“You...! You stupid liar! That wasn't a truth potion, it's just some concoction you threw together to make me look bad! I'd never say anything like that about my dad! Well, are you happy now?!”
Diamond Tiara had never questioned her life. She knew that with fame and fortune, love and admiration was certain to come with it. So how is it that one of her usual sources of entertainment suddenly makes her question it all? Did she really live the good life, or was it all just a placebo, burying the truth under a veil of money and fake smiles?
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Written and submitted for EqD's Writer's Training Grounds #009 with the prompt, "The Cutie Mark Crusaders have learned how to mix potions, fix things, and do magic! Show how they use their new skills to contribute to pony society!"
Very nice story! There were a few rough patches, in the grammatical sense, but you did a great job!
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I'd imagine there'd probably be grammatical errors, seeing as how I wrote this in one day
Thank you for taking a second to comment though, I value these more than anything else ~
With the exception of flight to the finish, the CMC are characters who epitomize the idea that even when things go right they still go wrong. For example, winning comedy medals for something that wasn't supposed to be funny. There isn't much that doesn't in some way blow up in their face. So it's hard to imagine Applebloom making a truth serum on purpose. It's easy to imagine her trying to make something else and accidentally doing that. I
Grammar is an issue. Finding a good pre-reader should help out. The bigger issue for me is that you accomplished in 2K works what probably should have been done in 8-10K.
It's an interesting idea, definitely worthy of a story, but it feels rushed and as a result you are short-chaining the idea. For example, rather than have Applebloom tell everyone it's a truth syrum at the sametime as asking why she is bullying them, it might be more interesting for Diamond Tiara to figure it out herself or at least be forced to try. How much did Jim Carey's chracter go through in Liar, Liar, before it came out what had happened. As for the bullying portion, there is no build up. She does a little, and they point blank ask her. I don't know that most people are that direct.
So, in short: Good idea, but it needs some work.
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Well, it kinda was rushed. I'm not particularly proud of rushing these things out in one sitting, even though I said in one of my blog entries that I wasn't going to do that...ugh. As a matter of fact, I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to miss out on a WTG entry, but by sheer chance I was given one last day. No, this is hardly my best work, and I'm not really feeling what I've got down here, but it's still here. I'll accept what I've managed to accomplish in 6 hours. I've purposely left it open for story progression, and I'll most certainly edit and revamp the first chapter if I ever decide to.
I do my best work when I'm able to mull over my writing, and as such I consider my crowning achievement to be Ancient Legacy...despite the fact that the first 3 chapters need some serious overhauling. Well, that and The Comeuppance of Prince Blueblood and Super Cosplay Princess, Rarity. A lot of people seem to like those two for some reason
The only real question I have is Silver Spoon wondering if this makes her chopped liver if her presence in her Diamond's life has done nothing to appease Diamond's loneliness.
I hope that doesn't hurt you.
Interesting. Too bad this story wasn't continued. Even though I have to ask why Apple Bloom was carrying a juice box full of truth potion? If it was to set up Diamond Tiara, what made her think that DT was actually going to steal it?
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Same way the CMC set up a mattress next to a golden apple float ~
5394358 Because they knew Babs would steal the float because they goaded her to do so. Apple Bloom in no way goaded Diamond Tiara into stealing her juice box. BTW, is there ever going to be an additional chapter to this story?
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As it stands, doubtful. This story didn't garner as much attention as some of my other ones, plus I haven't really given this concept too much thought. I wrote it in around 4 hours spaced between two days, and without any edits. If anything, this story (as well as most of my WTG entries) was more of a fleeting idea rather than a complete concept. Still, I leave the incomplete tag open should I ever decide to come back to it. I'd probably need a rewrite though
In any case, the biggest reason for not continuing this is because some of my other stories have priority right now, I.D. Entity in particular.