Ponyville Prank War
Xeno stood up from his crouched position, and looked down at his work. The hole at his feet leading to his soon to be new and improved lair was quickly covered with a nearby rug that had recently been 'donated' to his cause, ensuring that whatever work he had completed would remain undiscovered. For added security, the rug was soon joined by the table that used to occupy the center of the room.
Satisfied with his work Xeno walked up the stairs from the basement. As he reached the top of the stairs, he saw the door to the basement was open a crack, allowing moonlight from one of the windows in the kitchen to illuminate the stairway he had just ascended. Beyond the door, the silence of the Sugarcube Corner was oppressive, almost shockingly so. Due to the conditions that he had previously lived in, however, Xeno was unconcerned as he pushed open the door and entered the kitchen.
Or at least he was, until something fell over his head.
As the object settled on his cranium, a loud CLANG rang out into the kitchen, killing the silence like a hunter would its prey. Xeno himself was so startled by the sudden unexpected event, that he froze up, unsure if he should retaliate and defend himself or try and escape using what stealth he had left. After a few moments of his hesitation, a new noise reached his ears, one that he was not in any way expecting.
“Oh, ha ha, Pinkie,” Xeno deadpanned as he pulled the bucket from his head, causing an avalanche of feathers and streamers to fall to the floor. “Very funny.”
The pink mare's laughter grew exponentially at his snark, causing Xeno to fear that she would wake up the bakery's other residents. Thankfully, however, it seemed as though the Cakes were used to strange noises late at night, and either had decided not to come investigate, or hadn't woken up in the first place. As for Xeno himself, he was forced to sit through her laughter until she calmed down, as not even his murderous glare or vague death threats on her favorite pet was enough to calm the mare down.
“Oh, Xeny,” The pink mare finally said as her giggles finally started to cease. “You have NO idea how long I've wanted to do that!”
“Let me guess. For as long as you've known me?”
“Not that long! That would mean that I knew you when you got here, which would be weird because, come on, how could I possibly know you if you just got somewhere new if you haven't been there before, unless you were in Ponyville before and I've known you since you were here before, but I just didn't remember that I knew you, meaning that I didn't know that I knew you, but knew you well enough to plan pranks for you if you ever came back-”
“Pinkie.”
“-a little pen thing that flashed like a camera causing people to forget and-”
“Pinkie.”
“-strange guy wearing black leather with things stuck in his head wanting to know about wormhole technology, so he-”
“Pinkie!”
“-strange blue box with a blinking light on the top swooped in and-”
“Pinkie, listen!”
“-and Discord says, 'Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-luc. You're dead.' but you're just like-”
“Pinkie!”
Pinkie pressed her hooves to her ears, flinching back from Xeno's raised voice. “Sheesh, Xeny. You don't have to yell. You're going to wake the Cakes up!”
“Pinkie, its not nice to prank people, especially when they can get you back just as good.”
“What's that suppose to mean?”
Xeno responded by throwing a pie that had been left out on a nearby counter into Pinkie's face. After a few moments, Pinkie cleaned herself off, humming in delight at the flavor of banana cream pie with a smile on her muzzle. The smile didn't last long, however, and was soon replaced by a vicious grin.
“Oh Xeny, I hope you know...”
Pinkie collected a hoofful of the pie that had hit the ground, before throwing it at Xeno with a yell.
“THIS MEANS WAR!”
Pinkie felt the sun on her face as she woke up the next morning. It had taken Xeno and her the better part of the night to clean up the mess in the kitchen. She considered herself quite fortunate that they had stuck to pies, and not used some of her more unconventional pastries.
Almost in a trance like state, she sat up on the bed, and took a moment to stretch. While enjoyable, other needs soon made themselves apparent, and she started to go about her morning ritual.
“Now,” she muttered to herself as she finished making her bed, “I wonder how I should prank Xeny first.”
Her task completed, she prepared to leave her room, only to have her tail twitch. She looked back at it a moment, before glancing at her bedroom door. Seeing it slightly ajar, she crept forward on the tips of her hooves, looking up at the top of the door. Seeing the glint of metal, she stepped back a bit, and pushed the door open. The metal bucket that had been precariously perched atop the portal fell to the ground, allowing its contents to paint the floor.
“Paint?” Pinkie looked incredulously at the gray paint now coating the floor. “Really?”
Stepping over the now drying paint, she continued her trek to the bathroom while ranting to herself.
“Xeny must be REALLY bad at this if all he was able to come up with was this.”
Knocking on the door to the bathroom to check for occupancy, she continued her rant.
“I even used that prank on him first!” Hearing no one inside, she opened the door. “Sure, Turnabout is fair play, but-”
Splat!
Pinkie stopped mid rant, and looked down at her chest. Displayed there, for all the world to see, was a circle of yellow paint.
“Huh.”
Slowly looking back up, she pressed her hoof against a crystal on the wall, causing the bathroom to illuminate. Sitting near the back wall, holding a strange device in his hands, was Xenolance.
“Hello, Pinkie”
Splat-Splat!
Two additional splotches of paint joined the first. Pinkie's eyes slowly widened in horror, realizing the situation she was in.
“Oh, phooey.”
Xeno simply smiled, before attacking in earnest.
“Have at thee!”
Pinkie was able to make it back to her bedroom door without taking any further hits, before being forcefully reminded about the paint on the floor by slipping on it. Traction lost, she ended up continuing to slide down the hallway, all while under fire, until she reached the stairs. The rest, as they say, is history.
Xeno was sitting at a small table that had been set up in the kitchen of Sugarcube corner. Sitting on the table, was a half-eaten cinnamon roll, and a photograph of a paint plastered pink pony lying at the bottom of a set of stairs. He chuckled to himself as he stared at it, before resuming his breakfast.
Sadly, his humor was destined not to last.
“There he is, Lyra!”
Looking up from his food, Xenolance had just enough time to gasp as a mint green unicorn flew in a ballistic trajectory for his head. Upon her face, an insane smile was visible, and under normal circumstances would be reason enough to send her off to the happy farm. Unfortunately for Xeno, she also seemed to have an array of hastily constructed devices in her magic aura, each more bizarre then the last.
After the dust had settled from the impact, Xeno was lying on his back with what appeared to be a toilet bowl cleaning brush poking him in the ear, and the mint colored mare sitting proudly atop his chest, holding one of his hands fiercely to her chest. Pinkie stood in the doorway to the room, laughing at Xeno's obvious distress. Xeno himself had a scowl upon his face, and was quick to address the laughing pink mare.
“Pinkie! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!”
After taking a moment to calm down enough to respond, the pink mare replied, “No, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone who wanted you arrested! Lyra just wants to kiss you and hug you and pet you and love you until the end of your natural life!”
Xeno felt his eye twitch as the pink mare once again succumbed to uncontrollable laughter.
Xeno stood amongst the trees of the Everfree forest. As he stood next to a rock, he double checked something in a purple book he was reading. Satisfied with what he found, he snapped the book shut, giving the opportunity for anything nearby to notice 'Diary' written on the cover in elegant golden letters.
“Alright,” Xeno said to himself as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Nothing good will come of this, and that's EXACTLY what I need to happen!”
It was about noon when Pinkie found herself behind the counter at Sugarcube corner. As much as she wished she wasn't, she DID have some responsibilities to uphold. Not everything can be fun and games after all.
Just as she thought she was about to die from boredom (again, this shift, as customary), an unusual event occurred!
Then again, Xeno walking in from outside isn't too unusual, is it? Pinkie was almost sure that Xeno would have wanted to lie low, and yet, there he was, entering the shop. Kinda strange, but he WAS an evil villain after all. Maybe he had to go make it rain gumdrops again?
Xeno gave a smile and a wave, before ducking into the kitchen to return to his 'lair'.
Pinkie gave a resigned sigh, and had just returned to debating her life expectancy with boredom, when the unexpected event repeated itself. She once again waved back to Xeno as he walked past to enter the kitchen, thinking it a bit strange, but shrugging it off.
But that's where things got really weird.
It happened again...
And again...
AND AGAIN!
Just as her bafflement reached what she would describe as 'super-duper-awesomespectacularly-whatisthisIdon'teven' levels, a minor disturbance to the sudden pattern occurred, banishing the thought that she had become trapped in a time loop. The relief only lasted a moment, though. Xeno's insane smile as he rushed past was her only warning before Twilight burst into the shop, aglow with magic and ready to bring down the wrath of whatever celestial body she could get her hooves on upon her target.
“WHERE IS HE?!”
Pinkie felt her ears fall back involuntary at the thought of dealing with the purple demigod before her.
“W-where's who, Twi?”
Twilight walked up to the counter, her eyes never straying from their pink target.
“WHERE IS HE, PINKIE?! I SAW THAT CELESTIA DAMNED SON OF A DIAMOND DOG RUN IN HERE!”
“You're going to have to be more specific then that, Twi. We've had a lot of diamond dogs-”
Twilight slammed her front hooves down on the counter, creating smoldering imprints of her hooves in the counter as her mane and tail started to smoke.
“PINKIE, SO HELP YOU, IF YOU DO NOT TELL ME WHERE XENO IS RIGHT NOW, I'LL-”
Pinkie was saved from having to deal with any more of Twi's rage by the front door opening.
Unfortunatly, Xeno was the one who had walked in.
“Ẏ͈̥̯̇̅͘Ọ͖̙͌̒̎̌U̗̭̘̝̲̞͈͋͌̍̀!̣̮̟̳̺͋”
Xeno, who had walked in with a dejected look on his face while staring at the floor, stopped and paled upon seeing the presently ablaze, used-to-be-purple unicorn.
“Uhh...”
”Y̼̠͙͙̙̯̝ͥ̒͐̑̈̒Ő̰̇̅Ȗ̓ ̪͉̦̬̗W̖̝̫̳͖͖̉́ͨͣ̒͑I̜̞ͤ͊̈́̌̊L̅ͤ̓͂͋L͓̰͕̳̈̃̆̒ ̼͍̱ͯ͑͊ͭͮP͕̗͓̫̃Á̢̐̍̆̚Y̯̝̜̰̞̬ͯͦ̈́̇ͮ̚ ̪̹̪͔̙̾ͮ̓̂̀̾͑ͅA̹͆ͥ͗ͩ̓ͦ͌ ͎͓̟͇͓͉ͪ̾̉̀ͪ̾̏Ṫ͕̗͙̘͚̦͢ͅḨ͔̤̹͉̳͇͔̀͒O͔̯̠͈͙̩͎͗̎̄ͤ̃̌U̯͚͉ͬS̖̯̬̓ͨ̓ͥ͛ͩ̀ͅA̳̲͇̓̍̍̀̎͝ͅN̈ͨͯͬͫͫ̄D̖͉̜̙̺̠̩ͣͣ̈́́̈ ̫̤͉̠̮ͯF̸̫̱͓̂͒ͦ̅O͐͛ͤ͑ͬ͡Ḷ̪̪̘͕ͯ͌̂ͫ̈́D͓͋ ̐ͩͮ́͒̿̕F̯̪͓̖̖̦̤̈̃̓͌̓̀O̡͚̺̗̲͉R̵̩̖̲̝̜͙̹̓ͪ̓ ̳̮̫̪̘̝͖W̆ͤ͌́̀͊͝Ḥ̈͘Ą̯̜̬ͯ́ͬ̅ͮT̝͕͈̯͓͋ ̬͇̖̔̎Yͫ͌Ȯ̧̞̗̩̭͔̟͕͗̏U̱̐̎̎́͊̋͡ ̸͖̔͑͐͊H̴̺̼̝͉͑̍̚A̴̗͇̲̥̬̪͕ͦ͆͛̋ͮ̍͗V̢̱Ẽ͙̮̞̣͎̙ͪͪ ̦̼̻̮̗̚D͚̭̲̰̗O̹̲̩͜Ņͬͣ͋́́E͛̊̓ͭͤ̎͏̺ ̞̟̌͜ͅT̰͈̜͇̼͖̠̾ͣ̿O͕̠͍͇̭̺̅̑ͣ̓͋ ̙̖͚̼̑͗̃̈́M̮̯̮̘ͩͯ̂ͧ̏̊Y̢̝̗̬ͭ̽̄ ̬͙̻̱̞͕̣̏ͯͮ͌L̞̘̟̜̀ͭ͆̎͑I̬̪̜ͯ̍͗̀̈́ͣB̧̩͊R̩͒A̴͔͓͑̽̔R̷̳͚̲̦̭͉ͦ̿ͨỸ͛͆̿̏̓҉͍!͢ “
Xeno, obviously sweating, said the first thing to come to mind.
“Look over there! An original copy of Starswirl's works on advanced thaumalogics!”
Twilight suddenly flip-flopped, going from spawn of Tartarus to giggling fanfilly in seconds, looking in the direction Xeno had indicated with a euphoric expression upon her face. It took her a full 2 seconds to realize that she had been tricked, by which time Xeno was already closing the door behind him as he made his escape.
With a snarl of rage that would have sent Tirek running for cover, the once again purple hellion teleported to the door, only to blast it open with a show of telekinetic force.
“Aͯ̇̑̊ͨ͊͠N͋̒̊͏̲̘̩D̮̣͆̒ͯͨͩͧ ̳͕̫̞̮̏̃͜J̷̬́ͤͬ̑Ũ̥̼̿ͅS͡T̡͓̺͖̱̄ ̙̥̯͊̊̉͘W̅ͣ̀͊̌͏H̶͍̫͇ͣͣ̄̅́E̫̹͋ͬ̃̉͋R͔͖̫̥͙̟̫̾͒ͩ̆ͦĒͣͩ͏ ̮̝̪̻͉̎̾ͬ̇ͥ͝D̞̪͆̃ͥ̌̇ͬ͜O͈̍́̓͑̍ͤ͡ ̫̗͚̺̿͒ͨ̔̃͊̀Y̬̬͎͉ͧ͛Ơ̑̑ͪͧ͌̓ͧỤ͓̥̝̭̿ͪ̈ͦ͊̆ͩ ̞̝̰͍̿ͩ̆̾͌̓ͅT̛ͪͥ̃́Ȟ͓̺̃I̧̫̦̳̯̝͒̓͛N̗̘̙̠ͬ́K̷͙̘̟͔̐ͣ̓ͥ̔̚ ̥͎ͮ͂̔̒ͪ̚Y͙̱̮͖̑͢O̍́ͤ̋̓͂҉͍͇̼̯̖͖U ̗̂̈́ͬ̾ͨA͎R͔̼͋ͥ̔̊͑̌̋E̛̖͌̚ ̝̖̦̗̣ͥ̀G̛̜̳̺͉ͬ̓̌̃ͥͩO̝̹͚ͥ͐̂̐ͦ̓ͩI̪̫͉̘̰̫̰̔̓̍̒ͩͪ͢N̔ͯ̾̌͛ͩG͖̻͈?̡̣̳̬̲̻͙ͫͧ̿̇́!͙̗̥̮̦͞ “
After having yelled after her target, she teleported once again in a violent flash of purple energy, scorching the floor and leaving the smell of sulfur in the air. After she had left, all was still and silent, with the exception of loud explosions heard in the distance. Soon, though, the spell was broken by Xeno and his clones, who were leaning out of the kitchen to view the aftermath.
One of the clones commented, “... Huh... Well, that happened.”
Pinkie, still recovering from her traumatic experience with the purple demon who demanded she break a Pinkie Promise, took a second to look back at the villain(s).
“Xeno... What was that?”
The various copies of Xeno stared in confusion at the hole in the wall that had once been a door. After a moment, one of the copies answered her.
“I'm not exactly sure. I only made five clones, but the similarities were remarkable...”
Pinkie continued to stare at the sextet for a moment more, before returning to staring at the used-to-be-door.
“Huh...”
Pinkie cautiously looked into the hole that was Xeno's lair. Upon seeing no sight of the villain in question, she quickly ushered her partner in crime into the basement.
“Darling, are you sure he'll be gone for a while?”
“Don't worry, Rarity,” Pinkie said with a dismissive gesture. “He left to go see if anything was left of his old lair. He should be gone for HOURS!”
“Well, if you say so. Oh, and thank you once again for letting me in on your revenge on that barbaric rogue! You have NO idea how long it took me to clean the stains out of my carpets after his 'Feed-a-villain' drive.”
Pinkie giggled and said, “No problem! What did you plan on doing, anyway?”
“Oh, nothing much, dear.” With a malevolent smile on her face, Rarity approached Xeno's backpack. “Nothing much at all...”
Xeno, tired after his long hike to and from his old lair, stood in shock at the bottom of the stairs in the basement. His clones, who had joined him on the trip, fared little better. The sight was as traumatic as it was insulting.
Eventually, Xeno recovered from his shock enough to state the obvious question on all their minds.
“WHY THE HELL IS IT PINK?!”
One of his clones, trying to look on the bright side of things, tried to cheer his progenitor up.
“Well, at least it looks nice with the frills...”
Xeno's eye twitched.
Another one of his clones noticed a letter that had been taped to the back of the basement's door. Quickly recovering it, he returned to his fellows and silently asked for advice. The other clones, upon seeing his dilemma, made various gestures to 'go on, read it'. With a sigh, the clone opened the letter, and read aloud, hoping the progenitor would be aware enough to hear it.
Dear Xenolance (and clones),
Your compliance in the city beautification project is appreciated.
The progenitor's eye twitched again.
Your bill will be sent along at a latter date, so you may compensate us for time spent redecorating your room.
Sincerely, Rarity and Pinkie
Xeno decided that night to stop playing games and end the war, one way or another.
The next morning, Rarity entered her bathroom. She still had the smile on her face from the devious act she had performed the day before, and hummed as she prepared a shower for herself.
Once the temperature was acceptable, she stepped into the shower after shedding her night gown. Soon, her fur and mane were lathered up in her favorite shampoo, and she was humming in contentment with her eyes closed as she tried to imagine the look upon Xeno's face upon seeing her work.
Rinsing herself off, she noticed a pile of white fur at the bottom of her tub. She reached out to poke it, but stopped when her eyes caught sight of the pale bald skin that was her foreleg.
After quickly checking the rest of herself to see if her worst nightmare had actually come true, she decided to take the most appropriate action available.
“Sister, didst thou hear that?”
Celestia lowered her tea cup, looking off in the direction of Ponyville.
“Yes. It sounded vaguely like Twilight's friend, Rarity...”
Luna continued to stare off the balcony they had decided to eat their morning meal on, before returning to her plate.
“We wonder what made her scream so...”
“Honey? Have you seen Pinkie?”
From her position in Pound and Pumpkin's room, Mrs. Cake barely heard her husband's response.
“No dear, I haven't seen her all day.”
“Odd... Usually she never misses a story session with the foals if she can help it...”
Mrs. Cake stared at her foals for a moment, before taking things into her own hooves.
“I guess I'll just have to do it tonight. You two stay here, I'll go get us a story!”
As Mrs. Cake walked away, she didn't notice the two foals continue to stare past where she had been standing, up at the pink pony who was staring at the foals with a pleading expression, struggling futilely against the silver bands of duck tape holding her firmly to the ceiling.
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no calling him George?
4548099
George is a human name. Figured it didn't fit.
Edit: Actually, thinking about it more, perhaps it does...
ducktaped to teh ceiling.
Welp, that's ONE way to end a prank war...
4548099 are you suggesting him making a Cyberchase reference
4548441
I end pranks directed towards me by scaling my payback so much "overkill" don't do justice
So we got a Men in Black reference, Star Trek, and Doctor who as well. What is the guy in black with things in his head supposed to reference?
5456967
Scorpius and his obsession to get wormhole tech out of the head of John Crichton.
Its a Farscape reference. Classic Sci-fi, but a bit dated.
... And now I feel old...
A Farscape, Doctor Who, Men in Black, and Star Trek reference all in one go. Well done, sir. *applause*
My god. ITS ZALGO SPARKLE, RUN FOR THE HILLS!
5457070
'Cuz you ARE I'm such a terrible person