Everyone thinks they're the hero of their own story. Yet nobody wonders just what its like when you swear you're doing the right thing, that everything you're working for is because you have to do it, yet youre seen as the villain for doing so
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Was the story supposed to slip into permanent italics partway through, there?
A great chapter, Zecora being all cool while admitting she was screaming on the inside was hillarious.
4209677 That's how you write with style!
4209782
Ah crud. Sorry guys! Fixing it right now.
4209742
I wasn't really going for an exact definition, so much as I was going for a metaphorical sense of it.
A decent chapter but regarding your author notes, just wanna say what in the hell are you talking about? A phobia is indeed a fear, just an irrational one. Here's an example, I'm scared of the ocean, I almost drowned at the beach as a kid, so I don't go into the ocean anymore cause I'm scared I'll drown; rational = fear. Fainting at the sight of a swimming pool, irrational = phobia. Drowning is a very real fear, just how extreme that fear becomes is what defines it as a phobia or not. I'm not sure what led you to believe fear is imaginary, but yeah, a phobia is just an irrational fear.
4209677 probably
4209876
It depends on the degree of the fear... Frick I should have put that in. As for me, I had an extremely high degree of this fear. Now, I don't mean to misinform the readers, and I find it nice to see them gettin so involved with this. So, I'll rewrite the authors notes. Simple as that. Thank you for the comments, and I'm fixing the problem as we speak.
that last line didn't rhyme
4210008
Abandon and companion?
Because Jeremy was th one who said thank you.
Well, that sucks...not the story, that's awesome, the idea of being way too close to Ponyville when the three of them are on the run and here they're not too far from The Elelments of Harmony and Celestia's former student. They really need to rest and then straight up book it. Maybe they can ask Zecora for a map or directions to a river that could lead them out of Equestria. That should be the main goal of the protagonists: safety. It's a shame that Jeremy didn't do what most action movies heroes do in prison and train or bulk up in secret.
4210279
how would jeremy bulk up? they give him even less food than before barley enough to survive and they torture him everyday! I just wonder when they will find out about his light phobia.
4210475
Dunno, I've just seen way too many movies where you gotta character who in secret works out behind the guards' backs and one night he does the "sick man" routine, a guard investigates and that's when the character over powers the guard and makes their escape.
Good to see this update again!
My thoughts: Jeremy's internal monologue dealing with his phobia come across as him being a wimp, rather than a man who has escaped a horrible situation and has a terrible fear borne of traumatic experience. Telling us that he has photophobia doesn't have the same impact of letting the reader work out his neurosis from his actions. He then gives transparent excuses to Chrysalis, rather than deal with the problem or tell her that he does not wish to discuss it - once again looking like a child.
Interaction with Zecora was good, but still rushed. I would have expected some questioning about the motives of Nightmare and Chrysalis. More information on Jeremy's life before the arrest in general would help to flesh him out.
Jeremy as a protagonist is bland - he's an architect and a generic nice guy, but we don't really see any character from him. What drives him? What does he value? Did he have family? etc.
The pacing feels dragged out - eight chapters in, we still don't know why Jeremy was arrested or where the Nightmare came from.
In any case, keep on writing. I look forward to the next chapter.
I noticed a mistake that nearly everyone makes. I'm not faulting you for it, just pointing it out.
Your curiosity/interest is never "peaked". It is piqued.
4211455
One helpful way to think about it is as follows:
Because of the way it evolved, the human brain has duplicated various mechanisms by leaving the old version in place when it evolved a newer one. One such case is the fear response. When something scares us, the instinctive and cognitive parts of the brain gauge threats and keep records independently.
A phobia occurs when our instinctive fear response's simplistic evaluation registers a false positive and records something as very dangerous while our cognitive fear response's more advanced judgement recognizes it as harmless. Because they act independently, neither has veto power over "get scared" signals sent by the other and you feel terrified of something you know you shouldn't.
Hahah, Zecora screaming internally.
He should explain to her just what they had to endure, I wonder if she'd think so highly of Celestia then.
So Zecora doesn't even know, whether by ignorance from lack of gossip from her visits to Ponyville or this whole thing was covered up by the government.
wouldn't it be 'foalish' in the pony sense?
10711417
I dunno. I mean, that paragraph was from Chrysalis’s perspective and she’s not exactly a (regular) pony either.
Well, even the wicked have friends but I suppose it proves they are at least not irredeemable.