Chapter 113 - Rethread
Double update. 
Hop back to the previous chapter if you haven't read it yet.
Enjoy.
Trixie struggled with a lump in her throat. Even now, Fluttershy still appeared to trust her not to be evil. “It… well…” She struggled to find her voice. Each nightmarish scenario where she was torn away from the ponies she loved had involved some outside influence, but Trixie hadn’t considered she might be the one to drive the wedge herself. She should lie. It made no sense not to. She was going to make Fluttershy hate her. “…Yes.” Trixie stared down at the couch, unwilling to look at Fluttershy’s reaction. Trixie felt numb and her hooves shook, she feared what was coming next.
“I-I’m sorry, Trixie, but, uhm… I don’t believe you. You don’t act like you’re a bad pony. Uh, okay, the lying and stealing was pretty bad… but I mean, other than that... I’m sorry. But, just because you know some spells you shouldn’t doesn’t make you a bad pony. It’s how you use them, right?”
A stay of execution. Somehow that was actually worse. Sighing, Trixie shook her head. “You don’t get it. This isn’t something that you can apply consequentialism to.”
“Uhm?”
“It, it means to judge an action as good or evil depending on the outcome. Like say, Applejack has a strong buck. If she bucks a tree for apples, that’s a good act. If she bucks a pony in the face for a laugh, that’s a bad act.”
“Oh, okay… but, it works like that for magic too, right?”
“For regulated magic, yes it does. But nearly all accounts of 'free' magic Trixie knows of involves the pony eventually becoming evil, or at least twisted enough that they need to be dealt with, in one way or another. Even with the best of intentions, the magician eventually changes, unless they are truly exceptional. It… it is magic that literally can make monsters out of ponies. That’s why it’s banned, obviously.” Trixie tried to keep the concepts and details simple. All she needed to get across was that it was something bad. Maybe she’d give a more nuanced explanation later, if Fluttershy inexplicably still wanted to see her.
“Well… You’re not a monster.” Despite all of Trixie’s ravings, Fluttershy actually looked calmer than she had before.
“You don’t know that. Trixie doesn’t even know that!” She pressed her hooves against her head, allowing the book to drop off the couch. “Trixie is completely sure she’s perfectly reasonable, but sometimes she thinks everypony else is crazy. That can’t be a good sign, right? …She—"
“Trixie, I—Oh, I’m sorry, did I interrupt? I just have a question.”
“Tri—uh, what?”
“You keep doing this. You stress over something you think is awful, like your, uhm, double crush,” Fluttershy’s face lost some of its serenity as her cheeks flushed, “or mobs of angry ponies, or weird magic. You try to convince me how terrible it is, then look at me almost like you want me to say you should leave.” Her hoof scrapped across the couch cushions, and her muzzle angled down. “D-do you want to leave? It’s okay if you do, I-I mean, I understand I’m boring, and you have a life to get back to. I just… I don’t understand why you want me to tell you to?”
Trixie knew Fluttershy was doing it again. That thing where Fluttershy just reacted as if everything would naturally work out for the best. Life wasn’t that kind. “How can you not tell Trixie to leave? All she does is make your life a mess. Ever since Trixie got here you’ve been attacked by timberwolves, lost Nurse Redheart’s trust, spent Trixie doesn’t know how many bits on some mooching blue stranger, and now you’re an accessory to a crime if anypony finds out you hid the book for Trixie!”
“You’re not a stranger, Trixie.” Fluttershy's voice cracked. Trixie could feel a comforting hoof coming to rest on her shoulder before Fluttershy spoke again. “You aren’t being fair to yourself either. Most of that isn’t even true. It was my decision to go into the Everfree Forest. I was wrong. Nurse Redheart was right to be m-mad at me… It wasn’t nice… but I learned from that. I’m the one that told Dash to go looking for you, s-so it was my fault you were hurt, t-twice. Of course I would pay for you, it was the least I could do. You already know this, so why are you trying to take the blame again?”
It wasn’t going to matter. Trixie had wanted, yet at the same time not wanted, to get it over with. The thought of Fluttershy abandoning her too scared her. But, Trixie already knew on some level that, no matter what she said, Fluttershy wasn’t going to kick her out. Even though she really should.
“All Trixie does is eat your food, occupy your bed, and contemplate when to betray you so she won’t go to jail! But not without still finding the time to yell at you, your best friends, random nurses, and the mail mare of all ponies. That is when she isn’t actively committing more crimes to pile onto her already impressive rap sheet.”
Fluttershy vehemently shook her head. “You are supposed to eat and rest. You even volunteered to help with the chores, you didn’t have to do that. It was a nice thing to do... Sure you can be a, uhm, a little loud, but that’s okay. I know you’re worried about jail, but I’m sure a little bragging isn’t that bad a crime… Stealing from Twilight… It wasn’t right, but if you just give it back, or even just drop it on her doorstep, I’m sure that’ll be it. But… That’s not what this is really about, is it?”
Trixie's eyes were looking anywhere but at Fluttershy now. At least this time she managed to keep her breathing in check, she didn't want this to end with her fainting again. At least, not if there was still a chance to stay. Sighing in frustration, more at herself than anything else, Trixie dared a small peek at those caring and now fiercely determined eyes of Fluttershy's.
The worst of it was that Trixie recognized how much she trusted Fluttershy. She couldn't point out the exact moment, or reason it happened, but if Fluttershy said something would be okay, it was very hard for Trixie to keep arguing that it wouldn't be. The knowledge both warmed and chilled her. There was no doubt in her mind that Fluttershy would look past whatever awful things she said; that Fluttershy would still love her. Just as there was no doubt in her mind that she was going to lose this argument too.
A part of her mind quietly reminded her that if this didn't end now, with just words, it would only end later in a much worse way for all of them. Why did these thoughts always come to here at times like this?
Trixie’s eyes stung, and her vision blurred. Crying was so pathetic. Turning her back to Fluttershy, Trixie rubbed her eyes. “Y-you’re such an idiot. You think this is about stealing? Trixie used to do things that would give you nightmares. Trixie knows spells that Princess Celestia herself would, and has, banished ponies for. No matter how badly Trixie wants to stay here it’s going to end badly. I-isn’t it easier if you realize this now? Trixie is a bad pony.”
“T-that’s enough, Trixie. I… well… I…” Fluttershy’s voice faltered. Finally speechless.
All Trixie could hear was her own heartbeat. The urge to turn around and check if Fluttershy was still even there was just barely suppressed. Trixie felt like she didn’t have the right to demand anything from her, including a reaction. That didn’t make the waiting any less agonizing though. It’s funny, Trixie thought it would have felt a lot better to share this. Wasn’t it supposed to be good to get things off your chest? Maybe it doesn’t count if the listener dies of a heart attack.
“If... if that’s true. You really must have been h-horrible.”
Sharp words, like knives in her chest. To hear Fluttershy speak them was unbearable. “You finally wised u—“Trixie tensed up when she felt Fluttershy’s forelegs wrap around her. A gentle embrace that Trixie could easily break free from, if only she could manage to will a single cell in her body to resist the much welcomed touch.
“I… I don’t really know what to do about that. But.. I know that I don’t care. That’s not the Trixie who’s been here with me, with us. Rainbow Dash is just as quick to do something wrong sometimes as you are. Neither of you are bad ponies, you just make bad decisions sometimes. As long as you learn from them…” Fluttershy held onto Trixie tighter, pressing her body against the unicorn’s back. “And I think you have, don’t you think so too?”
Reaching up to hold Fluttershy’s forelegs in place, Trixie felt secure and safe in the gentle embrace. She could feel Fluttershy’s chest heave with each breath in a slow, pacifying rhythm. “What would it matter? That doesn’t fix anything,” she muttered under her breath.
“D-do you mind, if I, uhm, ask you something? Are you happy here?”
Her chest tightened, and it took effort to keep her voice steady. “Happier than Trixie has ever been.” She nuzzled Fluttershy’s hooves. “T-Trixie’s never felt so wonderful as you and Dash make her feel. It doesn’t even matter what we’re doing. Trixie hates manual labor, but if she’s doing it with or for you, then it just feels right. And… and it makes Trixie happy somehow. If Trixie has to talk, then you’re always there for her. We don’t even have to talk, just looking at you or knowing you're near makes Trixie feel light as air.” Unthinkingly, Trixie had let her gaze drift upward as she spoke. With a smile on her face, she found herself staring at the ceiling rather than the couch. “Trixie finally has... has all this. She never wants to leave, but…”
Soft, golden wings gingerly wrapped around Trixie from behind. Fluttershy let the feathers run smoothly along Trixie’s fur. “But… you’re scared. Scared that it’ll be taken away somehow, or that we’ll leave you, aren’t you? I know you are, because we keep having this same talk. When you see a problem, all you can see is how it will lead to you losing everything. That’s why we keep coming back to this point. You’re going in circles, Trixie.”
In dazed silence, Trixie listened to Fluttershy. Has Trixie really been doing that all along? That was crazy talk. She didn’t want to be alone again, so of course she would be on the lookout for ways to stop that from happening. All those dangers couldn’t have been just in her head. But, maybe one or two are? “T-Trixie… Trixie is scared. It’s been a long time since Trixie really had something to lose, and it frightens her. Trixie loves you so much, but what if you were suddenly gone?”
The hug tightened firmly. “Trixie, I promise I’ll always be there for you. I’m sure Dash will too. Nothing will ever change that, okay? Even if, uhm, if you were to really go to jail… We’d visit you every day until you got out, and then everything would be back to normal. Okay? N-not that I think you will go to jail, but if you were… S-so, there’s nothing to be scared of.”
“But what about if—”
“Trixie.” Fluttershy interrupted. “You’d never let us go right?”
“The sun would burn out before Trixie’s affection.” She said firmly.
“Do you believe me when I say Dash and I won’t leave you?”
“Promise?”
“I promise. Do you trust me?”
Trixie nodded.
Fluttershy gave Trixie’s mane a gentle nuzzle, and Trixie could feel Fluttershy’s warm breath stroke through the fur on her neck with each word. “Then believe me, no matter what happens. We will deal with it together. You’ve nothing to be scared of, because we’ll find a way. Okay?”
“O-okay.” Trixie repeated. She twisted around so she could wrap her forelegs around Fluttershy in return. Even if she was sure they would face incredible obstacles, just knowing that the three of them would face them together lifted such a heavy burden from her shoulders. Nuzzling Fluttershy’s shoulder, Trixie tried to hide her treacherously moist face. “Thank you.”
“Any time Trixie… But I’ll be counting on you too.” As she spoke, her hoof stroked Trixie’s back. Each stroke left a soft tingling feeling in its wake. A gentle pressure on top of Trixie’s scalp told her Fluttershy was resting her head on top of her. It felt so comforting, Trixie never wanted to move again.
“…Fluttershy?”
“Yes?”
“…Trixie’s still a little scared.”
“Y-you know, Trixie. You’d never guess, but… I know a thing or two about being scared.”
A chuckle escaped Trixie before she realized it, and with it some the tension that was keeping her on edge tagged along. “Heh, Trixie is shocked. You realize Trixie can’t see you wink, right?”
Fluttershy giggled softly. A wonderful sound. “It’s good to hear you can still laugh. You don’t have to be so tense, it will just make the voice inside worse. It’s better if you try to stay calm. Take deep breaths. Think happy thoughts. Or even just retreat somewhere quiet if you need to.”
“Voice?”
An obvious shiver passed through Fluttershy as she spoke. “T-the voice that tells you that you can’t face the world today, and makes you want to stay home instead of go shopping. That says your friends don’t really want you around, so you really shouldn’t push your luck by visiting them. Or that somepony is staring at you because you look funny in some way, so better to make your way home as fast as you can and see if it’s something you can fix, or at least hide with your tail or mane. The voice who assures you that when you hear somepony laughing out of sight, it’s because they are laughing at you.”
Some of the examples Fluttershy raised were alien to Trixie, but she recognized the concept. Doubt, anxiety, and fear wreaked havoc inside her at times. To describe that overwhelming sensation as merely a voice… It was an oversimplification of how it really felt, but it wasn’t without merit. Still, it wasn’t quite like that, but Fluttershy’s description was oddly detailed. These must be Fluttershy’s fears.
“That voice is always there, because it’s a real part of you. Even if you try to beat it, it won’t go away entirely. It takes something out of you to keep fighting it back, and sometimes you don't have anything left to give. That’s when it’ll win.”
Trixie looked up at Fluttershy, though she couldn’t quite see anything more of her than the bottom of her muzzle. “So, what do you do about it? It sounds hopeless.”
“Pick your battles. Maybe it’s not that important to keep walking on the same side of the street when another pony is coming from the opposite direction. It’s okay to pretend you’re looking for something so you don’t have to worry about how long you’re supposed to look a pony in the eyes when they pass you. But when it really matters, never let it win. If your friends really need you, that’s when you have to use everything.” As though to illustrate her point, Fluttershy pulled Trixie against her with surprising strength. “And never forget, your friends are there to help you too.”
Not to be outdone, Trixie squeezed Fluttershy’s waist as hard as she could. “Trixie will remember this. Thank you, Fluttershy.”
While she basked in the warmth that radiated through her, Trixie let her mind wander. It was strange how she didn’t see something so obvious until it was pointed out to her. She had been getting help from Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash for as long as she’d been here. They always managed to talk her down from her, perfectly legitimate at the time, paranoia. Even if they hadn’t always managed to solve the problem, they managed to make Trixie feel better, and be more fit to fight back the next time doubt reared its head. Even so, Trixie already knew she wasn’t going to be good at following Fluttershy’s advice. It was far beneath her to lose. So what if that bit of fear in her would never fully go away? Trixie would grab it by the throat, and never let it go.
A rasping, sputtering sound from above drew Trixie’s attention.
“T-Trixie, hah, l-let go, hah, please.”
Snapping back to reality, Trixie quickly unwrapped her hooves from Fluttershy’s waist, then held them up as though to show she was unarmed. “S-sorry! Sorry! Trixie was—She didn’t—Sorry!”
Fortunately, the damage was nothing that a few deep breaths didn’t fix, accompanied by a barrage of less than helpful excuses, oaths to better herself, and apologies from Trixie. It had to have been an act of mercy when Fluttershy requested a cup of tea to recover and gave Trixie something to focus her attention on that didn’t involve fawning over the nearly asphyxiated mare.
By the time tea was ready, all the nerves in the now strawberry scented room had dropped back down to manageable levels.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Trixie had just about mastered the art of keeping the guilt out of her voice this time.
Fluttershy nodded, and took a sip from her cup. “I’m perfect. I-I mean, perfectly okay, n-not that I—I’d never—I’m okay. Yes. I’m okay, Trixie.”
“Good. But, if there’s anything else Trixie can do, you’d tell her, right?”
“Well… uhm, there is one thing…”
“Anything! You name it.”
“I had some questions I couldn’t ask before. about… well… about a lot of the things you said.” Her eyes drifted to the spellbook that rested on the nearby table, then back to Trixie.
“…Oh.”
Maybe next time Trixie would be a little more careful about giving into spur of the moment last minute, not-quite-deathbed confessions.
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Fluttershy... quit reading from Trixie's questionable stash. Who knows what type of... nevermind. She knows what she's looking for.
5888140
derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/12/322991/tall.jpeg
Awww yeah!
Thank you for a double update!~ Now... if only you could double update on a weekly basis...
5888480
I may have a vacation coming up in a bit where I'll try to fulfill that wish.
derpicdn.net/img/2015/4/15/874355/large.jpg
5888310 Nailed it.
5888523
No way, vacation time is you time! ...unless of course if you can, then that would be fantastic!~
...if thats okay with you
I think this is the most evil I've seen Trixie (not that I read a whole lot of Trixie fics). The scene with Fluttershy comforting Trixie was really nice. It was probably good you didn't update last week. I had a robotics competition last weekend and I was really busy getting stuff working.
Later:
i.imgur.com/WIASi7S.png
Oh wait, that never happened. It could've happened. Fluttershy was even gonna accept that fate. But Princess Celestia was quite forgiving.
This is still between Dragonshy and Bridle Gossip.
Typo? I think there were quite a few more, but this was the only glaring one I noticed.
5888724
Really?
Glad to find a fellow huge sucker for fluff.
Its a little bit ironic Fluttershy can be such a good therapist, while she is the one that could really use one of those.
Gratz on getting 3rd (or really 2nd) place.
Assuming that this robotics competition is the one your blog is about. I can't see the date.
What happened toward the end of the video though? The machine was working fine the whole time, but then the scored rings stayed in place one round and jammed the entire thing up. Did someone forget to take them off or something?
5889131
Well, Fluttershy was under the impression she had just murdered the royal pet.
Come to think of it, Fluttershy really stands by her convictions doesn't she? The obvious example was when she reformed Discord and wouldn't give up on her kind approach, but the same kind of confidence in doing what she thinks is right is shown in the phoenix troll episode.
Oh gosh it is. Time passes so slowly.
Fixed. Thanks for pointing that out.
5885519
Very helpful.
They work now.
As long as the show does not directly contradict your idea of what Rainbow Dash is packing... it's technically not going against cannon, right?
That's my favored approach anyway. Be show accurate with regards to whatever is on screen, but whatever is off screen is free game.
In fairness, drugs are legal in my country.
I hear you. It's weird considering writing advice is often 'write what you know' and we all know we learned how to read, but writing a character learning how to read? Erm, timeskip!
Twilight locks Trixie in her basement and by the time she gets out Trixie is all like:
Oh! Uhm. Well, you see... Yeah, the thing is.... There's a very good reason for that, namely...
copyrightsworld.com/wp-content/uploads/myth-busted.jpg
The bike underneath is black with red flames. Now granted, I think the concept that everything a little girl touches has to be bright pink is bovine manure, but...
Would you be more tempted if I told you there is a Chimera in it who's goal is to kill and eat AB?
5889671
Technicalities for the win!
And since Hasbro respects Lauren Faust's vision just so much, what says Trixie did go to Celestia's school?
Winners don't do drugs, they sell them.
And I don't think people want to be reminded of school.
I take it drugs are legal in their country as well?
Well, it's not canon, so I guess that's why.
I was more referring to the fact a girl won't be mocked and bullied for liking something that's considered girly to the extreme while a boy will.
It fails to do so, so no.
5889757
"Word of god"? What's that?
Though I do like the notion of Trixie in Celestia's school. Just has such lovely Hogwarts-like scenario's to mess around with. I never actually read a Ponies in Hogwarts story, but I like the idea. Maybe I'm scared of having the illusion punctured by actually reading one.
I was doing the Sherlock Holmes thing. Eliminate the impossible, and what is left must be true. It's a black bike with red flames, so it probably won't belong to a girl. (Even though Girl=Pink=BS). Thus, yes a boy may be driving around on that somewhere.
Fine.
Historically speaking Pink = Girl, Blue = Boy is rather modern. Heck, FDR (and many males in the early 1900's) wore a dress as a younger child. Since back in the days they really didn't care about the whole "X clothes are for X gender" for the most part.
_______________
But yeah I like the line of thought were Trixie didn't go to the school / couldn't afford it. So she had to find out a lot of stuff on her own. That and I like the backstory you've made for Trixie So far.
5890038
Interesting, I knew the colors were recent. And about how pink was once considered a boy color as it was treated as simply another shade of red. But I had no idea they used to let their kids crossdress.
I wonder if it was that just the culture, or if it was a matter of practicality. Since clothes would be passed down to younger brothers/sisters. And it might not have been worth the hassle and money of having the gender and clothes match when the kids would outgrow them in a few years anyway.
Erm, now that I've actually read the article, I had not taken into consideration the more grim reason that a lot of those kids would die anyway. Dang.
Sweet, because we'll explore that some more before this is story over.
5890132
Yeah it was a matter of practicality mostly. After all priests and monks wore robes (similar to dresses), clothes were something you wore to keep you dying from exposure, and it really didn't matter until a certain age / profession.
But yeah, chances were you were going to die young, be given a ceremonial photo (the only real opportunity for photos at the time were over death. Since you had to be still a long time, and the dead aren't known for moving around. That and they were expensive.)
So yeah, clothes and color are really modern.
5889570
the only two trixie focused stories i read are this one and Wonderbolt my heart, the only other one i've read recently that has her in it as a significant character is the dashverse one. I actually side with Trixie in boast busters. Who can blame her for dealing with hecklers and the ursa thing wasn't really her fault.
Gotta love the fluff. Sometimes someone who knows what your going through can be a good therapist.
That's the right video, I didn't date it. The rings are only removed when there's 4 on the peg (or when you put some on all the pegs). One time, the robot didn't quite align right and only picked up three of them. That's the problem with robots; they can't learn and they can only do what we tell them to do even if that's wrong.
5893219
Taco Supreme, with extra sauce.
5889876
Death of the Author forever.
I never cared for Harry Potter so I can't comment on this.
One day, ponies will be the peak of manliness and any girl watching the show will be handed her lesbian card.
Silly me, here I was thinking Trixie would finally have to explain why Celestia supposedly hates her.
Calling it now, by the end of the story Trixie will repeat this but it will be about her own fears. (Also, 113 chapters in and I still haven't commented on Fluttershy's OOC stuttering. I think that's absolutely remarkable restraint on my part.)
5893632
I... don't think that's Death of the Author...
There are a lot of things Faust got wrong (like, say, "the main characters are physically adults but mentally children"), but Trixie having been a classmate of Twilight at one point is one of my favorite ideas and I would like to see a show entirely about that.
6151582
"Let Trixie finish!" -
Could happen.
Remarkabel restraint.
To be fair though, Fluttershy does stutter a lot during early season 1. She improves later on.
But... I do suppose I might be leaning on the stutter key a little too heavily. I'll watch out for that.
Goodness yes. It could even serve as to explain why Twilight has absolutely no patience for this whole 'friends' business at the start of season 1, if Trixie is the first pony she ever became friends with.