Stuck in a Tree

Telaros #1 · Feb 18th, 2014 · 4 · ·

Another day, another cutie mark acquisition attempt, crossed off the list.

Very cute, would of loved to have had more awkward moments with Sweetie Belle or some teasing from the birds but overall this was pretty cute. I can honestly see this happening, only with a bit more fuming on DT's part. ;3

I loved Rainbow Dash's response to DT's comment. DT commits to her word. For better or worst xD

EquesTRON

EquesTRON #2 · Feb 18th, 2014 · · ·

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That was cute.

One thing:

tree by the chords of her parachute

The word you want is cords, not chords. "Chords" are either an aggregate of musical notes, or a geometric line segment joining two points on any curve.

iDeltaVelocity

iDeltaVelocity #3 · Feb 18th, 2014 · · ·

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3965407 I think I got 'em all. Thanks :)

Frost Wolf

Frost Wolf #4 · Feb 18th, 2014 · · 1 ·

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Couldn't they have just used their magic their both unicorns

DragonFlyFire

DragonFlyFire #5 · Feb 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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3965910

You do realize that Sweetie Belle is the only Unicorn, Diamond Tiara is a Earth pony.

And Sweetie Belle can barely use her magic anyways.

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #6 · Feb 19th, 2014 · · ·

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Well, this wasn't as promising as the snyposis made it seem. I would've expected more conflict early on, Diamond Tiara seemed to accept the reality of the situation all too soon. And not much else happened that got a laugh out of me. I get that you tried, but this feels rather "meh" to me.

MagerBlutooth

MagerBlutooth #7 · Feb 19th, 2014 · · ·

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It's interesting to see a still image come to life like this. I think you had the right idea by starting in the middle of the action, but I don't think you had quite enough action to carry you to the end. Diamond and Sweetie are stuck in the tree and attempt to get down, but this ultimately proves pointless as they end up having to wait for help regardless. If their struggling had resulted in the birds getting involved or them somehow getting stuck together/entangled, the first half of the story would have seemed much more justified. As it is, it does seem a bit like filler, which isn't the best aspect to include in such a short story.

I find that this story portrays its title too well, almost to the point where the description is as engaging as the story itself. Nothing is really learned or accomplished, and we only get a brief glimpse into the event that triggered it. Also, I do have to wonder why Apple Bloom and Scootaloo got three ponies to handle such a small issue. I suppose they could have all been together, but from a storytelling standpoint, it pulled the story into a bit of character overload, as the roles of each character blended together.

You did well on the detail and characterization, though it did get a bit telly at times. You also did a good job with the formatting, keeping it simple and professional. Spelling and grammar seemed fine for the most part, though phrasing could use some refinement in some places.

Also, a bit of a logical hiccup:

“Where are your stupid friends at? They should’ve been back here by now with help.”
“There’s no way I’m waiting for those two.”

Diamond says she's not going to wait for them after asking where they are. Doesn't quite make enough sense from my perspective.

I'd call this story an oyster cracker. It's small and doesn't have much flavor, but it would be a decent addition to a story that I could compare to a nice soup.

Make the most!

Frost Wolf

Frost Wolf #8 · Feb 19th, 2014 · · 1 ·

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3966153 Sorry I don't really pay attention to them I like vinyl scratch more

Back Door Mare

Back Door Mare #9 · Feb 19th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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The characters were surprisingly real and even though the scenario was fantasy, a similar situation has happened to me at least once. Unlike some of the other commentators, to me it had the right amount of action. In fact, I think it would've benefited from slightly longer pauses between the antics.

Although destroying a bird's nest might not be beyond Diamond Tiara, it was a little distracting that Sweetie Belle seemed unfazed. It would have been interesting if she'd been the word of reason, asking DT to leave the nest alone.
As for the point of the story, I interpreted it as a bonding scene. From Sweetie poking fun at DT's aim, to DT giving in and cloud watching, by the conclusion, it seems they've developed some common ground. While the end hints at Diamond Tiara and the CMC remaining rivals, I felt the "take home" to be that deep down, even bitter enemies can be friends.

iDeltaVelocity

iDeltaVelocity #10 · Feb 19th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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3966869 Now that you mention, I can see your point. Maybe I'll edit this. Perhaps get a few different scenarios going.

MythrilMoth

MythrilMoth #11 · Feb 19th, 2014 · · ·

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Kind of an abrupt ending there.

ServingSpoon

ServingSpoon #12 · Mar 12th, 2015 · · ·

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3971561 not really much more that needs to be said, besides "Thank you". Well at least Filthy taught Diamond to keep her word when a bargain is struck.