The Canterlot Academy is the most renowned and prestigious school in all of Equestria, and Twilight Sparkle is one of its newest students. While busy studying and meeting new ponies, however, a dark secret threatens the way of life of every stallion, mare, and foal. An ancient order is making its return, and seek to resurrect a great and powerful evil. Dark forces are at work, and Twilight must find a way to stop it before the worst possible thing comes to pass.
Co-written by Zodiacspear
Edited by Iamawesome
Cover art by Swirling Line
Chapters (18)
Only 2 chapters in so far, but I like it!
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FINALLY, somebody gets it!
I'm willing to bet almost anything that the headmaster is the leader of the slaving organization from the previous chapter.
Well, I'm curious as to what happens. Looking forward to more.
Well, I can't wait to see where you're going with all this.
Well, I'm liking this the more I read it. There was one error though: It should be '...keeping her tone respectfully...'
4739655 *Slaps forehead* Can't believe I missed that. I'll make sure Lord Lycaon knows of it, so it can be fixed. Thanks!
4741667 It was an easy mistake. You proofread for him?
4744082 Actually, he's my coauthor, and he's awesome. Chapter 9 was one a few chapters here that he wrote himself. I'm the one who missed the error while making sure the chapter was ready. Thanks for pointing it out.
4744733 Glad I could help.
Well, wasn't expecting the sleeper agent angle. To tell the truth, I figured they were looking for the element bearers. So THAT'S where Spike went! Wonder how or if he finds Twilight.
There were a couple things you might want to address: For starters, '...jumped ag the opportunity...' should be 'at'. Also '...holding. The wordlessly rolled...' either the word 'guard' is missing or 'The' should be 'He'. If it makes you feel any better, one of the chapters in my work had 'tried' instead of 'tired.'
What a great, interesting story and I am looking forward to seeing it unfold.
Please continue this I thinks it's really good. I'm hooked on this story can't wait for more.
Your story setup and worldbuilding is very interesting. I can't wait to see more of it.
However, your language kind of lacks a bit, especially in the earlier chapters. There are some weird or repetitive phrasings and some of the dialogue sounds rather unnatural.
It is kind of sad, because I can easily see this pushing away readers from a story pretty well developed regarding it's content.
If you want my help, I would be happy to do some editing and point out the troubling passages that in my opinion should be fixed. If you don't, fine by me. Just thought I should offer it.
Kind of lame that Twilight only wins because something helped her.
5306359 Think of it this way: in this universe, Twilight was never taken on as Celestia's pupil, and thus, is not as experienced or skilled. Her talent is still magic, of course, but she doesn't know as much about as the canon Twilight.
Wait, so the voices are the alicorn's spirits speaking to them? And since Hermoso is Spanish for "very handsome," I am guessing that each one is a different nationality?
5362111 Yes and yes. Just to clear it up further: Mystus and Jentelle are of the same nationality as the Mane 6 (prior to Equestria's founding), Hermoso is the equivalent of Spanish, Pravda is Russia, Chujitsuna is Japanese, and Schallend is German.
How does this story only have 33 upvotes?
Hey, great chapter! This quite definitely has none of the difficulties of the earlier chapters! Seriously, good job!
This conspiracy has really poor hiring standards. How is it still s secret?
5563671 We have seen they love to mess with fragile pony minds and those who prove inept are shown the way out in an... unpleasant fashion. We have seen them being very thorough in their abilities in keeping in the shadows so I'm sure their newest recruits will be kept in check.
Stay tuned for more. The gears will soon begin to turn faster.
god fuck it, this has twisentry in it. gross!
5566375 If you don't like it, fine. No skin off my back.
5566375 I thought it was referred to as Flashlight around here, but hey it works too. And remember, one never knows the paths the story might expectantly take.
More coming soon!
5567925 Flashlight! that's what i was looking for! i couldn't seem to get the name to click in my head. and i'd be happy with no ship, rather than a straight ship. is that weird? i can't seem to like straight ships anymore. the only way they don't bother me is if it's not a prominent part of the story.
5567944 It's not exactly an integral part of the overall plot, but every hero needs a love interest, right? And I would feel weird putting Twilight with anyone else, honestly. Besides, Flash Sentry isn't nearly as bad as everybody makes him out to be.
Just read 'The Dreamscape pt. 1' and I have to ask why does the dream wait for voice descriptions to take shape rather than doing so straight from thought? Does it have to do with the fact there are two 'dreamwalkers' there or is it some kind of security feature that the creator of the spell put in to keep unwanted trespassers out?
5579242 The way the Dreamscape works is sort of both complicated and simple at the same time. Entering the Dreamscape the normal way (sleeping) causes seemingly random things to happen, creating dreams and/or nightmares, which can be altered by thought if the dreamer realizes they're dreaming. Entering the Dreamscape through magic, like the spell Twilight and Trixie used, alters that, and makes it so that the "dream walker" must speak the changes they desire. This can make exploring the Dreamscape dangerous, as it can take many descriptions literally. Saying something like "Oh, my girlfriend was so mad she wanted to kill me!" could end up summoning an interpretation of your girlfriend who LITERALLY wants to kill you. It's sort of a "be careful what you wish for" scenario, except in semi-separate plain of existence.
Finally caught up to it and all I have to say is:
Somehow I doubt that White Star is talking about Nightmare Moon when she refers to her master. What I am curious about is why Trixie remembers and why Twilight doesn't. Also, will Spike and Twilight be dealing more with each other (or possibly Spike and the others?
)
Most of this is going to be me repeating what Verbose said, but I've made the final decision to recommend you to the library. I thought this one actually surpassed Quoth the Raven (at least so far).
Review is here, same as always.
Congrats.
oh rainbow classic just classic
5692563 She kept to the letter of their agreement, didn't she?
I forget, was Cadance a character/Alicorn in the old version?
5951626 She was.
5951703
Huh, guess I'm remembering wrong. It's been a while since I read this. Are there major changes to any characters or is this just one of those "I'm a better writer now" rewrites?
5951826 I took it down to go through it for editing, not a rewrite.
Oh no!
Rainbow's Alicorn of Harmony was a weeaboo!
6246863 I hope you're joking.
6246863 *looks up the term*
Ha! No, not quite.
Would be hilarious, but no.
Oh wow this was a nice side if Rainbow!
6249737 To be fair. Twilight knew the beam she used on the pickpocket, it was the same one she used on Sunset in earlier chapters.
And yeah, honor and tradition are still a thing. Though, if it did come to it, I am sure no one could actually be forced to leave because of such an old tradition that had fallen out of style, though Sunset used it to her advantage.
Either way, enjoy the new spin on things.
This story is definitely becoming more and more dramatic. I like the dream encounters with the Nightmare very much!
There's just one thing that I don't understand: Trixie's making a definite impact on this story and yet there isn't a 'Trixie' tab.
6271284 You make a good point.
Aha, ANGEL! There you are...thank you very much for cheering Fluttershy up. You got his slightly snarky attitude right.
Good progress in this chapters on the plot: a little bit into Fluttershy as a pony, Zecora showing up (Yay
) and Princess Celestia telling Shining Armour to keep a careful eye on Canterlot Academy. Ooooh. 
Those cultists are going to freak out a bit, maybe, when more guards arrive.
tuberculosis or other illness?
6336330 Some kind of lung disease. Couldn't think of anything specific off the top of my head.
Just found this story today and the first chapter has me hooked. I love the premise.
6337295 Hope you stick around for more, then.