The late afternoon sun shone down pleasantly on all of Ponyville with only a couple of puffy white clouds lazily drifting by. The warm weather perfect for a picnic, casual stroll, or as one pony preferred, a quick nap in the sky on one of those clouds.
Warm sunrays shone through the window, warming up the floor of Fluttershy’s cottage, and Trixie’s hooves as she crept away from the door. Many things raced through her mind in the couple of seconds in between the heavy landing outside and the sound of a hoof on the front door.
Trixie, being a storyteller, felt it was just plain wrong for the weather to be this beautiful right before she was going to die. She felt certain scenes like this, where the enraged antagonist stormed in, should come with dark overcast skies, rain and lightning.
For a brief moment, she had managed to convince herself that if the weather did not match, then surely neither did the situation. Surely the door was going to swing open and reveal a smiling face ready to let little mistakes go, then talk about it in the sunshine. But then the door opened and that last ray of hope quickly disappeared.
Trixie shook from mane to tail, staring up at the bright vibrant colors glistening in the sunlight, sharply contrasted against the clear blue sky. Such warm colors, yet still they chilled her down to the bone. “R-Rainbow Dash?”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes quickly fixated on Trixie for a moment a look of surprise on her face as though she had expected not to find her, but it soon steeled into determination. She walked closer, letting each hoof land with enough force that Trixie could feel the tremors.
“Whoa, so you’re still here huh? Well, that saves me the trouble of looking for you!” Rainbow Dash said.
Trixie backed away, while Rainbow Dash closed in on her. “T-Trixie—”
“Trixie this, Trixie that! Can’t you speak like a normal pony!?” Her wings flared out, blocking the sunlight leaving Trixie in the shade. “Great and Powerful Trixie, huh? I bet you felt real Great and Powerful picking on Fluttershy of all ponies!”
“N-no!” Trixie tried to step back again, but found herself pressed into a corner trapped in by the wooden walls.
Rainbow halted just barely an inch away. Nearly all Trixie could see was the anger within her eyes. “Oh you can’t? Well I guess that’s just one thing you can’t do better, then. Was that your idea? Show Fluttershy that you are better than her too?”
Trixie reared up on her hind legs, feeling her back pressed against the wall. Her hooves raised to shield her face. Blurry memories of their last encounter rose to the surface while every fiber of her being screamed at her to escape somehow. “G-go away! Leave, leave Trixie alone…”
Two hooves struck against the wood next to Trixie’s head as Rainbow Dash pinned her to the wall. ”After what you did? Humiliating me, my friends, threatening Ponyville and taunting Twilight afterward. Fluttershy still told me to find you! This is how you repay her? You play with her, chase her out of her own house, and decide ‘well that was fun, Trixie will have lunch.’” She jabbed a hoof towards the set table.
Trixie could feel Rainbow Dash’s hot breath against her hooves while the voice vibrated through her bones. She trembled all over, trying her best to hide her head behind her forelegs, she could maybe take a few hits to the body, but her head was already feeling like it was about to explode. Her tears ran down her muzzle, and her voice cracked. “N-no, not my fault… Rainbow please… I-I didn’t me—”
”The worst part is. You aren’t even sorry for what you did. You didn't even try to ask me how Fluttershy was.” Rainbow pulled her hooves back from the wall briefly, then slammed them back down, watching Trixie flinch in response. “You’re just scared for what I’ll do to you!”
Trixie said nothing this time and just sobbed into her hooves. She wanted to claim she did care, but Rainbow Dash was right. She had not spent a single thought on Fluttershy’s condition or making it up to her since the door opened, but only cowered and tried to get out of whatever punishment she was to receive for her actions. As she thought about, her reaction to what happened in Ponyville had been the same: merely fleeing consequences whenever they loomed up, just like back home.
“Do you understand what you did wrong, Trixie? Don’t worry, I will make sure you do.” She leaned in closer to the shrinking Trixie, who sunk through her legs, trying to avoid her. “You’re scared of me, aren’t you? No matter how nice I act, no matter how much I might promise not to hurt you, deep down inside you’re terrified. You could not even look me in the eye this morning, you want to run and hide. And it feels terrible, doesn’t it?”
Trixie swallowed. She tried her best to summon up the courage to reply, but settled for merely nodding to the questions. Her whole body quaked, and she could not stop crying just being near her, despite absolutely nothing bad having happened to her yet. She just waited in terror for when the lecture was over and the punishment began.
“Good, I want you to remember that fear: that feeling that you are just a breath away from something horrible… 'Cause that is how Fluttershy feels, about everything, all the time.” Rainbow Dash pushed away from the wall, letting her forehooves land on the floor again. She turned away from Trixie. “The difference is Fluttershy is brave. She does her best every day to be kind to everypony, even if she’s scared. Even if it’s you, and you decided to torment her. Think about that.”
With a thud, Trixie slumped down the wall onto her haunches, still huddled up in the corner. Her hooves had slipped down from their defensive posture to stare at Rainbow Dash in shock. Had that been it all along? Fluttershy had not just been merely shy, but also actively scared of her? She felt a crushing pain in her chest at the thought of putting Fluttershy through what she had just experienced herself. Her eyes tearing up as she stared up at Rainbow Dash. “I-I’m… Sorry… I didn't think. I’m so sorry… Where is she, Rainbow Dash? I-I have… have to make this right, please. Y-you can do what you want afterwards…”
Rainbow Dash turned her head, looking down at the crumpled form of Trixie quivering in the corner as she pleaded. She stared at her silently for a moment before she finally pointed up a hoof towards the staircase. “She went through the window. She’s upstairs in her bed.”
Trixie scrambled onto her hooves, nodding at Rainbow Dash. “T-thank you…” She slipped past her and climbed the stairs. She quickly reached the second floor and looked around briefly. There was the door to the room she’d been staying in the past three days, but there were no other doors “What the… Where is the door to Fluttershy’s room...? Oh!”
Oh, how I loved watching Trixie squirm in terror before Rainbow Dash. Maybe she and I should start a club.
I liked these lines;
'a couple of puffy white clouds lazily drifting by'
'Trixie, being a storyteller, felt it was just plain wrong for the weather to be this beautiful right before she was going to die.'
and
'Such warm colors, yet still they chilled her down to the bone.'
Corrections;
'Warm sun rays shone through the window' should be 'Warm sunrays shone through the window,'
'and Trixie’s hoofs as she crept away from the door' should be 'and Trixie’s hooves as she crept away from the door'
you didn't capitalize 'Dash' in '“R-Rainbow dash?”'
'Rainbow Dash eyes quickly fixated on Trixie for a moment' should be 'Rainbow Dash's eyes quickly fixated on Trixie for a moment,'
'but it soon steeled in determination' should be 'but it soon steeled into determination' if you meant the surprise or 'but they soon steeled in determination' if you meant the eyes,
'Whoa, so your still here huh?' should be 'Whoa, so you're still here, huh?'
add a period after 'Rainbow Dash closed in on her'
'Trixie reared up on her hind-legs' should be 'Trixie reared up on her hindlegs'
'Her hoofs raised to shield her face.' should be 'Her hooves raised to shield her face'
'Two hoofs struck against the wood next to Trixie’s head, Rainbow Dash pinned her to the wall.' should be 'Two hooves struck against the wood next to Trixie’s head as Rainbow Dash pinned her to the wall.'
'threaten Ponyville and taunt Twilight' should be 'threatening Ponyville and taunting Twilight'
'Jabbing a hoof towards the set table.' should be 'She jabbed a hoof towards the set table.'
'Rainbow pulled her hoofs back from the wall briefly then slammed them back down watching' should be 'Rainbow pulled her hooves back from the wall briefly then slammed them back down, watching'
'Trixie said nothing this time just sobbing into her hooves.' should be 'Trixie said nothing this time and just sobbed into her hooves.'
'She had not spend a single thought' should be 'She had not spent a single thought'
add a comma after 'As she thought about it'
samewise after 'Do you understand what you did wrong'
'who sunk through her hoofs' should be 'who sunk through her hooves'
add a comma after 'You’re scared of me aren’t you?'
'letting her fore-hoofs land on the floor' should be 'letting her forehooves land on the floor'
add a comma after 'With a thud'
'her hoofs had slipped down' should be 'her hooves had slipped down'
'A crushing pain in her chest' should be 'She felt a crushing pain in her chest'
and
'Trixie scrambled onto her hoofs' should be 'Trixie scrambled onto her hooves'
Yeah, Rainbow Dash, being an idiot, as usual.
Rainbow Dash is WORST FLANKHOLE.
Really, Rainbow Dash?
...and this is where I call it quits. Rainbow's behavior is literally criminal, what with the repeated assault and harassment. The only possible satisfying conclusion would be "Rainbow Dash goes to jail".
7712624
You're probably right that I wrote RD's aggression too strongly early on.
If it helps, she mellows out some.
(By which I mean, I learn to suck less at writing.)
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You all need to remember who fragile Fluttershy can be, and considering RD is practically like a big sister to her, it makes SENSE that she be this overly protective, especially against someone who came off as nothing more than a bully.
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Ah, yes. The classic "but she had it coming!" defense. Clearly that's different.
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Rainbow Dash is incredibly loyal, I get where she is coming from Fluttershy is her friend and to her Trixie is just some unicorn who cause trouble.
Rereading this chapter really does make Rainbow Dash look like a bitch. The least good chapter in this story, but other then that, it's pretty good story.
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Thanks, and yeah, it really does.
Gosh. Since you drew me back here I read the chapter to refresh myself on it and there is such a stark contrast between this bitchy RD and the RD I just finished writing a scene for. Yay for character development? xD
Anand this is where I stop reading. You made Rainbow dash out to me an abuser and a attempted murderer. And yet still portray her as being in the right. Even if this dramatically gets better, the romance is established by cruel abusive behavior.
This really concerns me on what you consider romance.
11042851
That's fair. If I was to write it again, I'd probably tone it down. I understand if it is too uncomfortable.
It shouldn't, because this was only two weeks deep into my first attempt at writing anything. Of course there would be a level of disconnect between the story I wanted to write and the story I actually put on paper at the time.
I was trying to tell a story of two people that don't get along eventually getting on and I dialed up RD's hostility higher than I should have in an attempt to make it clear they were really 'at odds'. It is hard to judge if your intention is coming across or if its being under or oversold when you have no experience or anyone to bounce ideas of off or proofread.
Thankfully, nowadays I now have both experience and wonderful people I can brainstorm with.
I hope you see why I take issue with your implication here.
11042851
it's called korean-style romance. a type of romance that was powered by stockholm syndrome.