I am a young ametur author. I love to write and I like mlp fim so before I could stop myself I came up with ideas.
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Luna wishes to share her night, she hopes to have found a place in her new colony and perhaps two foals might help the princess to share even more.
A story of a new place and of a new friendship.
This is a currently un-edited story. However a search for an editor is underway.
Cover art done by butterkeet.
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I like it! I think that there is really something to this. Yes it is a bit rushed, as you said. But everything is clearly established and the characters are thought out. I'm eager to see how Luna and your OCs will interact in the future, and where their paths shall take them!
Keep it up :D
A lovely start.
Good start. Has good bones. Build flesh slowly and everything will turn out fine.
I REALLY LIKE IT! Well written. I don't mind the rush because I don't like stories that take forever to get started. Going to keep reading!! ^.^
I am enjoying this, well done. I will continue reading.
I know you are having trouble finding and editor, but your characterization and ideas have me watching this story.
Until you find one though I'd recommend you read each chapter aloud, it will help with the typos. Also watch your there/their/they're 's you mixed them up a few chapters ago. (Their - possivie (Their ball), There - Place (Go over there.), They're -they are.
An idea that I would LOVE you to work of of would be for auroras brother to get curios about where she is going and have him find out some hobby following her of asking her (use your imagination)
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Um I followed about half of that. I plan to have sprocket appear a lot more so I think I will be doing what you said. Also I am pretty sure you can guess his talent by his name
I like the way Luna was portrayed. That is about the way I think of her, so adjusting to this story will be easy, unlike some others.
the key to a good story is a great beginning that's what my teacher always tells me and I think that this a going to be a good one because you didn't make the start long but not short and that means you're a good writer
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That mean so much to me thank you
Luna sat for a moment with one thought on her mind “Thou says what?” Luna spoke slipping into the old speech as she often did when exited surprised or angered.
^When Luna says "Thou says what?" it reads sort of... odd, I suppose. I would probably put "What dost thou speaketh?" in place of that.
Other than that, great story! The characters are fleshed out and well developed, and you have me eager to read more. Keep up the good work! (insert Luna emoticon here, seriously though, why is there not)
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Read your story up to the second chapter and your editing is not necessarily a problem. your character building is. What I mean by that is that we (the audience) are only getting the most basic sense of what the characters involved are really like. (Not saying that they aren't developed per se, but more they seem, to me anyway, flat-ish. Not quite rounded as well as they should.) Just one fans opinion.
Yes. Please continue.
Yes keep on going! Just take your time, and have fun.