- Member Since 22nd Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 4th, 2014
CosmicWaltz
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CosmicWaltz
Joined 22nd Mar, 2012 ·
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*slow clap*
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/033/4/d/bueno____by_megasweet-d38nbib.jpg
Better plot than most clopfics, you still could have done a little more with the wrestling match IMO.
Like having a progression of deeper kisses starting with just a peck on the cheek by AJ, meant not as a sudden impulse but to shock Dash into accidentally releasing her. Than AJ could pin Dash and Dash thinks to kiss AJ lightly on the lips to break her hold on Dash. Next it's basically the scene from your story with AJ giving a deeper sexual kiss to Dash. You could have even added something about them realizing there was something strange about their wrestling match but both being compelled to continue.
This is all my opinion, your story is still very good, I just added that scene idea if you ever wanted to flesh out your story more.
357142
Sounds like you have enough for your own story, there.
Very good story, held my attention the whole time!
and 
Yup, best ship! 
ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133513231399.png
>> rainbrodash666 dude that picture is creepy as hell and wrong in so many ways considering the fic your commenting on LOL
And yep, I must agree that I prefer AJ RD together over any other ship
Great read. RD/AJ forever!
Having appreciated all your comments you made in my "Taming of the Screw" story, I felt compelled to read your clopfic.
The scenes were well described. A few of the line choices I questioned. As an example, you have:
"A sharp moan almost escaped her lips as her hooves quickly captured it, wrapping themselves around her mouth."
This may just come down to personal preference, but I'm not a fan of "almost" escaped. Either it did, or it didn't. It's the whole "Do or do not. There is no try" thing. I realize that tension can be built by saying how close or near a certain character or thing is to something else, but when describing a moan, I feel the most direct approach is best.
Also, instead of "capturing" sounds, I would have opted for something like:
"She pressed her hooves against her mouth in order to stifle a sharp moan." It's shorter, but I think it gets the point across just as well.
I haven't read many clopfics that involve scissoring. I never really saw the appeal of the act,
but you described it in a way that worked for me. 
Overall, a solid fic.
This was actually an enjoyable read and so far my favorite out of the Appledash relationship. Well done.
858949 Yeah, my clopfic was mostly an experiment, and one that I'm still not sure was a success or not.
As for the scissoring, well, it's not too common in pony fics (isn't that something I never expected I'd type), but I found it to be a nice alternative to the typical 69ing that often happens with f/f pairings. 
Anywho, thanks for the read!
i love it!
iaza.com/work/121020C/iaza11560262353700.gif iaza.com/work/121020C/iaza11560255694300.png You also deserve this: iaza.com/work/121020C/iaza11560285777900.gif
Oh. My. God.
I saw this fic on Deviant when it first came out and when I was first reading clopfics. I couldn't remember the name, so I never found it again, but now, here we are, well over a year since I read it. I have to yell you, this fic inspired my own story...like, alot. Maybe too much. And I still think about it from time to time - probably because it WAS the first good clopfic I read. I'm so glad I got to read it again ^_^
Though, with the premise, I feel like you could have done more with the competitive side of things, but really, it sums up to a great little one-shot that I really, really loved when I first saw it. Thanks for the inspiration, hun ^_~
2158711 Yeah, I had to sorta edit it for dA, but put it in its full glory here. Glad you re-found it!
Yeah, it is a little on the quick side, but that was kind of the point. I wanted it to be a straight (ha!) clopfic. Story went only as far as it needed to.