not to mention it allows the reader to empathize more with the characters themselves. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by just telling us how Spike felt, show it by his face crumpling, his claws tightening, his eyes pained and his tone hurt. I understand that this story is an insight into the characters, but thought provoking imagery is simply something that makes the situation so much more real.

The little things. This ties in with the previous statement of more imagery, the smallest little details brings the situation into focus and can provide clever little tie ins or nudges to the readers towards a theme. This would be good to have, but it isn't as large of an issue as the imagery/details.

Hopefully this is constructive not destructive I enjoyed the story and I just want so much more from it. It has excellent premise and great scenes, it just needs more groundwork and I'll find it simply... Perfect.

I'll be watching you. The penguin watches you... always.

Very nice start, and I cannot wait for more.

my name is duskfrost and this my favorite story on FIMFiction

I dub this my first fanfic and I love them so. The story is so original.

About your writing, this isn't what friendship is, where could you get an idea like this? I am disgusted.

P.S.

I WANT MORE

LOL Princess Molestia reference

>>380472380472

Very excellent advice. I always feel the same way when I re-read what I have written, that it's not descriptive enough. I have a rough time determining how much is enough, or when it needs to be added. But thank you very much for your critique; I will work harder at it and I will make you all hella proud. Look for the improvements in the next chapter.

>>380525380525

Lawl. At first I was horrified I had failed, then I realized you were Molestia'ing. Most legit sir, well played. The best troll is the fake troll.

Now then, gentlemen; I leave you for a time, as I have great works to do while writing the second chapter. My replies will be few and far between until then, but fear not! We shall have much to discuss when I return.

I recommend you all buy tissues. The man-tears approacheth.

Consider your fic 'tracked like a tank'.

No force in the universe could keep me from tracking this.

i noticed you cut down of the synopsis

well done good sir

i would give you another thumb for your effort, but alas

i can only give but one

Definitely Tracked.

Really looking forward to seeing the developments in this fiction.

Dude...wow.

When I saw the title of this fic, the first thing I thought of was the similarly-named song by Dragonforce.  Then I read the description.  It wouldn't fit at all...  

Out of all the 'Older Spike and Rarity' fics, this by far, has been the best read. Completely believable, definitely felt an emotional connection to not only Spike, but also Rarity.  Absolutely outstanding writing! Definitely tracking!!

>>379942379942

-jaw drops- SKRILLEX PONY! WOO!

Tracking this

Don't forget everypony! His other work The Razorwing Chronicle is also great be sure to get a start on that one too! You will not be dissapointed. Coming from my friend his experience is amazing when it's coming to writing a plot so rich and vibrant.

To shatter a dragon's heart is to shatter a diamond. One would not easily break it with a simple gesture, but if found the right tool, and use it for selfish, horrible manipulation, you have your remnants of the diamond.

True be to you, brother spike.

Image: http://static.fjcdn.com/comments/Fuckin+_1f608c0bf6782b88d810321c139f391b.png

I have high hopes for this story, hopefully you'll deliver on them

Alright you crazy night-readers. Let me know what you think of the latest expansion. As for you people already sleeping, here's hoping you've got time in your morning for the next chapter.

Enjoy!

I'm generally not a fan of anything Spike related, but you, Razorbeam, definitely made me feel for Spike with this first part of the story. I'm curious as to where this is going, so I'm gonna stick around for a while.

(I can't believe I'm actually following a Spike story. Well, there's a first time for everything!)

Well you asked for a review and here you go.  I like the way your story is going and juSt the general way the  characters are well in character. Keep up the good work brony.

Its not night here

Great chapter, want MOAR!

Still pretty early here, only midnight.

Anywho, amazing job with this chapter. Everything is pretty much perfect, from the characters to the plot. I'm looking forward to the next chapter keep up the good work.

This is one great story you got here Can't wait for the next chapter!

Yah a chapter that was updated. While I was getting ready to sleep. WOO HO- ZzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzz

Random Q- ZZZZZZzzZZZZZZ

Wow, a second chapter so soon? What a treat! Hahaha, seriously though, I love how you're developing the story and can't wait for more.

Just genius I wonder if rarity will ever learn dragons are scary spike is awesome.

I'd hate to see what Twilight's reaction would have been if Spike told her the whole truth.

As for Rarity...I like that she went after Spike but then she let her fears take over when she saw the destruction that he caused. Nevermind that the reason he was angry in the first place was because of her reaction to his question. Slow is the path ahead of her now. One wrong step and it's likely that not even friendship could be salvaged from this mishap.

Celestia is possibly one of very few sources that could truly help with this. I wonder if Luna will be around as well.

Wow! It updated as I was reading the first chapter!

Very interesting story so far. Reminds me of the story Beauty and the Beast. Can't wait to see how it turns out!

it's not night here either, it's 2 AM

But i need more. like right now.

Holy freaking hundred comments, Batman!

I sure do have some vocal readers. I like that though; it's good for morale. Sorry ExtraSoap, but it's going to be a short while before I kick out another chapter. If I could bust out two in five minutes, believe you me...

I would.